Monday, July 30, 2012

Cataclysm: The Siege


I am Danger Mouse. I am Forssaken.

We met on the road to Wyrmrest - Ratters and the resst of us Hordies riding in from Venomssspite  in the East, Kinnavieve leading the Alliance team from Starss' Rest in the West. We both sstopped, looking at each other. Would this actually work? Sssure, we could all hang out together in neutral cities like Shattrath, drinking beer and ssinging songss, but could we really trust each other out here in the wilderness, armed and nervous? Then Ratters got off his noisy ssmoke-belching machine and walked over to Kinnavieve, who dropped down from her charger. They exchanged some words, too quiet for any of us to hear, then he tilted his head back and laughed that deep, rumbling laugh of hiss. Sshe threw her arms around him, and he hugged her back, lifting her feet right off the ground. They held each other for a few minutes, the rest of us quietly ssstanding, watching, unwilling to intrude. Then he set her back on the ground, they both laughed again, and we all came together, Hordiess and Alliance, smiling laughing and backslapping and hugging.

We were a Team. We had a job to do and nothing was going to sstop us. This crazy plan of Ratterss' was going to work.

It had too.

As we got closer to the tower, we gathered up ssome of the shattered remains of the Accord's outer perimeter, scattered like leavess after the Twilight Hammer's surprissse attack. We could here the battle now - drakes sscreaming as they fell from the sky, the deep crunch of rocks striking the dragons' citadel. We fell into a wedge formation - Ratsshag at the point, with Kinnavieve and Alayda beside him, the rest of us sword and axe types on the wingsss, and the casters protected in the center. The Wyrmresst Accord people did whatever it was losers did behind uss - they were not my concern.

The Twilight asssault was divided into three campss, and we fell upon the southern one - Deathwing's rock elementals - with fire and fury. They had no idea we were coming, and nothing breakss down into chaos and confusion like an army of elementals caught by ssurprise. They shattered before us, breaking and running. The Sshadow drank deep that day as we sslew hundredsss of them. The leader of the elementals, a big fucker named Morchok, tried to rally them, but we were having none of it. We drove our wedge sstraight through the remaining elementalss, and Ratshag's axe removed Morchok's head from his sshoulders.

The two remaining forces, both led by ancient facelesss ones, were prepared for us, but it made no difference.  Oozess, tentaclesss, faceless ones, they all fell before our blades. The leaders taunted us, sshouting in their elder tongue that we couldn't understand, but nevertheless ssomehow left doubts whisspering in our heads. We took casualties: Fink suffered a nassty gash to her leg, and Alayda was burned by an ooze that managed to knock her down, but both of them were able to pussh on. In the end, both warlords were dead, and the ssiege was broken. We'd fucking done it.

But it wassn't over. As Thrall and the Aspects were doing whatever it was they needed to do to charge the Dragon Ssoul, Deathwing played one last card to try to ssnatch victory from defeat. Ultraxion, a huge twilight dragon, dove out of the ssky and crashed onto the peak of the tower. "Don't let him reach the Asspects", shouted Kinnavieve. "Kick hisss arse!" added Ratters. He and Maurice got in the big nasty's face, keeping him pisssed and distracted, and the rest of uss surrounded him. His hide was tough as the thickesst armor, but it wasn't enough. Our sswords and axes and lightning bolts found the weak ssspotss, and Ultraxion, possibly the largest dragon ever to fly the skies of Azeroth, came up sshort. "But...but...I am...Ul...trax...ionnnnnn..." he wheezed as he sshuddered, twitched, and slowly sslid of the edge of the parapet to plummet to the frozen ssurface of Dragonblight.

And then the Aspectss stepped back as Thrall held the Dragon Soul over hisss head. It must have been fully charged, for it wass crackling with energy, tiny lightning bolts ssizzling over its ssurface and coursing up Thrall's arms. He aimed it at Deathwing, still circling the tower, and a blasst of white light shot out, straight for the Desstroyer's heart.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Melee Warlock FTW

Warlocks ain't got time fer that "fair fight" hogwashilization. Hit him in the back of the head with a big wrench while he's busy fightin' Harrison Jones? Works fer Ellspeth.

An' yeah, she copped a feel while he were all dazed an' confuzzled after.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Monday, July 23, 2012

At Long Last, Our Kitchen Nightmare Is Over

Results from the last poll be in, an' the Swedish Chef done trounced Gordon Ramsay, 103 ta 20. Börk Börk Börk!

This week we done continued the food theme, with a showdown between two fast food classics. No, not thems. No, thems neither. Ya wanna know, go check out the poll in the sidebar.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Guess Who Else Gonna Be Walkin' In The Next Expansion

What with Pali done pickin' up the Phoenix Hatchling a few days ago, is time fer ta leave that glunkerthudder Kael'thas be. Next beeyatch what gonna give it up fer Team Ratshag: Skadi the Clueless.

Friday, July 20, 2012

DIY Raid Attunement Experiences

Seen a lotta talks on the interwebbies lately about whethers or not Blizz should bring back raid attunements. Argumentings for includes they felt epic, they brings buggers tagether, an' they shows what ya know how fer ta play yer class. Argumentings against includes they actually didn't do none of them things, an' they was as fun an' productive as gettin' yer left foot gnawed off by a 82-year-old demented nun. Now, is clear Blizz ain't bringin'em back, no matters how loud some buggers howl, but we here at Need More Rage wants everybodies ta enjoy they's gamin' experience. So we's done come up with a series of tasks fer ta replicate the epic feel of them experiences. Fer full affect, make everyone in yer guild do them before lettin'em come ta any more raids.

