Stormspire

Stormspire. The farthestmost community in Outland. As "out there" as you can get. Some come here for adventure. Some come out of a sense of duty. Some come for glory. 

Me? I came for the candy.

The Purge Comes Forth

The call had gone out, and the Purginistas had responded. To the Graveyard! To vanquish the Horseman, once and for all. There was Zinzi Who Gives Good Resurrection, and Thottle looking spiffy in his epic goggles, and Aelion the cheeky Blood Elf, and Rimunathah with his fireballs set to deep fat fry, and little Tantria and growed up and in her 70th season (yeah, she finally did catch me), and Mister Hoof, and Bullvyne, and young Bashabil, only in her 65th season but eager to do her part. Grumpy old Tarsius set down his hoe and pruning shears and water pipe and left his herb garden to join us. And even Ungarosh, reclusive Ungarosh, came dowm from the hills of Mulgore and put his clothes on, rather than let his comrades down. And of course me, the orc, anchoring the line and laying down the threatanizations.

(At least, I assume Ung put some clothes on. Hard ta tell with them boomkins...)

It were the greatest assemlage the guild had seen since the Dark Portal opened, maybe even the greatest ever. Granted, there were rust on some of the armor, and poor Throttle had trouble remembering which end of the sword ta hold (poor bugger's mind is really going, just like his elbows), and Mister Hoof were desparately thumbing through his spellbook looking fer Chain Healing. But we had our candles and we had fire in our eyes and in our bellies and wherever else ya can have a fire (femoral arteries? buggered if I know) and we Would Not Be Denied.

We challenged that Headless Huggernumper ta come forth, and then we put his Headless Arse down. 

And when it were done, we looted the bugger fer all he had on him. There was rings aplenty, and several flying brooms. Tantria got herself a sinister squashling fer ta follow her around and trade rude comments with her imp. And me? I got me his sword, glowing orange with built-in pumpkin soldier action.

It were a glorious evening. Will we hold together to vanquish more villianies, or will we once again go our separate ways? I does not know. But I does know what I's gonna remember this glorious evening, and cherish it always.

Can You Hear Them?

Drums. Drums in the Deeps.

For the first time in nearly a year, The Purge is assembling.

I expect a multitudinosity of blood and lamentations and awesomeness. More laters.

Kinnavieve's New Gear

Hi everyone.

Well, I was a little nervous about Outland, and it is tough. The monsters here are definitely tougher than the ones in EPL or Winterspring, and Judgements don't seem as powerful as a couple of days ago. Even so, I've been making good progress beating back the fel orcs and demons around Honor Hold, and the good people there have been very generous in providing me new gear. I've already replaced my weapon and most of my armor.

But I want to be absolutely clear: no matter what Ratters may say, that is NOT a nipple chain! Some piece of druidflesh says to himself "I waaants it", that's between him and his hormones, but if he grabs hold and pulls me in for some lip-to-lip action, ima gonna break his jaw. Just so everyone's clear on that.

That said, I do like having armor that, well, looks like armor, instead of something outta Victoria's Secret Armory. At least for a while...

Is Where Kinnavieve Goes To The Show

Wow. There it is. The Dark Portal. Am I prepared? Pretty sure I am. I mean, I've got good gear and my training is up to date. On the other hand, the Alliance's Expeditionary Force thought they were prepared twenty years ago, and look what happened to them. On the other other hand, Rats says I'm ready, and he should know. On the other other other hand, I've heard-

(Get a grip Kinn. It's just a door. Walk through it already. *grits teeth*)

Just for posterity's sake, I'm recording my current gear. Might be amusing to look back someday, plus it'll be handy if anyone needs to identify the body. (Stop that! No negative thoughts!)

See you on the other side!

