Monday, August 10, 2015

Is Where Ratters Has Exclusives-Like Info About The Next Expansion

So, this here post be about them class Order Halls what got announced last week. If'n you's avoidin' spoilers, ya should prolly skip this. Is not really that importants anyhow.

So, what they said was, each class done gonna get a hall fer ta get quests an' bond an' smack they's minions around fer bein' wastrels an' whatnot. No other classes allowed in. An' they said what each hall gonna be in a special place fer that class - Pallies is gettin' the rumpus room in the basement of Light's Hope Chapel, Shammies is gettin' a cold wet slimy cave in the Maelstrom, an' so on. But thems did not say where the Hall fer the Warriors is gonna be. Where's it gonna be, Ratters? you buggers wants ta know. I's so happy you asked.

Is a Need More Rage exclusive: we's gettin' the best Hall of them all. All them other classes gonna be jealous. An' they cain't come in. They's jus' gonna be out on the boardwalk, feelin' loneleys.

Blizz done finally got it right an' realized what the most scarred an' amazingly virile class deserves ta be thrown a bone, an' so the Warrior Class Hall is gonna be none other than the legendary Fishmonger Sally's in Booty Bay. Fer years Sally's has been the place ta go fer grade A underwear-filtered moonshine, pinball machines what eats yer quarter half the time, sportin' games like Throw The Peon's Head Through The Hoop, tattoo artists what be drunker'n you, sharknado wrasslin', an' of course the finest in professional horizontal refreshments, regardless of (or sometimes in spites of) yer preferences, genders, or anatomicals. An is gonna be jus' fer us - no shiney-arsed pallies allowed.

I hears what even Gul'dan be thinkin' what he might re-roll warrior, jus' so's he can get in.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Bonhomme Ratshag

"I wish to have no connection with any fuhggin' ship that does not sail fast; fer I intends ta go in harm's way an' get me a muggerflubbin' hippo mount!"

Monday, July 20, 2015

Spikes? Wut Spikes?

Solog Roark may be the best thing fer shipbuildin' since the fluggernubbin' Titanic, but he ain't exactlies the sharpest dagger in the body of Caesar when it comes ta architectures. I means, ya, it were pretty easies fer ta get up on top of the building with the rope cannon,

But ya see them pointy things what be coverin' all them walls? Yeah,  I's pretty sure what thems be what most of us calls "spikes".

Just sayin'.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Is A Certain Lacking Of Amazing Virility

So them good folks at wowhead has done put togethers a new dressin' room tool fers ta prepare yerself fer the transmogalypse. Is pretty spiffy - you buggers should checks it out. Howevers, it mebbe needs a little work. Now, I's all fer armor showin' a little more skin fer the menfolk, and I'd totally rock this armor if'n it goes live like this in 6.2 ....

.... but I's gotta request what if wowhead's gonna show us off, that they gives us a more respectable tallywhacker.

Monday, June 1, 2015

Easiest Quest Ever

Find Kimzee? Okey-dokey.

Dude, we found her. She's standin' right fluggernubbin' next to ya! She ain't fuhggin'  left yet.

Not that I's sayin' what this expansion were rushed out the door when it were still full of bugs or nuthin'.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Somethings Ain't The Same No Mores

The Scene: Hyjal Summit

The Players: A Horde Grunt, a Horde Headhunter, and an Orc In A Dwarf Priest Disguise

Grunt: Here they come. Bugger me, is a lot of them.

Headhunter: Steady, mon. We has a hero with us.

Grunt: I dunno. Wasn't there supposed ta be twenty-five heroes?

Headhunter: Mebbe is one of dem "flex" things dey told us about?

Grunt: Gonna find out - great googly moogly, look at all those undeaders.

Headhunter: Stand firm, hero! We be wit' ya - grunts an' headhunters an' shaman an' Thrall.

Grunt: Bugger me. He just ran out there.

Headhunter: Hero, come back! We got dis strong defensive ... position .... here ....

Grunt: Fuhg me.

Headhunter: Da hero, he just killed'em all, mon.

Grunt: Fuhg me.

