Sunday, December 30, 2007

Is Vacationizing Time

I's taking a bit of break from adventuring. Going to some "Relax and be happy" place fer a week. Travel agent told me all abouts it, but I can't be bothered to remember the details. Something about a castle, and some princesses, and the last boss be some bad-arse elite rodent. Whatevers. Hope he drops some nice loot.

Anyways, I may put up a post or two ta keep you buggers happy, but no promises.

Now, go kill things and take they's stuff.

His Heart Be Full of Unwashed Socks

So I's up in the Alterac Mountains, farming snowballs fer some of me young friends to power they's Winter Veil gifts. And I says to myself, "Self, there ain't nobody here. A week ago when you tried to hunt the Abominable Greench it couldn't be done 'cause there was so many other folks here muddying up the waters. But now there ain't nobody. Why don't you go look fer the buggerthunker?"

Took me about 30 seconds to find his hairy arse. Took way less than that to put it down. I scoop some more snowballs, then hops back over to Org and looks up the Smokywood Pastures Goblin. He's so pleased for to get his box of stolen treats back, he done give me a special gift.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Boingy-Ears' Big Debut

Keeping good on her promise ta run Dak through dungeons 'til his eyes bleed, me friend Hydra took him into the Stockades and Blackfathom Depths the other night, so's he could pick up a ring and some bracers. A little grinding in Westfall, and the bugger reached his nineteenth season and put on the rest of his gear.

At this point his health be running around 1300, which is way more than I had at that point in me career, and three times what little DangerMouse was packing last weekend. And he ain't gotten off his lazy arse and gotten his enchants done, so that'll probably add another couple hundred. So, time ta put it to some use.

This be Warts On Gulch weekend, so the timings be perfect. His first match took less time ta win than he'd been waiting in the queue, with the Sentimentals beating the Ninnies 3-0. He says he got some licks in, but I suspectifies that it were so mismatched in didn't matter if he were there or not. Second match were different - Ninnies jumped out to a 2-0 lead, then the Sentimentals dug in and screwed they's courage to the stickin' place (see! I's got culture!) and after about 45 minutes they eked out a 3-2 win. Dak sez he had hisself a grand time, charging and hamstringing and bashing and generally trying to be the shoe in the other buggers' machine. His numbers was only about average, but as I understands it that's how it oughtta be fer us warriors.

Afters he were in Stormwind checkin' his mail and whatnot when this tall drink of Nelflesh comes up and starts talkin' to him. Turns it it were A____, one of the veterans in his twinky-dinky guild. She checked out his gear and his form and bitch-slapped him a coupla times in a friendly way fer not having a tabard yet. Then she goes and buys him one (he's wearin' it in the pic aboves) and sez "Wear yer colors proud, newb!" or somethings like that. Then she invites him to do some 2v2 arenafications with her. "Sure" he says, all clueless.

They did three rounds together, winning'em all. I expects she were checking out his action, seeing if he were a trainable guppernumper or just a complete waste of oxygen and pixels. Looks like he didn't totally fuhg up, 'cause afters she said she were lookin' forwards to runnin' BGs with him (after he's had some more practice). So goods fer him.

Okay, yeah, that last post was kinda random

I were feeling a little intoxificationized. So I were singing in me blog. Probablies best you couldn't hear.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Goin' Out West

I know karate
VooDoo too!
I'm gonna make myself
Available to you.
I don't need no makeup
I got real scars
I got hair on my chest
I look good without a shirt!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

First Blood

This rotting piece of Forsakenflesh be DangerMouse. She's affiliated with Team Ratshag, but since she be in another serververse she's pretty much an independent operator. Say hello, you buggers.

Reason little DangerMouse be getting some recognition is she's the first Team Ratshag member to venture out inta a battleground and get her PvP thing on. Now, I ain't able to give her no monies or nuthin', and she'd never been planning on battlegrounding, so she went into battle with only a few quest or rep reward greens, and a dinky 441 heath. So good fer her. Apparentlies some of her teammates was less than thrilled with her assets, but that were just too bad, and most of the time nobody said nothing. I asked her about her first WhosOnFirst Gulch experience, and she sez "Well, Rats, it was all very confusing, but basically I ran to where the action seemed to be and stabbed people a lot." So there you has it.