Blade of the Titans Imperial Plate Helm Gemshard Heart Imperial Plate Shoulders Protector Cape Carapace of Tuten'Kash Noxxion's Shackles Lightforge Gauntlets Lightforge Belt Elemental Rockridge Leggings Cragplate Greaves Jaina's Signet Ring Blackstone Ring Argent Dawn Commission Luffa

Guest Blogger: Phoe- I Mean, Ratshag

This tasty piece of amazingly virile orcflesh is me, Ratshag. Say hello, you gluppertuggin' buggers.

I travels Azeroth and beyonds, lookin fer ta hit exotic wimmens with me axe and get paid ta makes love ta the evil flunkernubbertumperbuggers. Or is it the other way around? I gets confusicated, sometimes. Ah, bugger it. Whatevers.

All right, well, I gots ta go kill me some gubbersuppertunkering buggers what needs killin'. You buggergubbers be sure ta complimentarize me team members. 'Speciallies that Phoenicia chick. She's hawt.

Kinnavieve, Kicking It Old School

It's been a terrible couple of week in Azeroth, gentle readers. It began reports of the Headless Horseman burning villages and then flying off into the night. Then mysterious outbreaks of the undead plague, thought to have been eradicated years ago, began to appear. It appears to have started in Booty Bay, then quickly spread to major cities, and now zombies are appearing throughout the world. And then yesterday, the Scourge's flying Ziggaruts appeared outside of the capital cities, and Argent Dawn put out an urgent call for the heroes of Azzeroth to come together and defeat the Scourge at key invasion points. Many of my guildmates heeded the call, and throughtout the night were talking of their successes and their new hard-won epics. My duty lay elsewhere.

Even before this week, the heavy hand of the Scourge still held the once-great realm of Lordaeron, now known as the Plaguelands. Although weakened by the defection of Sylvanas and her Forsaken, the forces of evil still roam these lands. With the new Invasion, the forces are resurgent and as strong as ever. But last night I was there too, in Andorhal and Darrowshire and Corin's Crossing, using my sword and my Holy Wrath and my wits to destroy this enemy off all life. The rewards may not have been epic, and I won't even receive a tabard from Argent Dawn, but someone had to go there, and I was proud that it could be me.

Is Where Kinnavieve Makes It To Everlook

OH MY SWEET ELUNE I AM SO FRICKIN' COLD!!!!!

Cut glass hah! Could cut frickin' adamantium.

Screw this, I'm going down to Un'goro Crater! You hear me Ratters?

*mutter* *mutter* stupid frickin' Blizzard *mutter* stupid *mutter* frickin' candy quest *mutter *mutter* stupid frickin' plate armor of the skanky frickin ho *mutter* *mutter* *mutter*....

I Love Mah Sugah Daddies!

'Allo there!

Well, Ah hit the big four-oh last night, and hauled me arse to the nearest warrior trainer ta get certified ta wear plate armor. And then it was off ta the bank where I had the beautiful Plated Fists of Hakoo waiting for meh, sent from meh wonderful boss, along with "of the bear" boots, belt, pants, and bracers. And the night before, mah GM Temm had helped meh soommon up Tuten'kash so Ah could get his Carapace. Then he went and slapped a +100 health enchant on it for meh, right then and there.

So, Ah'm in almost all new shiny hawt-looking armoor, thanks to meh two sugah daddies. They's wonderful, dinnae ya think?

Yeah, That Could Be It

Them mysterious worldwide zombie outbreaks last night? One of me guildies had a theory.

He's a good lad and all, but who really knows what be lurking in that jawless head of his?

Were A Lot More Than 2 Bits

Is were more like 12 gold fer the shave and haircut and dye job. Howevers, I's happy with me new look.

Is the old "Santa Rats" look:

And the new "buggered if I know but it's different" look:

And Kel, just 'cause I don't look like Father Winter no more don't mean ya cain't still sit in me lap and ask me ta brings ya a pony if ya wants. But Laguna is NOT allowed - his hair tickles me nose.

How Ellspeth Spends Hallow's Eve

I just like to eat the candy and watch the pretty fires. Maybe this time the whole village will burn down!

Om nom nom.

