Bonhomme Ratshag

"I wish to have no connection with any fuhggin' ship that does not sail fast; fer I intends ta go in harm's way an' get me a muggerflubbin' hippo mount!"

Well, Ain't THAT Da Poop

Failin' a 99-percenter fer a BRF cache. Maurice is done gonna have ta wait hisself another two weeks fer another shot at a 670 now.

Meself, I suspects it were prolly the Pleasure Bot's fault.

Possible Business Venture

Goblin Hunter Boy (by night known as Fezziwhig) done be ponderin' a ponder:

"Look at all that gronn poop. I wonder if it makes a good fertilizer? I think I'll put an herb garden there in six levels or so, and if it works well, I'm going to make a fortune bagging it and selling it!"

Kimzee Pinchwhistle Ain't Got Time Fer S'mores

She ain't down with campfire songs or tellin' ghost stories neithers.

New Follower, Eh?

Me kid brother Gogmoth were in his garrison yesterday when a certain druid done walked in lookin' fer work. Turned out what he had an opening fer a celebrity artist what could kick arse, so he hired her on the spot an' put her ta work. Summoned up an imp with a set of colored pencils an' everything.

Now, any you buggers seen a fiery belfadin wanderin' around?

Is A New Game Fer You Buggers Watchin' From Home

Every time...

...what Yulia Samras ....

....changes her hair style and her hair color and her face ....

....hit the anvil with yer hammer an' take a drink.

Success!

Is big hairy Congo rats ta Delvar, Daleera, an' Erdanii fer goin' inta Highmaul an' takin' down the Butcher, Ko'ragh, an' Impertater Mar'gok. Was an 85 percent shot, an' they done brought home the bling: a nice shiny locket from Ko'ragh hisself, complete with a picture of his mom. Or mebbe his pet warthog. Is hard fer ta tell.

Talonpriest Ishaal Is So Done With Tommy Joe

The other day Kinnavieve were out in Nagrand, trappin' wolves fer they's fur and savage blood, an' she done took Talonpriest Ishaal alongs fer some extra musclefications. Now, His Holiness does a good job of bodyguardin' on these jobs, even if he do have a tendency fer ta keep poundin' on the wolves after they's trapped, but he don't exactlies have what you'd call a sense of humor. So when the Stonefields show up fer ta haul the beasts off, Tommy Joe's lip flappin' kinda got on Reverend Birdie's nerves.

As the afternoon went on, things just done kept gettin' testier.

I's pretty sure what everbodies made it back ta the garrison without the Talonpadre demonstratin' ta Tommy Joe how ta prepare Shadow Word: Farmhand (rotisserie-style).

But I ain't positives.

Goals An' Priorities: Armchair Raid Leader Edition

"Ya gots ta have yer goals an' priorites figgered out, boy!" dad always told me. "Otherwise ya ain'ts gonna know if'n where ya got to was where ya wanted!" Then he'd throw his bottle of Uncle Bonechomper's Day Old at me head, fer emphasisizations.

So what does we wants ta do with all our garrison minions, once we's got our twenty or twenty-five? Here's how mean an' the team be playin' it:

Goal Number the One: Minion XP.
Goal Number the Two: Minion XP.
Goal Number the Three: Minion XP.
A purple minion can cover as many bases as a green an' a blue combined. Is like one bein' ables fer ta play second base an' third base at the same time, which be awesomes if'n yer coachin' the Yankees or in the back seat with Yola Skullgrinder. But it takes approximatelies one metric fuhgton of XP fer ta level one bugger up ta epic. So them missions what gives out eight or ten or fifteen thousand XP? Run the crap outta them glubberflubbrers.

Goal Number the Four: Resources.
Now, this one may depends a bit on if'n ya gots a Dwarfenboonker suckin' down yer garrison resources or a lumber mill barfin' 'em up, but in generals resources be good fer ta have. If'n ya gots a minion with the Gathererer trait, be sures ta send her, even if it drops the chance of success. A 50% shot at triple reward is better than a 100% shot at the basic reward. And if it be a multi-minion mission an' ya gots more than one gatherer? Send'em all! The reward bonuses stack!

Goal Number the Five: Minion Gear.
Gotta gear the buggers up fer ta unlock the phatter lewts. But don't be in no hurry fer ta gear everyone up. Pick two - preferablies a couple buggers what has direct counters ta some of the highmaul bosses and gear thems up. That'll be enoughs fer ta unlock things. Fer the rest, keep the gear in yer bags and only hand it out when it will help the odds of a particular mission.

