Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The Likeness, It's Uncanny

Me friend Hydra is dressed up as Big Red Kitty for Hallow's End, and it be fuhggin' hilarious. Go checks it out.

New Goals and Priorites

As I has already mentioned, me dad beat the importance of havings Goals and Prioities into me at an early age. Usually with a big club or a quillboar femur. Havings accomplished all of me earlier Goals and Priorites, it seriously be time to write down me some new ones. So here they is.

Number the One. Get all friendly with the Aldorks so's I can get some nifty chest armor. At the moments I got a little over 500 Dreadfang venom sacs, which ain't even halfway to what I needs just to get back to being on speaking terms with'em. Lots of work to go there.

Number the Two. Forge meself a nice two-handed axe likes the Lunar Crescent. This ways I ain't gotta be tempted every time some junky two-hander drops in a dungeon. I'll be ables to say "I passes. Let the hunters squabble fer it, or let it be DE'd. For the enlightened ogres of Ogri'la have taught me to rise above the desire for material objects." And everyone'll be all impressed with me purity and spiritual goodness.

Number the Three. Help the Keepers of Time stop the evil Infinte Dragonflight froms killing Medivh befores he can open the Black Portal. This would be really terrible, 'cause then the humans and dwarves and elves would be all killing theyselves and civil warring while us orcs would have to stay in Outland, overlording over the Draeininannienaes and beating our peons and setting up our own kingdoms where we can do whatevers we wants and be really rich and ... uh ... it'd be bad ... ummm. Bugger. It'd be bad 'cause Medivh wouldn't give me the key to go to his Kara tower in the here and now and get all the cool loot he left there. There.

Number the Four. Do some more good deeds for the Keepers of Time so's they'll really like me and sell me the righteous tanking pants and helmet spell they keep in the gift shop at the Caverns of Go-Back-in-Time. And maybe a t-shirt what says "I went back in time and saved the universe and all I got was this lousy T-shirt". That'd be cool.
Number the Five. Go back to the Botanica and do for Warp Splinter. Me and Mr. Crazy Tree gots unfinished business.

So. There they be. Time to gets back to work.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Say Hello to my Little Friend

Man, you know it's been a busy week for me when I completely forgot to mention that I am now exalted with the Netherwingy Dragons. Woo hoo!

Errmmm ... There's Been A Change of Plans

So here's how it happened, see. The other day I'm spending some time at the inn in Area 52 with this Dreana ... Drienai ... Drainae ... ah, bugger it. With this spacegoat chick. It's not what you think. Well, yeah, okay it was. You know, she didn't smell much like a goat, and she could do this thing with her horns ... but I digress. Point is, afterwards I was checking out her armor and I was really impressed with her Vindicator's Hauberk. I could really use one of these, I says to meself. I should go get me one.

Problem is, you gots to be in tight with the Aldorks to get one of these, and right now they hate me guts 'cause I'm all exalted-like with the Scrybabies. Ermmm. Turns out there's a pressing need for dreadfang venom sacs at the Shattrath Infirmary, what with all the careless refugees gettin' bit by them dreadfang spiders out in the woods. The Aldorks respect healin' refugees and other losers, so if you donate enough venom sacs they'll stop hating you. They still won't like you, but at least then you can go through the normal procedures of givining 'em shiny trinkets 'til they does.

How many sacs? I had to get me friend Rim to help me with the math. He's a mage and knows all that arcane fuggery. Anyhow, comes out to 1344 venom sacs, or more than 4000 spiders, cause lots of times the sac be empty by the time they dead.

Oh, crap.

That's gonna take a while, even for a killing machine like meself. But, I wants that hauberk,
so I's gonna do it. If you hears the Horseman's Helm of Evil Laughter somewhere out in Terokkar Forest, that'll be me. Killin' spiders.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Fighting the Horseman Video

Leafy's done posted the best video I's seen yet of what it be like to summon and fight the Headless Horseman. Go check it out.

Monday, October 22, 2007


That's right. The Headless Horseman's Helm of Evil Laughter. And it's mine! All mine!


