Monday, September 29, 2008

Is Where Pali Sez "Mwuuuuuuuuuuh?"



Pali, you okay?

Ummmmmmmmmm, go 'way, 'Licious.

Pali, you gotta get up.

Can't. My head hurtsss...

For real. Get up.

Nooooooooooooooooo....... Don't wanna.
Hey. How'd you get into my room, anyway? Mom won't let you in the house.

Hon, we're not in your room. We're on the dock at Rut'theran Village.

Huh? How'd I get here?

That's a good question. Another good question would would be, where are your clothes? Not that you don't look adorable in a goofy blue oompah hat and nothing else, but at some point you're going to need your armor back.

Ummmmm, I'm not sure?

I'm thinking maybe you went to Brewfest and had yourself a bit of fun.

No..... well, sorta. But I only took enough money to buy two pints!

Yeah. That, and that mug with the words "unlimited free refills" on the side. C'mon, kid, let's go see if we can find you some pants. Hey, what's this? Pictures!

Pictures? Pictures of wha.... OmigodNoNoNoNoNoLiciousGiveEmBackNoooo!

Oi...what made you think that hat was a good idea? You're going to have helmet head.

Well, your mom did want you to find a working fella, and this one's got an eye for your sweet butt. Better ask him.

Playing with Ogres, huh? I have heard they're big in all manners of speaking...

I think I've told you before to stay away from freaks. And Ratshag is the virile one. Ask him, I'm sure he'll tell you.

Yes. But. I would expect you to bring him home. Preferrably to your mother's first, then my tree. Scratch that; I want to be with you when you introduce him to your mother.

You're gonna make Ratters jeeeeeeealouuuuuuus.

The stein between the calves is a nice touch, and this is totally going on the fridge. In your house.

Gimme BACK! *grab* Hmmph.

My mother's gonna kill me when she finds out about this I just know it....

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Ortacles Goes Ta Stranglethorn

Ah, Stranglethorn. Land where, if ya stands still too long, the vines'll grow up yer trouser leg and try ta get it on with yer privates. Land where zombie pirate nagas makes they's home. And, if yer in a PvPverse, the gankers go looking fer unfair fights.

So I's got me draenaninny warrior disguise on, and I wants ta get me a Whirlwind Axe. Just like that bugger did with Phoenicia a few weeks ago, the crazy troll hermit in Alterac sends me down ta Stranglethorn for ta fetch 30 troll tusks. Now, I's got a couple more seasons on me than Phoe did, so I ain't expecting much troubles from them trolls - is just gonna be a simple grind. Is them other funkergubbers what I expects trouble from. And I ain't disappointed.

Death 1: Bird lands at the Rebel Camp. Two 70s is standing right there, and they drops me faster'n you can say "g-". Nailed the poor bugger landing right behind me, too.

Death 2: I's taking on two trolls at once. First is dead, second nearly so, when a rogue three levels higher'n me unstealths and his daggers is in me back. I goes down faster'n Lehman Bros.

Death 3: Undead warrior, 8 levels higher'n me. I see him, he sees me. He charges. I puts up a fight this time, fer a little bit.

Death 4: Level 70 warlock. DoTs, Fear, and I run around screaming while me insides cook. No funs.

Death 5: Blood Elf rogue, 2 levels higher'n me. I'm getting ready ta target me next troll, when I gets stunlocked and she starts pumpin' away on me. Even so, I manages ta shake it off and get her down ta 3% before she does fer me.

Deaths 6-8: This Belf rogue, having found that I's a serious bone ta be chewed, decides she don't want any more fair fights. Instead, she skulks around until I's fully engaged with a troll, then hits me with the stunlock. Couple times she puts me down before I can do much, last time I had her to 20%. 'Bout this time a higher level guildie shows up ta helps, and there's no more trouble.

Now, is not like all Hordes is gankers there. I saw another warrior me own level, plus higher level shammy and a mage. They was doing they's thing, I were doing my thing. Had the warrior shown a desire to party, I'd've happy to oblige, but I had a job ta do and I weren't gonna go outta me way.

Fer them others, particularlies that Belf, all I can say is I's unimpressed. Me, I'm happy to test me skill against someone else. I's happy ta test my gear against someone else's. Often times I comes up short, and that be fine. Is the whole point, ya know? But great googly moogly. Hanging around, waiting fer a fight ya know ya can win, has gotta be boring as all bagoobers. Fishing would prolly be more interesting. Which don't say much fer the minds of thems what do it.