Headhunter: De undeads, dey all dead.

Grunt: Fuhg me.

Headhunter: I thought dem shadow priests didn't even have an AoE, mon.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Just One Hundred Days Ta Go

When I first put that timer up in me sidebar, countin' down the days 'til Missus Ratters (aka Shianti, aka the Tiz, aka Julie) 's cancer were officiallies cured, it were kinda intimidatifyin'. Over 1500 days ta go back then. But now we's down ta only a hundred - close enoughs what we don't really think about it no more, 'cept fer when we look at the timer. So what all done happened since she finished the cuttin' an' the poisonin' an' the burninatin'? I's so glad you asked.

First thing what we did was, we got married. 'Cause that were what we wanted fer ta do.

Next thing was, she went back ta work. Night shift at the ICU, same as befores. But were tough, 'cause fer one her body'd done had the crap knocked outta it in ways ya never fully revovers from, an' fer two the new hospital never really clicked fer her the way the old one did, back where she lived before I done swooped in an' run off with her. But she's a tough bugger, an' she kept at it.

Meanwhiles, she went back ta school. She'd always done been meanin' to, but never quite did get arounds ta makin' it happen. After cancer though, woman had a fire in her belly. Year an' a half in, she had her bachelors. Two years after that, nurse practitioner masters degree. 4.0 GPA. Month after that, totally crushed the board certification exam. Now she got herself a real nice job at a medical clinic, diagnosin' sick buggers an' writin' perscrips, and makin' the big bucks. An' she don't gotta wipe no more craps off of no more arses no more.

The Tiz makes up her mind fer ta get shit done, you best get the fuhg outta her way.

Healthwise, she's mostly back ta how she were before it all began. But ya never recovers fully. Losin' a buncha lymph nodes on one side means she gets some painful swellin' in that arm sometimes, an' she gotta be carefuls on hot days 'cause she don't sweat there no more. An' the anxiety attacks is a lot fewers and less crushin' than they was back when we was lookin' down the barrel at 50-50 odds. But is all way better, an' we's very happy fer that.

Best of all, she's still me best friend, an' I's still hers.


Sadly, not everyone is as lucky as us. A few months ago, a friend of ours was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Despite his strength and determination, the love and support of friends and family, and the best medical care, he passed away last week. He and his wife had been in our guild back when we were raiding Naxxramas, and we were fortunate to get to see them socially several times in real life, including at our wedding. Julie and I were very saddened by his loss, and our hearts go out to his wife and their children.

Friday, May 8, 2015

Well, Ain't THAT Da Poop

Failin' a 99-percenter fer a BRF cache. Maurice is done gonna have ta wait hisself another two weeks fer another shot at a 670 now.

Meself, I suspects it were prolly the Pleasure Bot's fault.

Monday, May 4, 2015


Back when pet battles was first announced, I was all excited fer ta try out the undeaders' BONESTORM move. Were definitely the coolest soundin' attack. All caps an' everythin'. But Blizz done fuhgged it up an' put the wrong numbers inta the code, makin' it a big pile of uselessosity. So I never done did use it.

Eventuallies - like a year? two? later - they finallies got aroun' ta fixin' the numbers. An' today is wicked fun fer ta turn the Luggage loose when the daily offers up a triad of humanoids.

Friday, May 1, 2015

FFS Nat Pagle

Yes, I's got me a cooler. Yes, is fulla beer. Yes, I's catchin' me some fish.

Now, git yer soggy arse an' yer soggy horse off the bottom of the lake an' go back ta the garrison so's ya can sober up.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Sometimes Only One Name Will Do ....

..., when ya gets yerself a new pet.

Awards yerself ten geek points if'n ya gets why.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Too Sexy Fer His Belt Buckle

Hello, beauteous ladies. (And you as well, gentlemen who are not as sexy as me.) I am Maurice, the Death Knight of Love.

Do you like my belt buckle? Are you not impressed with it's many long, curvy horns? Can you not help but admire its long, dangling danglers? Does it not feel you with awe for what magnificence must be concealed behind?