There's a story behinds it and everything.

So I's hanging out at the Scarlet Monastery, looking for some crazy fools brave souls to venture into the graveyard with me and summon the horseman. There's a bunch of scuzzy Alliance types keeping to theyselves over on that side, which is fine with me 'cause they just talk gibberish and they smell funny. And on the Horde side of the room there's, well, me. I ain't feeling too optimistic about finding a group at this point.

Then this Forsaken warrior comes by. He's also protection specced, and we lament together about how all finger-wigglers and backstabbers got they flashy rings and now they won't stick around to help out the tanks who wants our Helm of Evil Laughter. And he pulls out his pony keg and we each have a beer or sheven. And we talksh more about how unloved we ish ...hic! and then the beer ran out and he shtarted to cry on me shhoulder. But I shaid not to worry Friend A and I *hic* pullsh out me own pony keg.

Sho we're shtarting to feel a little better and then a paladin comes by looking to join a group and maybe get the Helm of Evil Laughter for hisshelf. And then there's a hunter ... hic! And then we find another warrior, a pvp specialisht this time, and by now Friend A and I is starting to sober up so into the graveyard we goes.


Well we summons Mr Headless. Friend A tanked him, I laid into him with me axe-and-dagger, lots of fury, subtlety is for the weak gear, the others did their jobs and down he goes. And we loot the body and get a mage ring.


So another of our intrepid band pulls out a candle, we summons again, and again we puts him down. We loot the body, and its the rogue ring, which I already gots. Summon again, and another ring nobody wants. A fourth time, and we goes to loot the body, and there it be. Ooooh ..... The Helm of Evil Laughter. And four of us wants it. We rolls. I gets a 92. It is mine. Mine I tell you! All mine!


We got one candle left for to do the summoning. I could puts the helm on, but I figured it'd be bad form in front of me brothers-in-arms, so I leaves it in me bag. We summons, we kills, we gets a ring of healing. No more candles, no more Horseman. Everybody says thanks, it was fun, I gotta go, bye. And then it's just me and me new friend in the middle of the graveyard. I pull out me pony keg and we have a few drinks. A ghost impudently floats up and rudely tries to start something, so I smack it into oblivion.

"Go on," he says. "Put it on."

So I reaches into me pack, pulls it out, takes off me Ragesteel Helmet, and puts on the Helm of Evil Laughter. I can feel its power surging into me veins. I tilt my head back to look into the starry night, fling out my arms, and let loose:


Friend A cheered. It was glorious. Every warrior in Azeroth would give his left nut and both of his buddy's to have that helm, and it was mine, all mine!

The beer went flat. It got cold. There was nothing left but to head out. I wished me new friend well, and told him not to hesitate if'n he needed anyone else to summon the horseman again. We said goodbye, and I hearthed back to the inn at Shattrath.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Hallow's End Pictures

I been taking lots of pictures this holiday. Click on the pumpkin on the right to see all of thems.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Headless Horseman

Quick post, 'cause I's tired.

Zinzi and me and some other hearty souls trekked into the graveyard last night and summoned the Headless Horseman. He's a tough nuggerfumper, I tell ya, but we put him down in the end. I was hoping I could get his kick-ass helmet for meself, but it were too damaged to wear. I did get this nifty ring, though.

Apparently the Horseman can be summoned every night. Sumthin' to do with the mystic harmonics of Hallow's End, or somesuch. I can't be bothered to remember the details. Means I'll be getting more tries to pull his pumpkin helmet off though, which is fine by me.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Foggen Yer Nogger

There's bunches of blogs out there what be full of good advice. I could be like that, and talk about what I've learned about hows to be a truly kick-ass righteous tanking warrior. By why da fuhg should I bother? There's lots what is already doing it for me. You buggers should go read'em. Two I suggest is Da Positives Warrior by Brigin the Dwarf and Tank Hard! by I ain't sure who. And there's more. Go find'em and lemme know. And then it's real smart to know what yer healer is doing. Without dem you's just spam in a can. (I still misses Bashaen, me first healer, who tragically got eaten by a furblog named Elyod. *sniff* She were so young ... ) Anywho, some good expainers of dat healin' business is Musings of a Holy Hybrid by Squeekie Priesty, Da Egoticalistic Priest by Ego, and Priestly Endeavors by Kirk. Kirk, my man, you needs a nickname. Go reads these too, and find some more while you at it.

