Saturday, January 31, 2009

Ratshag's Goals And Priorities, 2009

Is important ta haves goals and priorities. They makes it possible fer ta focus, ta gets the things ya wants. And they keeps yer dad from beatin' the crap outta ya when he asks "What're your fuhggin' goals, boy?"

So, here's what I's got, now that I's in Northrend.

Number the One. Get ta me 80th season. Ya, okay, that one's fuhggin obvious. Six seasons ta go, right now.

Number the Two. Get the blacksmithing skill maxed out, so's I can craft up some epics fer me and me guildies. Ain't nuthin' like the feeling of working up a righteous sweat at the forge. Well, except fer slaughtering evil unarmed peaceful villagers fer thems what's gonna pay you. And listening ta the wail of despair a rogue lets out when he realizes yer overpower's procced and everything he's got's on cooldown. Oh, and that quick burn ya get when flames come out of Alexstrasza's mouth 'cause she's just reached her special moment. Okay, so there's a few things like it. Still, righteous sweat at the forge, is a good.

Number the Three. Get me a white drake ta rides. Gonna cost a few thousand gold, but is gonna be freakin' worth it.

Number the Four. Get me another title. Afters all, ain't nuthin more diplomatic than slaughtering a few thousand ogres and naga and following it up with a crapton of furbolgs.

Number the Five. Gonna lead me guild inta every dang dungeon in Northrend. Gonna clean that place out.

Number the Six. Onyxia. Bitch is gonna die. She's been living on borrowed time fer a year and a half, time fer ta end it.

Number the Seven. Don Carlos' Famous Hat. I wants it. Ya, I know there's hats and hats and more hats. But this one, it look dang good. And oh yeah, it do that ghost doggie thing.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Galertruby's Guide To The Patch 3.1 Cooking Dailies

Garhhl. Gahhl galha Garrrahhalagh.

Gaghaha aglah agghr laghalagh grahagl, gaghaha glhahg agrgha laghahrag. Glhaggla agg larhg galhagga ghaha alahg, glah, gahaghga gahlgal allahg glha. Glhahgl agl grah, algghaha, agraha, glha!

Grah: Aglha Ghallrahag Aggaha
Glahlga agghl gla, gahragha allhagaggh gahrgha arlhg, gah.

Aghahll garhhr glahhlglhaarhga ghallah allha, garrharlh agghal ga arhhh galahhargh. Glallh garrh, gahhlahglahhr agglh ahghlagl glagglha ga arhhh. Glahgrl gha ahhagha gahhlrag agghalah arhgl. Gahha glra glha arghlha lagaha grah.

Algghaha: Glaha Garhagla Lhahaggla
Gahlga argglha glahg, gahaga arahglaga gahagrha, gah.

Gahall glahl aggha laghl, glah agh gahlaghahall glagghah aghagl. Gahhll garhh ahhghr glahh gallagh, agh grrhal. Gaghaha glhahg agrgha laghahrag. Gllha garrharlh aglhha gahllragl. Gllah aghhrla gahhllrah gah glaghhlh glahh, gahhl aghhr.

Agraha: Arhragga Glhah Gahaggalalg
Gahlga alhgagl gaha, ghalagrla glahg agglh, gah.

Glhagl gllha ahhr glahhlglhaarhga ghallah allhag gllha garrharlh, aglhha gahllragl gllah aghhrla. Gahhllrah gah glaghhlh glahh. Allhag ahhr agrghagllha ahhghr, glhahg. Aglha gallh gahll gahrrallah agglh ahghlagl, agh glahhgl glahhgl garrh gahhlahglahhr.

Glha: Laglha Arhg Gaghhahg
Glahlga ghalga lhargla, grahalg ghaha arggla, gah.

Glahhgrl glah arrlh aggrhala gahhl glha. Glahg grahhglh glhhlhalha gahhr garrha, aglh glhha gharhl. Glhagl gllha ahhr glahhlglhaarhga ghallah allhag. Gllha garrharlh aglhha gahllragl. Gllah aghhrla gahhllrah gah glaghhlh glahh, gahhl aghhr garahhghlahhrgh aghraahl glhahhl gahhlah.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

This Laughified Me

The Blood Colored Lion of Mountain Size

Go reads. Is good.