She reported that her first match were a walk in the park, with a coupla heavy-hitters smashing up the Alliance side formation and allowing her to pick off stragglers. Turns out that were mostly beginner's luck, as her side ended up on the receiving end in her next four matches. Nevertheless, she picked up seven marks of honor and 120 or so honor points, putting her about a third the way to getting a sparkly new necklace, which'll set off the unhealthy pallor of her skin so nice.
1st WSG Results

I know a Bugger what knows a Bugger

So, I's sponsoring this boingy-eared warrior what's gonna go be a Warsong Gulch twink. All this means is that we share a RL avatar. I can't provide him no material support, 'cause (A) he's Alliance, and (B) he be in an entirely different serververse. At first, I'm thinking that's fine - I ain't interested in choosing sides in that Whoresong Gulch Ninnyfest. But, I thought some more, and figured the boy's gonna need some enchants, and maybe a few extra pieces of gear what can't be found in the red-mask bandido and whacked-out druid dungeons. And bugger knows I gots plenty of cash and nuthin' to spend it on these days. So I could buy him the goods he's gonna need easy. It be the getting it to him what be tricky.

So I'm talking to me houseservant Boy Friday about this. Friday's a simple creature, but he never leaves Orgrimmar, and sometimes he hears stuff while he's hanging out in the auction house or by the mailbox. "You got any thoughts on how we could help this poor nuggerchumper out?" I asks. "Ain't like we can count on that heartbreaker Aurum to break open her piggybank fer him alongs with everthin' else."

"Hmmm .... I know a bugger what knows a bugger. Give me a coupla days, boss. I see what I can come up with."

So, I stockpiled up stuf while I waited. I smithed up a iron counterweight fer his two-hander, I found a coupla righteous orbs to get a Crusader enchant (no, not them righteous orbs!), a pair of hulking boots for his hulking nelf feet, a snazzy cloak, and various shards and dusts and whatnot fer stamina and strength and agility enchants. Cost a few hundred gold all told, which weren't too bad.

So then I go check with Boy Friday, and he sez "Here's the deal. You give me the goods. I's gonna give'em to this shady character in Tanaris (no names!) what's gonna put'em on the auction block there. Then this other bugger's gonna buy them and give'em too this to Salmanella (she's this hummy warlock what be a junior member of Team Ratshag) in Ironforge. Then you gotta bribe the BlizzarGods to send her to Dak's serververse, where he can hands'em over to him."

Now, normalies I can't be bothered to keep track of the details, but this one were kinda important, so I kept an eye on things best I could. The transfer at the Gadget auction house went without a hitch. Once Sal had her hands on the goods I submitted me bribe petition to the Blizzardgods. They said it could take up to three days, but it were actually only about an hour and a half 'til Sal were transported over. She then delivers it all to Dak, easy as choppin' bunnies. Now he just needs ta get his purple-haired butt up to the 19th season, and he'll be good to go.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Why You Here?

It's Winter's Veil, ya dumb buggers!

Why you reading silly orc blogs instead of spending time with yer families, singing songs and opening presents and gettin' blitzed on holiday spirits? Huh?

Fuhggit. Get outta here.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Knock Knock

So what does two veteran Horde warriors do on they day off?
They puts on dwarf costumes and tell knock knock jokes.

Okay, yeah, I realize that don't make any sense at all, but just rolls with it anyhows.

This bugger here be Kelmar, which is what me friend Herk of Arms & Fury calls hisself when he feels like being vertically challenged. Me, I picked up a super-duper whizzbang dwarf costume so's I can sneak inta Ironforge without getting ganked. (Unfortunately, it were defective and made me into a first season priest. Mores on that some other time.) Anywho, he saw me runnin' down the road near Kharanos and stopped fer a quick how-do and a snapshot, which were real polite of him.

