Monday, September 29, 2014

Monday Morning Mathifications

So I was listenin' ta some musics the other day, when me phone kicked up "Gimme Back Me Bullets" by Leonard P. Skinnard, which I always done liked, so I cranked it up. An' when it done got ta verse number the two, the words was:

Sweet talkin' people done ran me out of town
And I drank enough whiskey to float a battleship around 

Great googly moogly. That's a lotta whiskey.

And it got me ta thinkin'. Just how much whiskey would ya need fer ta do that? So then I mathified.

First of all, ya gots ta know exactlies which battleship yer gonna be floatin'. Some was a lot bigger than others. I finally figgered I'd go with the USS New Jersey, since at the time the song were written she was the last battleship fer ta have served on duties. So I done looks her up, an' it sez she displaced 45,000 tons. Now the song don' say "float", it sez "float aroun'", so I figgers we's gonna need at least five times that much. That's a lotta whiskey.

Now, next thing be, what be the density of whiskey? I know it ain't the same as water, so I gots fer ta look that up too. Turns out is 7.54 pounds per gallon. Okay then.

One last thing I needed. Well I didn't need it exactlies, but is gonna give it some perspectives, is how much whiskey does people drink?  Took a bit of diggin' fer ta find that one - apparentlies is not a question what gets asked a lot in polite company on the interwebbies. But eventuallies I found this, what sez in North America we drinks about 200 million liters of whiskey a year. Holy guacamole.

Dangit, I got one numbers in gallons an' on in liters. How does them match up? 3.79 liters per gallon? Thankee.

Okay so now let's done put it all togethers an' see where we is.

45,000 tons * 5 * 2000 pounds per ton * 1 gal / 7.54 pounds * 3.79 liters per gallon * 1 years worth / 200 million liters

which done equals ...

ummmm ....

well ....

Bugger it. I's just a simple orc, I ain't gonna be ables ta figger this. Creighton! Slap one of them mage-y brains buffson yerself  an' tell me what this done equals.

Okay! There we go. Is equals 1.13 years worth of North American whiskey drinkin' fer ta float a battleship around. All done by one 1970s rock star. Party on, bro.

Or ya could just do it the traditional way, an' float the bugger in water.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Gun-Lovin' Panda Dude

This here roly poly piece of pandaflesh be Roufus. Say hello, you buggers. He be the new designated boomstick wielder fer the Alliance side of the team.

And his pet .... thing .... be Pookie. Because traditions be importants.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Meet Me At The Adjective Noun

I always liked me a tavern with a nice two-word name. "The Prancing Pony". "The Kneeling Man". "The Vulgar Unicorn". Okay yeah them's is techicallies three words, but the "the" don't count. Me blog, Me rules. Shorter names, like "Cheers", and longer ones, like "Saint Bob's 58th Street Bar and Grill and Wenches", just never really did it fer me. Dunno why.

Anywho, I's plannin' fer ta have an inn in me garrison. Or mebbe a tavern. Ain't really sure which the difference is. Anywho, a place where adventurers can come in from the rain, sit by a roarin' fire, flirt with the servin' persons, share a bed with Ishmael an' Queequeg, meet they's fellow adventurers an' exchange banters like "My name? My name??!? Tell me my name, or I shall kill you!" (Ya had ta be there fer that one. Trust me, it were funnies.)

But me tavern gonna need a name. I ain't thinkin' what Blizz'll give it a good one for me, so I done went ta the Red Dragon Inn (see, two words) and used they's random name generator fer ta come up with a few. You buggers like any of these?

The Angry Eunuch
The Elven Harlot
The Thirsty Lute
The Hairy Giant
The Dented Shield
The Flirting Friar
The Yawning Wyrm
The Drunk Duck
The Wanton Kobold
The Ribald Paladin

Alternativelies, the random generator in me brain decided fer ta spit these ones out:

The Awkward Gigolo
The Angry Bird
The Discontinuous Icosahedron
The Painted Druid
The Iron Beard
The Snoring Elephant
The Brass Knuckles
The Spinning Princess

Decisions, decisions .... is good thing I got another couple months fer ta figger this one out.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Beta Is Beta

Had me a post all sets ta go about craftin' and garrisons and work orders and minions followers. But, in additions ta fixin' a metric crapton of stuffs what were broken, last night's build done changed all the numbers. How long, how many, how much, all be different today. So I gonna waits fer the dust ta settle, then try again.

