Cataclysm: Madness

...

...

Well, that bitesss.

But Thrall said he had a new plan, and that was good, becausse he never had a bad idea. Except for, you know, trussting Hellscream. And then putting his son in charge of the Northrend expedition. And then putting him in charge of the entire Horde, ssso he could run off to shaman camp and get laid. Yup. We're all gonna die.

So we all piled on the Alliance sship, which ssomehow flew along just fine despite only having four little thrusstersss keeping it up, and chased after Deathwing. The plan was for Thrall and the asspects to stay on the sship and charge up the Dragon Soul again and drink tea while Rattersss and the rest of us parachuted onto the dragon'ss back and ripped off the elementium plates so Thrall could get a better sshot. Obviously, it wass the plates that were the problem the lassst time and not that, say, Thrall's aim ssucked or that after thousssandss of years the Dragon Soul didn't hold a charge like it used to. Nope, had to be the platess, so we sstrapped on our parachutes. Happy happy joy joy.



Very heroic. Very insspirational. We were totess badassses in that moment, weren't we? Unfortunately, Captains Sswayze and Ka'anu sort of ... well ... misssed, and were never seen again. I suspect that at the last minute they decided that a life of ssurfing and robbing banks together made a lot more sense than, you know, fighting a flying dragon while sstanding on its back. Can't say that I blame them.

The rest of uss made onto Deathwing's back and, well, he wasn't doing too good. Open ssores, rupturing tentaclesss, corrosive ooze - it was a very nasty place to work. We had to keep ssopping our attack to mop up the blood. But we managed to pry several of his platess off just as the clouds broke and we sssaw the Maelstrom opening up below us. "Can we get the hellss out of here now?" I shouted at Ratshag over the howling wind. "Yeah, let's blow this joint," he sshouted back. We struggled back into our chutess, and jumped for one of the rocky outcroppings. Thrall plunked his magic twanger, and




The movie makes it look all dramatic and heroic. What you can't ssee is that Thrall ssshot too soon, and we weren't all clear. Fink was a little slow becausse of the wound she'd taken earlier, and was sstill getting her parachute on when Thrall cut loose. I guessss counting all the way to ten was a little too much to assk of the World's Greatesst Shaman.

But we'd done it. We'd killed the big bad, we'd ssaved the world. We were exhausted, we were bloody, and we were victoriouss. I was a happy little abomination in the eyess of nature. Thrall and the assspects came down to the little rock island where we'd landed to congratulate uss (because apparently lowering a ladder and picking us up inssstead was a bother) and tell us what wonderful heroess we were and all that stuff, when the water below us sstarted to bubble. And sssomething was coming up.

Not fair. Not. Godss. Damned. Fair.

I don't know if you could call what came up out of the ocean that afternoon "Deathwing". It was a huge, bloated thing, heaving and sssurging as the Old Godss tried to cram ten pounds of sshit into a five pound Deathwing bag. All I knew was that there oozess and tentacles and other horrorss all around us, and if we didn't desstroy them they would destroy usss. The air was full of smoke and acid, terrible even for me to experience. I don't know how my teammates, thosse who still had to breathe becausse they weren't walking dead, could even function. But slowly we sstemmed the tide, and began to push our way forward. Deathwing had collapssed against the rocks, his head on the ground, one eye glaring at us. If we could just reach him, jussst finish him off, then the tide of things bursting out of his open woundss might end.

"Pali, look out!" I heard Kinnavieve yell, but it was too late. An enormous tentacle had reared up behind her, and ssmashed her to the ground. Kinna and I ran over too her, and cut the tentacle into a quivering pile of corrupted flesh and sslime. One look, though, and it was clear her neck had been sssnapped instantly. Kinna whispered a few words and gently clossed the dead girl's eyess. Then she stood up, gripped my hand for a ssecond, and we went back to killing thingsss.