Saturday, December 22, 2007


I's just a simple orc and I's sometimes a step or three behind them high-INT clothies. I were wearin' me dwarf costume and doing some priesty business when I gets this warning. Maybe the place were about to blow up and Teej were really desperately tryin' ta get me out? Perhaps an invasion of bloodthirsty Troggs? Ice trolls had penetrated the outer defenses? Or the radioactive gasses from nearby Gnomegron had seeped their way through gaps in the rocks? Or did TJ have information that my disguise had been pierced and I were only moments from being arrested and thrown inta some deep dark pit, to be followed by torture and execution? I had no idea, so I hopped on one of them eagle-lion thingies and flapped my arse outta there.

Or maybe she were just funnin' me?

What the Fuhg Kinda Name is That?


"Yeah, Shaaroon."

"Why'd you name him that?"

"I didn't name him. It just is his name."

"That's no name fer a demon. Sounds like a kinda nut."

"Careful there Ratshag. You'll piss him off."

"Pfft. Shaaroon might get pissed. You two is what, twelfth season?"

"Fifty. I's closing in on you, big brother."

"Double pfft. Shaaroon. Sounds like a little girl. Does little girl things when ya ain't bossing him around. Picks berries ta make jam or something. Manaberries for Sharroon."

In the end, we settled this philosophical discussion on the appropriateness of Gogmoth's new Felguard's appellationizing in the time-honored tradition of brothers: I pinned him ta the ground and gave him noogies 'til he couldn't take no more. He tried ta get Shaaroon (what a goofy name) to help him, but the ugly bugger just stood there and said "Too pathetic to fight your own battles?"

'Course, I is proud of me little brother. He's come a long way from the scrawny little geek what would sacrifice chickens when Ma weren't lookin' in the hope of summoning a Pit Lord and making it clean his room. But I can't be runnin' around saying that. Don't want it goin' ta his head or nuthin'.

Friday, December 21, 2007

They's Just Creepy

I understands that everybody wants to get into the Winter's Veil spirit, even if they's really just in it fer the loot. But these two in Undercity really creep me out.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Who says Dwarf Wimmen ain't Sexy?

Not me. Not the Gun Lovin' Dwarf Chick, neithers. Go checks out her femme fatalacious look!

You calls that a Winter's Veil Tree?

Look at this travesty. It be the Winter's Veil tree what's sitting in the middle of Shattrath. It's all glowy and sparkly and what the fuhg is that thing on the top of it? Looks like a freakin' star.
Goofy Shattrath Tree

Now, here's the Winter's Veil tree what be in Orgrimmar. It's got skull-balls and chains and half the stuff be broken, to honor the changing of the seasons. And on top? A good old-fashioned horned skull. Yessir. In Orgrimmar, they still know how to keep the traditions alive. Good fer thems.
A Proper Winter's Veil Tree in Orgrimmar

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

5 worst wipes

Pelides the Delusional Hunter tagged me to throw down me five worst wipes. Hmmmm. Truth is, the five worst ones was all back-to-back on Mr. Blackheart the Inciter over in Shadow Lab. But that don't make fer much of a story, so I's come up with some other memorable wipifications.

Number the Five: Faceplant in Shadowfang Keep
This were me first time running an instance. I were over-leveled fer Shadowfang, maybe in me 32nd season or thereabouts, and I were runnin' with a bunch of young belfs, like maybe 18-22. Not knowin' what I were about, I'd gone in with not enough arrows and had run out halfway through. So I were relyin' on aggro pulls - sneak up on the nasty, go "boo!", then let it chase me back to the belfs. So we's workin' our way through the place and we get this point where we wanna go up the stairs to the left, but up above us is one of them Sons of Arugal. He ain't payin' much attention to things, sorta snoozing, so we thinks maybe we can slip by him. I goes first, no problems. Then cames Bashaen me little healer and Ag, who were a decent little pally even though he had the mind of a child. The Son of A is still dozing off up above us. Then comes young Bashella the 'lock - barely into her 18th season - tiptoeing around the corner. Like many low-level adventurers, she gets kinda clumsy in tight spots and forgets howta walk all quiet-like. Sure eough, Wham! she trips over the first stair and lands on her imp. "Oh sure! It's the little guy!" he hollers. Well, of course this wakes up the Arugal kid. He runs off, sounding the alarm. We can hear him tearing around through the walkway above us, waking up all the other SofA's and they's ghost doggies. Pretty soon, he they comes down the stairs, musta been about fifteen of 'em. I fought the good fight, but they swarmed over us and stomped us all pretty dang thoroughly.