What I can say is, garrison buildings done speed up yer transmutinifications. Assignin' a follower ta the buildin' helps. More than that, I's still figgerin' out. Again.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

I Be Diggin'

Now, I's just a simple orc. I hit things with me axe, I loves exotic wimmenz, and every now an' then I dabbles a bit in stuff what be interestin'. But right now me dabblin' be closin' in on somethin' kinda nifty.

Only needs fer ta find me two more pristine artifacts, an' Lorewalker Cho sez he's gonna start callin' me "Ratshag, Seeker of Knowledge." Now wouldn't that be somethin'? Mom'd be damn proud. Prolly dad too, though closest he'd come to admittin' it would be ta hit me upsaid the head and say "Go git me another beer, boy!"

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

A True Priest Stitches Her Own Long Johns

Professions in WoD: Part 1 of Several

I were gonna call this "A True Warrior Forges His Own Axe", but I done used that sayin' a few times over the years so I figgers it be time fer a change. Besides, this one done cover the topic just as well.

So latelies I been sneakin' me some peeks inta the beta, 'cause, well, I's a curious bugger an' the done left the door unlocked. In particulars I were interested in professions, 'cause them buggers done change every expansion. And I was not disappoint. Now, some of you buggers may be wantin' fer to go in blind, so outta respects I gonna pause here an' throw up some pictures of priests an' long johns. Gonna be spoilers below. Ya been warned.

And we's back.

So. Professions. Great googly moogly, Blizz done changed'em.

Fer starters, they all be followin' the same model now fer craftin' stuff. Each profession got a daily transmute what turns raw mats inta processed mats. These then get used fer ta make armor, weapons, flasks, et ceteras. Because the processed mats be soulbound, ya cain't just go ta the auction house and stock up fer ta accelerates, nor can ya hand mats ta a guildie an' say "Makes me an two-handed frammerwhitzle" no mores. We's gonna be locked inta dailies forevers. Fortunatelies, they did done throw us a few bones fer ta speed it up a bit.

Bone numbers one: ya ain't gotta do none of it. professions no longer gives a raid bonus (no fur linin', no extra sockets, no BoP shoulder enchants). No benefits at all. So ya can skip professions alltagethers, if that be yer bag.

Bone number two: Garrisons. Gonna talk more about these later, on account of I ain't talkin' 'bout them now.

Bone number three: these daily transmutes can be learned at skill 1. Is right, a brand spankin' new rookie can make super-dooper epic dookickeys. An' the more skills ya got, the fasters it go. Fer anybody's with skill less than 600, ya gets four processed mats fer every transmute. At 600, this goes up ta five (fer the same number of raw mats). By the time ya gets ta 700, yer pullin' down ten processed mats per cooldown. Also, at that point yer cooldowns get charges, like a monk's rollin'. Ya can blow three dailies all at once, bang-bang-bang. They only recovers one per day, so ya ain't craftin' no faster, but it saves ya the troubles of havin' ta log log in every day. Which be kinda spiffy.

Okay, that's all I's gonna say fer taday. Is more details comin' in Part 2, which will be whenevers I feel like writin' it. Maybe.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Is New PUG Tool In 6.0

Fer puggin' raids an' puggin' group quests an' puggin' all sorta pugs. Buffy the pug is very exciteds by this - ya can tell just by lookin' at her.

Friday, September 12, 2014

In Which Ellspeth Has A Mighty Need


Look at that dragon. Isn't she pretty? Can I take her home with me and ride her?

Yes, yes, Lady Prestor, blah blah, Marshall Windsor, blah blah, thousands dead in Stormwind, blah blah, forty heroes, blah blah, 50 dkp minus, blah blah blah BLAH.

But pretty! And, and, and Deep Breath!

I need!


*clasp hands*

*eyes very wide*

*bite lower lip*




*blink dramatically*

I can haz Pretty?

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Titles What Ain't In WoW But Oughtta Be

"Mother / Father of Dragons"
Dang near anythin' from Song of Ice and Fire would work, reallies. "The Unburnt". "The Mountain What Rides". "Bloody Mummer". "Shits Gold".

"Fruit Vendor"
Awarded fer obstructifyin' leatherworking vendors in Shattrath an' other major cities.

"Evil Twin"
Because who's ta say you ain't?

"Fake Geek Girl"
Can you name the costume changes from Issue #247 ta #248, recite "Ode to a Grecian Urn in the original Klingon, beat the game in super-ultra-crimson-deluxe-challenge mode, an' threaten the manhood of entitled douchewaffles at cons? Then clearlies this be the title fer you.