Remember, beauteous ladies, many others may wear the Ironcrusher's Collar, but they are merely hollow men, desperately seeking to hide their inadequacies. I, however, the Death Knight of Love, use it to gird my loins confidently and boldly, for it is a mere appetizer for the delicious meal yet to come.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Is Hard Works, Levelin' A Warrior

Ya gots ta eat three times yer weight in protein every day, just ta maintainify proper muscle mass.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Go Home, Nat Pagle. Yer SO Fuhggin' Drunk

So Kinnavieve were out on her raft fishin' in the garrison. Doin' her daily, mindin' her business, when ol' Nat got hisself a notion. 'Stead of sittin' on the shore, drinkin' his beer, he went an' hopped on a horse an' rode out to. No, I got no flubbernuggin' clue how he managed that, he just did.

He gave her some advice ....

.... an' then he passed out.

Next day he were over at me garrison, doin' the same dang thing. Except this time he couldn't manage the ridin' on the water so he just stayed on the bottom of the pond.

.... and then he done passed out again.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

I Guess This Means We's A Coupla Normal Buggers?

So, Blizz done announced what the starting exchange rate fer gold tokens is gonna be twenty bucks gets ya thirty thousand gold. Or, lookin' the other direction, thirty thousand gold lets ya play free fer a month. (Once the ball gets rollin' they's gonna let go an let the price drift where it wants, but that be a separate matter.)

As is always the case, there was much weepin' an' complainin' on the forums about this 30k number. Nears as I could figger, about half the glubbernuggers was sayin' "Thirty thousand gold??!? That's so stupid! Nobody never done had that much gold in the whole history of the game!" an'the other half of the blumperduggers was all "Thirty thousand gold??!? That's so stupid! Even me dog makes that much gold every time he goes outside fer ta do his bizness." I figgers this kinda means what we all play the game in our own way.

So, last night, me an' teh Tiz was talkin' about it. I says what me gold operations is goin' good an' I could prolly buy one or mebbe two of them tokens a month, save us some bucks. An' she responded "You batshit crazy orc fuhgger! Is only twenty bucks! We needs fer ta sell them so we can has more gold!"

I figgers what this means we's pretty representatifyin' of the population at large.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Possible Business Venture

Goblin Hunter Boy (by night known as Fezziwhig) done be ponderin' a ponder:

"Look at all that gronn poop. I wonder if it makes a good fertilizer? I think I'll put an herb garden there in six levels or so, and if it works well, I'm going to make a fortune bagging it and selling it!"

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Madame Leota Would Approve

When the crypt doors creak, and the tombstones quake
Spooks come out for a swinging wake
Happy haunts materialize
And begin to vocalize
Grim Grinning Ghosts come out to socialize
-Grim Grinning Ghosts

An' mebbe, ya know, pass out on the floor as well

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

O Mogg God, Is The Inciter

Time fer fun? Time fer kill?

Apparentlies, when ya still onlies got one head, yer more or less sane, 'stead of batfreakers crazy. Still annoyin', though. An' no stylin' purple hat neithers.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Subtlety Rogue FTW

Nobody tinks a ogre can read, so dis newspaper be da perfect disguise fer a ogre in wit' da bulls an' da bears. Dagg is unanimous in dis.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Some Blades Is Sharper Than Others

I ain't sayin' what this be one of the buggier expansions in recents, but Jenyu the monk were rollin' her way through the Burnin' Blade compound in Nagrand this weekend an' some of the trainees .... well .... lookin' like they needed some more trainin'. They was just sorta standin' there, starin', not seein' the six foot tall heavily armed panda with pretty hair right in front of thems.

Sighin', dancin', kissin', ticklin', whackin' the buggers mightily upside the head with her polearm, none of it got a response. But I ain't sayin' what this expansion were rushed out the door months before it were finished or nuthin'.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Loyalties Is Questionable

The hell? Is a regular lovefest down in the mines, what with Goblins and Goren holdin' hands, makin' smiley faces at each other, an' the other day I caught four of 'em takin' a bubble bath in the hot tub. With me own lavender vanilla bubble bath! Great googly moogly.