But without Palintera's sspecial druid tricks, pulling energy out of the ground to magically heal our burnsss and injuries, we began to falter. Our coordination broke down, and it devolved into everyone fighting for themsselves. I saw Maurice fall before a pack of oozess. When they moved away, all that was left was some ssmoking armor and a few bones. Through the sssmoke, I could dimly see Alayda crawling, pulling her shattered legss behind her. In the end, Ratsshag, Kinnavieve, and I made it to the monster's head, but we were alone.

"Just kill the bluggerfudder," Ratters growled. "I'll keep you clear." He was bleeding from the Sshadow knows how many holes, and hisss green skin was blackened from burnss. I thought he was about to collapsse, but he pulled up something, ssome reserve from deep insside him, and let out a roar, and sstarted swinging at the thingss pressing in on us, driving them back. Kinna and I attacked the dragon's neck, me with my axe and dagger, her with her big-ass ssword, trying to sever it and kill him once and for all before the big guy gave out. But it wass so tough, sso armored, and my armss were so tired. We'd come close, so close, but it wasn't enough, we were going to fail. In my head, I curssed everyone that had sset the path that led me to this place. Kel'thuzad and Arthas, Mograine and the Sscarlet Crusade, the Old Gods, the Titanss who had abandoned us, the assspectss who'd run off who-knows-where, the Warchief and the King who had ssent their armies to fight each other in placess like the Barrens and Tol Barad. I cursed them all to the deepesst hell.

I spared a glance back at Ratshag. He had sstumbled, was down on one knee, holding a burning sshield up to block the blows being rained down by a big rock elemental. And I couldn't do it. I couldn't let him die alone. I was going to die anyway - we all were. At leassst I could go out fighting, not hacking usselesssly against Deathwing's neck. So I ran to his sside. I swung at the elemental with what little sstrength I had left, trying to find the vulnerable bands of energy that held it's sstones together.

And for an instant I distracted it. And in that instant, the orc sstood up. He dropped his ruined shield and axe, and grabbed the elemental with both handss. Somehow, amazingly, he lifted it up over his head. Turning to face Deathwing, he shouted "DROVE YER VOLCANO INTA THE WRONG FLUGGERNUBBIN' HOUSE, DIDN'T YA?!?", and charged.

There was a loud Crack! as he drove the rockss into the Destroyer's skull like a battering ram, and the sskull gave way. Then a Whump! as all the force the Old Gods had sstuffed into him was suddenly releasssed. The force of it knocked me through the air, bony half-rotted ass over teacupss. When I stood up again, it was over. The tentacles and oozess and elementals were dead, dissintegarting, lifeless. Deathwing's headless corpsse was slowly sssliding back down into the ocean. All that remained of his head was the bent and mangled metal jaw the dwarvess had forged for him. That, and a thousand commingled piecess of dragon and orc ssstrewn across the landscape.

I walked over and sat down next to Kinnavieve. Sshe was curled in a ball, her sword abandoned a few feet away, sssobbing wretchedly. "I, I, I, I tried, I, I, oh Mouse...." was all sshe could get out. Awkwardly, I put my arm around her. For the first time in all the years I've known her, she didn't flinch away from me. I guess sshe was too damned exhausted. I know I was. A little ways off, the assspects and Thrall were talking, something about a new world order, and how great it wass that Thrall's girlfriend was knocked up. It didn't make much sense, but neither had anything elsse that day. Madnesss, all madnessss.

At the edge of our rocky island, the Alliance airsship had finally returned and lowered a ladder. As the ssmoke cleared, I could see some movement among the rockss and rotting remains of the thingss. At least a couple of our teammates had sssurvived the fight as well. "C'mon Kinna," I said, pulling myself to my feet and extending her my hand. "Let'ss go find our friends, and go home."

Cataclysm: The Siege

Helllooo.

I am Danger Mouse. I am Forssaken.