And They Say Romance Is Dead...

Hydra and Kinnavieve Don't PvP

So what are we doing in Alterac Valley?
Kinnavieve, Ratters said, you should go do some PvP. Put on that shiny Savage Saronite armor you got and go get a feel for it. Defend some towers, stun some glubbernupbbin' healers, find out if ya likes it. Go with me friend Hydra - she'd be happy fer ta show ya around. It'll be fun!

But Ratters, isn't Hydra a warlock? Warlocks traffic in demons, and I'm not sure a soldier of the Light should be associating with people who do evil things like that, just for fun. And besides, doesn't she exist in a completely different serververse?

Naw, is okay. Hydra ain't altogether evil, just almost. So yer clean. Checks with yer bishop, he'll tell ya it's fine. I's positive. As fer the serververse thing, just get on Vent togethers, then queue up fer the battlefield at the exact same time, and you'll get in tagethers. It'll work like a fuppertumpin' charm.

And he was right. About the Vent queueing trick, that is. I, um, never actually checked with the bishop. I mean, I'm sure Ratters knows what he's talking about, right?

** nervous grin **

So, we fought the good fight in Alterac Valley, then went and captured resources to help the poor brave souls of the League of Arathor. And Ratters was right - it was fun!

And, I picked up several achievements too. Yay achievements!

Friday, January 23, 2009

They Called Me Uncle Ratshag

I called thems Frog Legs à la Parrisie... Frog Legs à la Pasarienne.... Frog Legs à la Pararasa....

Bugger it.

I just called'em Frog Legs.

Ratters Would So Love This

Hello gentle readers and Bellbell,

My reputation with the Sons of Hodir is now high enough that they sold me their Stalactite Chopper axe. Not good for tanking, but it is a nice weapon for doing solo work. Or maybe chopping stalactites, I guess, should I ever find myself in the mood.

I dunno though - do you think it's big enough?

Monday, January 19, 2009

Is Where Pali Sneaks Out

"Things any better with your mom, Pali?"

"Noooo. I had to pretend I was going to bed early, then portal to Moonglade from my room."

"Well, that works."

"I swear to Elune, 'licious, she still treats me like I'm 70. I'm 97! Almost. In a few weeks. But it's like I'm still a little kid as fas as she is concerned."

"You know, technically, you haven't been a little kid since that night in the forest..."

"Mmmmm. That was ... wonderful. But I don't think I can use that to get her to be more reasonable."

"No, that would probably not be a good idea."

So Feralicious and I went to Ashenvale that night, and we totally owned the place. We killed tree-cutting Warsong ninnies and Satyrs and walking plant guys and even a Horde shaman who decided he wanted to rumble with the wrong two druids. And we wiped out a nest of demons and danced on their evil corpses.

After, we got some rewards in Astraanar. Unfortunately, the chestpiece I got was a little, well, undersized. /blush And the stats weren't that great. So pretty quickly I put my old armor and tabard back on.

After, we were both pretty tired, so we decided to get some sleep at the inn. Just sleep - that's all! Really! I know we should have gone into the woods and each found our own tree to sleep under, but the ground is hard and beds are comfy!

Just, umm, don't tell my mother, k?


Friday, January 16, 2009

Is Where Maurice Hits on AC

Hello, beauteous lady. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Maurice, the Death Knight of Love, and I am most pleased that you have the opportunity to meet me. 
Shianti? What a lovely name. So exotic, just like your ... ah ... purple hair.
The priestess Vonyari? She means nothing to me, my sweet petunia, for you are here and she is not. For now, I wish only to apply my wonderful lovings to you, and-
I smell like a goat too? Yes, that is a small side effect of my being dead. But trust me, my mango blossom of loveliness, you will soon forget that, as I-
She turned into a bird and flew away. They can do that now?

