Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Pink Knickers Revisited

Were near a year ago, Keeva overs at Tree Bark Jacket done wrote a post analyzings (among other things) the percentifications of raid bosses what be wimmenz. She done went ta a lotta work fer ta pin down what was "male" and what was "female" and what was neithers, 'cause sometimes it ain't obvious. I thought I'd done do a follow-up and look at Firelands and Dragon Soul, now that they's out. Blizz done saved me a lotta work, though, by puttin' out the Dungeon Guide what allows ya ta figger out they's sexes just by lookin' at they's pronouns (everyone done be a "him", a "her", or an "it"). Which is good, 'cause I's lazy.

Here be what I found.

Lord RyolithMale
Majordomo StaghelmMale

Dragon Soul
Warlord Zon'ozzMale
Yor'sahj the UnsleepingMale
Hagara the StormbinderFemale
Warmaster BlackhornMale

So here be Keeva's calculatifications of the percentagizing of raid bosses what be wimmenz, with me numbers added at the end:

Hunka Hunka Burnin' Crusader15%
Rash of the Itch King22%
Cata (Tier 11)12%
Cata (Tier 12)26%
Cata (Tier 13)13%

Blizzard, I am disappoint. Again.

Why is Ratters disappoint?  I so glad you asked. Azeroth done a fictional world, with fictional rules. What makes it work so well, be the polish. The internal consistency. It don't feel like sumthin' what got all thrown tagethers at the last minute. One of these rules be, mens and wimmenz be equals, whethers is adventurin' heroes or the grunts what patrol Org and Stormwind or ship captains. But when ya gets ta the top of the power structures, both fer the good guys and the bad guys, this rule fer the fictional world goes out the fluggernubbin' window.

Why do it? Looks ta me like Blizz starts off assumin' bosses is all male, then switches it ta female if'n they has a reason, such as she's vengeful (eg, Sylvanas) or she got babies (eg Beth'tilac) or she yaps annoyingly (eg Hagara). But I realizes what this ain't 100% consistent (Putricide yapped a lot too) and is mostly conjecturizings. So if'n you gots other ideas as ta why Blizz trashes the balance between the sexes in Azeroth, I's all ears ('cept fer the important parts). But they does do it.

Now. Blizzard. You keeps fuhggin' with yer legendary polish fer no good reason! Seriously, how many bytes would ya have ta change, outta tens of gigabytes in me installation, fer ta say Yor'sahj the Unsleeping is a woman? Would it've really been that hard fer ta have Majordomo Mylune (vulnerables ta the Old Gods' whisperin' due ta her grief over all the burned widdle fuzzy bunnies) instead of Majordomo Staghelm?

Ya gots a new expansion comin' up, with all new raid bosses. Gonna put some polish on'em Blizz, or ya just gonna coast along with default settings again?

Edit:  Done realized I mathified the percentalizings wrong fer Tier 12. Well, that's what ya gets with a simple orc. Anywho, fixed now, and still way too fuhggin' low.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Is Where Proper Spellifications Matters

So, Kalishna were in Org other day, doin' her dailies like a good little death knugget, when a young goblin spawn done asked a question.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Is Friday Mornin' Drunkin' Singings

Fleas on me dog! ...hic!
(doo doo doo-de-doo)
Fleas on me dog! ...hic!
(doo doo doo-de-doo)
Fleas on me dog! ...hic!
Prozac on you and a fleecy dog.

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas! ...hic!
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas! ...hic!
I wanna wish you a Merry Chrishtmas!
From the bottom ... of ... my ....



But those ain't even real real wordsh...

Oh. Spanish. Ohhhhhhh. ...hic!

Well, fuhg yeah, that makesh a lot more shense now...

Is wishing you buggers a happy winter solstice-ish holiday of yer preference - Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Saturnalia, Yule, or just plain "hot dang the days is getten longer again!" Catch ya on the flip side.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Rule Three Seven Two

Is time fer ta have a sit-down with a certain dragon and explains what drivin' volcanoes through buggers' houses is not civilized behaviors. Is a violation of Rule Three Seven Two, and as such, he done be requireds fer ta pay a penalty, as stipulatified by Rule. Three. Seven. Two.*

*Is like the Breaker's Rule Three Oh Three, onlies more epic.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

If Disney Characters Was Raid Bosses

Snow White and the Seven Adds

You gots ta down Cinderella before midnight or she turns the raid inta pumpkins.

Mulan gots two phases. In girl phase she carries a cricket in a cage and tries fer ta marry you. In boy phase she has a dragon and lights yer arse up with a rocket launcher.

Oswald the Rabbit drops no loot, which be okay 'cause nobody remembers him nohow.

Ta beats Dumbo, everbodies needs fer ta hold a feather with they's noses and believe they can fly.

You needs fer ta interrupt the Little Mermaid or she grows legs.

101 Dalmations? AoE - lots and lots and lots of AoE.

Ta defeat Shere Khan, everybodies in the raid needs ta talk ta Baloo fer ta get the buff 'The Bare Necessities".

When Bambi's mom is killed, everyone needs fer ta turn around and not look.

If the Mad Hatter puts the debuff "Unbirthday" on you, you gots ta move down one seat or it's a wipe.

Mickey Mouse? You are not prepared.

Sunday, December 18, 2011


That instinctive "oh bugger that noise!" response ta the realization what you needs fer ta go back ta the bank, dig through six years of accumulated junk fer ta find them level 70 boots, then pay the mogging man more gold, then go put'em back in the bank, all 'cause ya just done got a single lousy quest reward.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

Friday Night Drunken Samual L Jackson Quotifyings

Because, Sam? He's the fluggernunkin' man.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, fences is failing all over the place!

This drink is better than shex, baby.

Wake up! Wake up! Up you wake! ...hic!

Well we'd have to be talkin' about one charming fludderthunkin' pig. I mean he'd have to be ten times more charmin' than that Arnold on Green Acresh, you know what I'm shayin'? ...hic!

Hey! I's talking to you! Now you's got about ten seconds before those guys see you, and when they do they's gonna kill you, you undershtand? You are about to have a very bad day.

Turn on the heat. It doesn't work, but it makes a very annoying noishe - distracts from the cold.

AK-47. The very best there is. When you absholutely, positively got to kill every thunkerdugger in the room, accept no shubstitutes. ...hic!

I agrees. The Shith would not have returned without us shenshing it.

You wouldn't know Egyptian cotton if the Pharaoh hisself sent it to you, you knockoff-wearing glubbergupper!

I was a Drell. I was a Drifter. I was a Coashter. I was part of The Gang. I was a Bar-Kay... If they come through Texas, I done played with them.

You tell me where my shuit is, woman! We's talkin' about the greater good!

It's very dangeroush, putting them togethers. I don't think the boy can handle it. I don't trusht him.

Enough is enough! I have had it with these hunkerthubbin' shnakes on this flubberguffin' plane! ...hic!

From this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and this.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Mebbe Is Easy Bein' Green Afters All

The web-footed wonder done raised the curtains and lit the lights on the gangster in our last poll, with 68 votes fer Kermit and 36 fer Jabba the Hutt.