Number the Four: Just pick off the sick and weak from the herd
Way back when, me and Aelion the cheeky Blood Elf hunter was just a couple of kids, killing stuff in the Barrens for fun and profit. One night we'd hooked up and knocked out a buncha quests, killin' quillboars and silithilithids and dwarf miners and the like. Afters, we's walking back to Camp Taurajo and I's pretty close to levelling up, so we figures we kill some lizards and hyenas, for ta push me over the edge. As we's heading up the road, exterminating the local fauna, this herd of kodos comes by, heading the other direction. These was big nuggerlumpers, big enough that it woulda been hard fer me to take one down on me own, but with a hunter in tow I figures we'll be fine. I'll tag'em one at a time, startin with the sick and elderly ones on the edge of the herd, and we'll take'em down fer some easy experience.

Can ya see where this is heading?

So I pulls out me bow and starts to target the first one. Just as I lets the arrow go, Aelion says "Oh, wait, I'm not sure that's a good -"


"- idea."

Arrow hits the kodo, which turns and starts towards us. So does the one next to it, and the next one, and the matriarch, and the hole fuhggin' herd. Uh-oh.

Well, we got stomped flatter'n a coupla pancakes, plus a smaller pancake what used to be Aelion's kitty, and had to do the corpse run thing. Fotunately, Aelion didn't hold it against me, chalking it to me being just a simple orc. Although, months later, he did convince me to jump off the edge of the world to see what would happen, so I's ain't entirely sure ...

Number the Three: "How Can You not See the Tank? He's got a Fuhggin Giant Orange Circle on his head???"
I was at the inn in Area 52, still lazing in bed while a coupla members of the Goblin Bikini Team fixed me breakfast and tryin' to tune out the Scrybabies and Aldorks bitching at each other downstairs, when I gets a call from Zinzi. "Yo, Ratter, mon! I'm in a group heading over to Shadow Labyrinth but we ain't got a tank. Can you do de job?"

"Well, I think so. But that's a lot tougher than anything I's tanked before ... " (which were true, at the time)

"Good enough for me, mon. Come on down ta Auchindon, okey-dokey?" So down I heads.

Well, we's advancing through the dungeon reasonably well. Ambassador Hellmaw goes down, nice as ya please, and we clears out the trash all the ways to the Misters Blackheart the Inciter. If you ain't familiar with this bugger, he's a two-headed ogre what can mind-control yer whole party and send them running around whacking each other random-like fer a short period of time. He does like every minute, and afters he switches brains and forgets who the most threatening-seeming bugger in yer party was. Means that as the tank, I needs to get all in his face again so's we can get back to the business of killing him. What a friggin' pain for me, 'cause after the "Time for fun!" mind-control party ends, I mights be halfway across the room. Now, if'n everybody'll just hold on a second or five, I'll go catch him and do me threatening thing and then we can slam his ass down.

But that would be too easy.

Soon as the first mind control hilarity ends, the warlock and mage starts blazing away. So of course Big Double-Head starts after them (don't remember which - coulda been either). Said fool tries to run away - buggered if I know where. Not to me, that were for certain. Zinzi wastes mana trying to keep the dumb squishie alive, and it all falls apart and we wipe and gots to do the ghost run back from the graveyard.

We try again. Same dang result.

The rogue what were in charge of this PUG says "Okay. Wait until you see at least three sunders on him before ya starts blasting." Sound strategy. Does they wait? Course not. More wiping ensues.

The rogue be really pissed off now. He does his magic group leader icons over the head trick and suddenly I got me a big orange circle over me head. "You get aggro, you run to the tank, ya friggin idiots" he sez. Okay, so I added the last part, but I's sure he were thinkin' it. Do they run to me when they get aggro? Pfft. I's still having to chase everybody down, trying to get close enough to get in me taunts and sunders.