Tootles!

Cricket Bat of the Titans

Hi everyone!

I was doing some quests in Tanaris last night when I stumbled across this. It's my first rare item that I got all on my own, without help from Ratters or Triggy or anyone, so yay on me! Yeah, I know, it's kinda funny lookin', being all short and wide, but it's got great stats, hits for a ton, and it's perfect for when you're disciplining small children and ogres. *thwak*

Silithids. Yeesh. I hate bugs. At least unlike warrior-boy I don't have to hassle with all their damn maggots chomping on my shins. Retribution Aura for the win, baby!

Is Where Kinn Wears Different Hats

Hi there. With it being Hallow's Eve season and all, I was thinking about different outfits. Right now I'm wearing this very effective but uggin fugly helmet which looks like it would be happier being used to slop the hogs. As my boss would say, I just had to invisify it. But I took some pictures of some other, more attractive headgear I've collected.

So, this is my Raging Berserker's Helm, which I used for a number of seasons. I like it. It's red - the color of anger, blood, or (for us soldiers of the light) righteous indignation. It has some great stats, but my current helm of ugly just has so much more armor and +stamina that I couldn't justify continuing to wear it. *sigh*

This would be The Chapeau. Ratters has a tradition ofshowing it off every time he gets it, so I felt I should to. I understand some folks find it less than appealing, but I like it. It's comfy, and it has a regal "off with her head!" look to it.

And this is my Purple Pimpin' Hat. I figure, if I'm going to be the team's main raider, then Ratters will need something to do to keep busy. So I might as well send him out on the street to peddle his tail. Where's my money? Go get my money, beeyatch! I think that'd be fun.

And then there's this one. The Goblin who asked me to wear it said it made me look really foxy, but ... I dunno. Goblins are a little peculiar.

You're looking at the armored bra and wondering how that protects me in a fight, aren't you? I'm .... not really sure. Ratters says the bad guys are so distracted by the awesomeness of my rock-hard abs that they can't aim properly, but he was staring at my chest when he said that. Although, he was in dwarf form, so it was eye level for him. Hmmm....

Oops. Sorries 'Bout That.

Way back when I were just a little orcling having me Blood Elf guildies clear out the Ghostlands, me and Bashaen me pocket healer and Agoresh the cow-killing paladin done executed with extreme prejudicials one Dar'Khan Dark-Dark Drathir, who were running some scourge castle operation thingy. Nasty place, full of plague cauldrons and them undead spiders and you name its. Anywho, we brought his head back to the local belf bigwig, and he were all happy and gave me a spiffy sword and some cash. Which were all good. 

Thing is, though, I were passing through the neighborhood today, and it turns out them belfs was expecting me to carry the head back ta Silvermoon fer to have some ceremony. Turns out the dang thing's been sitting in Kaendris' closet fer over a year-and-a-half, waitin' fer me ta come back and deliver it. 

Oops. My bad.

All fixed now. Head is delivered ta Silvermoon, where I guess they's gonna mount it the wall or sumthin'. And I's got a bit of rep, and woohoo! 5 silver pieces.

Is Phoenicia Jones

'Alloo there!

After clearing out the Scarlet Pumpernickles last week, mah mates and I felt we were ready for a new challenge, so we took ourselves inta the Badlands, where we stumbled onta some Dark Iron Bocktuggers who were digging around in the ruins of Uldaman. We figured they must be after soomethin' good, so we started poking around in the passages they had dug inta the hllside. Of course, they didn't care too much for us a-pookin', so we had ta kill them all as we went.

In one chamber we found three crazy lost vikings archeologists from the Explorer's League. They'd done and got themselves trapped by troggs. After being stuck there with no beer for several weeks, they'd had quite enough archeology and were ready to go home. The boss, Baelog, told us that there was a marvelous Hidden Chamber which we were welcome to explore ourselves, however. He gave us the Gni'kiv Medallion, and explained that we needed to combine it with the Shaft of Tsol, bein' carried around by a Trogg named Revelosh and place them in the map room to unlock the entrance. 