We met on the road to Wyrmrest - Ratters and the resst of us Hordies riding in from Venomssspite  in the East, Kinnavieve leading the Alliance team from Starss' Rest in the West. We both sstopped, looking at each other. Would this actually work? Sssure, we could all hang out together in neutral cities like Shattrath, drinking beer and ssinging songss, but could we really trust each other out here in the wilderness, armed and nervous? Then Ratters got off his noisy ssmoke-belching machine and walked over to Kinnavieve, who dropped down from her charger. They exchanged some words, too quiet for any of us to hear, then he tilted his head back and laughed that deep, rumbling laugh of hiss. Sshe threw her arms around him, and he hugged her back, lifting her feet right off the ground. They held each other for a few minutes, the rest of us quietly ssstanding, watching, unwilling to intrude. Then he set her back on the ground, they both laughed again, and we all came together, Hordiess and Alliance, smiling laughing and backslapping and hugging.

We were a Team. We had a job to do and nothing was going to sstop us. This crazy plan of Ratterss' was going to work.

It had too.

As we got closer to the tower, we gathered up ssome of the shattered remains of the Accord's outer perimeter, scattered like leavess after the Twilight Hammer's surprissse attack. We could here the battle now - drakes sscreaming as they fell from the sky, the deep crunch of rocks striking the dragons' citadel. We fell into a wedge formation - Ratsshag at the point, with Kinnavieve and Alayda beside him, the rest of us sword and axe types on the wingsss, and the casters protected in the center. The Wyrmresst Accord people did whatever it was losers did behind uss - they were not my concern.

The Twilight asssault was divided into three campss, and we fell upon the southern one - Deathwing's rock elementals - with fire and fury. They had no idea we were coming, and nothing breakss down into chaos and confusion like an army of elementals caught by ssurprise. They shattered before us, breaking and running. The Sshadow drank deep that day as we sslew hundredsss of them. The leader of the elementals, a big fucker named Morchok, tried to rally them, but we were having none of it. We drove our wedge sstraight through the remaining elementalss, and Ratshag's axe removed Morchok's head from his sshoulders.

The two remaining forces, both led by ancient facelesss ones, were prepared for us, but it made no difference.  Oozess, tentaclesss, faceless ones, they all fell before our blades. The leaders taunted us, sshouting in their elder tongue that we couldn't understand, but nevertheless ssomehow left doubts whisspering in our heads. We took casualties: Fink suffered a nassty gash to her leg, and Alayda was burned by an ooze that managed to knock her down, but both of them were able to pussh on. In the end, both warlords were dead, and the ssiege was broken. We'd fucking done it.

But it wassn't over. As Thrall and the Aspects were doing whatever it was they needed to do to charge the Dragon Ssoul, Deathwing played one last card to try to ssnatch victory from defeat. Ultraxion, a huge twilight dragon, dove out of the ssky and crashed onto the peak of the tower. "Don't let him reach the Asspects", shouted Kinnavieve. "Kick hisss arse!" added Ratters. He and Maurice got in the big nasty's face, keeping him pisssed and distracted, and the rest of uss surrounded him. His hide was tough as the thickesst armor, but it wasn't enough. Our sswords and axes and lightning bolts found the weak ssspotss, and Ultraxion, possibly the largest dragon ever to fly the skies of Azeroth, came up sshort. "But...but...I am...Ul...trax...ionnnnnn..." he wheezed as he sshuddered, twitched, and slowly sslid of the edge of the parapet to plummet to the frozen ssurface of Dragonblight.

And then the Aspectss stepped back as Thrall held the Dragon Soul over hisss head. It must have been fully charged, for it wass crackling with energy, tiny lightning bolts ssizzling over its ssurface and coursing up Thrall's arms. He aimed it at Deathwing, still circling the tower, and a blasst of white light shot out, straight for the Desstroyer's heart.