It weren't til maybe our tenth try before we finally did for the bastard. I suspects what happened were Zinzi gave up on her idealistic "I must keep all my teammates alive" sentimentalities and just let the two casters die. Somewhere in there the rogue got squashed too, but Zin kept me standing and I slowly beat his two-headed arse to the ground, screaming "Who's yer daddy now, beeyatch??!?" the whole time. Course, afters, I were so exhausted I completely fergot to loot the Book of Fel Names. Arrghs.

In hindsight, I realizes there was more tricks I coulda used what would've helped get the aggro back faster. Dance over to berserker mode and intercepts, fer example. But great googly moogly, them finger-wigglers sure didn't need to make that operation so bloody hard.

Number the Two: "Don't Swim in the Lava"
A whiles back (before I dinged 70, but pretty close) I were running a young Tauren hunter through Ragefire Chasm down under Orgrimmar. Maybe hopings to get her some loot, but mostly just so she could get a sense of what it look like to be in a dungeon. So I's cruising along, killing everything in sight and making sure nobody goes after the kid. We's almost to the end when Whoops! - I ain't paying attention to where me feet is and I slips into a lava pool.

Oh, bugger.

Okay, don't freak out, just find a way out. But the walls is too steep. Gots to be a way out. You know, I's getting really cooked. Hurries it up. Maybe I can climb out over here. No? Crap, I's dead.

At this point the troggs or cultists or whateverthefuhg it were I'd been beating on before I slip stop jumping up and down at the edge of the pool and charge the poor hunter. And so we wiped. In the easiest dang instance in all Azeroth.

Number the One: "Zinzi glues Ratter's feet to the floor"
Tempest Keep. The Mechanar. About as big as big time ever got fer The Purge. We'd stuck our noses in the week before on a whim, killed some trash, got stuck on LegoMeister Capacitus. But this time we was Serious. We had us a Plan. And he were gonna go Down.

Starts with Zinzi (who gives good resurrection) saying, "okay, you know dem cute young boys I been runnin' Kara wit'? Well, mon, dey showed me dis trick ta beat Capacitus real easy."

The plan were pretty simple. There's a flight of stairs leading down from the entrance part of the Mech down to the factory floor. After clearing all the trash in the area, the group goes back to the stairs, maybe halfways up, and waits. Meanwhiles, the tank (that's me) walks up towards LegoHead and fires a shot at him for to get his attention. Then the tank needs to haul ass back through the factory floor and up the stairs. Then, about a third of the way up, I's supposed to turn and start whacking on RoboBoss, who by this point is on the floor next to the stairs, but be tall enough what we can fight. So he stays on the floor, and his nether bombs ain't smart enough to come up the stairs, so they's all gonna detonate down below us not hurting nobody. Tank'im and spank'im, and easy loots. What could go wrong, right? Pffft.

Starts off fine - everybody's on the stairs, I fires a shot at ChromeDome, he goes "You should split while you can!", and I's running. Sharp turn to the right, still running, sharp turn to the left, up the stairs, another turn to the left to face him and tank his ass, and Whoo-Hooo! Me momentum carries me right off the stairs and back down to the factory floor. They really needs a railing there. Out of Zinzi's line of sight, so no heals, but lots of bombs and a giant pissed-off robot. I goes down fast, then he's up the stairs and smashes everyone else.

Spirit Guide back in Netherstorm pops us back to life, and we mounts up for another go. First time was just practice. I's on the ball now. Right turn, left turn, left turn, and Whoo-Hoo! off the stairs I goes again. Dead tank, dead everyone else. Crap.

So, third time. Zinzi says "Ratter, mon, you's a damn clumsy orc. You just stand on the stairs, mon, right here, and we go send room-temperature Throttle to do de pullin' and de runnin'. Den he come to you and vanish and den you tank. Plus, he dead already, and blonde ta boot, so he not so much a loss if he screw it up." Then she kneels down and pulls out a tube of glue and glues me feet to the stairs, so I cant move nowhere nohow. Wishes I'd'a taken a picture, but no such lucks. Anyhow, everything went withouts a hitch. I stood still, boss comes to me, I tank, they spank, and we loots.

So, there they is. In all they's sorry, sordid detail. Me five worst wipes, as defined by me. So, now I's supposed to tag some other unlucky buggers? Okay, we'll see who's been bored enough ta read this far. In no particular order:
Almost Evil Hydrargyrum, Big Red Damh, The Kneecap Melting Priest, Keredia the Tree, and the Assault and Battery Bitch.

