Thursday, February 7, 2008

What I Likes About Being A Warrior

I see all the cool bloggers is following up on Banana Shoulders' suggestion ta talk abouts why they likes being they's class. I guess it be me turn then, so have a seat whiles a lays it out fer ya.

Scars. Warriors got more scars than anybodies on two legs. Most everbodies else, they wants to avoid gettin' hit. And who can blame'em, really, 'cause they's all squishy. Bears got lots of scars too, but they disappearifies when they get they's elf or tauren back on. Palladins, they maybe got a lot of scars too, but they puts on makeup for to cover'em up so's they can look all pure. Is true! Ask'em.

Scars is good fer several things. They can be good fer bonding with yer mates when yer sittin' around a table and hoisting a few. I'd say "male bonding", but that be old-fashioned now that there's plenty of women warriors, and I's just as happy to see they's scars and hear the stories what goes with.

Scars is also good fer impressin' some wimmenfolk with yer virility and overall studliness and sex appeal, and then that leads ta new rewards. Is important ta do yer homework first, though, just like assaulting a dungeon - some wimmens don't go fer scars and requires different tactics. So don't blame Ratter if you just walk up and sez "Hey toots, check this out" and flash where that felboar tusked ya and she goes "Ewwwww!", 'cause I warned ya. Whethers this approach works fer wimmen warriors lookin' to land theyselves a tasty piece of mageflesh, I don't know. Not really me department.

Is Got Spell Reflection. "Oh, I's sorry, did you just moonfire yerself? That's too bad." This be so funny to see, it alone makes battlegrounds worth doing.

Is Never Closing Time. Ever seen a warrior get his arse chucked outta a bar before they's had they share of beer? That's right, 'cause it never happens. Bartender sez "That's it - we's closed" and the troll priest sez "No! Gimme another!" and whoa Nellie! she goes flyin' out the door. But the warrior just settles inta his defensive stance and, with two bouncers tuggin' on him, sez "Ain't done yet. I wants another beer." And he gets it.

Now, after he's had enough and be passed out on the floor, then they can chuck him out. But that ain't the same at alls.

Can Wear the Helm of Evil Laughter. Coolest piece of loot in Azeroth, and warlocks cain't equip it, no matter how bads they want to.

When Ya Calls Folks Fer Dinner, They Hear Ya. Even if they's in the next zone. "Is warp burgers and clam bars! Come eat!" Practicin' yer shouts makes this possibilified.

Ya Can Be Any Race. Excpet Belfs, 'cause they got screwed.

Sings Better'n Any Other Class. Now, hunters can do a fair job with "Hunter hunter hunter hunter" and Paladins can sings "I Feel Pretty" just as well as Natalie could, but that's as far as it goes. Windshadow at BBBBBBBBB has great taste in music, but have you heard her actually sing? Even the statues at the entrance ta Stormwind cover they's ears. Only a warrior can belt out something righteous like a Tom Waits cover and not sound like a doofus.

So, there ya has it. Some of the many reasons why it's great to be a warrior.


Anonymous said...

Paladins do *not* wear makeup. They wear PLATE ARMOR. And they keep it SHINY, unlike a warrior who doesn't care how scuffed his armor gets.

We got scars, too--but nobody gets to see 'em unless they're taking our armor off.

Dobs said...

Pft. Hunters have scars, too. And a lack of them there "social graces" that keep them wussy pallies and holy boys from getting their feet dirty in the woods.

Ours are good cuz if yer all soft and such, the ground gets awful uncomfortable quick.

Anonymous said...

those pally plates must really suck if you have scars under them :D

and real men wear leather :P

p.s. do squishies wear armor at all, I though it was just bodypainting...

Bell said...

Bellwether gets threatened to be turned into paper.

And about the pally scars under the armor, I don't know about you, but I ran in nothing but the cloak on my back up to Zul'Aman when I heard about the frogs they were giving away. Plenty of time to get scars on the way, unlike Horde who can just hop a port to Silvermoon and mosey on down.

Anonymous said...

@Corwin - Yes, we squishies have armor. It just gets shredded like paper when some Orc with a big damned axe comes sauntering our way with malice in his eyes.

Mana Battery Bitch said...

You can talk on and on about squishies and your own plate, but fact remains that most of the burly warriors I've met go ga-ga over a little priest in her finest silk and chains ;)

Anonymous said...

@MBB - Yeah, I can't claim that with the female warriors. They're usually a little creeped out by my minion.

Anonymous said...

Okay...enough is enough. Next time I'm inspired to write something on my blog, I'm simply going to say to myself, "What would Ratshag say?" (WWRS).

Except I am pretty sure I can't channel Orcish. :(

Good read as always, my big green friend.

Anonymous said...

Well said mon! As a hunter ya know I love me da warriors! You aint lived till you heard Rain Dogs performed to steel drums by a Troll hunter wit a Red Stripe in your hand though. I love me some Tom Waits!

Anonymous said...

You ever try removing a hunter who's still thirsty from a bar while his devilsaur (whose T Total for religious reasons) stands near by? I think not