This week we done gota a coupla legendary inventor/gunslingers goin' at each other. New poll, up in the sidebar, as usuals.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Ya Wants More Interestin'? I Can Show Ya More Interestin'

Alex teh Z overs at WowInsideOuter done miserates what Varian Wrynn be boring as shite, and Azuriel at In An Age feels what is the whole dang Alliance leadership what duller than butterknives. "Horde has Wheel of Time meets Dune whereas Alliance has goddamn Jack and Jill meets See Spot Run," he sez. Me, I agree what Blizz done be tellin' the Alliance story with less sofisticationalishness than an episode of iCarly, but I'd say what the Horde side be better onlies in the sense what a turtle be faster'n a snail. Is still each race bein' all monolithic an' supportin' they's leader ('cept Grimotems, 'course, but everyone knows they's bad 'cause they all got black fur), Garrosh done murdered Cairne "by accident" and everybodies in Kaliomdor kinda shrugs, Sylvanas do be kinda doin' her own thing in the East but she ain't makin' any Putress-style moves, and the Blood Elves.... wait? Is they even still part of the Horde? They ever get a new king? /shrug

Lemme give ya a sense of what I considers interestin'. WoW, like most fantasy worlds, be kinda sorta loosely based on medieval England, right? So let's go ta the source. You buggers ever hear of a fellow name of Henry II? Henry were a rude boy, one tough flumpergupper. But interestin', so much so's they made not one but two Oscar-winnin' flicks about him back in the sixties, both starrin' Peter O'Toole. In Becket, him and Richard Burton was best friends what went wenchin' tagether, then killed each other over church and taxes. In The Lion in Winter, him and Katherine Hepburn and they's three boys (before they done grew up ta be Richard the Lionheart and John Lackland and the one nobody ever heard of anyhow) spend Christmas vacation schemin' and double-crossin' and plottin' each others' murders and gettin' in bed with James Bond the King of France. Is quite the shindig, and they does it all without any helps from demons or Old Gods or time stream monkeys. Just politics, middle ages style. I sez the Blizz folks needs fer ta sit down one Saturday with a big ol' tub of popcorn and some slurpies and watch these. Could mebbe get some ideas fer shakin' stuff up.

And the movies and even tellin' half of it. Henry's mom were supposed ta be the heir ta the throne, but she got pushed aside by her cousin 'cause she had boobies. So when Henry grows up and becomes Duke of Normandy and Anjou he gets hisself an army and sails ta England and kicks butt and basicalies forces the king fer ta make him the heir. Then he marries hisself Eleanor of Aquitaine, and betweens the two of them the rule half of France too. He done established the Platagefuhgginbadarse dynasty, what ran England fer the next three hundred years and done layed a lotta the groundwork fer turnin' the place from a dirt poor island hangin' out at Europe's bunghole inta the British Glubbernuggin' Empire. Henry reformed the tax system, worked fer ta professionalize the army, and advanced the notion of trial by jury. In the end, though, his sons were too much fer him and he were overthrowned by Richard I, what were allied with the King of France. Bugger died soon afters. Helluva life, no?

Now, what might that be like in Azeroth? Say young Anduin Wrynn done fell in with Prophet Velen's grandson, what afters ten thousand years were tired of waitin' fer the old coot fer ta shuffle off. Them and Moira Thaurissan all done plots tagether fer ta takes over they's respective factions, but Anduin hedges his bets by talkin' ta Mekkatorque 'bout mebbe the gnomes gettin' they's hands on all of Ironforge since it ain't all radiationified and all. Meanwhiles his brother Ricky be workin' on brokerin' and Alliance 'tween the Stranglethorn rebels and the Splinter Fist ogres with the intents of settin' up a power base fer hisself in Duskwood. And kid sister Jenny done been talkin' ta Varok Saurfang, Darion Mograine, and Rethiel the Greenwarden. Why? Nobody knows....

I ain't this is how it should be, I's just spitballin', tryin' fer ta shake up this boring-arsed blandness what been Alliance politics since Ony done got kicked outta Stormwind. Surely there be room fer ta have some more internal dynamics, and not always nice ones. Sometimes a bugger wants power, and is willin' fer ta make some deals in orders ta get it.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Friday Night Drunken Singings Featuring Pebble

(With Galertruby on guitar and Ratshag playing bagpipes)

Rollin' 'cross Deepholm
Goin' to the caves
Cannot find my way home ....hic!
Waitin' to be saved
Gettin' robbed
Gettin' shtoned
Gettin' flayed
Broken stones ....hic!
Gettin' bored
Gettin' shook
I tell you folksh
It's harder than it looksh

It's a long way to the top
If you're a little rock that rollsh!
It'sh a long way to the top
If you're a little rock that rolls! ....hic!
If you think it's easy giving daily quests
Try bein' lower than a short gnome's chest. ....hic!
It's a long way to the top
If you're a little rock that rollsh!

Is many thanks ta AC/DC fer the shong lyicsh.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

TRANSMOGALYPSE! Kinnavieve: Soldier of the Light

I am the champion of justice.
I am the protector of the weak.
I defend those who cannot defend themselves.

I pursue evil in all its forms.

Where I stand, the darkness shall not fall.

I am the unyielding shield.
I am the terrible swift sword.

I am a soldier of the Light.

Head: Vengeful Gladiator's Lamellar Helm
Chest: Turalyon's Breastplate of Conquest
Shoulders: Lightbringer Shoulderbracers
Back: Bloodthirsty Hide Cape
Hands: Gauntlets of the Soothed Soul
Waist: Lightbringer Girdle
Legs: Lightbringer Greaves
Feet: Lightbringer Boots
Weapon: Knightly Longsword
Shield: Aegis of the Sunbird

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

This Be What You Tell A Dragon

Less than a page inta Blizz new "We explain what the fuhg is goin' on with outside content rather than put it in the glubbernuggin' game" story, Charge of the Aspects, and I's already disappoint. We's told what Nozdormu the Time Dude done sent a buncha lesser time dudes inta the past, onlies fer ta have it go FUBAR and only one done make back from the future (not the past). And then he dies. Whatevers. Sucks ta be him.

This here be Ysera's response when mopey Noz tells her what went down:

What do you say to a being who would do anything to protect the dragons of his flight, but now holds himself accountable for one of their deaths? she pondered. Her mind was a storm of fragmented thoughts. It was as if she were standing in a vast library ripped apart by a hurricane. Pages brimming with ideas and images whirled across her vision, but they were all parts of separate books.

You tell him fer ta MAN THE FUHG UP is what you tell him. Case he ain't noticed, we's in a war right now. A war caused by you and yer bosses, the titans, screwin' the pooch and lettin' one of yer own play with Old Gods. And now tens or mebbe hundreds of thousands of us mortals is dead. Not ta mentions the fact what Deathwing went an' drove a volcano through me livin' room!

I's made mistakes. I's killed allies. I's helped enemies. Is happens in war. You say "crap", you try fer ta learn sumthin' from it, and then ya moves on. What ya don't do is walk outta a damn important strategy meeting fer ta go self-pitify. Unless yer a dragon.

I guess they's special.

Time Fer "Stand In The Fire" Ta DIAF?

"Stand in the Fire" be a fight mechanic what goes all the way back ta Scarlet Monastery, if not earliers. Is simple idea - bad dude drops a spell on a area, everybody gots ta move outta the area or take a lotta pain. We call it "fire" fer ta be general, but can also be arcane explosions, freeze yer nads of cold, fallin' rocks, swarm of otters, low self esteem - you buggers know what I's talkin' about. Usuallies, not movin' out means ya takes damage and piss of yer healer, but fer some raid bosses ya gets four seconds and then ya go straight ta hell where ya gots ta listen ta Don Knotts all day or sumthin', no pass Go, no collect two hundred gold. The point bein', Blizz don't want buggers just standin' there teein' off on the boss all day like he were a practice dummy. They wants fer ya ta have ta pay attentions and respond ta unexpecteds, and I thinks it were a good mechanic fer a long time. But now I's wonderin' if it done been stretched too far. Here be why.