Saturday, December 15, 2007


The Planar Edge: 5 Primal Mights, 20 Primal Shadows, 2 Hardened Adamantite Bars, 12 Felsteel Bars, 1 Master Axesmith

Guile of Khoraazi: 199 gold, 51 silver, 72 copper, several thousand dead ogres

The Helm of Evil Laughter: 17 summons of the Headless Horseman, 1 very lucky loot roll

The Look on High Inquisitor Sally Whitemane's face when I busted into her Cathedral with nuthin' else equipped?


Friday, December 14, 2007


Pelides the Delusional Hunter tagged me fer to write about me five worst wipes, and I completely missed it. /embarrass Real sorries about that, mate.

But I's on the job now. Not quite ready yet, but soonish I'll post up me accounts of "Faceplant in Shadowfang Keep", "Just pick off the sick and weak from the herd", "Don't swim in the lava", "Zinzi glues Ratter's boots to the floor" and "How can you not see the tank? He's got a Fuhggin Giant Orange Circle on his head???"

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Sorries, But This One Ain't Funny

But it probablies ain't about you nohow, so it's okay you just wanna moves along.

Tonight I went someplace I'd never been before, and said "hallo" to some friends I'd never met before. (It be amazing what nifty polymorphing and teleporting a mage can do if ya bribes them enough.) And to tells ya the truth, the warmth of the welcome I received blew me away. It really did. I weren't at all sure what to expect going in, and it really made me a happy orc to find out so many's was glad to see me. So thanks a bunch all, and I'll definitely be comin' back to hang with you more.

Mmmmm .... purple

So I's just browsing at the AH the other day, when this caught me eye: the Chestguard of Exile, minimum bid 700 gold. Interesting ...

I's been wearing the Chestplate of A'dal fer some time now - got it from Mr. Big Floaty Crystal hisself for hammering out an alliance betweens him and the space mummies. Comparingwise, though, the Exile piece (why's it called that? no buggerin' clue) has 162 more armor, 9 more strength, 6 more stamina, and 11 more crit, at the price of 22 hit. Overalls, a good trade up. Worth 700 gold? No, not really, but what else am I gonna spend me money on these days? So I says what the hey and put in a bid. Next day, there's no other takers and it shows up in me mailbox. Fit pretty good, so I started hunting up the mats to get it enchanted.

The nipple chain kinda threw me. I mean, what's the point, outside the armor? But then I were passing through the Cenarion Refuge to do some fishing, and this tall piece of druidflesh said to herself "I waaaaaants it!" and grabbed hold to pull me in fer some lip-to-lip action. So now it be clear.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


So, I's hanging out in a pub in Thunderbluff, working on a pitcher of fermented Tauren milk and getting meself nicely buzzed, when the blood elf all dressed up in fancy red armor sits down at me table and starts talking. Says his name is "Aeliaelionae" or something like that, and he's a recruiter for the Eye of the Storm.

"I ain't interested in no battlegrounds." I sez. "Me old man fought in the first two Wars, and he warned me away from that kinda fighting. Too easy to get yerself killed randomly fer you dunno why."

"I understand you concerns," he sez. "But the Eye is different from those old-fashioned batlefields of the past. We are thoroughly modern, with the finest of Spirit Guides to get back on your feet in no time (in the very unlikely event a fatality incident should occur). Think of the Eye as more of a practice arena, a place to sharpen your skills, with no real risk to you or your equipment. And speaking of equipment, allow me to show you the fabulous rewards I am authorized to sell to our verteran contenders."

I ain't convinced. Me whole adventuring career has been about fighting the nasties in the deep dark dungeons. Horde vs Alliance just ain't my bag - the wars is over, and it be time for rebuilding. Establishing law and order. And taking out the real threats, like the Legion of Burnin' Demons. But he's got a real shiny brochure with lots of colorful pictures, so I figures it won't kill me to take a look.

