Thursday, December 30, 2010

Whar Be Me Boomstick?

Kadomi done touched on this issue with her damn fine Pre-raid Shopping List, but I's gonna go inta more details and call Blizz a buncha felweed-smokin' warrior-hatin' fluggernubbers. 'Cause they is.

Fer the first time, I's gearin' up and gettin' ready fer ta tank current raid content as meself - no magical gnomish transmogrifier what made me a dorf, not sendin' in Kinna or any other alt. Is gonna be me. Prot warrior. Virile comma amazing. Is coming along at a steady pace right now - a little more rep, a few more Justice Badgers, and I'll have a level 85 blue in every slot, all properly itemezified and everythings.

...Excepts fer that green Muffled Blunderbuss in the boomstick slot. What the fuhg?

Turns out, there ain't no blue warrior-itemized ranged weapons. None. Nowhere. Not drops, not quest rewards, not crafted, not rep, not badgers. Zilch. Blizz designed one, but then fergots ta add it ta anybodies loot table, so it exists only on wowhead. Now, such weapons weren't always the easiest ta find, but they did exist. Fer examples, the Boomstick in Outland or the Weighted Throwing Axe in Northrend. And if yer thinkin' "Ratters! Why doncha just pick up a readily-available reasonably priced gun from a trained-up engineer in the tradition of the Gyro-Balanced Khorium Hawtness and the Armor Plated Combat Shitstorm?" That'd be fine, except there ain't one. Engineers can only learns fer ta make Agi-based hunter trash.

But what does we see when we looks at relics, the new Grand Unified ReliToteLibraSigils? We see no fewers than four Strength-based blues at this level: two dps, one tanking, and one fer either. All suitable pallies, death nuggets, and maybe droods (bears is weird though, so I ain't sure. Anywho.). Blizz even hotfixed the mats on the Jawbone fer ta make'em easier ta craft. Just ta adds injuries ta insults, is two more LibraSigils fer sale if'n ya got a handful of Valor badgers. Boomsticks? Not so much.

Double you. Tee. Eff.

Someone needs fer ta tell Blizz ta stop hatin' us warriors. Either thats, or don't smoke quite so much glubbernuggin' felweed when they's plannin' out the upgrades.

Monday, December 27, 2010

The Stone Rabbit

One 'shroom makes you faster
And one 'shroom makes you small
And the ones that have red dots
Blow your brains across the wall

Go ask a fungal
When he's ten feet tall

Sunday, December 26, 2010

A Prayer To The Light

Tonight, I slew five of my brothers and sisters.

Their bodies had died years ago, but their tombs have been desecrated by mana thieves, and now their spirits were disturbed and angry. The troll priest said killing them again would bring them the peace they deserved. Did he speak the truth, or was he manipulating me for his own purposes? He gave me a shiny trinket after I had finished the task. Does that mean my actions were just?

I returned to Outland to fight demons. To ensure the safety of my people, and our homeland. To protect those who could not protect themselves.

Yet tonight, I slew five of my brothers and sisters.

I struck them down with my mace, and burned them with holy fire. When I had finished, I destroyed the wicked thieves who had disturbed their graves, and gladly accepted the bounty on their heads. Did that make my actions right?

I am a Soldier of the Light. I fight for justice, and goodness, and righteousness; to destroy evil in all its forms and to serve the people of the world, be they strong or weak.

Tonight, I slew five of my brothers and sisters. May the Light accept their souls and grant them the peace they deserve.

And may It give Its servant the strength to accept Its judgment of her.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Monday, December 20, 2010

Is Where We Discuss The Beach From Hell

If yer Horde, and ya been ta the Twilight Highlands, you know the one.

[10:16] ratshag: I think the naga beach just has some settings wrong 
[10:16] ratshag: very, very wrong 
[10:16] llanion: Well, I think that NAGA MISTRESS 
[10:16] llanion: NAGA MISTRESS 
[10:16] llanion: NAGA SPEARMAN
[10:16] stop: Counterpoint: surely NAGA MISTRESS
[10:17] stop: hold on, I've just got to loot this b- NAGA FOURSOME
[10:17] ratshag: NAGA SPEARMAN 
[10:17] ratshag: true, but NAGA MISTRESS
[10:18] Bre: *gigglesnort* 
[10:18] Bre: jeez, must I do the beach when I get there?