Say yer me RL Avatar, and yer elbows deep in the "Why fer do the comfort index of everybodies on this bus be in the proper -10 ta +10 range, except that one muggerducker in the fourth row what be reportin' -1624? Is it a bug in the C++ server code or the Java client code? Or the FORTRAN internal simulation? Or mebbe one of the data hand-offs be flawed? FML" boss, when suddenlies a circle of blazing infernal fire centered on him appears. Is fair ta expects what about 98.7% of his nervous system will be tellin' him "GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUT!!!!!!!!!!", give er take. But Blizz cain't tap inta our nervous systems, so they tries fer ta give some hints like a circle of graphical effect in our area, and mebbe a debuff icon what looks like diseased robot walrus er sumthin' off in the corner, and yer health bar starts droppin' (unless it already were droppin' due ta sumthin' else, or unless it's one of them fires what does nuthin' until it instakills ya). Relatively speakin's, is kinda subtle-like.

Now, that graphical effect seems ta be sumthin' what Blizz picks outta a hat. Sometimes, is a perfect black disk about waist high, like a backyard swimmin' pool of death. Totally fake lookin' but hard fer ta miss. In the early days of Obsidium Sanctum, were a red swirly thing on red ground, damn near invisibles (laters, they changed it ta blue swirlies). Sometimes it look exactlies like the spell other buggers in yer party is castin' - is I in the good fire, the bad fire, or both? Has ya raided in Firelands? We runs a computer with a pretty decent graphics card; has enough power fer ta manage 40-50 frames per second durin' a raid with max settings. But Kinnavieve found what she had a lot easier time spottin' buggers like Aly's druid friends if'n she turned the settings down ta Medium or lower, 'cause otherwise were so many spell effects and fire sceneries and what has yous what the screen overloaded. Course, when she done did that, made it harder fer ta spot bad things what she needed ta get out of, Like Lord Ham On Ryolith's lava flows. So instead she done relied on DBM hollerin' "Run away little girl!" and "Beware!" Which worked fine, but kinda defeats the point of paintin' fire on the screen.

Which is where I gets ta me point, at last. Has we done reached the point where drawin' special effects on a screen alreadies loaded with special effects is no longer a good way fer ta convey a sense of "the flesh is bein' seared off of yer feet"? Is the difference between "idiot raider" and "skilled raider" sometimes nuthin' more than havin' the right add-on? Is it time fer ta junk the whole mechanic fer sumthin' different?

I's all in favor of keepin' buggers on they's toes, of not lettin' them phone they's performance in whiles watchin' the telly. But I's thinkin' that the spell-effect visual cue done been stretched beyond what makes sense. Is time fer ta have different hints, or different systems. But I's just a simple orc, runnin' off me own limited experience. What you buggers think?

Friday, December 2, 2011

It Be A Slap In The Face

What be the greatest tragedy of the Transmogalypse? It ain't what ya cain't mog yer warlock's raid gear fer ta look like a tuxedo. It ain't what ya cain't have yer resto shaman raid with bunny ears. It ain't what ya cain't mog yer legendary daggers inta a fish and a fryin' pan. No, me friends, is much much worse.

Is the sad fate of Hellreaver.

Hellfluggernubbinreaver. Is the reason warriors, ret pallies, and death knuggets run Ramps an average of 87.26 times when they gets ta Outland. They ain't doin' it fer the stats (although it do be carryin' a crapton of Strength, Stam, and Crit). It ain't because when yer level 60 it is the weapon fer ta have when you absolutely, postively have ta kill every last glubbernumper in the room accept no substitutes. No, is because when ya walks inta a bar afters with it on yer back you looks like stone-cold baddassity incarnate, and yer pretty dang near guaranteed fer ta walk out that night with a pretty girl on each arm. Or boy, or murloc, or whatevers yer preference.

So, is a perfect weapon fer moggin', right? Wrong. And therein lies the tragification. Afters Hellreaver, is only four strength-based polearms in the whole dang game. Lantresor's Warblade, Trident of the Outcast Tribe, and Plasma Rat's Hyper-Scythe in Outland, and the Saliva Corroded Pike in Northrend. Diddly squat zippo butkus in Cata. So us plate wearers ain't got nuthin fer ta mog it onta. Now, I suppose hunters could grab they's one (though any hunter what rolls need fer it against a strength class should be gutted and used fer ta string his own bow), but they's gonna lose the ability fer ta carry polearms along with axes, swords, and harsh language come the MoP. Which leaves.... feral droods. Who ain't got no need fer ta mog nuthin' cause ya cain't even see it under the fur!

So come on, Blizz. Bring back the strength polearms. Think of all the poor little Hellreavers starving in Africa.

If'n ya don't, it be a slap in the face.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

TRANSMOGALYPSE! Ratshag: Molten Rage

Is a reason what Chess be called "The Game of Kings." Is 'cause orc warriors suck donkey balls at it. Our opening moves tend ta go like:
1. e4 Nf6
2. e5 Nd5
3. d4 d6
4. Shout and smash the glubbernuggin' board with yer axe

Now, I's had me arena Season 1 shoulders and gauntlets since they was the schnitzle, as me friend BRK would say. If'n ya looks up at the blog banner, ya can see me wearin' 'em, long with a ton of TBC gear what be long since vendored. But I never got me the matching brainbucket, 'cause fer one I were usin' me Helm of Holy Crapfuhg That Be Ugly which had decent pvp stats so I spent me tokens or badgers or whatever fuhg were the currency back then on other stuffs. And fer two, well, we all know me brains ain't all that valubles.

But then few months ago the Transmogalypse be announced and sez ta meself, "Self? What we gotta do get that hat?" Well, turns out only way were fer ta buy it with one of them tokens Prince carries, way up top of Kara. But fer ta gets ta Prince, ya gots ta beat Medivh at Chess, and that be were things get trickies. Normalies, ya gots nine friends with ya, helpin' move yer grunts and shoutin' helpfuls like "The worg, Ratters! Move the worg!" but me friends is busy doin' they's things so they ain't availables this time. And Medivh cheats, the dumpergunker. So I been roflstomping me way up the tower, then settling in fer a long slow session of gettin' me arse whipped until I'd get lucky and Medivh'd pull a stupid outta his sleeve. Sometimes I'd beat him on the third go-round, sometimes on the twentieth. But eventuallies I'd knock his king's arse down, and the doors ta the pinnacle would open and I'd go show Prince what he faced Ratshag alone, what I had no legions ta command, and what that didn't matter nohows anyway.

And then he'd drop the wrong token. Every. Single. Freakin'. Time.

But now the Transmogalypse be upon us, and some goblins in Area 52 done figured out what there be gold ta be made sellin' obsolete arena gear. Well, there's honor points ta be made, but I guess they's got some use fer them. So out ta Netherstorm I goes, and picks up me last piece of gear. And now me transmog set be complete.

Is the followings:
Head: Gladiator's Plate Helm
Shoulders: Gladiator's Plate Shoulders
Hands: Gladiator's Plate Gauntlets
Waist: Crimson Girdle of the Indomitable
Legs: Brutal Gladiator's Plate Legguards
Feet: Guardian's Plate Greaves
Tabard: Sunreaver Tabard

Now, weapons may change from time ta time, so I's got one of each kind fer ta cover me bases.

