Whar Be Me Boomstick?

Kadomi done touched on this issue with her damn fine Pre-raid Shopping List, but I's gonna go inta more details and call Blizz a buncha felweed-smokin' warrior-hatin' fluggernubbers. 'Cause they is.

Fer the first time, I's gearin' up and gettin' ready fer ta tank current raid content as meself - no magical gnomish transmogrifier what made me a dorf, not sendin' in Kinna or any other alt. Is gonna be me. Prot warrior. Virile comma amazing. Is coming along at a steady pace right now - a little more rep, a few more Justice Badgers, and I'll have a level 85 blue in every slot, all properly itemezified and everythings.

...Excepts fer that green Muffled Blunderbuss in the boomstick slot. What the fuhg?

Turns out, there ain't no blue warrior-itemized ranged weapons. None. Nowhere. Not drops, not quest rewards, not crafted, not rep, not badgers. Zilch. Blizz designed one, but then fergots ta add it ta anybodies loot table, so it exists only on wowhead. Now, such weapons weren't always the easiest ta find, but they did exist. Fer examples, the Boomstick in Outland or the Weighted Throwing Axe in Northrend. And if yer thinkin' "Ratters! Why doncha just pick up a readily-available reasonably priced gun from a trained-up engineer in the tradition of the Gyro-Balanced Khorium Hawtness and the Armor Plated Combat Shitstorm?" That'd be fine, except there ain't one. Engineers can only learns fer ta make Agi-based hunter trash.

But what does we see when we looks at relics, the new Grand Unified ReliToteLibraSigils? We see no fewers than four Strength-based blues at this level: two dps, one tanking, and one fer either. All suitable pallies, death nuggets, and maybe droods (bears is weird though, so I ain't sure. Anywho.). Blizz even hotfixed the mats on the Jawbone fer ta make'em easier ta craft. Just ta adds injuries ta insults, is two more LibraSigils fer sale if'n ya got a handful of Valor badgers. Boomsticks? Not so much.

Double you. Tee. Eff.

Someone needs fer ta tell Blizz ta stop hatin' us warriors. Either thats, or don't smoke quite so much glubbernuggin' felweed when they's plannin' out the upgrades.

The Stone Rabbit

One 'shroom makes you faster
And one 'shroom makes you small
And the ones that have red dots
Blow your brains across the wall

Go ask a fungal
When he's ten feet tall

A Prayer To The Light

Tonight, I slew five of my brothers and sisters.

Their bodies had died years ago, but their tombs have been desecrated by mana thieves, and now their spirits were disturbed and angry. The troll priest said killing them again would bring them the peace they deserved. Did he speak the truth, or was he manipulating me for his own purposes? He gave me a shiny trinket after I had finished the task. Does that mean my actions were just?

I returned to Outland to fight demons. To ensure the safety of my people, and our homeland. To protect those who could not protect themselves.

Yet tonight, I slew five of my brothers and sisters.

I struck them down with my mace, and burned them with holy fire. When I had finished, I destroyed the wicked thieves who had disturbed their graves, and gladly accepted the bounty on their heads. Did that make my actions right?

I am a Soldier of the Light. I fight for justice, and goodness, and righteousness; to destroy evil in all its forms and to serve the people of the world, be they strong or weak.

Tonight, I slew five of my brothers and sisters. May the Light accept their souls and grant them the peace they deserve.

And may It give Its servant the strength to accept Its judgment of her.

Still A Damn Fine Ass

Thankee, Alex. Yer still lookin' pretty nice yerself.

They Still Don't Seems Ta Understands, Do They?

I don't have nightmares.

Nightmares.

Have.

Me.

Is Where We Discuss The Beach From Hell

If yer Horde, and ya been ta the Twilight Highlands, you know the one.

[10:16] ratshag: I think the naga beach just has some settings wrong 
[10:16] ratshag: very, very wrong 
[10:16] llanion: Well, I think that NAGA MISTRESS 
[10:16] llanion: NAGA MISTRESS 
[10:16] llanion: NAGA SPEARMAN
[10:16] stop: Counterpoint: surely NAGA MISTRESS
[10:17] stop: hold on, I've just got to loot this b- NAGA FOURSOME
[10:17] ratshag: NAGA SPEARMAN 
[10:17] ratshag: true, but NAGA MISTRESS
[10:18] Bre: *gigglesnort* 
[10:18] Bre: jeez, must I do the beach when I get there?