"Wait a minute," I said. "Dinnae we just kill a trogg by that name? He didn't have any such shaft on him, nae even a toothpick."

"Ummm, mayba ye killed the wrong Revelosh. Why din't ya poke around some more and see if ye can find the right Revelosh."

So we wandered around a bit, killed some more troggs, and what dye know? There was another one named Revelosh. Sure enough, after we killed this bugger we found the Shaft of Tsol on his smelly corpse. We cleared the last few troggs outta the map room, and then attached the medallion to the shaft and stuck'em in what loocked like an appropriate socket.

"Nothing's happening," said Jadya, always impatient.

But then the shaft started turning, and when it got itself where it wanted to be a beam of light came out from the medallion and struck the big doors at the far end of the room. We could hear the roombling of ancient gears as the locking mechanism began ta turn.

"Ooh, ooh, it's opening!" Cried out wee Ffrost, bouncing up and down in excitement. "I hope there's treasure! Remember, mages get to roll need on everything." Greedy little sod. Sometimes I just want ta grab him by his blue hair and see how far I can drop-kick him.

But then the doors opened and Great Aunt Josephne's Lacy Bloomers!
The biggest damn boss Ah've ever seen came charging out. "None may steal the secrets of the makers!" she boomed. But big as she was, I tanked the gel, the others spanked her, and Big Ort (when he remembered he was on healing duty) kept me standing. We got the iron-plated bitch down, and then we stole her secrets. Which the blokes back in Ironforge traded me a pretty axe fer.

So that was our night in Uldaman. We'll probably go back next week, explore some more, hopefully get some drops other than "of the whale" chainmail. Until then, keep yuir feet on the ground, unless he remembered ta bring ye roses this time.

I LIKE IT!!!

Titan's Grip.

The Grip of the Titan.

Badass fluggertunkin' blender - stick yer face in it and you will LOSE!

So. I'm running 10/51/0 today - and I got me a big axe in each paw. In me main hand I gots me old trusty Lunar Crescent with Savagery on it. Is great fer killins. And fer me other hand I went over ta Nagrand and picked up a Hellscream's Will from the bumpkins. I went with it, 'stead of some other options, 'cause it's got a lotta +hit. And bugger can I use that now - swingin' this much metal, ya miss a lot more often I tell ya.

So how's it workin' out? Hohohoho... Them mobs? They's going down so fast what I's like "Wait! I ain't done showin' ya my full rotation yet!" Is glorious, I tells ya. I likes it, I does.

Guest Blogger: Kinnavieve

*deep breath* Hi there, everyone! This is Kinnavieve, Team Ratshag's paladin. I first met Ratters during Brewfest last month. He didn't look like all that much, just sorta this short hairy Greatfather Winter-like guy who needed a bath. But there was just something about him. It was like an animal magnetism that drew your attention and wouldn't let go and you just wanted to be near him and dance naked on his table and have his babies and O Sweet Elune- (*grits teeth and smiles nervously* Get a grip, Kinn. You're supposed to be talking about yourself here. Don't act like a babbling idiot, k? k.) So, Ratters has been taking me into the Scarlet Monastery a lot lately, and those jerkwads have some real nice armor and weapons, which I kinda look like Herod with boobs right now. He's also promised to take me to Uldaman and Maraudon to get me some plate armor, since I'm almost ready for that. However, he wants me to start striking off on my own more, so that I can be prepared to (hopefully) take his place as a frontline raider in the guild when we go to Northrend. Wow, that'd be exciting. So, last night, I set off into the Dustwallow Marshes to sharpen my skills. I managed to work my way up two seasons, and had a lot of fun along the way.