Goal Number the Six: Gear Fer Yerself.
Wait just one cotton pickin' minute there, Ratters, you sez. If'n the whole point of this is fer ta get me gear, whyfuhg am I makin' it me lowest priority?

I so glad you asked. Remembers, we's in fer a long haul. Got a coupla years, give or take, before we's done with Draenor, an' yer gonna be runnin' missions that whole time. Investin' in yer minions first means more gear fer you later on. Them Highmaul missions is onlies gone come one every two weeks or so, so yer gonna want yer odds of success fer ta be as high as possibles when they do. So, a penny saved be worth two in the bush, an' be sure fer ta look before ya saves nine.

I Know I Ain't The Sharpest Tool In The Bridgeport ....

.... but don't it seem like the mine would work better's if'n ya took the miners off the tracks and put the glubbernuggin' mine carts on them?

I Know I's Just A Simple Orc, But It Seems Ta Me What....

... shouldn't the first thing ya does when the enemy be at the gates, is close the fluggernubbin' gates? Lower the portcullis? Raise the drawbridge? Course, that last one assumes what ya had the brains fer ta dig a moat first.

Hey don't be lookin' at me. Ya, they calls me the commander in me garrison, but I's really jus' the poor bugger what goes down inta the mine every day an' digs out the ore.

Assemble The Minions!

Blizz calls thems "followers", but that sounds way too much like camp followers to me ears, and that ain't they's job. Coulda called them "flying monkeys", "garritroopers", or "flunkeys", but I decided fer ta go with "minions".

Anywho, whatevers ya call'em, they's a new way fer ta kill things an' take they's stuff. Ya gots ta level the buggers up (by sending'em on missions). Then ya gota ta gear'em up (mostlies by buildin' a scrapyard an' sendin' them on missions ta bring back junk, and also by buildin' a dwarfenboonker an' feedin' it work orders). Then, when yer minions is ready, ya can send'em ta Highmaul. This week, Qiana done brought the tankin', with her big bare bear. Goldmane done brought the massive deeps, with him claws an' fangs an' all. An' the Pleasure-Bot 8000 done brought the .... well .... with his .... you know .... mebbe best I leaves that fer yer imaginiationalizings.

Lookie there, is loot.

Inside be a random 655 epic fer yer class an' lootspec - I got me an amulet. Is just as if ya'd gone ta Highmaul yerself. Sorta. Is a slow process - Blizz sez what ya onlies can get one of these raid-level missions every two weeks. Also ain't no guaranties what ya won't get duplicates. Finallies, is no weapons or trinkets.

But, good news is what it only takes a few minutes a day ta send the minions out, then ya can go do yer own thing while they takes care of business. So is can be a helpful way fer ta gear up alts. Also, if'n yer a raider an' has normal mode on farm, the cache starts givin' up heroic level loots. Same if'n yer farmin' heroic, it gives mythic gear.

Is gonna be a very different way fer ta play. I's lookin' forward ta doin' it fer reals next month.

Meet Me At The Adjective Noun

I always liked me a tavern with a nice two-word name. "The Prancing Pony". "The Kneeling Man". "The Vulgar Unicorn". Okay yeah them's is techicallies three words, but the "the" don't count. Me blog, Me rules. Shorter names, like "Cheers", and longer ones, like "Saint Bob's 58th Street Bar and Grill and Wenches", just never really did it fer me. Dunno why.

Anywho, I's plannin' fer ta have an inn in me garrison. Or mebbe a tavern. Ain't really sure which the difference is. Anywho, a place where adventurers can come in from the rain, sit by a roarin' fire, flirt with the servin' persons, share a bed with Ishmael an' Queequeg, meet they's fellow adventurers an' exchange banters like "My name? My name??!? Tell me my name, or I shall kill you!" (Ya had ta be there fer that one. Trust me, it were funnies.)

But me tavern gonna need a name. I ain't thinkin' what Blizz'll give it a good one for me, so I done went ta the Red Dragon Inn (see, two words) and used they's random name generator fer ta come up with a few. You buggers like any of these?

The Angry Eunuch
The Elven Harlot
The Thirsty Lute
The Hairy Giant
The Dented Shield
The Flirting Friar
The Yawning Wyrm
The Drunk Duck
The Wanton Kobold
The Ribald Paladin

Alternativelies, the random generator in me brain decided fer ta spit these ones out:

The Awkward Gigolo
The Angry Bird
The Discontinuous Icosahedron
The Painted Druid
The Iron Beard
The Snoring Elephant
The Brass Knuckles
The Spinning Princess

Decisions, decisions .... is good thing I got another couple months fer ta figger this one out.