Across The Cavern, Our Eyes Met

She were fifty tall and weighed a thousand tons. Leader of her people, founder of her race. She were worshipified throughout the realm of Deepholm. She were so fabulously wealthy with diamonds and rubies and other gems what I ain't even heard of that she didn't even bothers ta notice'em. She were Therazane, the Stonemother.

And me? I were just a simple orc from Durotar. But when our eyes met, I could tell....

She wanted me. She wanted me bad.

Who was I fer ta deny her?

Cephaloratters

There! That's perfect!

Mphmmphmphmph.

No, don't worry. Those cultists won't suspect a thing. You'll blend right in.

Mphmmphmphmph.

Just walk up to the giant brain and start talking to it with your thoughts.

Mphmmphmphmph.

Well, no, we've never tried this before. But we're sure it'll work.

Mphmmphmphmph.

And the chances of it leaving you impotent are practically zero.

Mmmph???!?

It's So ..... Pretty ....

 I feel ... happy ...

I wanna touch it.

Hello, little light!

I'm gonna get ya!

Gonna get ya!

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, ....

Don't Stand In The Fire

In case yer wonderin' what it be like when Deathwing done get his groove on and "the world explodes inta flame", it look pretty much like this:

Is thanks ta Cameron fer the shot. And yeah, she stood in the fire.

Hawt

Bodacious fish-snake elf boobies.

I haz them.

Somebody Fire Up The Ripley Music

Time ta go back ta work.

Let's ask the Night Elf Mohawk hisself how he thinks this is gonna go down:

Yeah, that's what I figger too.

Old God, Shmold God

There he were. C'thun. Been lurkin' about, waving his tentacles and drivin' buggers mad since before the Titans came. Defeated, beaten down, hidin' out deep in the sands fer thousands of years. Been takin' over the minds of the Silithids, warpin' the poor buggers (well, not really - I hate them damn bugs) inta the Aquir fer ta take over the world. Locked away by the nelfs and the dragons. Then some fools went and collected enough runecloth fer ta open the gates. Now it be time fer ta deal with this ugly blunderthumper, and it be fer the Purge (alongs with me friends Stop and Bloodsail Admiral Bob Llanion) ta done deal with him.

Since we'd done fer all the preliminary bosses a coupla weeks ago, we just had ta smack a few guards around, run up a long windy tunnel, and we was at the inner sanctum. Big eyeball peered at us suspiciously. "Is that his tentacles?" someone asked. "No, that's his neck." Hard ta tell with them old gods.

Stop and me, we gives a mission briefing. Mostly warnings about all the things ya needed fer ta avoid or else we'd all die screaming. Failure ta avoid his eyebeams, tank his giant tentacles, not spread out, and not kill stuff inside him could result in hypersensitivity (including skin rash, urticaria [hives], fever, arthralgia [intense burning or stabbing pain caused by irritation of or damage to a nerve], exfoliative dermatitis [peeling skin], erythema multiforme [red blotches or blisters all over the skin] with histopathological [microscopic] findings of necrotizing vasculitis [death of blood vessels], and thrombocytopenic purpura [purplish spots or patches]); anorexia [loss of appetite]; nausea; dizziness; palpitations [irregular, hard or rapid heartbeat]; headache; dyskinesia [muscle spasms]; drowsiness; blood pressure and pulse changes, both up and down; tachycardia [rapid heart rate]; angina [caused by an insufficient supply of blood to the heart muscle]; cardiac arrhythmia [irregularity of the heartbeat]; abdominal pain; tendon damage; weight loss; Tourette's syndrome; toxic psychosis; leukopenia [abnormally low number of white blood cells in the circulating blood] and/or anemia; a few instances of scalp hair loss; heart disease, congestive heart failure, high blood pressure; stomach ulcers or bleeding; polyps in your nose; and lastly, a wiped raid. This were serious business, killing an Old God, and we wanted to be sure everyone was takin' it seriously.

Then the blunkernubber went down faster'n a Booty Bay whore.

Talk about anticlimatics.