Anywho, that were my experience. Is big thanks ta Daelan fer his assistance in getting the last of them tusks. Now is on to elementals, and then me spiffy axe.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Is Like Achievements, Fer Yer RL Avatar

Tag, I's it.

So Kirk-what-needs-a-nickname done picked me fer his banned book week meme thingy. Okies. Now, I ain't actually read none of them things on his list - me tastes is more fer pamphlets with scantily clad wimmens on the cover, either throwing theyselves on the heroic warrior or gettin' devoureds by the dragon or both at the same times. But me RL avatar, he done read a buncha books, fer leveling up or rep grinds or ta keep that happy bar all green, and near as I can figger he done read the followings:

5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
17. A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle
25. In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
38. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
52. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
55. Cujo by Stephen King
56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
58. Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
69. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
84. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
88. Where’s Waldo? by Martin Hanford
90. Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
95. Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
96. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell

Some solid literaturizings, some kiddy stuff, and a coupla how-to manuals. Some of these I can figger out how they made the list - ignorant blunkertumpers is always freakin' out over dirty words and the fact that sex exists. Guess they think if ya don't talk about it'll just go away. Not sure what they thinks the alternatives is though; mebbe they just don't thinks.

Anywho, Kirk done be challenging me ta send the avatar out ta read anuther fuhggin' book off the list. Ain't hadda chance ta pick one yet. Don't need any more how-to books - got that department covered now. And Judy Bloomers never were ta me likings. And I ain't readin' one of them sophomoric, shock you with sex books, 'cause, well, I do it way better. So it gotta be one of them others. Think I'll go with Lord of Them Flies - see if I can figger out what all the fusses were about.

And since the retrofitted rules sez I's supposed ta tag some other buggers fer this, I's goin' with:
Matticus Worldicus
Asleep at the Library
Damn Pretty in Plates

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Is Where Death Knights Is The Best Lovers

Hello, you buggers. Got a guest blogger here today, so I's making introductions. Maurice ain't gonna be officially a part of the team fer another coupla months, but Matticus done wanted ta know what class makes the best lovers, and Maurice here feels he's got the answer.

Hello, all you fine gentlemen and beautious ladies. My name is Maurice. In my youth, I was known as Maurice, the Paladin of Love. Girls would swoon as I walked the streets of Lordaeron. Married women would give me their scarves to wear when I competed in tournaments. And fair maidens were eager to warm my bed at night. But that was all before Prince Arthas opened my eyes to the greatness I could become. And soon I shall be known in the streets os Stormwind as Maurice, the Death Knight of Love!

That boy Matticus wants to know why my class makes the best lovers. What a silly thing to ask. It is obvious, is it not? Yes, I can see several of the the young girls blushing out there. Ahh, very well, I will explain to the rest of you how our talents and abilities make us the premier lovers of Azeroth.

Veteran of the Third War
Death Knights are not johnny-come-latelies. Many of us served with honor and distinction against the Scourge (until of course, Arthas showed us a new path), and the beauteous ladies? They love a man in uniform, with a chest covered in medals.

Heart Strike
When a beauteous lady sees a Death Knight, she is struck in the heart and falls madly in love - she cannot help herself. Is like Cupid's arrow, no?

A great lover is able to anticipate his lady's every need and desire. There is no need for time-consuming chit-chat. And an extra 5% anticipation gives us an competitive advantage over almost other class. The ladies, it makes them feel like minks in a café.

Blood Gorged
They say it happens to every man, sooner or later. Ha ha! But not to Death Knights, for we can become instantly tumescent. And out ladies are therefore never disappointed.

Bone Shield
Everyone wants to be safe, but any lady can tell you that having to interrupt the activities to go rummage for protection is a poor show. For Death Knights, however, we have an instant cast - no interruptions at all.

Two-Handed Weapon Specialization
Not every class has the ability to wield a two-hander, let alone specialize with it, if you take my meaning. You say size does not matter? As the former Paladin of Love, I can assure, this is not the case.

And so, you can see how Death Knights make the most amazing lovers. I am looking forward to showing you jus how true this is when I return to the human kingdoms, less than two months from now.

New Rule Fer PvP Seververse

Do NOT set me hearthstone fer Southshore, ever again.

I done been ganked more times by bored 70s tryin' ta get from the inn to the flightmaster than I been killed everywhere elses in Azeroth combined...