Eh. It's high-quality stuff, I'll grant ya, but it's all geared fer a balance of offense and defense. Which makes sense when yer playin' games with other heroes, but when I's soloing I want balls-to-the-wall killing power from me gear, and when I's tanking all I cares about is being as tough a nuggerbunker as possible, and other's got the job of doing the actual killing. So what he's showing me don't really fit me needs. I's about to hand it back to him and say "Thankee, but bugger off" when -


The Gladiator's Shield Wall. Dang. That's got me attention. Compared to me Ogri'la Aegis (which ain't shabby in the least) it's got 1591 more armor (!!!), 3 more stamina (even after a pair of solid stars of Elune), and 25 more block value. It give up 23 defense rating, but it has 29 resilience. Great Googly Moogly. I could do some serious blocking with this bad boy. Real quick-like I pull out me handy dandy copy of Berg's tank gear rankings, and it show the shield wall pulling down more tanking points than either the Azure-Shield of Coldarra (which I ain't got the badges for) or the Crest of the Sha'tar (which I ain't got the rep for). And with me guild's progression rate pretty much parked at zero point zero, I ain't gonna be getting either of these anytime anyways. But this, I could get on me own. If, you know, I knew anything about how to fight on a battlefield and earn them whatsits, Marks of Battle Fatigue or whatever.

"You have a good eye, my friend," sez Aeliolaeoliol. "We just got those in the other day. It should suit a warrior of your caliber nicely. Just sign here and I can get you a slot in this weekend's battle. For the Horde!"

So, what is it I's planning to do? I got know idea. Probably die a lot. Hopefully absorb enough damage to give our side time to win so I can get more Marks of Honor Roll. Maybe. Most likely I'll just stand around going "huh? what? *dead*"

But I really wants that shield.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Stranglethorn Vale

Got a card from me warlock friend Ellspeth recently. "Booty Bay is here. Wish you were beautiful. Tootles!" Heh. Ain't she the cutest little soul-devouring psychopath? Apparently she and her big goofy-but-huggable hunter partner have made it to Stranglethorn Vale and are busy helping Nesingwary the Junior and his friends put more beasties on the endangered species list.

Stranglethorn Vale was not my favorite locale, out of all the places me adventures took me. Now I have heard some say that unless you live in one of them pvp-alternate universes where the Horde and the Alliance is in open conflict that you ain't got a right to complain about the Vale. Not to take anything away from the misery that is to be the gankee, but balderfeathers.

Stranglethorn bites, period. It sucks. It blows. It do both at the same time.

There's mosquitos the size of vultures, vines what reach out and untie yer bootlaces, and snakes crawl up yer pants and touch you most inappropriately. Not only are there pirates, zombies, and nagas, but there's zombie pirate nagas. You gots to kill trolls for they's ears; no wait they's totems; no, no, they's necklaces; wait, it's they's tusks; ah, bugger it, just kill all the trolls. Some litterbugger's managed to scatter the pages of some boring-arse book all over the dang place. And every time you have to turn in a quest at Nesingwary's you gots to shove yer way past all the dang animal rights activists.

I hated that place. Lucks to ya, little Ellspeth.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Opinionate Away

Recentlies, the Big Bear Butt Blogger and Kestrel got into a discussion regarding the "If I’m going to stare at a butt for hours on end, I want it to be attractive" issue. They was polite and constructive and behaved like adults, and I /salute thems both.


In me commenting on the matter, I pointed out that even though I ain't a Nelfette or Humanette or Forsakenette, I still have a damn attractive butt. One that anyone should be happy to stare at. And that bugger Kestrel said he wanted a second opinion. So fine. Here be the backside of Ratshag. Opinionates away.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Okay, THIS is the last one

I thinks.

This here be Kiz Coilspanner, the flightmaster in Hatchet Hills, the dinky winky little outpost for thems going to the vacation hotspot of ZulamanLand. Contaries to me earlier post, he be neuter, so both Horde and Alliance can flap in.

Out of Mana Megan complains that the flight over from Ironforge is soooooo long. What can I tell ya, hon? Somedays it ain't easy being the good guys. Next time remember ta packs youself some cherry pie and a couple skins of Dwarven Stout for the flight.

So. Last green exclamation point in Azeroth. Done. No more. Fini. The End.