Well, weren't much of a fight after all, but it were an achievement lollapalooza all around, and I were pretty happy fer ta have done gotten mine. Just 'cause it were a roflstomp don't mean they don't still count.

What Happens When Ya Let Hippies Design Plate Armor?

Ya gets yer Cenarion Thicket Legplates is what. So nicely itemized fer a holy pally, so many bodacious gem sockets, so little left to the imagination. And ya gets dirty old men like Khadgar checkin' out yer arse. Dude. Put yer tongue back in yer mouth. Seriously.

Crappiest Job In Stormwind

Seriously. Whose Frosted Flakes did this here glubbernugger pee in fer ta get assigned ta patrol the bottom of Stormwind Harbor? Hope they done issued him some cherries...

Rough Day At The Inn

Jinnik done hearthed inta Honor Hold last night and, well, picture pretty much speaks fer itself, don't it?

I guess some folks is gettin' bored, waitin' fer Cataclysm....

The Shattering: Hellfire Peninsula

Wait, Orgrimmar burned down? There was fire and destruction and panic and chaos? And because I'm out here in the sticks I missed it???!?

Phooey.

Do you think Garrosh would burn it down again?

Well, what if I offered to flash my boobs at him?

What?

The Shattering: Tanaris

It had been a good day. Feralicious and I, we'd been working to curtail Southsea Pirate activity along the coast of Tanaris. The pirates are nasty, vicious folks who take the hard-earned profits earned by others, so fighting them is right and proper and moral. Plus, it pays good. ::greedy grin::

When we'd find some, caulking their boat hulls or burying treasure or whatever it is pirates do on land, Feral'd shift to either cat or bear form and hit'em hard and low. Then I'd drop my doomchicken space lazers on them from up high. Most of the time they never knew what hit'em. We were just that good a team.

So at the end of a hard day killing pirates and collecting their hats for the bounties, which was at the end of a hard week of killing and collecting, we were taking a well-deserved break. We'd built a fire on the beach and baked some crabs which we washed down with extremely volatile rum we'd liberated. After, we'd gone for a swim in the warm ocean water, and then after we'd, um, well, you know ::blush blush blush:: So, later, we're relaxing, Feral sitting with her back against a palm tree, me lying with my head in her lap looking up at the stars, when she said, "Pali? Where did the ocean go?"

"Huh?" I sat up and looked. It had been there, right there, lapping at the beach only a few yards away. But now it was gone, the wet sand stretching out as far as I could see into the night. And what was that white line stretching across the horizon? It sort of looked like .... moonlight reflecting off a breaking wave. And it was getting higher....

"'licious?"

"Yeah?"

"I think maybe we should..."

"Yeah."

We ran. We didn't stop to grab our armor or our weapons or our supplies. All that mattered was getting to higher ground, now, right now. Our nightsabers Fang and Shadowind were not at all pleased about being awoken from their post-dinner naps, and we lost precious minutes getting them up and moving. Once we finally were mounted and riding inland, I looked back. The crest of the wave was now high above us and still rising. The wave itself was a black wall, blocking out the stars behind it. I began to hear a low, deep rumble over the sounds of Shadowind's paws striking the sandy ground. And it grew louder.

I don't know how far we had gone when the leading edge of the wave reached us. No impact - just paws splashing in water instead of striking dry sand. It rose quickly; the big sabers tried to tried to stay out of it, shifting to great bounding leaps, but it was no use. Soon it was more than chest deep, and Shadowind stumbled and fell, unable to keep her balance as the water pulled at her legs. I tried to stand, but the water was moving so fast it was carrying me along. I heard Feral call my name, and try to turn back for me, but the water quickly overwhelmed Fang as well. We were all struggling, tumbling, trying to stay at the surface as the water continued to rise. I shifted to aquatic form, tried to swim towards her, tried to call to her, but the wave was so strong, so turbulent, so loud, it was pulling me away from her, I couldn't reach her, couldn't see her in the black murk, couldn't here her. It was pulling me, shaking me, overpowering me. Everything was going dark.

Feralicious!!!

I awoke the next morning, alone, in a world I didn't recognize.

Is Like History

I figgers when the Pilgrims done landed on Plymouth Rock, it done looked sumthin' like this.

Blizzard Don't Hate Healers

See, they's even added a new healer class - the Holy Death Knight.