Sunday, September 14, 2008

On A Pale Horse

Helloooo.... Thiss is DangerMouse. I am Forsaken.

I spent some time yessterday bringing death and the peace and stability that comess with it to the Sstonetalon Mountains. In particular, I cleaned out a nest of druids and their alliess called the Talon Den.

Dryad. Tastes like raw venison.

Druid. I refuse to make some sexual innuendo, jusst to titillate Ratss and his inane readers.
She just tasted like victory.

Afterwards I went over to Ashenvale, where there were ssome demons who were molessting the lumber jacks. I hate fighting demons - they can't be sapped, they have icky things in their pockets, and you can't eat them after they're dead. Well, you can, but they taste awful.

However, I did get enough experience form it to reach my 30th sseason. So now Ratterss can get off my back and sstop worrying about my sore feet and everything. See Ratters? I got the damn horse already!

And no, I will not be naming him "Binky".

Friday, September 12, 2008

Madness? This Is BLIZZARD!!!!!

Okay, here be the deal. I'm building this bridge, see? Not quite done yet, but we're gonna finish it soon. What I want you to do is, drive across to the other side of the river, then come back and tell me what ya think. K? Go!

dum dee dum dumm ....

So what you think? You fell off the end and got soaked? Well, please remember this is only a beta bridge. We need you to try it out before it's finished. Okay, I understand yer upset, but please try to give me constructive feedback, as if it were a complete bridge. Sir? SIR? Ya gotta calm down. Picture how shiny the second half of the bridge is gonna be, once we gets to it. NOW give me yer feedback.

Okay, I gotta a problem with the way the beta testing is being done. I understand the need to have people run around Dalaran and find that invisible 1000 foot pit in front of the barber shop. I understand the need to make sure that the final boss in an instance don't respawn the second ya kill it and wipe yer party. What I don't understand is why class changes is being thrown into the beta realm willy-nilly.

Some classes, like shadow priests, is getting major overhaulizings what require a lotta nerfing in some areas, and a lotta of buffing in others. And I's okay with that. But wait until ya've figgered out what exactly these changes is gonna be, and then implement them all at once. Then yer testers can give ya feedback on what needs tweeking. But when ya put out changes a few at a time, particularlies ones what break a class' original purpose (can you say mana battery? I bet ya can) and say yer gonna replace it with sumthin' else later, soon as you figger out what the fuhg is gonna be, and how ta implement it, then yer testers ain't testing. They's just driving off the end of an unfinished bridge. And ya pisses folks off, fer no good reason.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Is Where DangerMouse Goes to the Charred Vale

Helloooo.... Thiss is DangerMouse. I am Forsaken.

I am still working on Ratss' silly "No More Ssore Feet" project, another one of his ideas to improve team morale, which mosstly involves us doing a lot of work. In this cassse, we're all ssupposed to hurry up and get to our 30th seasson, sso we can get mounts, while he ssits in Shat and chases tail. Fine.

Last night I was finishing up pacifying the Stonetalon Mountainss (not that they'll stay pacified - they never do) by killing harpies and planting trees. It'ss a living.

Harpy. Tastes like raw chicken.

Look at me, pretending I'm a druid.

And now I've planted a tree. Oh, joy.
Of course, did that Tauren druid bitch back at Sun Rock Retreat thank me for planting her treess? Give me a hug? Tell me what a sspecial walking abomination in the eyes of nature I am? Fix me a bowl of granola? Of course not. Sshe offered me a choice of priest boots or warrior gloves, then told me to take my foul rotting corpse out of her sight.

That'ss all right. The Shadow will embrace her soon enough.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Is Where I's in the Funny Papers

They's right. She is good at many things, from running the largest remaining hooman society ta shrieking at such a high pitch it made every dog in the Barrens howl.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

This Feels Really Weird

Now, I spent quite some time last year out at the Netherwing Ledge, disguised as a fel orc. Got pretty used ta running errands fer the Dragonmaws and disrupting they's activities when no ones were looking. And, oh yeah, dodging them gluppernuggin' Ascendants. Buggers was worse than Fel Reavers. Eventually worked meself up to exalted with them dragons, and got me arse off the Ledge one step ahead of a buncha pissed off Dragonmaws, after Illidan blew me cover.

