Is Where I Issues A Challenge

So, Pandemonium done been announced. Looks like most of the preliminary stuff be done, and knows Blizz be hard at work flushing out the details. Were one detail what were rather noticeables in its absentia - no female Pandaren art work. Obviously, is gotta get done 'fore MoP ships. Or, as the Tiz put it so eloquently on Twitter, "TITS ON A PANDA!" (If you were with us in Black Leather Undies, ya gets the reference). Now, I's jus' a simple orc, but I believes I remembers goin' through this in Cata too. Weren't 'til they was nearly done with the beta testing what they finally picked a design fer the female worgenators. And it pretty much jus' looked like they smashed a anime wolfhead onta a draenaninny body and lost the tail. In other words, looked rushed and cheap. I assures ya, you ever gets a chance fer ta get some horizontal refreshment time with a worgen lady, yer gonna see what they don' look nuthin' like in real life. Is the panda ladies gonna git the same treatment? Would not surprise me.

So, me challenge, issued this here thirtieth day of Octoberilizings, be this, now what the concept artists prolly be gettin' readies fer ta start inta WoW 6.0, whatever that's gonna turn out ta be: Whatever new races ya be designin' fer ta be central, whether is a playable race or not, try designing the female of the species first. Is gonna feel weirds at first, I know, but I has faith what ya can do it. Will be quite the feat if'n ya can make yerselves do it, but i'll be worth it. And us buggers what like our wimmenz exotic, we will thank ye fer it.

Is Where There Is Some Good News

Tipped off by readers Fletcher and ScottH, I goes ta the bunghole known as "the forums" and I see what the lame, anonymous, non-apology from the band be gone, and instead is a message from Mr. Morhaime, president of Blizzard Entertainment (and a member of the band). Is a quotification:

Dear members of the Blizzard community, I have read your feedback and comments about this year’s BlizzCon, and I have also read the feedback to the apology from Level 90 Elite Tauren Chieftain. I’d like to respond to some of your feedback here. As president of Blizzard, I take full responsibility for everything that occurs at BlizzCon.  It was shortsighted and insensitive to use the video at all, even in censored form. The language used in the original version, including the slurs and use of sexual orientation as an insult, is not acceptable, period. We realize now that having even an edited version at the show was counter to the standards we try to maintain in our forums and in our games. Doing so was an error in judgment, and we regret it. The bottom line is we deeply apologize for our mistakes and for hurting or offending anyone. We want you to have fun at our events, and we want everyone to feel welcome. We’re proud to be part of a huge and diverse community, and I am proud that so many aspects of the community are represented within Blizzard itself. As a leader of Blizzard, and a member of the band, I truly hope you will accept my humblest apology. – Mike Morhaime President, Blizzard Entertainment

Is the world all perfect and roses now? 'Course not. Is still plenty of fuhgwads and hatemongers out there. But Mr Morhaime's apology fer encouraging them is a victory fer everyone what believes in grownuppery and respectin' each other, including the people at Blizzard. I applauds and thanks everyone what contributed ta makin' this happen, and I accepts Mr Morhaime's apology.

And now, I's happy fer ta move on ta other grown-up issues. Likes, resolvin' the question: is this a Flyin' Broom in me bags, or is I just happy fer ta see ya?

Why Yes There Is A Petition

Daniel done asked if'n there be a petition what he could sign fer ta get Blizz ta aplogify fer they's dumb decision ta endorse hate mongering by playin' that stupid video. Answer be yes, is right over here.

Yes, Maurice Is Still Maurice....

As Lady Jess can testify

Fuhg Bigotry

Few days ago, I made a point of sayin' in a comment on another blog what I done has called Blizz out fer the times I think they done wrong, and I would again. This be one of those times.

Piercing Shots done wrote a post where he relates an incident at BlizzCon few days ago. Is also a video. You buggers should go reads and watch. Short version - the Blizz in-house band Level Whatever Tauren Whatevers were gettin' ready fer ta play a bit, and they brought up some rock star guy fer ta join them. On the big screen, they showed a interview he done did a while back which were heavily bleeped out, but he clearly were sayin' some nasty stuff and laughin' 'bout it. Piercing also has the unbleeped version, and is pretty vile. Now, I gots no problem with glubbernuggin' bad language, and I realize what some buggers takes the Horde vs Alliance thing way more personals than I, and I accepts that. But vicious, violence-tinged homophobic slurs is wrong. It is wrong even when ya bleeps it out. It is wrong even when ya sez "ha ha I was just joking." And Blizzard chose to make it a part of their annual convention because they thought it was funny.

