Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Is Where Ratshag Talks Ta The Crab

Ghostcrawler's latest watercoolerized blog post is about tanking, and "active mitigations." Is a quote from the first paragraph:

"if tanks don’t need to hit their buttons to generate threat, they may realize they don’t need to hit most of their buttons at all, and just stand there waiting until the right time to Shield Wall. Going a GCD or two without using a combat ability is fine with us. Standing around much longer than that gets boring quickly."

Then he goes on fer about twelve paragraphs talkin' about various and sundries ideas fer how different systems of standin' there pushin' buttons can be more or less interestings than others.


If'n the tank is standin' there hittin' buttons, then it's a boring-arsed fight. If'n we wanted fer ta stand there and hit buttons, then we'd just go be mages, and make the big bucks and get invited ta the parties with movie stars and hot tubs and free cocaine. Bein' a tank means ya wanna get yer hands dirty, be light on yer feet, move the bugger here so he ain't there, be scannin' with yer eyes so's ya can react ta sumthin' new and revoltifying fast before it eats the priest. 'Stead of movie stars and cocaine we's lookin' wimmenz in shady bars with bottles of tequila. Except fer them bears, they prefers mimosas, but I digressifies. Point is, if is a choice between standin' there pushin' buttons and standin' there not pushin' buttons, then the fight sucks fer the tank. And no amounts of theorizin' over which buttons ta push is more interestings than them other buttons ta push is gonna change that.

So what is it what makes tanking interestings? A well-executed pull. Shifting the glubberfunker so that the melee buggers can keep doin' they's job without they's feet meltin'. Usin' terrain fer ta block spells when ya wants it to and not when ya don'ts. Grabbin' all them vicious knids and make them chase ya around the room so's they don't molest the squishies. When sumthin' goes wrong and the stuff hits the fan, poppin' yer cooldowns and shoutin' "Ya want some? Then come get some!" and savin' the day, even though ya know is gonna be as ugly and uncomfortables as gettin' romantically intimates with coupla Panzer IVs. If is a good encounter, then ain't harder or easier than bein' a finger-wigglin' mage. Is. Just. Fuhggin'. Different.

If ya can't see this, then ya gots no business talkin' ta me about how yer gonna make tankin' more interestingified. Even if ya is a bigshot celebrity named after a spirit beast in Vash'jir, yer still a clueless glubberthumper. In this case yer a clueless hupperwhumper with power though, and that shite don't smell pretty nohow. Have fun makin' tanking less popular than it already be.

Now, here be another thing what made me ears purple.
"I polled all of the class designers who raid Heroic content (which is all of them, I believe)"
He makes it sound like is a good thing. It ain't. Means the class designers is in the top 5% or 10% or whatevers of the player base, which is a yay on them, but it also means what they be experiencin' the game with other buggers what's also all in the top 5%. Not just in they's skill, but in they's attitude. I's always felt what Blizz don't understand what it be like fer ta play they's own game. Would they done have designed a Lookin' Fer Guild tool what gives ya the useless choice of "I play on weekends" vs "I play on weekdays" if'n they'd ever had ta work ta find a guild? Would they done have made it so easy fer ta kick buggers from a PuG if they had fer ta deal with gettin' sent ta the back of the queue because some heroiepic fuhgwad thinks his dps be too beautiful fer ta have ta mingle with yer 349 performance in a Z? I'm thinkin' Blizz could stands ta have a lot more of they's designers be buggers what know what it's like fer us in the bottom 95%.

Now, I's just a simple orc from Durotar. I's muddy and dirty and has trouble with big words sometimes and I ain't no bigshot like the crab. So mebbe I's wrong, and he knows what he be about and I's the one what be clueless about what be interestings fer a lot of us tanks. Mebbe most tanks like standin' there and pushin' buttons. Wouldn't be the first time I talked out of me arse. But still, I read his post and I cain't help but wonder, "what the hell game is he talkin' about?"

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

How Ta Get The Most Outta Life

Step 1: Take yer candle

Step 2: Light one end

Step 3: Light the other end

Step 4: Chop the flundernugger in two with yer axe!

Is how I lives it, every day.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Galertruby's Guide To Cooking Chili

We's been eatin' pretty good at our's every-other Friday night meetifyings at Team Ratshag Secret Headquarters, mainly due ta young Galertruby's special chili. So I's asked him fer ta share the recipe with you buggers.

Garhhl. Gahhl galha Garrrahhalagh.

Gllah gahr allahhgrl ghallagl gah. Agh glahhgl glahhgl garrh gahhlahr glahhr, ga gallhahl! Aglhha gahllragl gllah aghhrla gahhllrah gah glaghhlh glahh. Aghahll garhhr glahhlglhaarhga ghallah allha, garrharlh agghal ga arhhh galahhargh. Glallh garrh, gahhlahglahhr agglh ahghlagl glagglha ga arhhh.