Bugger, I hopes I's right this time. Stupid mubbernuggin goblins ....

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Stupid Buggerin' Goblins

So, deal is, a few weeks ago I posted about picking up the last flight path in Azeroth. Felt pretty good about having tracked it down, way up in MoonTreeGladeHippyValley, or whatever it's called. That place where the druids hang and go skinny dipping without having to worry about rogues and warlocks getting the water dirty. And then what happens? Just two days later the Goblins go and set up a new one in the middle of nowheres, also known as southern Dustwallow Marshes.

Buggerin' Goblins, messing up me bloggings.

So now I gotta go check out this new town of they's. Mudsprocket, they call it. Crummy little mudball town makes Marshal's Refuge look like a friggin' boomtown, I tells ya. New Gadgetzan it ain't. No bank, no AH, no trainers, and the pickings for some professional horizontal refreshment is damn slim. But they got a flight master what'll get you to Brackenwall Village or Theramore, dependings on yer race and/or affiliation. And if ya slip him an extra 3 or 4 gold, he'll put that obnoxious dwarf paladin behind you in the queue on a one-way flight to Freewind Post, so haves some fun with that.

As far as I knows, this be the last green exclamation point, Horde-side anyways. I hear Alliance went and snuck one in Ghostlands, nears that Zul'amanLand vacation spot. But that ain't my problem.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Yay on Them

Got another update from Dakoneris. (Sonvar asks how I get messages translated - answer is I pay a mage to run'em through some babelfish thingy. Dunno how it works - I can't be bothered to keep track of the details.) Anyhow, he says that Miss Hydrargyrum and Miss Aurum and Miss Frigg and Miss Jaxs has all been helpings him out with quests and gear and mats for his professions. And he thinks they's all damn fine peoples. So yay on them.

And until I can come up with some serious cleverfications, I can't do nuthin' to reciprofy. They's just doing it 'cause they nice (despite that one of'em is also evil). So I says double yay on them.

And Jaxs helped the lad get some decent pants today, so he won't catch cold runnin' around in that skimpy loincloth. I thinks that's for the best.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

A Progress Report

Got an update from Dakoneris, the Night Elf twinky-dinky I's sponsoring. First thing I have to say is, Dude, nice pants. Or lack thereof. I knew it - Hydra's having her some fun dressing up her toy WSG warrior.
Lessee now, he's now in his fourteenth season. He reports that he and Miss Hydrargyrum (he talks so formal-like) have cleaned up some bandits in Westfall and evil druids in the Barrens. TRANSLATION: Hydra wiggled her fingers and slagged the poor buggers' faces off while Dak ran along behind with a wheelbarrow and scooped up loot. Looks like they pulled in some decent junk, too: Blackened Defias Armor, Cobrahn's Grasp, Gold-Plated Buckler, Venomstrike, Taskmaster Axe, Smite's Reaver, Serpent's Shoulders. Great googly moogly. I sure coulda used some of that when I were a young whippersnapper. Course he can't use none of it 'til he's a bit more seasoned, so right now he's got one huckuva bank account. Note that the shoulders and chestpiece is leather, not mail. Hydra likes her some leather.

And he says Miss Frigg (he so polite) sent him a Searing Blade, what just happened to be sitting in her bank account. Yeah-huh. Looks like Hydra ain't the only one having fun dressing up the lad.

So what's this boingy-eared warrior doing when he ain't showing off his legs for the wimmenfolk to make goo-goo eyes at and slip him blues? He says he's been studying engineering, progressing far enough to make hisself a pair of Flying Tiger goggles, which he's planning to replace with Green Tinted goggles soonish. I's pleased to hear he has his first aid and fishing skills maxed out, but the boy is lagging on his cooking. Tsk, tsk.

Well, all-in-all I'd haveta say the boy's coming along. And Hydra's doing a good job of helping him along, which I appreciates since there ain't nuthin' I can do fer the purple-haired bugger. Maybe another week and he'll be in Warsong Gulch defending the honor of the lumber, or whatever it is them Silvertoungue Sensibles do.

And yeah, I said I weren't gonna post for a while. Well, I changed me mind. Up yours.