Fer axes: Nightfall

Fer maces, I gots Hatebringer

And fer swords I got me Ashkand, Greatsword of the Bros. That's right, Lothar - not onlies I done peed on yer statue, I gots yer sword too! Yeah, the colors don't match quite as good as them other two, but whofuhg cares? Is fluppergumpin' Ass Candy.

So anywho, I got me moggin' set fer Arms all done now. Still workin' on the tankin' set, but without a functional guild tankin' be a lower priority these days. I'll let you buggers know when it be ready.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

"All Right Then, I'll Go To Hell"

Is big hairy Congo rats on yer birthday, Sam. Seems like only yesteryear me and Huck and Jim was floatin' down the river, and now here you is 176 years old. Great googly moogly.

When a simple line like that still resonatifies after overs a century, well, you sure knew whatfuhg you was about. /salute

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Hour Of Twiglight

Has ya seen the new trailer? Is okay.

Is lotta dragons an' ominous end-of-the glubbernuggin'-world textifyin' an' heroes fightin' big dudes an' some pretty decent music. But at the end, alls I can think is:

"Deathwing. Dude. Learn ta fuhggin' barrel roll alreadies."

Look Out, Road Runner

Wile E Coyote done used his Acme Rocket Boots fer ta leap Moonshiner Cliche Creek and leave old Sheriff Roscoe chokin' on his dust. Final tally: 92 ta 22, a very solid victory.

In honor of the imminentish release of The Old Folks Republic, we has a battle of two legendary amphibians this time around. 

Monday, November 28, 2011

Understand THIS!

Ogri'la done be a weird faction. Out in the middle of nowheres, no flight path, no inn, no nuthin'. But four years ago, I wanted me some epic boots and they had'em. So I spent me summer bustin' me hump fer ta grind up ta exalted with them heavyweight buggers. But then when I goes fer ta see the quartermaster, he sez this:

"I'm sorry, Mr. Ratshag, but I also need eight Apexis Crystals. You're a big hero and saved our huge collective ass, but I am running a business and I do need to make a profit. I'm sure you understand."

Yeah, I understood all right. Ya hadda kill an elite demon fer each crystal, and me guild at the time were deader'n Sylvanas' pet gerbil. Gettin' four buggers fer ta come out ta the middle of nowheres ta kill demons in return fer, um, well, nuthin'? Yeah, that'd didn't work out so good. So no boots fer Ratters.

That were then. This is now. I's a bad-arse now.

I went ta the bank and pulled out all them apexis shards what been gatherin' dust fer four years. Then I flew up ta the Blades Edge Mountains and unleashed hell. Popped crystals inta demon vending machines and them fluggernubbers went down faster'n Booty Bay whoors in a private elevator. Then I done took me crystals ta Jho'nass and I sez "Gimme my dunkerglubbin' boots, beeyatch!" Onlies, more polite-like.
And guess what? I got me my boots.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Is Where Mouse Goes Ta The Caverns Of Time

Is this .... me?

Could thiss .... have been .... me?

Brown eyesss .....
Ssoft hair .....
Pretty ....

No! I am hard. I am cold. I am Danger Mouse.
I am Forsaken, now, alwayss and forever.




Damn you, Kel'Thuzad. Damn you to the deepessst hell.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

What Hell She Banging?

Now, I goes way back with Tumi, what works in the forge district of Org. She don't make the high end ensorceled kit what I been trained fer, but she do make reliable gear fer the grunts and young adventurers. But now, what I wants fer ta know is, how comes when she invites me fer ta share her iron, I gets a "Anvil is required" message? Sure looks like a fluggernubbin' anvil ta me.
Meanwhiles, over on Innkeeper Nufa's place, this ain't no cooking fire. I guess that slab of meat's gonna stay raw fer quite a whiles then....

I tells ya, things is weird in the Valley of Honor.

Thursday, November 24, 2011


Buffy the Puginator's ready fer ta pug Deathwing. Is you?

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Baby Names

WoW Insider's "The Queue" column were asked the question, "What's the better name for a baby, Thrall, Varian, or a different character? Not actually happening, just spawned from a drunken conversation."

The obvious answer, of course, be neither. "Thrall" just means "slave" as Alex pointed out, so that ain't no good. And who fuhg wants fer ta name they's kid after a pasty-skinned hooman? Howevers, here at Need More Rage we understands the appeal of permanentlies branding yer kid with an identity from yer current favorite video game, so we done come up with a list of more appropriate character names what you could use fer ta name yer baby:

Arconus the Insatiable
Cap'n Slappy
Zuluhed the Whacked
Gally Lumpstain
Scrapper Zartson
The Leaper
Basic Campfire
Oglethorpe Obnoticus
The Great Sambino
Subservient Flesh Beast

Goodbye Anne

We may have gone our own ways over the decades, but I ain't never forgottens where things began.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Ten Buggers I'd've Rather Seen Than Chuck Norris

I realize what he be popular with some folks, but ta me the name Chuck Norris brings ta mind "champion athlete back when Nixon were prez", "utterly forgetable actor", and "source of much weak-arsed Barrens chat humor." Why Blizz would wants fer ta big bucks ta show off Barrens chat, I gots no fuhggin' clue. Ta me, makes as much sense as advertisin' a breakfast cereal by showin' off the dusty crud what accumulatifies at the bottom of the box. But I's just a simple orc, so mebbe I just cain't see the financial windfall fer ta be had from showin' a dude beatin' the crap outta a gnome. Anywho.

Here's me list of celebrities I woulda gone with, were anyone demented enough ta ask me (in no particulars order):

Gregory House, MD
Mary Lou Retton
Bert and Ernie
Herman Cain
Nancy Drew
Nancy Reagan
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Howard Hughes
Abraham Lincoln

TRANSMOGALYPSE!: Kinnavieve - The Darkest Hour

It is hard to remember now, with Arthas slain and the reclamation of the Plaguelands well under way, but there was a time when all hope seemed lost for Lordaeron. The prince had murdered he king, Naxxramas dominated the skies over Stratholme, and in its arrogance the Scarlet Crusade had degenerated into a demon-worshipping cult.

But deep in the ruins of the once-proud nation a small band of men and women refused to surrender to the night. At Light's Hope, the member of the Argent Dawn stood against the Lich King's minions, surrounded, outnumbered, unyielding.
When Arthas unleashed the Scourge Invasion against all the lands of Azeroth, it was the Argent Dawn that led the resistance. I was proud to fight at their side during this final, darkest hour, and I am proud to once again wear the armor I earned in that desperate struggle.

Shoulders: Blessed Spaulders of Undead Slaying
Hands: Blessed Gauntlets of Undead Slaying
Chest: Drakescale Breastplate
Waist: Enchanted Adamantite Belt
Legs: Direwing Legguards
Feet: Enchanted Adamantite Boots
Back:  Cape of the Black Baron
Tabard: Tabard of the Argent Dawn
Weapon: Doombringer

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Guess Who's Comin' Ta Fluggernubbin' Dinner?

Sure as hells ain't Sydney Poitier.

Mmmm. Ish delishoush turkey ya done cooked, Kate. Pashsh da cranberrish, woulda Shpencher? /belch

Did I save room fer pie? Is always room fer pie! 