"Collector of Useless Crap"
Five stacks of jaggal pearls? Check. Cloth fer ta level first aid on three more alts, 'cause ya never know? Check. Ripe Elwynn Pumpkins just in case Blizz removes the vendor what sells them next Pilgrim's Bounty? Got ya covered.

Is a scientific fact what 84% of heroes was members of the Avengers at some point in they's careers, includin' Batman an' Doogie Howser.

"Friend of the Grummles"
They sez I is one - who is Blizz fer ta tell me I ain't? If this were ta become a real title, I could bring meself fer ta forgives Blizz fer the Cataclysm expansion. Mebbe.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Wattery Bint Still Lobbing Scimitars

Time was, roughlies 75483 buggers a day was jumpin' inta that lake in Northrend, wavin' flowers and beggin' fer swords. Personalies, I think what Tirion Fordring and them other Argent Tourney buggers was all standin' around makin' bets ta see what they could get us ta do next. "Dude, let's pay Ratters 18g fer ta roll around nekkid in oatmeal so's a pretty lady'll give him a sword!" But I digressifies.

Point is, we heroes ain't been around like we used ta, and the Maiden of Drak'Mar done noticed. Apparentlies is been years since anybody done come by, 'til young Jinnik come by the other day. Is happy the Team could brighten up yer day a bit, Maiden!

Monday, September 8, 2014

Our Long Dark Nightmare May Finallies End

Years ago, way back before achievements done became team-wide, way back even befores achievements even existed, me and some of the others on the team signed up fer the brew of the month club. Was fun, haullin' beers and racin' around on yer ram. Was fun, gettin' a new beer in the mail every month fer a year. Was fun, puttin' up posts like this one. Was fun, finishin' up the whole set.

But then, they didn't stop. They didn't. Fuhggin'. Stop.

The beers kept comin', year afters year afters year. Cloggin' the mailboxes. Warnings from altoholic what mail's gonna expire on six different toons. Like that magazine with the cute talkin' rabbits an' stories about brave kids in China or Norway what ya signed up fer when yer seven but is still showin' up in yer mailbox when yer twenty-eight and ya cain't find a way ta tell thems ta stop holy guacamole I ain't sent in a check since forevers please fer the love of Elune and Sargeras make it stop!

Ya know, when I starts ta feel this way about free beer, is a sign what it be too much free beer.

But is good news. The dataminers done found a letter what we gonna get ta send in the Country Bumpkins of Draenor expansion: "Angry Brewfest Letter. Use: Cancel your Brew-of-the-Month Club membership." So, so readies fer ta let this bugger fly. "WARNING: Once an angry letter is sent, you will never be able to join the Club again!" Dude, that ain't a warning, that there's a big fat honkin' dollop of icing on the glubbernuggin' cake.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Yup, I Was Dead

Dead. I was dead as Marley's doornail. I was flatter than the Dixie Flatline. Pretty much blowed ta a million or so pieces along with ol' Deathing when he done farted out a batshit crazy load of Old Gods. Boy, I was dead.

So what happened? Well, remembers, this all done happened on Therazane the Stonemother's front porch, with Alex the Life-Bender an' Ysera the dragon hippy standin' by. Ain't no way them fine wimmenz was gonna let all that amazingly virile orcflesh go ta waste. So they gathered an' slapped an' binded an' hoisted me ta the top of a tower durin' a thunderstorm an' shouted "It's alive!". Or sumthin'. Sheeeit, I was dead, I cain't be bothered fer ta remember the details.

Anywho, afters, I weren't dead no more. So, afters takin' time fer ta thank them alls personally, I done headed out fer Pandalandia so's I could kick some names an' take some arse. Shoot first an' ask questions afters. Capture Anduin then let the little bugger go again five or six times. Whichevers.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

The Wisdom of Ol' Sour Breath: Why Kairoz Is Using Us To Help Garrosh

Because fookin' dragons.







Off with ye!

Disclaimer: Views expressed by Ol' Sour Breath do not necessarily reflect the views of, Google, or their affiliates.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Rating Things What Happened While I Were Dead

Many pandas. And they drink beer! Many beer! Ain't no way a fluggernubber cain't be down with that. A

Secret Weapons
Garrosh done went ta Pandalandia an' found hisself a whole buncha arse-kickin' secret weapons. Like, um, a bell. And, well, the non-beating heart of a dead Thing. An' a buncha statues. At least the dinosaur with frickin' laser beams was cool. Bold warrior what he be, he decided fer ta take all these weapons an' (rather than attack) hide under Org an' promptlies lose the war. Good job there, kodo-droppings-fer-brains. D-