Tell me again, Blizz - why does we even have these miners?

Monday, March 2, 2015

She's Back

Phoenicia, the team's own Red Hawt Dwarf Chick, done spent 6.0 lookin' like some hillbilly white trash three days after the meth ran out an' no clue as ta when ta expect a new shipment. But afters 6.1 landed with some face tweakin' an' liftin' she were all herselfified again, fired up an' readies fer ta kick some Iron Butt. I's sure what her husbands (the one in Ironforge, the one in Kirthaven, an' the one in Booty Bay) is all real happy too.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Sons Of Anachronisms

After years of runnin' from the auction house ta the bank ta some profession vendor ta the auction house, Boy Friday an' J. P. Worgen has done patched in. Course, as hard workin' bank alts they's got weighty matters on they's minds an' cain't be bothered what with drivin' theyselves....

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Is Where Galertruby Explainifies The Random 6.1 Vendors

Lotta folks was a little bafflefied by Blizzard's decision fer ta make all the random vendors what sells tier 4 craftin' recipes an' primal spirits fer trade goods be set by region. So, yesterday, everybodies in the U.S. done got the tailorin' vendor. Wanted fer ta buy the recipe fer the new alchemist trinket? Gotta wait. Wanted ta trade in 30k of herbs fer savage bloods? Gotta wait. Well, what if'n I go ta a guildie's garrison? Nope, same vendor. Hows about usin' RealID fer ta visit the garrison of a friend what plays in a different serververse? Nope, same vendor.

Some folks was so unpleased what they even used bad words on the official forums.

Me, I ain't in no hurry, but I does be perplexified by the design choice. But no worries, Galertruby the Profound has looked inta it, and has done deduced the logic behind Blizz's thinkifyin'. An' now he's gonna explain it ta you buggers.

Garhhl. Gahhl galha Garrrahhalagh.

Gllah gahr allahhgrl ghallagl gah. Agh glahhgl glahhgl garrh gahhlahr glahhr, ga gallhahl! Aglhha gahllragl gllah aghhrla gahhllrah gah glaghhlh glahh. Aghahll garhhr glahhlglhaarhga ghallah allha, garrharlh agghal ga arhhh galahhargh. Glallh garrh, gahhlahglahhr agglh ahghlagl glagglha ga arhhh.

Gaghaha aglah agghr laghalagh grahagl, gaghaha glhahg agrgha laghahrag. Glhaggla agg larhg galhagga ghaha alahg, glah, gahaghga gahlgal allahg glha. Glaglha gha, aggrahgl lahg gahhaglarh. Garrh glahaggl glha agghalarg agglahar ghaggl aglha. Agglh ahghlagla agh grrhal, gallha gra gahhllha gallraghl ahl lagglarh. Gahhaga gahagrl!

Glahhgrl glah arrlh aggrhala gahhl glha. Glahg grahhglh glhhlhalha gahhr garrha, aglh glhha gharhl. Glhagl gllha ahhr glahhlglhaarhga ghallah allhag. Gllha garrharlh aglhha gahllragl. Gllah aghhrla gahhllrah gah glaghhlh glahh, gahhl aghhr garahhghlahhrgh aghraahl glhahhl gahhlah. Glah aghr Ghrallhahl gha gahrrlagahr agh gahlagh. Agghlagh garrh arhhlagh gahl grah glahhghl. Glahgl arhlg glah.

Glhargal glah agglha arglhaglh, gahalg aggla gahrlagghl. Laggharlag agglha gah. Aglh aglha gallh gahll gahrrallah. Agrhh glagglha gha ghrallhalha ghagglha gaharrgh glha agglahg, agh argalagh gahhll garhh ahhghr glahh.

Alhhagh gha,

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Successful Hotel Slogans

"Feel the Hyatt Touch."

"The Right Way. The Wyndham Way."

"Relax, it’s Holiday Inn."

"The best surprise is no surprise."

"Discover a hotel that defines a new dimension of luxury."

You buggers notice a pattern? That's right! Ain't none of them hotel chains goes aroun' braggin' "Our innkeeper gots lice!"