(Great googly moogly, the inspection tool done truly gone FUBAR....)

Friday Night Elemental Invasion Drunken Singings

Featuring Ratters and Alayda

Life is so shtrange when it's changin' yes indeed Well I seen the hard times and the aggro's been on me...hic! But I keep on tankin' like a tankin' orc do And I got me act together, gonna walk all over you.

Gimme back mah shpirits, put'em back where dey belong Ain't foolin' around 'cause Ah done had mah fun Ain't gonna shee no more damage done...hic! Gimme back mah spiritsh.

Loud talkin' Warchief done run me outta town And I drank enough whishkey fer ta float a battleship around I'm leavin' this game one step ahead of you And you will not hear me cry 'cause I do not shing the blues.

Gimme back my shpirits, put'em back where dey belong Ain't foolin' around 'cause Ah done had mah fun Ain't gonna see no more damage done Gimme back, gimme back mah spirits. Oh, put'em back baby, put'em back where dey belong.

Been up and down since I turned sheventeen Well, I been on top, and then it seems I lost me dream ...hic! I got it back, I's feelin' better everyday....hic! Tell all them Hammer cultishtsh, better get outta me way.

Gimme back my spiritsh, put'em back where dey belong Ain't foolin' around 'cause Ah done had mah fun Ain't gonna see no more damage done ...hic! Gimme back, gimme back mah shpirits. Oh, put'em back baby, put'em back where dey belong.

Is thanks fer ta Lynyrd Skynyrd fer the lyrics from "Gimme Back My Bullets".

The Shattering: Mad Rats

My life fades. My vision dims.
All that remain are memories.
I remember a time of chaos. Ruined dreams. This wasted land.
But most of all, I remember the Orc Warrior.
The man we called "Rats".
To understand who he was, you have to go back to another time.
When the world was powered by the blue mana, and the sky sprouted great cities of stone and crystal.
Gone now, swept away.
For reasons long forgotten, two mighty warrior tribes went to war and touched off a blaze which engulfed them all.
Without city portals, they were nothing. They'd built a world of straw.
The laggy hubs sputtered and stopped.
Their leaders talked and talked and talked. But nothing could stem the cataclysm.
Their world crumbled.
The cities exploded.
A whirlwind of looting, a firestorm of fear.
Men began to feed on men.

In the roar of a volcano he lost everything.
And he became a shell of a man. A burnt out, desolate man.
A man haunted by the demons of his past.
A man who wandered out into the wastelands.
And it was here, in this blighted place, that he learned to live again.