Saturday, November 19, 2011

TRANSMOGALYPSE! Maurice: Going native

Afters spendin' time in Northrend, Maurice done felt like gettin' in touch with his not-really-Viking ancestors an' goin' full-bore Vrykul. Now, is easy fer ta find spikey shoulders and horny helms up there, but gettin' ones where the colors matched exactlies were a bit more work. Is that attention ta detail, howevers, what makes the Stormwind ladies swoon.That, and them baby blue eyes.

Head: Helm of Command
Chest: Battlechest of the Twilight Cult
Shoulders: Shoulderplates of the Abolished
Waist: Girdle of the Howling Berserker
Hands: Plate Claws of the Dragon
Legs: Iron Colossus Legplates
Feet: Volazj's Sabatons
Weapon: De-Raged Waraxe

Friday, November 18, 2011

Answering The Age Old Question

Can seven 75th season hyper-casual adventurers take down the Black Temple? Shatter its unholy walls, cast out the foul denizens, cleanse the corruption that has permeated its core? Restore it to its once proud glory?

Yeah, that'd be a "no".

After mutiple trash wipes, them Free Radicals pulled out and went and whomped on the Amphitheater of Anguish instead. They's gonna try again in a few more seasons.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Travel Times

I's seen several statements out there in the blogosphere what WoW be gettin' too easy, too many caterings ta the lazy. One examplefication of this be the portals and dungeon finders what lets ya pop halfways round the world in an eyeblink, 'stead of takin' the flight path and gettin' immersified as the world goes by. Now me personalies, I been immersed plenty over the past five years, so I like ta use that flight time fer ta take the catheter out and go fix me a sammich, but ta each his own. WoW Insider asks "Has it gone too far? Is Azeroth as a whole nothing but a staging area from which we should expect to be instantly transported to wherever we wish to go, or are we still willing to enjoy the journey to our destinations?" Piercing Howl goes farthers: "Don’t have time to travel to a dungeon? Don’t play MMO’s."

Really? Really?

It don't really fit, but I's gonna quote Sting anyhows, 'cause it sounds badass. "I do know your reputation. So I choose my words very carefully. You tell Harry ... to go fuck himself."

Let's look at some travel times, shall we?

Get ta a dungeon with DF:a few seconds
Get ta a dungeon via summoning stonea few seconds
Get ta a dungeon usin' portalsmebbe ten minutes
Get ta a dungeon without portals or flyin' mountsmebbe 20-30 minutes
Walk from north Manhattan ta south Manhattan (smallest county in US)3-4 hours, if'n ya don't get mugged or arrested
Around the world in a stripped-down haulin'-arse 747 SP24 hours
Missouri ta Oregon with Lewis and Clark18 months (mebbe half that if'n ya don't stop ta cruise fer chicks)
Simply walk into Mordor (from the Shire)18 months
Sail around the world in 15203 years, if'n ya don't get killed fer not bein' a god

Now, if'n ya feels what gettin' teleported instantlies halfway 'round the world ta Grim Batol be lazy, that's yer call. Is a subjective thing. But if'n ya does, don't be tellin' me what bein' willin ta spend a whole ten ta thirty minutes fer ta get there proves yer some sorta manly-man what has earned more right fer ta play a video game than me and mine. Yer still gettin' one helluva huge speed boost from the game, no matter how ya gets there.

Is there legitimate complaints about some of the choices Blizz makes? Yeah, I'd say so, even if the complaints is about things what don't bother me personalies. But if yer gonna complain about a 99.9% boost while cheerfullies takin' advantage of a 99% boost, I ain't gonna be fuhggin' receptive.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

And The Winner Be..... Mary

I never knows what's gonna happen when I done make these polls. I just pick a fight what amusifies me, and I throw it out there and see what you buggers think. Latest poll, we done gots Mary, Queen of Men What Wear Skirts knockin' down A Bloody Mary, 51 ta 46. The Proud Mary and The Queen Mary was way in the back, with 10 each.

This time around, we'd gonna see who sucks less when it comes ta high speed pursuitifications. Is new poll up in the sidebar, as per usuals.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Danger Mouse's Culinary Reviews

Blood Elvess. Tassste pretty much the ssame as normal elvess - not particularly bloody at all.

Ethereals. The tasste was out of thisss world! Ah-hahahahaha. Seriously, though, they are dry and dussty. Not nice at all.

Thursday, November 10, 2011


Ellspeth ain't exactlies the fastest leveler. She were the first adventurer fer ta join me team, more'n four years ago, and, well....

She's happies fer ta be flyin' fast though, especiallies what she's now in charge of farmin' weeds fer Kalishna's new inscribblin' job. I'd be buyin' weeds on the AH, but when there's like one stack of Outland herbs fer sale? Pfffft.

Me, I's happy what raisin' the funds fer ta pay fer the flight trainin' be a lot easiers than it were four years ago....

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Kinnavieve's New Hat

So, this dropped fer Kinna last night. Is got some good stats. Let's see how happy she is with it, shall we?


Stupid stinky death knight armor grumble mutter mutter mixed tier mutter grumble damn sword won't drop mutter mutter frickin' blue and frickin' burnt orange grumble grumble mutter transmogalypse frickin' now already mutter grumble grumble hideous grumble stupid stinky samwise mutter grumble stupid stinky dress grumble mutter mutter mutter grumble grumble....

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Transmogalypse Now

Wowhead done set up a tool fer scopin' out a crapton of different "sets" includin' all them random green drops what ain't really sets, with filters fer level, quality, etc. Ain't 100% awesome, but is still pretty damn shiny. If'n yer gonna mog, ya needs ta check it out.

What The History Books Will Say About These Dark Times

On December 7, 2010, Deathwing the Destroyer unleashed a devastating sneak attack upon Azeroth. Volcanoes, earthquakes, and tsunamis threatened to rip the world apart. Low-lying regions such as the Thousand Needles, Tanaris, and the Swamp of Sorrows experienced severe flooding. Tectonic upheavals shattered the Barrens, the Stonetalon Mountains, and Ashenvale. Deathwing himself landed in the Alliance capital of Stormwind, causing thousands of causalties and much destruction, before apparently losing interest and flying away to begin a months long flight around the world, leaving death and devastation in his wake.

In response to this horrific assault upon both their nations, King Varian Wrynn and Warchief Garrosh Hellscream showed unity of purpose and joint resolve by attacking each other wherever possible. There was heavy fighting in south Barrens, at Astranaar, at Stonard, and throughout the Twilight Highlands. Only in Vash'jir where the cowardly acts of the Naga resulted in the destruction of both fleets were the Horde and the Alliance unable to come to grips with each other and show their bold disdain for Deathwing.

There were some minor side issues as well, but fortunately these were dealt without distracting the leaders of the world's people. Ragnaros the Firelord appeared upon Mount Hyjal and threated to destroy the World Tree, but this was perceived to be an internal matter for the druids to work out, which they did with the help of mercenaries and a few idealist flakes like Nat Pagle and Argent Confessor Paletress. Similarly, the decision of the Zandalari to abandon their peaceful efforts and instead unify the Amani and Gurubashi and unleash Hakkar the Soulflayer upon a distracted world was clearly an internal troll matter, and was left to them to resolve. Nothing would distract the brave King and Warchief and their true allies from their noble goal of seizing control of an abandoned Kul Tiras prison. Clearly, they had both learned the lessons of Wrathgate and eschewed any notion of working together against a common foe.

About this time there were reports of heavy activity on and about Blackrock Mountain, but nobody knows what this was about and it does not appear to have led to anything.