I got to meet Jaina Proudmoore. She said any friend of Ratters was a friend of hers. We talked a bit about him, and wow! Eleven times? It made a girl want- (Dammit Kinn, focus! *nervous grin*) Holy crap, those spiders in Dustwallow are big! Glad thing I'm not the kinda girl to go eeek! and run off. Well, okay, the thought crossed my mind at point. But it just kept on crossing, yessir it did, and I gritted my teeth and stood my ground. (No Ratters, I don't want to know what's waiting in Northrend, dammit! *deep breath*) At one point in the night, this ginormous sea monster named Tethyr attacked Theramore Harbor. The city guards were pretty short-handed, so they asked me to help out by firing the big mortars. Wow that was exciting. We so totally kicked it's butt!

So, that's me, so far. I'm going to take a break today to celebrate the new patch, Then I'll be back at the leveling grind, pushing for Outland and beyond. Hope to see you there real soon!

Is Where Ratters Gets Psypholizified

So, we was talking about that 50 pet achievement thingy, what counts and what don't. And the I did one of them Fruedilizationses. What can I say? I's just a simple orc...

What the Hey?

So, I's been running around Azeroth with me new protezey ... protogy... pro... bugger. With me new trainee Kinnavieve. Killing them what deserves ta die, as defined by them what pays us. We was in the Wetlands, puttin' the pain ta some Dark Iron dworfs, when I spots me this fluffernutter in a grey robe, lookin' at us and startin' ta wiggle his fingers. So, I throws down a Mind Flay, expectin' ta melts his face off. Nuthin' happens. Damn misfire, I sez ta meself, and hits him with a Mind Blast. Ain't nuthin' nohow in the Wetlands what can take one of me +1200 spell damage Mind Blasts and not have everything between his ears not be instantly turned inta very dead sludge. And yet, that bugger just stood there, wiggling his fingers and tossing these puny little shadowbolts at me. Kinda tickled, they did. 

At this point me inner orc took over, and I just meleed his punk ass down. Knew I shoulda had Shu put Executioner on me mace, 'steada Soulfrost.

Turns out the dubbernugger's name were Balgaras the Foul, and he were totally immune ta shadow damage. Not resistant, not very very highly resistant, immune. Mother Shahraz herself couldn't burn this bugger down. How the freak he pull that off, I (and a buncha Black Temple raiding guilds) wants ta know.

Is a Joke, Right?

Now, I been exalted with them Consortium buggers fer a long, long time. Is several thousand dead Nagrand Ogres what'll testify to that. So you'd think that when I stops by every month fer to pick up me membership benefits, I'd be getting sumthin' special in me bag. Sumthin' aboves and beyonds what them what is only honored or revered get.

Pffft.

I pops over to Nagrand fer to get me next-to-last bag of gems before shipping of to Northrend, and what I got? I got me four uncommons, and a funkerduggin Talasite, that's what. Great googly moogly. No Living Rubies, no Stars of Elune, no metas. One worthless, no-good, wipe-yer-arse-with-it Talasite.

Cheap fuhggin' space mummies.

Planning Fer Me Retirement

This here tasty piece of humanflesh be Kinnavieve. Say hello, you buggers.

I been thinking a lots about what's gonna happen when the time comes ta hit the beaches of Northrend. And I finds I ain't that enthused about doing it in me dwarf disguise. Being a shadow priest has been fun, but it ain't gonna be the same. Less Mana! Mana! and naughty touching, more like being a shadow mage. Onlies we won't be creatin' sheeps fer to amusify ourselves, the way them mages do. So I's thinkin I may take off these damn uncomfortable dwarf shoes fer a while, and just go to Borean Tundra as me regular orcish self. Give them Tuskarr wimmens a chance to experience me awesome virility in its purest form.