The Shattering: Stormwind

Five Years Later .... My feet were on the floor before the first clang of the churchbell had finished ringing. No time to look for the key to the padlock on the wardrobe - one solid yank on the doors and the lock popped off. Throwing off my nightshirt, I began to don my armor while the bell continued to toll, going by feel and memory as much as by the pale moonlight. Thick wool padding, followed by the heavy plate - titansteel and saronite, reinforced and strengthened with runes and magics - paid for with sweat and blood long ago in the frozen North. In the distance I could hear the peals of other bells, sounding the alarm in the small towns scattered throughout Elwynn Forest. By now David was awake and coherent enough to help me strap my shoulderplates on. "What do you think it could be?" he asked. "Got to be Cho'gall. The Twilight Hammer's been trying to destroy Stormwind for a year now, and they must finally have enough strength to be making an all-out assault." I took a deep breath. "I just pray to the Light they got the warning out in time." Even in the dim light, David looked nervous. Hells, I was nervous. This could be damn serious. I took his head in my hands and pulled his face down to mine. "I want you to promise me something, David Jeremiah Shellworth. If this goes badly, if Stormwind falls, I want you to take the cache and get to Booty Bay, just like we've talked about. You can wait three days for me, but no more. Revilgaz is a crook and a pirate, but he's an honorable pirate, and for that much gold he'll get you to Ratchet. From there you can get to Ratter's place, which should be as safe as anywhere." He hesitated, said nothing. "David," I pleaded. "I'll need to know that our baby is safe, so that I can do my job." "All right," he whispered. "I- I'll stay here, and run if I need to. I promise. Just... you make sure I don't have to, okay? You come back to us." I smiled at him. And lied. "All right. I promise I'll come back." I climbed up into the loft, where little Bolvar was sleeping. I brushed the hair from his face, and kissed his forhead, and told him I loved him. Three years old; would the world survive for him to be four? I climbed down the ladder, and went to do what had to be done. The Nowhereshire militia was assembling in the village commons. Boys and girls, with ragtag armor and woodsman's axes. I knew them, had helped Sergeant Alcott train them, had inspired them with my stories of Northrend. But tonight, they looked so young, and I just wanted to tell them all to go home to their mothers. I took a deep breath, and said a few words about how the cult wanted to destroy our capital, our nation, our world, and it was up to us to stop them. Again, I lied. "Remember your training, and they will not be able to defeat you!" I raised my hand, and they all bowed their heads. I asked the Light to bestow the ancient Blessing of Kings upon them, and It did. I also asked It to keep them all safe, and It was silent. I rode for Stormwind, my strong charger tearing up the narrow dirt trails, quickly leaving the militia behind. I reached the city just as dawn was breaking. I saw no signs of fighting, but the city guards where frantically trying to evacuate the civilian population. I rode up to Justine Demalier and asked her for a quick briefing. "The Earthen Ring warned us last night that something goddam big was coming. Like, a big chunk of the goddam Elemental Plane had broken loose and was heading right for us. They goddam couldn't tell us exactly what, but they think we're gonna get a goddam crapton of elementals in a few more hours. Goddam glad you're here, Kinna - gonna need every swinging dick we can goddam get." I grabbed some sandbags and started helping erect barricades. We were still preparing when they hit us. The Earthen Ring shamans had been right. It was big. Air and water elementals. Hundreds of them, throught the city. The initial onslaught rocked us back, and nearly shattered our defenses. But we held and slowly, ever so slowly, began to beat them back. Block by block, house by house, we cleared the city and shut down the rifts they were using to enter our world.

Goodbye, Archie Winstead. My the Light look after your soul. I will tell your mother you fought bravely, and died saving the lives of your comrades. After all, what is one more lie on a day like this?

It was very tough fighting. The elementals were filled with raw anger and hate, and sought to lash out at whatever they could reach. How had the Twilight's Hammer managed to grow so strong, to be able to launch this? Was someone helping them, someone we didn't know about yet? The hours went by. The sun climbed  high in the sky, then descended toward the horizon. Still they kept coming.

In the end, we won. The elementals were destroyed, the rifts sealed, and Stormwind was still standing. We were weary, we were bloodied, but we were victorious. Then the call came out - volunteers were needed for a counterattack. The shamans had tracked down the powerful beings who had helped open the rifts into the world, and we would open our own portals to them. I wanted to go home. I wanted to see my family, and assure them that I was okay. I wanted to put down my axe and my shield and take off my armor and crawl into bed with my husband. I wanted no more pain or violence or death. But I was a Soldier of the Light. And I had a duty.

It was over. Cho'gall had eluded us, but his attack was broken, his forces scattered, his allies slain. I trudged slowly up the road toward the city as the sun rose yet again. Just like it always had. I was going to retrieve my charger, and then I was going to go home. And then, there he was.

Oh blessed Light preserve us.

I should run. Everyone else is running away, why don't I? I want to run. But I can't. I am a Soldier of the Light. It is my job to stand against the darkness, even if only to buy what time I can for others. I am sorry, David. Tell Bolvar his mother loved him, and keep him safe. All right, Kinna, it's just another dragon. You've faced dragons before. Cyanigosa, poor Keristrasza, Malygos the insane, even Onyxia. They're gone, you're still here. So you can do this. Deep breath. Don't let him see your knees shake. Don't let him know you're afraid. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. Be...... angry.

"Get off my city or I'm a-gonna break your Iron! Frickin'! Jaw!"

And then the world exploded into flame.

brainz.

Is patch day, so everybodies be takin' a break. Some use this time fer ta wax philosophicals, some use it ta dance. Me? I's workin' on me Zombie Farm.