And what will the history books have to say about 4.3? More of the same, I expect. Deathwing is an internal dragon matter, to be dealt with by them. Garrosh and Varian, leaders of the two most powerful factions in Azeroth, will continue to behave as if there is no Deathwing, no threat to the existance of the world, no thousands (if not millions) of their citizens wiped out by his actions to be avenged.

Other than Alezstrasza and those three guys in the Badlands, has any NPC shown an interest in stopping the Destroyer? Perhaps a few, but I can't think of any. In this expansion, Blizzard has abdicated any attempt to tell a compelling story, and is relying on loot and Justice Points to keep us going. Yes, it works, but don't we as customers deserve better?

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Time Fer Fun!

Combine one 65th season rogue and one 85th season death knugget. Add one Army of the Dudes fer seasonin'. Shake well with Blackheart the Knucklebrain's Incite Chaos. And you, me friend, done got yerself the makins of one helluva hootenanny.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Friday Night Drinkings And Some Shouting Too

I'm a walking nightmare, an arshenal of doom
I kill conversations when I walk into the room.
I'm a three-line whip, I'm the shorta thing they ban....hic!

Demolition man, demolition man


The sky is red, I don’t undershtand,
Past midnight I still see the land.
People are shayin’ the woman is damned,
She makes you burn with a wave of her hand.
The city’s a blaze, the town’sh on fire.....hic!
The woman’s flames are reaching higher.
We were foolsh, we called her liar.
All I hear

There I was, just a-walkin' down the street....hic!
Shinging doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy do
Shnappin' my fingers and shufflin' my feet

Shinging doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy do....hic!
I looked good (looked good) I looked fine (looked fine)
I looked good, I looked fine, and you nearly lost your mind!

Well, I went home with the waiter
The way I always do....hic!
How was I to know
He was with the F'shaken, too

I was PvPing in Arathi....hic!
I took a little rishk
Send lawyers, gunsh and money
Dad, get me out of this

Danger Mouse:
Deep down Lordaeron close to Quel'Lithien
Way back up in the woodsh among the evergreenss
There ssstood a log cabin made of earth and wood
Where lived an undead boy named Zombie B. Goode
Who never ever learned to read or write sho well
But he could shwing the ssword just like a ringing a bell

Go go
Go Zombie go....hic!
Go Zombie go....hic!
Go Zombie go....hic!
Go Zombie go....hic!
Zombie B. Goode!

Aglha gla aggha gha!
Garhagl algraha ghalgh ahlgra!....hic!
Gahrrl ahg aggha gahlgra!
Ahhrlgaha gha  allahgl grahahagh!

(much jumpin' and air guitar)

Gahlgha arhgl gaharghlh alglhagha!....hic!
Gha glahaggha arhgl glahaghla!
Gha! ....hic!

Fer tonight's shongs, is thanksh ta Sting (even though he shang it like a hairdresser in love), Deep Purple, Manfred Mann, Warren Zevon, Chuck Berry, and, uh, I thinks what young Galertruby said "Rogersh and Hammershtein", but it mighta been "Cannibal Corpshe", is so dang hard fer ta tell'em apart....

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Let Me Sing You The Song Of Ice And Fire

Say hello to Fink, you buggers. Team Ratshag's newest 85th season member.

20,000 Leagues Under The Blog

Got a little distracted with that BlizzCon kerfluffle and NaBloPoBoZo, but is past time fer ta get a new poll up. Last time out, Jules Verne done had clownfish fer dinner, with Ol' Cap Nemo takin' down lil' Nemo 80 ta 29. This week we's got a multiple choice cage match free-fer-all fer ya buggers.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


This here be National Novel Writin' Month, which I cain't be bothered fer ta do. Too much like work. But I is gonna participate in National Blog Postin' Month, the cheap-arsed version. Done it a few times before, and this year I's tryin' sumthin' new. Got a couple stories rattlin' around in me noggin', and I's gonna try fer ta get'em out and onta the screen. Since they's longer than usual and I's prolly gonna spew'em out all disjointed and outta order, I's puttin'em in me other blog, Need More Words. If I has sumthin' I's satisfied with at the end, I'll un-disorder them and post'em here too. If'n yer curious, I gots the first word dump here.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Is Where Kinnavieve Has A Request

Dear Blizzard,

I know you are real busy these days, with planning the expedition to Pandemonium and all. And I really love my new car door shield. It's well itemized and very solid and spikey and has that glowy thing in the middle. Please tell Nefarion I said thank you. But, if it's not too much trouble, I'd really appreciate it if you could change my pose on the armory so I don't look quite so much like I'm, um, well,  cowering behind it. It's really kind of embarassing. Thank you so much.

Light be with you,

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Is Where I Issues A Challenge

So, Pandemonium done been announced. Looks like most of the preliminary stuff be done, and knows Blizz be hard at work flushing out the details. Were one detail what were rather noticeables in its absentia - no female Pandaren art work. Obviously, is gotta get done 'fore MoP ships. Or, as the Tiz put it so eloquently on Twitter, "TITS ON A PANDA!" (If you were with us in Black Leather Undies, ya gets the reference). Now, I's jus' a simple orc, but I believes I remembers goin' through this in Cata too. Weren't 'til they was nearly done with the beta testing what they finally picked a design fer the female worgenators. And it pretty much jus' looked like they smashed a anime wolfhead onta a draenaninny body and lost the tail. In other words, looked rushed and cheap. I assures ya, you ever gets a chance fer ta get some horizontal refreshment time with a worgen lady, yer gonna see what they don' look nuthin' like in real life. Is the panda ladies gonna git the same treatment? Would not surprise me.

So, me challenge, issued this here thirtieth day of Octoberilizings, be this, now what the concept artists prolly be gettin' readies fer ta start inta WoW 6.0, whatever that's gonna turn out ta be: Whatever new races ya be designin' fer ta be central, whether is a playable race or not, try designing the female of the species first. Is gonna feel weirds at first, I know, but I has faith what ya can do it. Will be quite the feat if'n ya can make yerselves do it, but i'll be worth it. And us buggers what like our wimmenz exotic, we will thank ye fer it.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Is Where There Is Some Good News

Tipped off by readers Fletcher and ScottH, I goes ta the bunghole known as "the forums" and I see what the lame, anonymous, non-apology from the band be gone, and instead is a message from Mr. Morhaime, president of Blizzard Entertainment (and a member of the band). Is a quotification:

Dear members of the Blizzard community,

I have read your feedback and comments about this year’s BlizzCon, and I have also read the feedback to the apology from Level 90 Elite Tauren Chieftain. I’d like to respond to some of your feedback here.

As president of Blizzard, I take full responsibility for everything that occurs at BlizzCon. 

It was shortsighted and insensitive to use the video at all, even in censored form. The language used in the original version, including the slurs and use of sexual orientation as an insult, is not acceptable, period. We realize now that having even an edited version at the show was counter to the standards we try to maintain in our forums and in our games. Doing so was an error in judgment, and we regret it.

The bottom line is we deeply apologize for our mistakes and for hurting or offending anyone. We want you to have fun at our events, and we want everyone to feel welcome. We’re proud to be part of a huge and diverse community, and I am proud that so many aspects of the community are represented within Blizzard itself.

As a leader of Blizzard, and a member of the band, I truly hope you will accept my humblest apology.

– Mike Morhaime
President, Blizzard Entertainment

Is the world all perfect and roses now? 'Course not. Is still plenty of fuhgwads and hatemongers out there. But Mr Morhaime's apology fer encouraging them is a victory fer everyone what believes in grownuppery and respectin' each other, including the people at Blizzard. I applauds and thanks everyone what contributed ta makin' this happen, and I accepts Mr Morhaime's apology.