DIY Raid Attunement Experiences

Seen a lotta talks on the interwebbies lately about whethers or not Blizz should bring back raid attunements. Argumentings for includes they felt epic, they brings buggers tagether, an' they shows what ya know how fer ta play yer class. Argumentings against includes they actually didn't do none of them things, an' they was as fun an' productive as gettin' yer left foot gnawed off by a 82-year-old demented nun. Now, is clear Blizz ain't bringin'em back, no matters how loud some buggers howl, but we here at Need More Rage wants everybodies ta enjoy they's gamin' experience. So we's done come up with a series of tasks fer ta replicate the epic feel of them experiences. Fer full affect, make everyone in yer guild do them before lettin'em come ta any more raids.

Fer all experiences, pick yerself up a good fantasy novel. Don't matter which one, but one of the better WoW novels might feel thematicallies better. Also, all groups should be assemblified without usin' LFR, an' travels should be done without a flyin' mount.

The Karazhan Attunement Experience:

Read page 1 of yer novel.

Go ta that cave in Southwest Twilight Highlands. Kill everything. Wait fer thems ta re-spawn. Kill them all again.

Read the next page.

Go talk ta Ranger Valanna (Horde) or Scout Jorli (Alliance).

Read three more pages.

Put tagether a group fer ta run Grim Batol. Drop group just before the first boss.

Put tagether a group fer ta run Lost City. Drop group after the first boss.

Put tagether a group fer ta run ZA. Drop group just before Daakara.

Read the next page.

Put tagether a group fer ta run HoR. Kill all the bosses. If'n ya wipe, reset the dungeon an' start over.

Read the next page.

Go to Shattrath.

Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!

The Black Temple Attunement Experience:

Read page 1 of Chapter 2.

Finish all the quests in Uldum.

Read the next page.

Complete the Cipher of Damnation quest in line in Shadowmoon Valley. Ya, I know is old content. Suck it up, buttercup.

Read the next page.

Run the three Hour of Twilight heroics.

Read the next page.

Assemble a twenty-five man raid. Run the following raids in heroic mode, in order:

Blackwing Descent
Bastion of Twilight
Throne of the Four Fluggernubbin' Winds
Firelands

If'n at any point, someone drops outta the raid, find a replacement an' start over.

Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!


The Onyxia Attunement Experience (Horde version):

Read page 1 of Chapter 3.

Run ZG. Afters, roll a five-sided die. If'n ya gets a "1", move on. Otherwise, run it again.

Read the next page.

Run Grim Batol. Drop group afters killin' the first boss.

Read the next page.

Max out yer archeology skill.

Read the next page.

Run Grim Batol. Drop group afters killin' the second boss.

Read the next page.

Solo Karazhan, up to Shade of Aran.

Leave Kara, an' travel ta Silithus. Don't use yer flyin' mount.

Read the next page.

Go back ta Kara an finish soloin' it, includin' Chess.

Read the next page.

Solo Onyxia. Mebbe bring one friend.

Read the next page.

Max out archeology on an alt.

Read the next page.

Run Grim Batol. Kill all the bosses.

Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!

The Onyxia Attunement Experience (Alliance version):

Read page 1 of Chapter 4.

Run Grim Batol. Kill all the bosses.

Read the next page.

Watch a movie in where some giant alien / monster / Republican lobbyist smashes up a city real bad. Like mebbe Transformers.

Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!

An' there ya go. All the epicness of the originals, withouts all the needin' fer Blizz ta lose they's minds an' bring attunements back. Enjoy!

BRB, Gotta Go Save The World: Phoenicia

Sure, 'at soonds loch a fin time. Will thaur be swally efter?

BRB, Gotta Go Save The World: Kinnavieve

My Dearest David,

Light willing, everything will be over tomorrow. It has been a year since I left home to fight the Twilight's Hammer. I went to protect you and little Bolvar. I went to defend our kingdom. I went to stop those who wanted to destroy our world. There were all noble, honorable reasons to go to war, and you and I both pretended that that was all. But there was another reason, the one neither of us could bear to mention at the time.