So ya sees there's a lot of blogs out there wit' da good info. Howevers, even so ain't nobody explainin' something near and dear to me heart. And that be the Grand Sport of Noggenfogger Roulette. Tell us, Ratshag, what is this Grand Sport of which you speak?

I so glad you asks.

Remember way back when you was in Tanaris you helped did a job for a goofy goblin name of Marin Noggenfogger? Sure ya did. He suckers everyone inta helping him. And fer a reward, he gave you some of his Noggenfogger Elixir (patent pending). It's probably still sitting in yer bank vault. Go get it.

Now, when you drink da noggenfogger, it does stuff to ya. It can turns ya into a skeleton, like this:Amusing, but not good fer much.

Another it can do is ta shrinkify you, like this:
Note how I be's waist-high to a blood elf chick. There can be rewards to this, under the right circumstances. Dwarfettes really go for this too.

But we is talking about Noggenfogger Roulette. Here's da rules:
1) Everybody bids a useless uncommon item. You know, enchanting mats disguised as armor and weapons.
2) Take off yer armor and weapons so's they won't get damaged. Now, you can do this starkers if that be yer style, but I find that things just flap way too much in da breeze, so I prefers to wear me tuxedo.
3) Ya gets on your flying mounts and go up to a good hight. If yer in Shattrath, the Aldor rise be a good reference.
4) On da signal, everybody dismounts. Yeah, dat's right, mid-air like. Down you drops.
5) Real quick, ya pops open a bottle of the elixir and chugs it down. As demonstrated by yours truly:

Now, at this point, one of three things is a gonna happen. You poof into a skeleton and have a couple seconds to wave at yer friends before ya go crunch into a bajillion bone fragments. You may shrinkify and have a couple seconds to wave at yer friends before ya make a rather small splat. Or you may gets the feather-falling buff and then you gets to watch yer friends go crunch and splat while you gently floats to da ground. This is called winning.

6) Those what didn't go splat and crunch gets to divvy up the items what was bid, way back in step 1.

Now a couple things to remember. No cheating! No parachute cloaks, bear bombs, levitation spells, or none of dat fuggery. Do not start from too high up! Feather fall buff only lasts 10 seconds. If it wears off too soon, you's got a problem.

So, now you knows how to play. So, go have some funs!

I almost forgots. If you ain't got any noggenfogger elixir, you can always go backs to Gadgetzan and buy more from that bugger Marin. Tell him Ratter sent ya.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Interesting Stuff Learned Whilst Spying On A Friend

So, I's looking up the armory profile of Da Egotistcalacious Priest (who drinks whiskey two mugs at a time!). Not 'cause I wants ta laugh at her gear or talent choices or nuthin'. Naw, I just wants to see how her fishin' skill is coming along, since she'd said wanted to get good at it but thought it was duller than listening ta Taurens debate philosophy. As a newcomer to da sport, I was curious. If she had a higher skill I was gonna take that as motivation. If nots, den it be an opportunity to encourage. As it happened, my skill be higher. So.

/target Ego

While I was dere, though, sumthin' caught me eye. Her Unarmed Combat Skill is 2. Not 1, which would mean she never punched nobody, but 2. Means she hit somebody wit' her hand exactly one time. How is that, I wonders. Was she once in a desparate battle wit' da pirates outside o' Booty Bay, out of mana, desparately swinging her staff, when some uncouth ruffian disarmed her, forcing her to resort to slam the heel of her hand inta the bridge of his nose, buying enough time for her mana to regenerate and allowing her to smite his ass down?

Or did she one time bitch-slap a dwarf, just to see what it would feel like?