This was not a joke. It was a mean, hateful attack on a segment of the WoW-playing community. And an attack on a segment is an attack on all of us. And so I's figgerin' out some responses.

Bashiok's "We're sorry you can't take a joke" non-apology on the forums indicatifies what complainin' there ain't gonna get much satisfactions. So I's workin' on a letter ta his bosses at Activision. They prolly don' care much about pvp on the Elemental Plateau there, but they does care about money and reputation, and perhaps they'll be mispleased fer ta hear complaints about they's employees have a jolly laugh over some homophobic fuckwaddery in a public setting. Or maybe they won't. Either way, I's gonna find out. I'll let you buggers know.

Meanwhiles, closer ta home, I Like Pancakes done put up the rainbow banner with a link ta a list of LGBT and LGBT-friendly guilds. Is a good protest of Blizz's endorsement of bigotry, so I's puttin it up too. And if somebody finds it helpfuls, so much the better.

Lady RNG Can Be Cruel. Likes Someone Else I Know

"You want to see it? It's very pretty sitting in my bag."
"No."
"Do you want to come watch me sell it?"
"No!"

So fars, Team Shianti done gots five Helms of Evil Laughter. One fer Morani the paladin, which be right and propers, one fer Cameron the shaman, one fer Tempestad the hunter, and flubbernuggin' two fer Shianti what be a drood. Meanwhiles, on Team Ratshag, with no fewer than four plate wearers? None. Zip. Butkus. Diddly. The big goose egg. Nada. The null set. Zilch. One less than Garrosh's braincells. Same odds as Ragnaros gettin' invitified ta the Stormwind Ladies' Noblegarden Cotillion.

And every day Shianti done reminds me. "You should be on Team Shianti. Team Ratshag is poor buggers."

And Now A Word From Dead Cairne Bloodhoof

...is this thing on? Are you sure? Oh!

Ah. I've been expecting you.

I apologize for not appearing in a more ... substantive ... form, but it has been about a year since Garrosh and Magatha put me out to pasture. And there just isn't much left to work with. One takes what one can get.

The reason I am here is to express my outrage over last week's announcement. Blizzard, I am very disappoint. Pandaren? Really? This is your idea for the next expansion? These people are nothing more than an overblown April Fools joke, and we all know it. How could anyone take them seriously? Would you follow a tank into battle that was based on a species used to make cutesy slippers? Would you want a healer based on a species known for being slow and dim-witted? Would you want a dps'er based on a species that eats grass??!? Forget about the annual pass, I'm bloody going to cancel my account! I-

What? Wait, what? Are you sure??? Well, I, uh, well, um ..... well.

This is rather embarrassing.

I think I am going to go back to being dead now. Yes, I think that is what I would like to do now.

Ancestors be at your back, and, um, winds watch over you.

Shhhhhhh.

Apparentlies I's persona non gratuity in Org these days. Sumthin' bout the Warchief hearin' 'bout them rumors what Garrosh is a old Warsong clan slang term fer "men what likes ta wear Pokemon costumes and has a Draenaninny tie'em up and read post-modernist feminist theory journals to thems," and he done got the idea what I was behind it all. No idea why he'd done think that. Anywho.

So, I ain't supposed ta be in Org, but I needs ta fer ta deal with this creepy crate issue what done come up this Hallow's End. So I's put me brain cells tagether and done come up with a clever disguisification. What you buggers think?

Dang Fight Gets Easiers Every Year

Horseman rise... 
Your time is nigh... 
You felt death once... 
Now, know demise! 

Yes, me old nemesisesis. It is time once again fer us ta cross blades, ta dancify our eternal dance, to determine fer another year which bugger shall rule the pumpkin-

[Headless Horseman has died]
[You receive Loot-filled Pumpkin]
[Grim Grinning Ring of Goulash: need/greed/pass?]

Hey! I weren't even finished talkin' yet! Great googly moogly....

Mebbe If Tom Cruise Had Four Arms And Green Skin

...or mebbe if the Pope had jumped up and down on Oprah's sofa? Well, what's done is done, and Warlord Urban II done pulled off a solid victory over the spoiled rich kid, 48 ta 27. Don' worry Joel - Princeton could still use a man like you. Because, great googly moogly, have ya seen Princeton?

This week we's going aquatic. Can "just keep swimming" prevail over nuke power? Be sure ta cast yer vote, 'cause otherwise .... well .... actuallies, ta be honest, prolly the universe will just keep right on keepin' on whether ya votes or not. But still. Ya never know.