My face is still as burned and ravaged as it was the morning I tried to face Deathwing at the city gates. My right ear is still gone, my nose is still a flattened, shapeless lump, my mouth is still twisted into a grimace. It is a horror to look at, there is no denying. I cannot blame you for flinching when you looked at me - I am sure I would have too. But I realize now that it was wrong of me not to give you time, time to adjust. I should have had more faith in you and in your love for me. But I was weak, afraid that you would always be disgusted, and ashamed that you were disgusted. And so I ran away. I may have fought Nefarian and Cho'gall and Ragnaros in their inner sanctums, but I was still running away.

But I'm done with that now. I will be coming home soon, and I will beg your forgiveness for not trusting in you. I promise you that I will give you all I have, do all I can to rebuild our life together. And I will be as strong as you need me to be, no matter what. I am your Kinnavieve, and I will love you with all my heart, and I will give you however long you need, and help you learn not to be ashamed.

All my love,
Kinna

ps Please kiss Bolvar for me, and tell him his mother loves him. And that she'll be coming home soon.




Well, that's it. I've sent it. Either we'll win tomorrow, or we won't. If we don't, I guess nothing I said will matter. And if he won't take me back, then at least it will only be my world that ends.

(Editor's note: This post done makes references ta stuff what happened way back here an' here.)

BRB, Gotta Go Save The World

Any you buggers remember a big-arsed glubbernudder name of Archimonde? Him an' his crew done partied the everlivin' crap outta Old Dalaran, then headed up Hyjal way. What happened to him? The orc an' human warchiefs, Thrall an' Jaina, along with Cairne an' Tyrande took they's forces, along with a buncha Vol'jin's lads, grouped up, an' knocked his punk arse down. Was the free peoples of Azeroth, an' they's leaders, against the demons an' undeads. An' they fuhggin' saved the world.

What we got now? Coupla dingleberries, Garrosh an' Varian, what be more interested in wavin' they's tallywhackers in each others' faces than they is in fightin' the real big bad. Commitin' they's best troops ta fight over a abandonized prison complex? Blowin' the mission fer ta send yer fighters ta chase after dwarves like a dog what sees a squirrel? Gimme a fuhggin' break. Meanwhiles, Deathwing sacks Stormwind, his minions burn Org, Azeroth dang near falls inta Deepholm, the big guy cruises the world toastin' anythin' what he catches in the open. I tried tellin' Garrosh he was worryin' 'bout the wrong dupperthunkers, an' he should be focusin' on how fer ta stop that dragon, but he weren't interested. 'Course, I mebbe could been a little more diplomatic, 'stead of tellin' him ta get them kodo droppins outta his skull or haul his cowardly hick arse back ta Nagrand, but I weren't feelin' none too charitables after watchin' the Earthen Ring's best and bravest buy the farm so's me and Thrall could deliver the Dragon Soul ta Wyrmrest. Kinnavieve done talked ta King Doofus, but she didn't have no more lucks with him neither.

Well, fuhg'em.

I done spent the past five years not onlies sharpifyin' me skills, but buildin' up a team of misfits an' loose cannons what know how ta fight. We ain't pretty, we ain't famous, we ain't the sort ya bring home ta mother. Unless mom works in some stinkhole in Booty Bay, servin' Uncle Bonechomper's Day-Old Piss ta retired pirates an' washed-out Shattrath cops, then ya mebbe ya does. But I digressifies. Me point is, we know what ta do when there be a dragon what needs killin'. Ya don't go struttin' aroun' town in yer Abercrombie & Mammoth outfit, talkin' 'bout how yer a bigger badarse than that dude in that other place. No, ya go kill the dragon. Or die tryin'. 'Cause someone's gotta.

As me man Hans Gruber woulda said, "Due ta the Twilight Hammer's Legacy of doin' the nasty with elder gods, tryin' fer ta destroy the world, an' drivin' volcanoes through the houses of amazinly virile orcs, they's about ta be taught a lesson in the real use of rage. You buggers will be witnesses."