Anywho, let's go fishin' together in Ashenvale or somesuch, Ego. I'll bring my new pony keg, you bring some fishnet stockings. What ya say?

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Some More Good Advice What Was Written By Thems What Ain't Me

Da Egotisticalistic Priest (who has been demonstrated to be a two-fisted beer drinker - gotta respects that) has put up some words on bein' the new kid in a guild. She's too lazy ta write da whole thing, so this just be Part the First. Parts the Second and the Third to come forthwith. Neverthelesses you buggers should go read. I read it. It's good stuff, and I probably needs ta learn a bunch of it.

I hads the advantage of joining a guild what had a buncha buggers I already knew in da top leadership. The disadvantage was that they was all seasoned veterans and I was jus' a scrawny wet-behind-da-ears twerp. They helped me out somes, showed me a bunch of ropes, but mostly I was on me own. I eavesdropped on they conversations, like a kid hiding under the table, learning about the world and also learning about me guildies. Sometimes I'd have somethin ta say dat was useful, or entertaining. Sometimes I was probably annoying. But they tolerated me and I learned.

Now, I's a top dog in da guild. My gear is as good as anybody's, my skills are uber (well, yeah, except for da ones what ain't yet, but I working on them). And da guild be dieing. It never were that big, and it's losing people. Many of da members, including thems what got me to join way back when, have decided they rather hunt bagginses in Moria, or be starship troopers what shoot lightning bolts, or simply just rent theyselves out as studs (this only works if yer Tauren, apparently, so don't try it). So I's at a crossroads, kinda like da one in the Barrens except not. If'n I want to go to the deep dark dungeons and be all the hero I can be, I's gonna need to be finding a new home, at least part of da time. And I'll be da new kid on the block again. And I don' wanna bugger it up.

So thanks Ego. Lookin' forward to da Part the Second and Part the Third.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

On Aggro

Yeppers. I has it. And unleeses you gots a plan for ta kill me target in betweeen when he gets from where he is to where you is, you wants me to keep it. Best for everybody that way.

Fio the Boomkin, part o' dat wacky AC blogguild, put up this on how to manage aggro if you's parta the pew pew crew. Go read.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

More Beer?

Windshadow from Big Bear Butt Blogger asks if, now that she has her own freak show bunny thing, if there's any reason to go back to Beerfest. She already gots a Ram mount to rest her Dainty Elf Butt on, gettin' so blitzed that yer willin' ta dance with a squidface just fer da heck of it ain't her thing. So. Is there somethin' worth goin back for?

Short answer: ummm .... no.

Long, thought-out as-insightful-as-an-intellect-of-30-will-let-me-be answer: ummm ... no.

There's an outfit that'd let her look like a reject from Brother Stoutbelly's All-Dwarf Oompah band, and some goggles what make everyone look likes gnomes. Yeh, right. She could come over to Orgrimmar and get da googles to make everyone look like dashing and virile orcs, but that'd be a lot of trouble. 'Sides, it'd always be so dang disappointing when da mood is right and it's time to take the goggles off and Ooops! He's just a pasty-skinned human. Bugger that!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Need More Beer

Zinzi and I went to the opening night of Beerfest last night. What I can remember is a lot like this picture - blurry, and lots of pink elekks. I also remember riding around Orgrimmar on a ram (fuhg only know what I did with my talbuk) yelling about how great the beer was.

And when I woke up this morning there was this thing - looked like a rabbit with horns and wings - peeking out at me from a beer mug. Trust me, when you've got a hangover what feels like half the Burning Legion be pounding on yer skull, the last thing ya need is some freak of nature eyeballing you.

One thing I does remember is Zinzi getting real blitzed and hitting on me big time. Not that I blames her, 'cause with 300 pounds of muscle all covered in khorium armor and sharp spikes I's about as virile as it gets. But I didn't take advantage or nuthin', 'cause she's a friend and also 'cause I knew she was gonna be pukin' inside of half an hour and I knew that was just gonna kill tha mood for me.

Tonight - we get to do it all again. Beer! Beer! Beer!