But Team Ratshag ain't leavin' the Aetherial Circle, nosiree. That's where Kinn here comes in. I's been helping this young pally get some experience under her belt, so in the next month or so she can push hard, get ta Outland, and be ready ta hop a boat to Northrend when the time comes. I's been teachin' her how ta burn down them Scarlet thuggerduppers and takes they's gear, how ta kill undeaders in Darkshire, and how ta find them shops hidden way in the back of Ironforge with the exotic merchandizings. And in return she's been teaching me about them things pallies do, like blessings and judgements and cleaning yer armor and shaving yer legs (and no, we just shaves her legs, not mine. sheesh)

So, poor kid's a little tired today, what with me having dragged her cute butt up and down the Stranglethorn peninsula last night, genociding the wildlifes. But I's expecting pretty soon she'll be doing guest posts here with the rest of the team.

Is You A Priest?

Then go reads this. Now. Go.






The fuhg you still here for?

Running With The Left Claw

Me friends Jessika and Keredria runs with a guild what be called "The Left Claw". (Is there a The Right Claw too? Mebbe Horde side? I dunno. But I digressifies.) They's a small, tight group, and even though they came late to the raiding game, they's done a damn fine job progressing through Kara and beyonds. So yesterday I gets a letter from Jess, telling me they were hooking up with another small guild fer to go see Gruul's, and would I likes ta join them? Hell yeah, I says. So last night we gathers up and goes calling on the big guy and his High King Flunky.

Jessika, Pretty in Plate

Keredria, Winsome in Wood

We kinda made a mess on the battlefield.
Or more accuratelies, High King Mulgaur and his Ugly Ogre Posse did.

But in the end we did fer them fluppernuggers.


Showdown.

We took three shots at Mister "I Can Haz Shatter" Gruul, getting him down below 20% each time but never quite able to close the deal. But even so, I think it were a damn fine job. Fer most everyone it were they's first time there, and there was a lot of learning to do. But I had me a dang fun time, even with wipes and pally buff confusions and all. Thanks agains, Jess and K, fer invitings me.

Bungholes and Scarlet Topnoggers

'allo there!

Meh Red Hawt Axe and I were in Desolace recently. The Boss calls that place a bunghole, but I disagree. It's a diseased and putrid bunghole. But a nice place, otherwise. Bring the kids, why doncha?

While I was there, they wanted meh to harvest some centaur ears. Since the centaurs of Desolace are pretty fond of their ears, I had ta kill them first. Big foockers, ain't they? Take out their knees, though, they go down faster'n a gnome on spring holiday.


Then I had ta take care of a bunch of t'hese skeletons who didn't ken they were already dead. Apparently the centaur necromancers have been up to no good. Now, I'm wondering, who these fellas used to be? Because, their ain't nobody walking around on two legs in Desolace any more. Were they Night Elves? Were they centaurs, and the necromancers foorgot ta do the arse-end? I don't know...


Well, I'va had me fill of Desolace, I tell ya. But last night me and meh mates from the Eternal Coovenant went back to the Scarlet Monastery. We were just planning ta clear out the Armory, but that went so fast we pushed on ta the Cathedral, where we finished those Scarlet Topnoggers off once and for all. That were some tough fighting, with the guards all more experienced than us, but we've got a solid crew and we made it happen. By the time we got to Scarlet Commander Mograine, reinforcements were starting ta appear. But we did for him, even with a mage running in and popping off arcane explosions right in the middle of the fight. Then that biatch Whitemane ran in and resurrected him, so we had ta do it all over again. At some point I got smuished, but mah girl Sus was on the ball and battle-rezzed me. And when the dust stopped flying, I found a real nice shield; it's gotta go to the smithy ta be fitted to me, but I should get it back in a few seasons.

I hear the warrior trainers are working to find a new Thunderclap for us tanking warriors. Ah'll be looking forward ta that, I tell ya!

That's all for now. Remember, keep yuir feet on th' ground, unless he's really cute!

I Loves Me Teh Squeakie Priest

Who else could say things on Vent like "Yay! I has a Mojo! Wait, why are you all dead?"

Is Me New Ride

Old and Busted

New Hotness

Ya can tells me new gryphon be more betters, 'cause instead of being see-through and purplish, it's see-through and purplish. Well, that, and it flies about three times as fast.