Ha Ha! Joke's On You!

Good goin', Mister Core Hound. If'n you weren't so dumbs, you'd done realize what this here be the silliest debuff fer ta throw at ol' Ratters. Reducifyin' by half of not too fuhggin' much means hardlies nuthin' at all. So there!

Call Of C'thun

Has it ocurred ta anyone what the real purpose of LFR, where a larger number of heroes done comes in contact with the Old Gods' most powerful minion than evers before, every damn week, is ta grind down our SAN points until we all goes stark fuhggerbelly crazy?

I mean, seriouslies, pwhn'guul i ghawl'fwata ryiu wgah uul'gwan h'iwn guu'lal. Pwhn'guul i ghawl'fwata ryiu wgah uul'gwan h'iwn guu'lal.

Colossal Dragonplate Helmet

Because bein' able ta see wherefuhg yer goin' is for the weak.

Better Than A Set Of Level 80 Greens Anyday

There's been some gnashings of the teeth overs the new Scroll of Resurrectifyin'. Specificallies, the fact what thems what left the game an' now come back get theyselves boosted ta they's 80th season, with some gear an' bags an' a mount an' a free upgrade ta Cataclysm. How come the loyal veterans what never left ain't gettin' a reward, they asks?

Well, here be just a quick sample of all what I got fer playin' these past few years. Thems what left ain't gettin' none of it. Not the memorable first kills, not the shit buggers said, not the weird-arsed bugs, not the glory, not the pain. Time done moved on. Way I see it, I already got me rewards. An' I wouldn't trade'em fer nuthin'.

And this ain't even showin' the best thing of all what happened....

Is Always Dangerous When An Orc Gets An Idea

Had me a vision on me way home from the Object-Oriented Cubicle Of Shame And Frustration this night. It were a vision of an association of folks, unconstrained by the restrictions of serververses or guilds, hooking up one night a week fer a insult-free, "gogogo"-free, afk-until-is-time-fer-ta-roll-on-loot-free, dps-meter-free LFR run. Is this possibles? That be a good glubbernuggin' question.

Blizz be implementin' Battle Tag, finallies acceptin' what me Real Name be Ratshag, and a lotta other buggers' real names be they's names too. Don't know how this gonna look when it gets ta Azeroth, though. Will we be able fer ta organize cross-realm raids with it? Right now, as I understandifies it, RealID craps out at five buggers, and if'n they keeps that limit then the vision be dead on fuhggin' arrival.

Next issue, of course, is would enough of you buggers be interesteds enough fer ta turn out, if'n I handled the (really fuhggin' minimal) logistics? I know this wouldn't be fer everyone, and structurin' yer time fer what would kinda be mostly a really big pug don't always work out, and is sumthin' what could fall apart withouts warnin', especiallies if'n we ain't ables fer ta get the right mix of folks.

I rather likes me vision, though, and I'd kinda like fer ta see if'n it could be made a reals. If'n Blizz makes Battle Tag the way it'd need fer ta be, and if'n there's interest. So I's runnin' it up the flagpole now, just fer ta see if'n anyone wants ta salute. (This ain't no sign-up sheet - I wouldn't consider anythin' stated here fer ta bindin' in any way shape or formula, so don't worries about leavin' yerself rooms ta wiggle.)

LF24M

Buffy the Puginator's ready fer ta pug Deathwing. Is you?

Answering The Age Old Question

Can seven 75th season hyper-casual adventurers take down the Black Temple? Shatter its unholy walls, cast out the foul denizens, cleanse the corruption that has permeated its core? Restore it to its once proud glory?
BRING ILLIDAN THE BETRAYER TO JUSTICE?



Yeah, that'd be a "no".

After mutiple trash wipes, them Free Radicals pulled out and went and whomped on the Amphitheater of Anguish instead. They's gonna try again in a few more seasons.

Prince Of Where, Exactlies?