And now, I's happy fer ta move on ta other grown-up issues. Likes, resolvin' the question: is this a Flyin' Broom in me bags, or is I just happy fer ta see ya?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Why Yes There Is A Petition

Daniel done asked if'n there be a petition what he could sign fer ta get Blizz ta aplogify fer they's dumb decision ta endorse hate mongering by playin' that stupid video. Answer be yes, is right over here.

Yes, Maurice Is Still Maurice....

As Lady Jess can testify

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Fuhg Bigotry

Few days ago, I made a point of sayin' in a comment on another blog what I done has called Blizz out fer the times I think they done wrong, and I would again. This be one of those times.

Piercing Shots done wrote a post where he relates an incident at BlizzCon few days ago. Is also a video. You buggers should go reads and watch. Short version - the Blizz in-house band Level Whatever Tauren Whatevers were gettin' ready fer ta play a bit, and they brought up some rock star guy fer ta join them. On the big screen, they showed a interview he done did a while back which were heavily bleeped out, but he clearly were sayin' some nasty stuff and laughin' 'bout it. Piercing also has the unbleeped version, and is pretty vile. Now, I gots no problem with glubbernuggin' bad language, and I realize what some buggers takes the Horde vs Alliance thing way more personals than I, and I accepts that. But vicious, violence-tinged homophobic slurs is wrong. It is wrong even when ya bleeps it out. It is wrong even when ya sez "ha ha I was just joking." And Blizzard chose to make it a part of their annual convention because they thought it was funny.

This was not a joke. It was a mean, hateful attack on a segment of the WoW-playing community. And an attack on a segment is an attack on all of us. And so I's figgerin' out some responses.

Bashiok's "We're sorry you can't take a joke" non-apology on the forums indicatifies what complainin' there ain't gonna get much satisfactions. So I's workin' on a letter ta his bosses at Activision. They prolly don' care much about pvp on the Elemental Plateau there, but they does care about money and reputation, and perhaps they'll be mispleased fer ta hear complaints about they's employees have a jolly laugh over some homophobic fuckwaddery in a public setting. Or maybe they won't. Either way, I's gonna find out. I'll let you buggers know.

Meanwhiles, closer ta home, I Like Pancakes done put up the rainbow banner with a link ta a list of LGBT and LGBT-friendly guilds. Is a good protest of Blizz's endorsement of bigotry, so I's puttin it up too. And if somebody finds it helpfuls, so much the better.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Lady RNG Can Be Cruel. Likes Someone Else I Know

"You want to see it? It's very pretty sitting in my bag."
"Do you want to come watch me sell it?"

So fars, Team Shianti done gots five Helms of Evil Laughter. One fer Morani the paladin, which be right and propers, one fer Cameron the shaman, one fer Tempestad the hunter, and flubbernuggin' two fer Shianti what be a drood. Meanwhiles, on Team Ratshag, with no fewer than four plate wearers? None. Zip. Butkus. Diddly. The big goose egg. Nada. The null set. Zilch. One less than Garrosh's braincells. Same odds as Ragnaros gettin' invitified ta the Stormwind Ladies' Noblegarden Cotillion.

And every day Shianti done reminds me. "You should be on Team Shianti. Team Ratshag is poor buggers."

Monday, October 24, 2011

And Now A Word From Dead Cairne Bloodhoof

...is this thing on? Are you sure? Oh!

Ah. I've been expecting you.

I apologize for not appearing in a more ... substantive ... form, but it has been about a year since Garrosh and Magatha put me out to pasture. And there just isn't much left to work with. One takes what one can get.

The reason I am here is to express my outrage over last week's announcement. Blizzard, I am very disappoint. Pandaren? Really? This is your idea for the next expansion? These people are nothing more than an overblown April Fools joke, and we all know it. How could anyone take them seriously? Would you follow a tank into battle that was based on a species used to make cutesy slippers? Would you want a healer based on a species known for being slow and dim-witted? Would you want a dps'er based on a species that eats grass??!? Forget about the annual pass, I'm bloody going to cancel my account! I-

What? Wait, what? Are you sure??? Well, I, uh, well, um ..... well.

This is rather embarrassing.

I think I am going to go back to being dead now. Yes, I think that is what I would like to do now.

Ancestors be at your back, and, um, winds watch over you.

Friday, October 21, 2011


Apparentlies I's persona non gratuity in Org these days. Sumthin' bout the Warchief hearin' 'bout them rumors what Garrosh is a old Warsong clan slang term fer "men what likes ta wear Pokemon costumes and has a Draenaninny tie'em up and read post-modernist feminist theory journals to thems," and he done got the idea what I was behind it all. No idea why he'd done think that. Anywho.

So, I ain't supposed ta be in Org, but I needs ta fer ta deal with this creepy crate issue what done come up this Hallow's End. So I's put me brain cells tagether and done come up with a clever disguisification. What you buggers think?

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Dang Fight Gets Easiers Every Year

Horseman rise... 
Your time is nigh... 
You felt death once... 
Now, know demise! 

Yes, me old nemesisesis. It is time once again fer us ta cross blades, ta dancify our eternal dance, to determine fer another year which bugger shall rule the pumpkin-

[Headless Horseman has died]
[You receive Loot-filled Pumpkin]
[Grim Grinning Ring of Goulash: need/greed/pass?]

Hey! I weren't even finished talkin' yet! Great googly moogly....

Monday, October 17, 2011

Mebbe If Tom Cruise Had Four Arms And Green Skin

...or mebbe if the Pope had jumped up and down on Oprah's sofa? Well, what's done is done, and Warlord Urban II done pulled off a solid victory over the spoiled rich kid, 48 ta 27. Don' worry Joel - Princeton could still use a man like you. Because, great googly moogly, have ya seen Princeton?

This week we's going aquatic. Can "just keep swimming" prevail over nuke power? Be sure ta cast yer vote, 'cause otherwise .... well .... actuallies, ta be honest, prolly the universe will just keep right on keepin' on whether ya votes or not. But still. Ya never know.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

TRANSMOGALYPSE! Gogmoth: Thug's Life

Warlocks, they's gots ta keep they's minions in line. Is different ways fer ta do it - feedin'em souls, burnin' they's psyches, makin' promises of freedom what ya don't intends ta keep. Me kid brother Gogmoth, he likes fer ta supplement these with a little intimidationizings and an occasional slap upside the head. He finds is kinda hard fer ta glare a doomguard inta soilin' its loincloth when yer a big orc in a purple dress, though. So come the transmogalypse, he's plannin' on goin' with a more hardcore look:

A Laughing Skull cap he got off a skull what weren't laughin', the Soulstealer Mantle fer the shoulders, and good ol' Netherweave tunic and gloves. Then he's bought up the Silver-thread pants, boots, and sash ta finish the look. And fer waivin' around and lookin' like he could actually lop a head off, he done borrowed Taragaman the Hungerer's Cursed Felblade.

Not bad, lil' bro. Ya almost done convincalized me what yer a tough guy.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Prince Of Where, Exactlies?

This happened a while ago, but I didn't talk about it then 'cause I's talkin' 'bout it now.

"You face not Malchezaar alone, but the legions I- oh, bugger..." 