But ya know, that netherdragon is a damn fine mount. Wouldn't mind having one ta ride when I's in me dwarfish disguise. Unfortunatelies, when I went back to Mordenai in SMV and said "Yo, my man, is Ratters. How ya doin?" he were all how do I know yer the same Ratshag? Could be a Illidari trap. Fraid yer gonna have to prove yerself to us all over again.


So, here I is gathering Netherweed off the ledge. No fel disguise fer Rats the dworc - I just ain't trustworthy. Dang, I almost feels nekkid out there. No helps fer it though, and I is lookin' forward to melting Zuluhed the Wacky's face off.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Saying Goodbye Be Hard

Is the nature of gears ta get replaced, and I knows that. But some gears is fuhggin' special. 'Cause how good they is, or how hard ya worked fer them, or just how dang cool they is. Me Helm of Evil Laughter be all three of these. But now is time to retire it, fer me new Googles of Furiosity has more armor, more attack power, more crits, and with the meta gem I got, help me run faster. But they ain't got green smoke comin' out, and they don't go Bwahahahahaha! *sigh*

Goodbye, Helm of Evil Laughter. Ya been damn good gear. We been through all sorts of adventures tagether, and is always gonna be a slot fer ya in me bank.
Is the old Ratter

Is the new and technically improved Ratter

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Red Hawt Axe

'Alloo there!

I finally pulled mah last toosk from the jaw of one of them Stranglethorn trolls, and so it were time ta go back ta the Alterac Mountains and give them to that craizy troll hermit. But first, I decided to take a well-earned rest at the beach and get mahself a tan. Those orc guards at Grom'Grol weren't too keen on a dwarf sunning herself outside their gates, but once I explained ta them, wit' lots of gestures and handwaving, who I worked for, they decided it were all right. Of course, pantomiming a name like "Ratshag" wit'out everyone t'inking you're a bluidy perv were a bit of a challenge! But I managed. Unfortunately, instead of a tan all I got was more freckles and a bit of a burn on mah shoulders. Curse mah dwarvish ancestors and their decision ta live under ta ground! *sigh*

But vacation time ended and I took mehself up into the mountains and gave that hermit all he wanted. But before he summoned the Cyclonian I called in some reinforcements. Ah don't know if all of mah mates tagether could've handled him, so instead I called on Temm, mah GM and a fellow warriour. I must say, he looked very becoming with his twin katanas. And together we made short work of that elemental.

I took it's heart to the hermit, and he used it to summon me a very fine axe. And since Temm is an enchanter, he was able to get it all fiery for me then and there. All those boptupperin' monsters out there best look out!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Is Where Ellspeth Contributes to the Team

Hi everyone! This is Ellspeth!

This weekend Ratters dropped a couple of hundred gold at the auction house to buy enough mats for me to level my enchanting skill up to 275. Wasn't that sweet of him? This means that I'll be able to disenchant the greenies he gets out in Outland and then send the arcane dust to Gogmoth, who can use it to make Imbued Netherweave. I'm a vital link in the chain! Yay me!

Now, in order to get past 265, I needed to buy this shield enchant recipe from the general goods vendor in Undercity - apparently, he's the only one who carries it. And he was out of stock for a while, which was Very Aggravating. But then he got a delivery, which I promptly snatched up. And then I enchanted this trash shield I'd snagged ten times, reaching that magic 275 right there in the general goods shop. Ratter had already sent me some items, and I tell you - turning those amazing weapons and pieces of armor into dust was So Intense. My heart was pounding, my face was flushed, I felt all tingly inside. I just had to have a release. So I looked at the vendor and licked my lips, winked, and tilted my head toward the nearby inn. He got the hint, all right, and followed me into a crypt in the back. Once we were there, I wasted no time, but ripped into him with a volley of shadowbolts, destoying what was left of his pathetic life! Oooh, the rush! I could feel it from my fingertips down to my- huh? what?

It's not?

I shouldn't?

Oh. kk.

Ratters says it's not polite to kill guys when they think they're gonna get lucky, so I shouldn't blog about it.

Anyway, I had a nice pile of arcane dust which I sent off to Gogmoth, who got to work imbueing his cloth. I can just see those 18-slot bags coming my way now.... Tootles!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Wait, What's on the menu NOW??!?

First, me guildies is salivating over Peanut, which were bad enoughs. But in Kara the other night I catched teh Squeaky Druid offering me up to a coupla hungry strangers!!Even that Arcane Roboprotector thought that barbecued Rats sounded good. Sheesh.