This happened a while ago, but I didn't talk about it then 'cause I's talkin' 'bout it now.

"You face not Malchezaar alone, but the legions I- oh, bugger..." 

And with that, the Free Radicals done completed they's first raid. Was a melee-heavy group, so evens with explanationizings aforehands the Enfeeblents done took a heavy toll. But Dran done stood tall and slapped on her Aspect of the Hare and burned the glubbernudder down before the infernals got too nasty. Meanwhiles Xan did the amazingly virile gig and Gasket and Felbane stood in the back in they's sissy robes and smacked whatever healy buttons weren't on cooldown. So yay on them. And, sure, why not, grats ta Tavia, Yldarric, Scaith, and the Warrior With No Name, evens though they mostlies just lay on the floor like lazy-arsed buggers.

Ah, The Finer Things In Life

Happily, some of them are still casual. Like raiding Kara with a small group of 70s. Kara is so fine, it's even made with white wine (makes no sense, I know, but is what the original mustard commercial said, just go with it you buggers). Kara at 70 goes well even without flasks, justice points, hit capping, tankspot videos, buggers what know where they's going, and, of course, fish feasts. So enjoy one of life's finer pleasures.

"Pardon me, would you have the heads of Attumen, Moroes, the Maiden of Virtue, Julio and Romulette, and Curator?"
"But of course."

Kara at 70. One of life's finer pleasures.

How terribly fuhggin' clumsy of him.

This Kara raid has been a production of Grey Poupon and the Thursday night Free Radicals: Xanyanca, Yldarric, Dranhuntera, Felbane, Skoton, Tavia, Gasket, and The Warrior With No Name.

She Told Ya She Were Comin' Fer Ya

Foolish mortals-

Usurper's Children!

....

Nothing you have done-

Spawn of a lesser god!

....

I am TRYING to speak here.

Words, words, words. The Master wants murder.

....

ALL falls to chaos. ALL will be destroyed.

Chaos, chaos!

....

Your work here today changes nothing.

Chaos, chaos, all things end!

....

No mortal may see what you have and live. Your end has come.

.... I think I'm a-gonna break the frickin' jaw on the frickin' right head first.

Editor's Note: Is big hairy Congo rats ta all Kinna's teammates in Parallel fer they's first full clear of the Bastion. Give me regards ta Nefarian.

Is A Raiding Tip Fer Pallies

Eatin yer seafood feast in the cauldron not onlies gives ya an extra 10% ta the buff, but it helps keep yer armor clean and shinies, as required by the Paladin Code.

Askin the scary-arsed mage fer ta helps ya with yer "hard ta reaches" is entirely a judgement call, howevers.

Mmmmm Salty

Is not oftens what one gets fer ta go up against a raid boss solo wieldin' nuthins but a fishing pole. I ain't recomendifying it. Howevers, fer a meta cheevement and a new title, I'll does anythin' once.

Oh, and Mr Pinchy sez "hi."

I Know A Virile Orc What Swallowed A Worm

Just opened his throat...
...and down went the symbiote.

He swallowed the worm to catch the worm.
He swallowed the worm to catch the worm.
He swallowed the worm to catch the worm.
He swallowed the worm to catch the worm.
He swallowed the worm to catch the worm.
He swallowed the worm to catch the worm
That wriggled and jiggled and made him squirm.
He swallowed the worm to catch the worm.
I don't know why he swallowed that worm. You'd think he'd learn.

"I Ain't Gonna Be Givin' Ratters No Blog Fodder This Week"

...he said, right before he popped open his parachute and gently sailed over our heads, past the platform, and inta the lava. Again.

Could be worse, bro. I could be bloggin' about last Thursday's incident what involved a seventy-year old nun, two bottles of cheap tequilla, a piranhamoose with the words "plazmoid rulz!" spray painted on its side, and a certains laserchicken wearin' chainmail stockings. But I ain't gonna, 'cause that were personals.