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Across The Cavern, Our Eyes Met

She were fifty tall and weighed a thousand tons. Leader of her people, founder of her race. She were worshipified throughout the realm of Deepholm. She were so fabulously wealthy with diamonds and rubies and other gems what I ain't even heard of that she didn't even bothers ta notice'em. She were Therazane, the Stonemother.

And me? I were just a simple orc from Durotar. But when our eyes met, I could tell....
She wanted me. She wanted me bad.

Who was I fer ta deny her?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


There! That's perfect!


No, don't worry. Those cultists won't suspect a thing. You'll blend right in.


Just walk up to the giant brain and start talking to it with your thoughts.


Well, no, we've never tried this before. But we're sure it'll work.


And the chances of it leaving you impotent are practically zero.


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

It's So ..... Pretty ....

 I feel ... happy ...
I wanna touch it.
Hello, little light!
I'm gonna get ya!
Gonna get ya!
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, ....

Monday, December 13, 2010

Don't Stand In The Fire

In case yer wonderin' what it be like when Deathwing done get his groove on and "the world explodes inta flame", it look pretty much like this:
Is thanks ta Cameron fer the shot. And yeah, she stood in the fire.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Somebody Fire Up The Ripley Music

Time ta go back ta work.

Let's ask the Night Elf Mohawk hisself how he thinks this is gonna go down:

Yeah, that's what I figger too.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Old God, Shmold God

There he were. C'thun. Been lurkin' about, waving his tentacles and drivin' buggers mad since before the Titans came. Defeated, beaten down, hidin' out deep in the sands fer thousands of years. Been takin' over the minds of the Silithids, warpin' the poor buggers (well, not really - I hate them damn bugs) inta the Aquir fer ta take over the world. Locked away by the nelfs and the dragons. Then some fools went and collected enough runecloth fer ta open the gates. Now it be time fer ta deal with this ugly blunderthumper, and it be fer the Purge (alongs with me friends Stop and Bloodsail Admiral Bob Llanion) ta done deal with him.

Since we'd done fer all the preliminary bosses a coupla weeks ago, we just had ta smack a few guards around, run up a long windy tunnel, and we was at the inner sanctum. Big eyeball peered at us suspiciously. "Is that his tentacles?" someone asked. "No, that's his neck." Hard ta tell with them old gods.

Stop and me, we gives a mission briefing. Mostly warnings about all the things ya needed fer ta avoid or else we'd all die screaming. Failure ta avoid his eyebeams, tank his giant tentacles, not spread out, and not kill stuff inside him could result in hypersensitivity (including skin rash, urticaria [hives], fever, arthralgia [intense burning or stabbing pain caused by irritation of or damage to a nerve], exfoliative dermatitis [peeling skin], erythema multiforme [red blotches or blisters all over the skin] with histopathological [microscopic] findings of necrotizing vasculitis [death of blood vessels], and thrombocytopenic purpura [purplish spots or patches]); anorexia [loss of appetite]; nausea; dizziness; palpitations [irregular, hard or rapid heartbeat]; headache; dyskinesia [muscle spasms]; drowsiness; blood pressure and pulse changes, both up and down; tachycardia [rapid heart rate]; angina [caused by an insufficient supply of blood to the heart muscle]; cardiac arrhythmia [irregularity of the heartbeat]; abdominal pain; tendon damage; weight loss; Tourette's syndrome; toxic psychosis; leukopenia [abnormally low number of white blood cells in the circulating blood] and/or anemia; a few instances of scalp hair loss; heart disease, congestive heart failure, high blood pressure; stomach ulcers or bleeding; polyps in your nose; and lastly, a wiped raid. This were serious business, killing an Old God, and we wanted to be sure everyone was takin' it seriously.

Then the blunkernubber went down faster'n a Booty Bay whore.

Talk about anticlimatics.

Well, weren't much of a fight after all, but it were an achievement lollapalooza all around, and I were pretty happy fer ta have done gotten mine. Just 'cause it were a roflstomp don't mean they don't still count.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

What Happens When Ya Let Hippies Design Plate Armor?

Ya gets yer Cenarion Thicket Legplates is what. So nicely itemized fer a holy pally, so many bodacious gem sockets, so little left to the imagination. And ya gets dirty old men like Khadgar checkin' out yer arse. Dude. Put yer tongue back in yer mouth. Seriously.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Crappiest Job In Stormwind

Seriously. Whose Frosted Flakes did this here glubbernugger pee in fer ta get assigned ta patrol the bottom of Stormwind Harbor? Hope they done issued him some cherries...