TRANSMOGALYPSE! Gogmoth: Thug's Life

Warlocks, they's gots ta keep they's minions in line. Is different ways fer ta do it - feedin'em souls, burnin' they's psyches, makin' promises of freedom what ya don't intends ta keep. Me kid brother Gogmoth, he likes fer ta supplement these with a little intimidationizings and an occasional slap upside the head. He finds is kinda hard fer ta glare a doomguard inta soilin' its loincloth when yer a big orc in a purple dress, though. So come the transmogalypse, he's plannin' on goin' with a more hardcore look:

A Laughing Skull cap he got off a skull what weren't laughin', the Soulstealer Mantle fer the shoulders, and good ol' Netherweave tunic and gloves. Then he's bought up the Silver-thread pants, boots, and sash ta finish the look. And fer waivin' around and lookin' like he could actually lop a head off, he done borrowed Taragaman the Hungerer's Cursed Felblade.

Not bad, lil' bro. Ya almost done convincalized me what yer a tough guy.

Prince Of Where, Exactlies?

This happened a while ago, but I didn't talk about it then 'cause I's talkin' 'bout it now.

"You face not Malchezaar alone, but the legions I- oh, bugger..." 

And with that, the Free Radicals done completed they's first raid. Was a melee-heavy group, so evens with explanationizings aforehands the Enfeeblents done took a heavy toll. But Dran done stood tall and slapped on her Aspect of the Hare and burned the glubbernudder down before the infernals got too nasty. Meanwhiles Xan did the amazingly virile gig and Gasket and Felbane stood in the back in they's sissy robes and smacked whatever healy buttons weren't on cooldown. So yay on them. And, sure, why not, grats ta Tavia, Yldarric, Scaith, and the Warrior With No Name, evens though they mostlies just lay on the floor like lazy-arsed buggers.

Fancy Meetin' You Here

Goblin hunter boy, by night known as Fezziwhig, was questing in the now rather soggy Thousand Needles, when who should he run into but Cabin Boy Lou. Lou apparentlies got tired of paddlin' folks out ta Scalawag Point in the Fjord and done branched out ta paddlin' buggers ta the Speedbarge 500. I's always supported spirited young lads branchin' out an' explorin' they's options, so yay on him.

*** BREAKING NEWS ***

We interrupt our normal Need More Rage content to bring you this late-breaking story. We now go live to Danger Mouse who is on the scene in Hellfire Peninsula. Mouse, what can you tell us?

"Fel Reaverss sssuck."

Stay tuned for further developments in this rapidly developing situation.

TRANSMOGALYPSE! Hawt Like Ellspeth

Hi everyone, Ellspeth here. I've just finished putting together my first transmogrification outfit, and I couldn't wait to show it to you. It's kind of inspired by High Inquisitor Whitemane's getup, but it's way hotter. I mean, let's face it, I'm young, Sally's old, and if I'd been strutting in the Cathedral wearing these threads there's no way Mograine would have "fallen".

Are you okay, Ratters? You sounded like you were choking. You sure? All right.

So here's the run-down on it. Whitemane's Chapeau, of course. Red Mageweave Shoulders, Cindercloth Pants, and Hands of Darkness, thanks to my pal Gogmoth the tailor (don't worry, hun, I haven't forgotten about your reward). In Outland I picked up a Goldweave Tunic, Grom'tor's Bloodied Bandage, Ashwalker's Footwraps, and the Invincible Stave. Kinda like the sound of that. Don't you? "Invincible." "InVINcible." Oh, yeah, and the Ancient Bloodmon Cloak to finish it off.

I'd like to thank Kaliope of Kaliope's Crafting Blog and Ironyca and Noelani of the Visual Roleplay Gear List for their ideas. Thanks ladies, the check's in the mail and I'll be sure to drain your souls last. Tootles!

Is Where Stop Mathifies

So after hearin' me argument what the tankard be a better weapon fer plate wearers than the Kungalooshi Crime'n'Punisher, Stop the Silly Pirate had hisself a dubious. Bein' a practical sorta bugger, he done plugged in his freshly dinged 85 Death Knugget inta Simulationcraft and ran it fer both weapons. Survey says? difference in dps be less than 1%. Maxdps.com said pretty much the same thing fer Phoenicia the warrior. So, me quick-and-dirty were missin' somethin', jus' like me nooner last month with that Venus di Milo chick, but overalls me point still be valid: Even though it ain't got Strength, the Terrible Tankard o'Terribles be a valid pre-raid weapon.