And with that, the Free Radicals done completed they's first raid. Was a melee-heavy group, so evens with explanationizings aforehands the Enfeeblents done took a heavy toll. But Dran done stood tall and slapped on her Aspect of the Hare and burned the glubbernudder down before the infernals got too nasty. Meanwhiles Xan did the amazingly virile gig and Gasket and Felbane stood in the back in they's sissy robes and smacked whatever healy buttons weren't on cooldown. So yay on them. And, sure, why not, grats ta Tavia, Yldarric, Scaith, and the Warrior With No Name, evens though they mostlies just lay on the floor like lazy-arsed buggers.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Fancy Meetin' You Here

Goblin hunter boy, by night known as Fezziwhig, was questing in the now rather soggy Thousand Needles, when who should he run into but Cabin Boy Lou. Lou apparentlies got tired of paddlin' folks out ta Scalawag Point in the Fjord and done branched out ta paddlin' buggers ta the Speedbarge 500. I's always supported spirited young lads branchin' out an' explorin' they's options, so yay on him.

Monday, October 10, 2011


We interrupt our normal Need More Rage content to bring you this late-breaking story. We now go live to Danger Mouse who is on the scene in Hellfire Peninsula. Mouse, what can you tell us?
"Fel Reaverss sssuck."

Stay tuned for further developments in this rapidly developing situation.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

TRANSMOGALYPSE! Hawt Like Ellspeth

Hi everyone, Ellspeth here. I've just finished putting together my first transmogrification outfit, and I couldn't wait to show it to you. It's kind of inspired by High Inquisitor Whitemane's getup, but it's way hotter. I mean, let's face it, I'm young, Sally's old, and if I'd been strutting in the Cathedral wearing these threads there's no way Mograine would have "fallen".

Are you okay, Ratters? You sounded like you were choking. You sure? All right.

So here's the run-down on it. Whitemane's Chapeau, of course. Red Mageweave Shoulders, Cindercloth Pants, and Hands of Darkness, thanks to my pal Gogmoth the tailor (don't worry, hun, I haven't forgotten about your reward). In Outland I picked up a Goldweave Tunic, Grom'tor's Bloodied Bandage, Ashwalker's Footwraps, and the Invincible Stave. Kinda like the sound of that. Don't you? "Invincible." "InVINcible." Oh, yeah, and the Ancient Bloodmon Cloak to finish it off.

I'd like to thank Kaliope of Kaliope's Crafting Blog and Ironyca and Noelani of the Visual Roleplay Gear List for their ideas. Thanks ladies, the check's in the mail and I'll be sure to drain your souls last. Tootles!

Is Where Stop Mathifies

So after hearin' me argument what the tankard be a better weapon fer plate wearers than the Kungalooshi Crime'n'Punisher, Stop the Silly Pirate had hisself a dubious. Bein' a practical sorta bugger, he done plugged in his freshly dinged 85 Death Knugget inta Simulationcraft and ran it fer both weapons. Survey says? difference in dps be less than 1%. Maxdps.com said pretty much the same thing fer Phoenicia the warrior. So, me quick-and-dirty were missin' somethin', jus' like me nooner last month with that Venus di Milo chick, but overalls me point still be valid: Even though it ain't got Strength, the Terrible Tankard o'Terribles be a valid pre-raid weapon.

Now, in me serververse the Horde AH was showin' both weapons at nearly the same price, so meh. But over on Kinnavieve's world, tankards was more'n a thousand gold cheaper'n Kungalooshis. So she done bought three pair oughtta petty cash in anticipations of the young'uns what'll be ables fer ta equip'em soon.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Is Where Ratters Mathifies

Afters couple weeks of molestifyin' rams, pukin' on yer friends' shoes, and beatin' the crap outta Squarebrew Direpants, is nearly time fer the fun ta end fer another year. And as I lie here in this mudpit waitin' fer the world ta stop spinnin', I been doin' some thinkings. Specificallies about the lowly terrible tankard o'tremendous, or whatevers they callin' it this year. Is a Agi mace, which we's all been trained ta know means enhanced shamans or some flavorings of rogue. Alayda done be rockin' a pair of them, but apparentlies ain't too many buggers like her, 'cause the price of these dang things done gone through the flubbernuggin' floor. Mebbe ya can get 500g fer one, if'n yer luckies. Which mneans is holy crap cheap fer a second-generation Cata epic. Is other buggers what can use one-handed maces but they ain't interested, 'cause Agi ain't the stat what gives'em a happy ending fer no charge, but all that base dps them tankards is packin' should still love ya a fairly long time. Mebbe. I gotta work this out.

Lessee. Healers can all hold a mace, but if they's then there's prolly either too much crap hittin' the fan or not enough. So no reason fer them ta want it.

Prot warriors and pallies could use'em, but we's more interested in survifyin' than doin' damage. Threat generatin' ain't supposed ta be an issue no mores, the crab sez. So, hard fer ta think they should demands. Mebbe. Possiblies.

Single Minded Furry warriors and Frosty DKs. Well now. This be interestin'. If they's raidin', well then they's hopefully gettin' some shiny 378s, or at least some still kinda shiny 359s. But if they don't raid, what is they's options? Well, is the scalper, which is a damn fine axe and sells fer a damn fine 10-20k gold. If spendin' that much gold fer each hand works for ya, then rock on. But lotta buggers, especiallies alts, ain't sittin' so pretty. Next best choice be the Kungalooshi Punisher, which also be a one-hander mace, and it be packin' Strength, so it be the better weapon, right? Right? Is the rules, yes? Well.... lemmee think on that...

Kungalooshi got 138 Str. Fer plate-wearin clankies, that works out ta 276 Attacks Power. Assumin' ya got Blessing of Kings or Blessing of the Druid, that goes up ta 290. Then ya divides by 14 and ya see what that be 21 extra dps. Added ta the base of 437 ya gets 458. Is some other stuffs, like talents and runeforgings what scale yer strength up, what'll get you inta the 460s, mebbe 470. Since we's talkin' non-raiding alts, I ain't gonna worry 'bout all the buffs and whatnots ya can pick up from others. Now the tankard. No Strength bonus, so just the base damage, which be.... 489.

Now, I's just a simple orc from Durotar. And I's drunk and hungover and talkin' to the hogs while I lie here in the mud. So mebbe some simulationifying tool's gonna come up with a different conclusion - would be interestings ta see what they come up with. But I's suspectin' what the conventional thinkin' might be off, and I should be stockin' up on all these tankards fer all the clankies on the team what's be hopin' fer ta ding 85 before the next expansion, like Maurice and Kali and Beetle and Fink and the Warrior With No Name. Now where's the Saint Pauli Girl when ya needs her?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Is Still Three Days Left!

Fer ya ta sends in yer ballots ta them dudes in Norway .... Lithuania? ...Paraguay? Well, wherevers. I cain't be bothered fer ta remember the details. Anywho. Is still three days fer ya ta get in yer ballot votin' fer Ratshag fer the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize. Let's show the world the power of what we stands for: world peace through travellin' ta strange lands, meetin' exotic wimmenz, and gettin' paid fer ta hit glubbernuggers with yer axe.

Mom's gonna be so proud....

Even More Randoms Then Usual

So a flock of angry birds done beats a flock of Angry Birds, 74 ta 40. Remembers that, next time ya feels like playin' on yer smart phone durin' a movie.

This week's seeks ta answer that age-old question: "The hell you talkin' about?"

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Isn't It Pretty?

Fire, fire, fire. Outland is burning. And that means my work here is done. Tootles, Outland! I'm off to Northrend.