Fer all experiences, pick yerself up a good fantasy novel. Don't matter which one, but one of the better WoW novels might feel thematicallies better. Also, all groups should be assemblified without usin' LFR, an' travels should be done without a flyin' mount.

The Karazhan Attunement Experience:

Read page 1 of yer novel.

Go ta that cave in Southwest Twilight Highlands. Kill everything. Wait fer thems ta re-spawn. Kill them all again.

Read the next page.

Go talk ta Ranger Valanna (Horde) or Scout Jorli (Alliance).

Read three more pages.

Put tagether a group fer ta run Grim Batol. Drop group just before the first boss.

Put tagether a group fer ta run Lost City. Drop group after the first boss.

Put tagether a group fer ta run ZA. Drop group just before Daakara.

Read the next page.

Put tagether a group fer ta run HoR. Kill all the bosses. If'n ya wipe, reset the dungeon an' start over.

Read the next page.

Go to Shattrath.

Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!

The Black Temple Attunement Experience:

Read page 1 of Chapter 2.

Finish all the quests in Uldum.

Read the next page.

Complete the Cipher of Damnation quest in line in Shadowmoon Valley. Ya, I know is old content. Suck it up, buttercup.

Read the next page.

Run the three Hour of Twilight heroics.

Read the next page.

Assemble a twenty-five man raid. Run the following raids in heroic mode, in order:

Blackwing Descent
Bastion of Twilight
Throne of the Four Fluggernubbin' Winds

If'n at any point, someone drops outta the raid, find a replacement an' start over.

Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!

The Onyxia Attunement Experience (Horde version):

Read page 1 of Chapter 3.

Run ZG. Afters, roll a five-sided die. If'n ya gets a "1", move on. Otherwise, run it again.

Read the next page.

Run Grim Batol. Drop group afters killin' the first boss.

Read the next page.

Max out yer archeology skill.

Read the next page.

Run Grim Batol. Drop group afters killin' the second boss.

Read the next page.

Solo Karazhan, up to Shade of Aran.

Leave Kara, an' travel ta Silithus. Don't use yer flyin' mount.

Read the next page.

Go back ta Kara an finish soloin' it, includin' Chess.

Read the next page.

Solo Onyxia. Mebbe bring one friend.

Read the next page.

Max out archeology on an alt.

Read the next page.

Run Grim Batol. Kill all the bosses.

Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!

The Onyxia Attunement Experience (Alliance version):

Read page 1 of Chapter 4.

Run Grim Batol. Kill all the bosses.

Read the next page.

Watch a movie in where some giant alien / monster / Republican lobbyist smashes up a city real bad. Like mebbe Transformers.

Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!

An' there ya go. All the epicness of the originals, withouts all the needin' fer Blizz ta lose they's minds an' bring attunements back. Enjoy!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Is Where Sailors Is Lazy

Seriouslies? Is Horde warships, Alliance warship, an' a pirate ship all withins shoutin' distance of they's others. But what is they doin'?

Nuthin'. Not a thing. They's just swabbin' they's decks an' swashin' they's buckles, waitin' fer the glubberfubbin' infantry fer ta show up an' do they's dirty work. Lazy gits.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I Don't Exactlies Get Star-Struckified....

It just ain't consistent with me characterizations. But the Blog Azeroth Shared Topic this week (put up by Dragonray) be:
Are you starstruck by anyone? Does someone in the community respond to a post or a tweet and get you all speechless because they actually responded? Is there anyone you are waiting to have respond directly to you? Is there someone that you would like to chat to, but are too chicken? Am I the only one who puts other bloggers on a pedestal?
and I felt likes sayin' sumthin'. You buggers has been warned.

Now, four-five years ago, I were workin' me way through the process of growin' from an orcling with a silly pointless blog ta bein' an amazingly virile orc warrior with a silly pointless blog. The WoW blogosphere was the Wild Wild West back then, an' we was all stumblin' around tryin' fer ta figger out what it all meant. Now, like I said, I don't get starstruck 'cause I's bumpernuddin' Ratshag, but along the way was several bloggerbuggers what helped me out with advicifyin' and encouragements, eithers fer adventurin', or bloggin', or both. Is prolly gonna leave out some, 'cause fuhggit I cain't be bothered fer ta remember the details, but here be those what be droppin' outta me brain (in no particular orders):

Tami from The Egolicious Priest
Big Red KittyKat
Kirk What Never Did Get a Nickname, from Priestly Endeavors
Temerity Effin Jane. Up Yours.
Out of Mana Megan
The Mana Battery Bitch
Auzara from ChickGM
Bellwhether from 4Haelz
Leafy from Leafshine: Lust Fer Flower (Don't ask me whathell that means - is a British thing).

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Is A Quick Shoutout

Ta that troll healer in LFR the other day. I'd mention him by name, but you buggers know I cain't be bothered fer ta remember the details. Anywho, just afters I popped inta LFR, Puffin from Team Shianti asked me ta done run her through a dungeon, an' well, she done gets priority, so out I popped. But is always cool fer ta bump inta a reader, if onlies fer about twenty seconds. Hope yer run went good, bro!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

No Fluggernubbin Time Fer Jumperlubbin' Sergeants

You was as decent a bugger as they come, Andy. I'll check in on Mayberry from time ta time fer ya, make sure nobody done gets up ta mischief.