What a sweet little morsel of loveliness you are, my dear. I am Maurice, the Death Knight of Love, and the pleasure is yours, I know.
PetsAreUs is a very ... well ... descriptive name, my little mousling. Ah, you are flushed with excitement to have caught my attention. And soon, we shall ... ah ... Did you know your dog has two heads and is on fire?
You do? Well, no matter, we can chain him to the lamp post outside my Domicile of Love while I take you to places ...
Gumdrop? Helllloooooo.....
She appears to be dead. That is rather, ah, disappointing. I was getting, well, in the mood, and now I am unsatisfied. 

My goodness, little buttercup, you are scarcely more than a mouthful. It must be exciting for you to have caught the eye of a real man like Maurice, the Death Knight of Love.
Giduhduhdge? Gidduhdge? Ah, Giddg. Ha ha, I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat!
Trust me, my little maraschino cherry, I shall be gentle with your tiny body, as I show you how I can be both the meat and the motion-
Yes, I know, I am dead. But it is a mere inconvenience. Your desire for me will, I know, let you see past that, as I inflame-
Ah.... where did she go? She was right here, just a second ago. Oh little sugared dumpling, where are you...?

Look! down the street there, it is Vonyari. Ho ho, I hear she is into discipline now. What fun we shall have together as we take turns. Oh! She has turned around and is walking away quickly on her little hooves. She wishes me to give chase! What sport this woman has in her. Ha ha, I shall not disappoint her. The game is afoot!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Ratters' Night Out

Tonight, I led me guildies inta the Nexus. Now, I realize Kinnavieve already done cleared it and all, but we needed ta do it to. How is it that that pretty dragon Keristrasza done got herself abductified again? There's an explanation, but don't ask me what it is - I cain't be bothered ta keep track of the details. Anywho, is a sad story what with Keri gettin' crazified and all, but in the end she were dead and we was alive. Sucks to be her.

As a reward for us clearing out the red dragon path ta promotion, I got some real shiny loots. New gloves fer ta replace the felsteels I's been wearin' since the day I dinged 70, new shoulders fer ta replace the bolds I's had since me and Zinzi what gives good resurrection and some puggers did fer Murmur way back in the day, and new boots fer ta replace the ones I's had since ... uh ... last week.
I likes these shoulders. Very ruggeds looking. Shoulders is important ta us orcs, ya know.

Afters, Zinzi done gave me a battleground port out to Dalaran so's I could check the place out. Ya know, Kinnavieve's done told me about the very nice tavern them Alliance buggers has, but I tells ya. The Horde inn? You could have yerself a party in this place. Raw meat on the tables, half nekkid troll barmaids, Uncle Bonechompers Day-Old Piss on tap, and high quality pros fer some horizontal refreshments upstairs. I's gonna have me some fun resting and recreating here.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Ummm.... Huh?

The cabin, I get. You're going to live on top of a mountain in Northrend, you need somewhere warm and dry to sleep. The outhouse? Privacy's not really an issue up here, but I can certainly understand wanting something more civilized than behind a bush for when you need to ... you know. We aren't all dwarves. The boat??? Yeah, there I got no clue.

Monday, January 12, 2009

And So It Begins

Hello gentle readers and Bellbell, who shouldn't let it go to her head that she's getting special mention here, just acknowledging that she's not gentle.

It's been less than four months since Ratshag picked me to be the Team's new raider. Back then, I was still chasing those Defias traitors in Westfall. Well, I guess it's fair to say that I've come a long way since then.

** grin **

So, last night nine of my guildies and I ventured into the Scourge's floating citadel, Naxxramas. Now, I hate bugs. I really, really hate them. And where do we start? The Arachnid Wing, of course. Nothing but bugs, bugs, and more bugs. And Grand Widow Faerlina - she wasn't a bug. I don't think. We finally got to this frickin' thing. I ended up having to stand under her head and spamming consecrate to catch all the little spiders she was summoning and there were spiders everwhere and there was webbing in my hair and in my mouth and in my eyes-
** shudder **

Thank the Light we killed her at last.