Gaghaha aglah agghr laghalagh grahagl, gaghaha glhahg agrgha laghahrag. Glhaggla agg larhg galhagga ghaha alahg, glah, gahaghga gahlgal allahg glha:
Glaglha gha, aggrahgl lahg gahhaglarh. Garrh glahaggl glha agghalarg agglahar ghaggl aglha. Agglh ahghlagla agh grrhal, gallha gra gahhllha gallraghl ahl lagglarh. Gahhaga:

Glahhgrl glah arrlh aggrhala gahhl glha. Glahg grahhglh glhhlhalha gahhr garrha, aglh glhha gharhl. Glhagl gllha ahhr glahhlglhaarhga ghallah allhag. Gllha garrharlh aglhha gahllragl. Gllah aghhrla gahhllrah gah glaghhlh glahh, gahhl aghhr garahhghlahhrgh aghraahl glhahhl gahhlah. Glah aghr Ghrallhahl gha gahrrlagahr agh gahlagh. Agghlagh garrh arhhlagh gahl grah glahhghl. Glahgl arhlg glah:
Glhargal glah agglha arglhaglh, gahalg aggla gahrlagghl. Laggharlag agglha gah. Aglh aglha gallh gahll gahrrallah. Agrhh glagglha gha ghrallhalha ghagglha gaharrgh glha agglahg, agh argalagh gahhll garhh ahhghr glahh.

Alhhagh gha,

Friday, August 26, 2011

Ah, The Finer Things In Life

Happily, some of them are still casual. Like raiding Kara with a small group of 70s. Kara is so fine, it's even made with white wine (makes no sense, I know, but is what the original mustard commercial said, just go with it you buggers). Kara at 70 goes well even without flasks, justice points, hit capping, tankspot videos, buggers what know where they's going, and, of course, fish feasts. So enjoy one of life's finer pleasures.

"Pardon me, would you have the heads of Attumen, Moroes, the Maiden of Virtue, Julio and Romulette, and Curator?"
"But of course."

Kara at 70. One of life's finer pleasures.
How terribly fuhggin' clumsy of him.
This Kara raid has been a production of Grey Poupon and the Thursday night Free Radicals: Xanyanca, Yldarric, Dranhuntera, Felbane, Skoton, Tavia, Gasket, and The Warrior With No Name.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Carefuls - He Might Hear Ya

Tempestad: Is Deathwing still flying around, blasting random zones?
Kinnavieve: Far as I know. Why?
Tempestad: Well, I've leveled all the way to my 85th season, and now I'm doing archeology. I think I would have seen him by now if he was still around.
Kinnavieve: *shrug* I dunno, Pali said she saw him when she was in the Blasted Lands a few months ago.
Tempestad: *shrug*

... not two minutes later ....

Deathwing: RAWR! I'm still here, bitch!
Tempestad: Oh!
Tempestad has died.
Tempestad has earned the achievement [Stood in the Fire]

Kinnavieve: Well.... I guess that answers that.

(Yup, that's exactly how it went down last night. I's shittin' you buggers not)

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Seriously, I'd Pay Real Golds...

...fer ta be able what ta transmogrify me tanking armor inta this:

Mebbes 'mog me weapon and shield inta fishies while I's at it. C'mon Blizz. If'n yer gonna let us have some funs doin' the silly, then let's have the balls fer ta go all the way.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Genre Mash-Up Poll

Captain Caveman done beat out Molly 70 ta 22, definitively proving what you buggers watched a lot more Saturday morning cartoons than read breakthrough cyberpunk novelizings. And Kes, I's sendin' ya the Director's Cut DVD of the classic Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels / Josie and the Pussycats Team-Up, fer yer cultural enlightenments.

This week we's goin' historicals bad-asses. Sorta. Anywho, is in the sidebar, same as usuals.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Friday Night Drunken Singings Featuring Fathom-Lord Zin'jatar

Didn't take too long 'fore I found out
What people mean by "down and out" ....hic!
Shpent my fish oil, took my clams
Started tellin' her friends she gonna kick out the jamsh

[air guitar] ba-na-ne-now-now etc etc

I dont't know, but I been told
A no-leg woman ain't got no shoul!

[more drunken air guitar Jimmy Page-ish kinda]

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, ah, ah, ah....hic!
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, ah, ah, ah....hic!

Monday, August 15, 2011

The Wisdom Of Ol' Sour Breath: Guild Recruiting

Grab'em comin' outta the pub 'n' tie'em up 'n' throw'em in the wagon.




Off with ye!

Disclaimer: Views expressed by Ol' Sour Breath do not necessarily reflect the views of, Google, or their affiliates.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

New Poll

Inspector Gadget easily The Dude With The, You Know, Things, 58 (65%) to 31 (34%).

For this weeks poll, we's got two new buggers, neither of which were made up by me, with plenties of alli... allala... allateratives.... Bugger it. Words what start with the same glubbernuggin' letter.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Is Where Creighton Has An Unexpected Encounter

I was at the Gulch Saturday, preparing to give the Horde ruffians a right proper paddling, when I encountered this most distinguished looking gentleman.
He gave me his card and invited me to come for tea after the dustup, which I readily accepted. And then we won our match three-nil. All in all, a simply brilliant afternoon.