Or mebbe he eats lice. Is kinda a ambiguosity, an' I ain't really all that anxious fer ta find out either way.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The Horror. The Horror.

Yeah, remember what a crapfest the Blades Edge Mountains were? Turns out, it were an improvement. Gorgrond done took the worst parts of Utah and the Congo, through 'em in a blender, then added some unmentioned bodily fluids an' served it up in a fluggernubbin' martini glass. Is all the yuck. We gots ancient rock demigods throwin' down with ancient plant demigods. We gots wasps big enough fer ta throw a saddle on. We gots funguses infectin' yer brain an' totallies makin' you they's bitch.

An' we got innocent lil' kids bein' forced ta eat .... fruit.

Monday, February 16, 2015

How's Ta Buy Savage Bloods Fer 125g

Is easy. Catch is, ya gots ta be patient.

So, in patch 6.1, is gonna be a random vendor showin' up in yer garrison. I's pretty sure the plan is gonna be what there's always a vendor, just a different one each day. Anywho, they's the buggers what's gonna sell the recipes fer the tokens what'll upgrade crafted items ta tier 4. They also is gonna offer a daily quest fer ta exchange 50 ore or herbs or hides or whatevers fer 25 primal spirits - which trade good depends on the vendor. An' then - this be the good part - the will sell you 1 spirit fer 5 trade goods, again which one depends on which vendor.

Remembers all them ores an' herbs what we can barely gives away, 'cause everybodies has they's mines an' gardens? You will be ables fer ta buy an unlimited number of primal spirits with 'em.

I suggests you buggers thinks on that fer a minute. I know I has, an' I's just a simple orc.

Five crappy arsed nagrand arrowbloomers or blackrock candies or firehemps ta buy a spirit. Fifty spirits ta buy a savage blood. Yer mileage may vary, but I's findin' what it ain't hard ta get herbs an' ore on the AH fer fifty pieces of silver. Barely more'n the goin' rate fer ta betray an incarnatified deity.

Whazzit work out to? I'd say buggered if I know 'cause mathifyin' hurts me head, but I alreadies had J. P. Worgen, bank alt whiz, work it out fer me. Is 125 gold ta buy each blood. Prices is fallin' but I's still seein' 600-700 gold fer the fluggernubbers on the AH. So this be quite a bits better, if'n yer in a buyin' mood an' can affords ta wait a bit fer the payoff.

Just thought I'd share that bit of analysizations with you buggers.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Technical Difficulties

Had me some spare time the other day, so I sez to meself, "Self? Now what we's in our hundredth season an' all, let's celebratize by goin' ta the Firelands and grindin' us some rep?" An' I agreed what that sounded like an excellent idea. So as a shortcut ta Everlook, I fired up me Dimensional Ripper an' let one rip.

But is been a while since I done used it, an' in me excitements I kinda forgot what there be some technical issues in the design. Like, it can set you on fire an' burninate ya to death if'n ya ain't got a cheeseburger or somethin' fer ta scarf down real fast-like.


Well, this is awkward.

But once I got meself not dead no more an' popped over ta the Firelands, things went a lot better. Anticlimacticals, even.

Yeah, Ragnaros, I think a lotta the exotic wimmenz would agrees - only lastin' 1 minute an' 20 seconds is too soon. Mebbe next time try thinkin' about baseball or sumthin'.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Could Be Worse

Beetle the Warrior (don't let them pink ponytails fool ya, that tasty piece of gnomeflesh is as amazingly virile as they come) were in Pinchwhistle Gearworks, down Spires of Arakakakak way, when she done ran inta a coupla navigationaly challengified adventurers with dirty feet. Kalaena the Belfmage were none to happy abouts the situation:

Meanwhiles, Dead Douglas were doin' his best fer ta take it in stride:

Beetle pointed out it coulda been worse - they coulda wandered inta Pinchwhistle Point an' become snacks fer the local mushrooms:

Heat, oppressive humidity, infectious fungus - kinda sounds like Houston, don't it? Prolly gots a better football team, though.