There weren't any tanking drops during the run, but some dps plate did drop - boots and a chestpiece. I don't like them - they're all death knighty and look like something that lich bitch Vyprania would wear. Or even worse, Maurice. And why do I have to have my bellybutton showing again, just because I'm a girl? Sheesh. Bellybuttons need protection too, ya know? At least the stats are good, for off-spec...

The last two bosses in the plague wing were Heigan and Loatheb, neither of whom summoned any adds. So I put on my full dps kit and pretended like I could do damage while running out of mana. Woohoo, lookit Kinna auto-attack! And, I just gotta say, Heigan is a terrible dance instructor. Dude, there's a reason other instructors don't use bursts of toxic ooze. I also realized that my UI was configured in just the right way to maximize my inefficiency when trying to cleanse people, especially while running. I tried to adjust it on the fly, but I definitely need to sit down and do some serious overhauling before we go back.
Got plenty of time for that, though. Next raid isn't scheduled until, umm.... tonight?
** gulp **
** frantic UI scrambling **

Friday, January 9, 2009


You better believe it's Happy Frickin' Hour.
Ladies Night, too!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Four. Teen. Fuhggin. Months.

Yeah, it's been that long since I saved Medivh's scrawny arse out in the swamps and he gave me the key ta this here fixer-upper known as Kara. And tonight, I finallies is gettin' ta use it. Now, I's been buncha times in me dworc disguise, but this were the first time I's goin' as me self. Out in front, tankin' the glubbernuggers. Along withs I had Zinzi what gives good resurrection (the only other Purginista what'd really done the place), Mr. Hoof (who'd done gone once), and Bashabil the little tankadin, Throttle the formaldehyde junkie, Rim what used ta have fireballs set ta "deep fat fry" but he re-specced, and Mog and Ix the DK twins, none of who'd ever been. I even hadda give'em directions ta Deadwind Pass.

We did us a proper job on Attumen and Moroes. The Maiden, now she and I gots a bit of a history together after hours, but tonight we kept things on a professional basis. She put up a heckuva fight, but in the end it were her pretty fanny on the ground. And yeah, me conscience were clear.

We decided fer ta gets all dressed up fer the opera. Yarrrr. It were Oz that night. Much to me and Zinzi's surprise, we took care of Dorothee and her little friends without a single one of us taking a dirt nap, let alone a wipe. Yay us.

We lost Rim the mage before we got ta Curator. He hadda go home and eat some babies or somethin'. That left us with just three dps types, all melee, and they had troubles gettin rid of them pesky Flares. After a coupla wipes, we ended up calling it.

Were a most enjoyable evening, and everyones said they enjoyed the break from Northrend. We may come backs some time, or mebbes another diversion. I hear Onyxia's still out there somewheres, and Don Carlos still has me hat, the bugger.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Gosh, Look At Those

Okay, it's been a while since I done put on me magic disguise with the weird setting what turns me all orctacles. So yesterday I puts it on, just fer some funs and GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! The dang thing went and malfunctioned again.

I mean, look at'em! That ain't how I left things.


Well, I guess is a good thing I's secure enough in me masculinitizations what I ain't afeared fer ta get in touch with me feminininitzed side.

When Ratshag Met Alexstrasza

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiccccce ass!

Why thankee, Alex. Yer lookin' pretty good yerself.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

I'm Not A Hero...

I've been doing my best, Alex, but it's hard to be a hero. I killed poor Emmy Malin, thinking she was the enemy, but it turned out she'd been forced to serve the blues and was secretly sabeutaging them. And I completely messed up with that frickin' troll Drakuru. And *sharp inhale* Keristrasza... I just ... can't seem to get anything right.

Hush, child. You are a soldier of the light, and your path is neither simple nor easy. There have been setbacks, yes, but you have also accomplished much, and there is the strength within you to overcome the challenges ahead. You have done much to aid us and the other factions in this war. I have  faith in you.