Now, in me serververse the Horde AH was showin' both weapons at nearly the same price, so meh. But over on Kinnavieve's world, tankards was more'n a thousand gold cheaper'n Kungalooshis. So she done bought three pair oughtta petty cash in anticipations of the young'uns what'll be ables fer ta equip'em soon.

Is Where Ratters Mathifies

Afters couple weeks of molestifyin' rams, pukin' on yer friends' shoes, and beatin' the crap outta Squarebrew Direpants, is nearly time fer the fun ta end fer another year. And as I lie here in this mudpit waitin' fer the world ta stop spinnin', I been doin' some thinkings. Specificallies about the lowly terrible tankard o'tremendous, or whatevers they callin' it this year. Is a Agi mace, which we's all been trained ta know means enhanced shamans or some flavorings of rogue. Alayda done be rockin' a pair of them, but apparentlies ain't too many buggers like her, 'cause the price of these dang things done gone through the flubbernuggin' floor. Mebbe ya can get 500g fer one, if'n yer luckies. Which mneans is holy crap cheap fer a second-generation Cata epic. Is other buggers what can use one-handed maces but they ain't interested, 'cause Agi ain't the stat what gives'em a happy ending fer no charge, but all that base dps them tankards is packin' should still love ya a fairly long time. Mebbe. I gotta work this out.

Lessee. Healers can all hold a mace, but if they's then there's prolly either too much crap hittin' the fan or not enough. So no reason fer them ta want it.

Prot warriors and pallies could use'em, but we's more interested in survifyin' than doin' damage. Threat generatin' ain't supposed ta be an issue no mores, the crab sez. So, hard fer ta think they should demands. Mebbe. Possiblies.

Single Minded Furry warriors and Frosty DKs. Well now. This be interestin'. If they's raidin', well then they's hopefully gettin' some shiny 378s, or at least some still kinda shiny 359s. But if they don't raid, what is they's options? Well, is the scalper, which is a damn fine axe and sells fer a damn fine 10-20k gold. If spendin' that much gold fer each hand works for ya, then rock on. But lotta buggers, especiallies alts, ain't sittin' so pretty. Next best choice be the Kungalooshi Punisher, which also be a one-hander mace, and it be packin' Strength, so it be the better weapon, right? Right? Is the rules, yes? Well.... lemmee think on that...

Kungalooshi got 138 Str. Fer plate-wearin clankies, that works out ta 276 Attacks Power. Assumin' ya got Blessing of Kings or Blessing of the Druid, that goes up ta 290. Then ya divides by 14 and ya see what that be 21 extra dps. Added ta the base of 437 ya gets 458. Is some other stuffs, like talents and runeforgings what scale yer strength up, what'll get you inta the 460s, mebbe 470. Since we's talkin' non-raiding alts, I ain't gonna worry 'bout all the buffs and whatnots ya can pick up from others. Now the tankard. No Strength bonus, so just the base damage, which be.... 489.

Now, I's just a simple orc from Durotar. And I's drunk and hungover and talkin' to the hogs while I lie here in the mud. So mebbe some simulationifying tool's gonna come up with a different conclusion - would be interestings ta see what they come up with. But I's suspectin' what the conventional thinkin' might be off, and I should be stockin' up on all these tankards fer all the clankies on the team what's be hopin' fer ta ding 85 before the next expansion, like Maurice and Kali and Beetle and Fink and the Warrior With No Name. Now where's the Saint Pauli Girl when ya needs her?

Is Still Three Days Left!

Fer ya ta sends in yer ballots ta them dudes in Norway .... Lithuania? ...Paraguay? Well, wherevers. I cain't be bothered fer ta remember the details. Anywho. Is still three days fer ya ta get in yer ballot votin' fer Ratshag fer the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize. Let's show the world the power of what we stands for: world peace through travellin' ta strange lands, meetin' exotic wimmenz, and gettin' paid fer ta hit glubbernuggers with yer axe.

Mom's gonna be so proud....

Even More Randoms Then Usual

So a flock of angry birds done beats a flock of Angry Birds, 74 ta 40. Remembers that, next time ya feels like playin' on yer smart phone durin' a movie.

This week's seeks ta answer that age-old question: "The hell you talkin' about?"

Isn't It Pretty?

Fire, fire, fire. Outland is burning. And that means my work here is done. Tootles, Outland! I'm off to Northrend.