We can done name our pets an' collect'em in the wild an' fight battles an' damn this be fun lil' Pokeclone fer Punkerdubbers. A-

Hey, hey, we's the monks. An' people say we monk around. But we's too busy rollin' an' doin' that freaky cool flyin' crane kick thing, to put nobodies down. B

"I'm gonna ook you in da dooker" done be the best made-up cuss words since "fluggernubber". Plus, ya know, talkin' monkeys. B+

Angry klepto vegetarians wearin' diapers. Thinks there were an episode of "My Strange Addiction" what covered that alreadies. C

Sunsong Ranch
Dad always wanted me fer ta be a farmer. Ain't no place better fer ta kick back with a cold bottle of Uncle Bonechomper's Day Old Piss an' watch a fresh crop of raptorleaf try ta snag young Andi. A

The Timeless Isle
After years of listenen' ta folks say "Fuhg you, Blizz! We's sick of questin' on rails!" Blizz done decided fer ta respond. "Fuhg me? Fuhg you! Here's an entire zone with almost no quest chains at all. An' we ain't gonna give you no more content for a whole year. Grind! Grind, beeyotches, grind!" C+

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Linnshi and Chu

"Hey, Linnshi?"

"Yes, Chu?"

"What's that naked orc doing on our dock?"

"Looks like he's fishing."

"Yeah, I can see that he's fishing. But where did he come from?"

"I don't really know. He just swam up out of the ocean, climbed up on the dock, and him and Nat fistbumped. So I guess Nat knows him. Anyway, he gave him a rod and a chair and a hat, so I figure it's okay for him to be here."

"Couldn't Nat have given him some pants? This is Angler's Wharf, we're the central spot of fishing for all Pandaria, we have to maintain our standards .... or decorum .... or something. Dignity? Anyway, we can't have orcs wandering around naked."

"But he's not wandering, he's fishing. And drinking beer. And besides, he's got a hat, so he's not really naked."

"Don't be silly, Linnshi. He's all green and exposed and, uh, rippling and scars and, well, wet .... glistening ....  muscles ... It's not proper!"

"You don't know the half of it. I got a good look when he climbed up."

"Linnshi, you shouldn't-"

"You should go sneak a peek."

"I'm a married Pandaren now, I can't be-"

"He's amazingly virile."


"You know you want to."

"I .... can't believe .... really .... how could you .... well, I suppose, I could, maybe, go over on the east dock, a bit, check the lines, look around, you know, wouldn't hurt, I guess. Yeah. I should go do that."

"Thatta boy, Chu."

Monday, September 1, 2014

Need More .... Whazzit?

... the ... word. the thing. Ya know, when they's words what was in a book or song or whatevers an' ya wanna say them. Like fer ta be clevers or funny. Like ... umm ...

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

Yeah, that's it. One of them buggers. Whassit called? Cain't really remembers, everythings all buggered up and cloudy ...

"May the Force be with you."

Quote. That's it. That's the blubbernuggin' word. Dang, lookit all them quotes rattlin' around in me brain....

"With great power there must also come great responsibility."

Yeah, sounds like a whole lotta not fun there, thanks. Is one particulars one I's lookin' fer though. One what pertains ta me particular situationalizings here.

"Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaegar died."

Sucks fer ta be him then, don't it? Lessee... mebbe over here...

"Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!"

Oops. 'Scuse me there, Mick.

"Noah, a man of the soil, was the first to plant a vineyard.  He drank some of the wine and became drunk, and he lay uncovered in his tent.  And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside."

Seriouslies, dude, ain't nobody wanna see that. Da fuhg that doin' in me brain anyhow?

"They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!"

Maybe they should take drunk nekkid Noah away. Dang, the one quote what I needs. Wherehell is it?

"Never gonna give you-"

Fuhggin' hells, that sure ain't it.


Um ... fork?

"Eight-Six-Seven Five Three-Oh-Niiiiiiiine!"

Ah, Jenny, what a good time that night were. What, you buggers all tried callin' too an' all you got was like lawyers offices an' stuff? Mebbe ya shoulda tried bein' more amazingly virile or sumthin'.

"Houston, we have a problem."

No freakin' kiddin', Houston. I needs the quote, I gonna needs it real soon, is gonna be any second now. Wait, wait, wait, wait, what this? Mebbe ... mebbe ... yes! Ah-ha! That's the one what I were lookin' fer.

"With breath, came pain."

Wait, how much pain we talkin' here?

That much, huh? Well, got on with it, I ain't gettin' any younger. Ain't gettin' any older neithers, now that I thinks about it, but you buggers know what I-