What Ta Do When Peace Done Breaks Out

Is been a few years now since Arthas done bit the big one, and peace done pretty much broke out all over. So, with no more good guys done paying me fer ta kill bad guys, I went and took me earnings and done built me a ranch. Is a nice-sized spread in the middle of the Barrens, a little southeast of Crossroads. Here I been raisins mostly kodos, some fer the meat and leather, but some fer training as mounts. These we drive over ta Mulgore twice a year, 'cept a few I hangs onta fer ta sell ta the black market in Ratchet. Them gnomes, they do loves fer ta get they's hands on a kodo mount. Enjoys lookin' down on folks fer a change, I figgers. Anywho, they pay good. We also got us some zhevras and longnecks and plainstriders, fera bit of variety.

Most days, after I make me rounds, I relaxes on me front porch, sippin' mint juleps and watching the world turn by with a lady friend and throwin' me booterang at the peons. (Heh - it put da booterang on da skin 'cause you's a buncha lazy glubberfubbers, that's why!) Couple weeks ago, Avatar of Freya dropped in fer a few days. I introduced her ta quillboar bacon, which she developed a real taste fer, and let her vent about her boss' crazy-arsed non-linear regressive bio-matrices, whatever they's be. Didn't have a bed fer, of course, but is kinda refreshin' gettin' it on under the starlight. I sure the centaurs down by the oasis didn't get no sleep, but that ain't me problem.

Is some nasty politics goin' on these days, but I tries what ta stay out of it. King Wrynn and Clefthoof-Dung-Fer-Brains over in Org be gettin' cranky with each other, buildin' forts and whatnot, but I keeps a neutral house, and stays on good relations with both Vol'jin and Jaina. Since Theramore be just down the road, she drops in fer a visit from time ta time. Great googly moogly, the woman knows some wild polymorph spells when she be in the mood fer ta get her freak on. Bit of Spell Reflection in the mix just make it that much more fun.

Anywho, is a good life, and a nice way fer ta retire. Now, if onlies these dang earthquakes'd go away it'd be perfect.

If Shakespeare Had Played WoW

Romeo and Juliet would have been set on a PvP server.

When Lady MacBeth told MacBeth ta screw his courage ta the sticking place, he'd have replied "Yeah, but do the king drop any upgrades for me?"

Instead of "Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more", King Harry woulda said "Let's do this!"

Richard III would have been willing to trade his kingdom for a rusted proto-drake and 310 flying.

The Merry Wives of Windsor would be planning to re-roll worgen druids in Cataclysm.

Instead of "Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war", Anthony woulda said "Kill skull first, then X. Sheep moon."

"Taming the Shrew" would be a 10-point achievement.

Julius Caesar would have avoided assassination by popping his treants, rooting Brutus, running out of the Senate and then shadowmelding.

The Merchant of Venice would offer rare crafting recipes on a twelve-hour timer.

Instead of the Saint Crispin's Day speech, King Harry woulda given the Leroy Jenkins speech.

Othello and Iago would always be blaming Desdemona  for not holding aggro.

Hamlet sooooo woulda blown up the guild with his drama.

Stop Me If'n Ya Heard This One Before

Young adventurer reaches her fifty-eighth season, and promptly drops everything fer fame and fortune in Outland.

In this here case, Outland ta Jinnik means plate with brains and automatic crits with Exorcism against all them demons. I think she'll be likings that.

Ya Gotta Keep'em Separated

Last night another Purge / Black Leather Undies combined retro raid team went inta the Temple of Ahn'Quawhateverthefuhg. Bugger it. We went ta AQ40. Were pretty much a roflstomp 'til we go ta these two glubberthudders, the Twin Emperors. Heckle on the right, he's immune ta magical damage, while Jeckle on the left be immune ta physical. Every couple minutes they swap positions. Buncha little AoEs and knockbacks and bug asplosions. But the kicker? If'n ya lets'em get within 60 yards of each other, they heals fer 30k a tick. Now, a slightly bigger or better geared (or better skilled) group of buggers could overpower that, be weren't there, so we hadda do it the hard way. Me and Rim What Blows Shit Up went ta the right and took turns tanking, dependin on which brother we had. Stop the Silly Pirate went left and tanked both of'em. We had two warriors, Big Bad Guun and Mr Hoof's little brother, dps'ing on Heckle when I were tanking him. Fianlly, were wall-decorating Llanion in the middle doin' healz, and Throttle the Gimp keeping the bugs off of him.

First try, we didn't know what we was doin' and were a wipe. Second try, we had some issues managing the aggro wipes and they was ables fer ta heal theyselves enough ta live until they could enrage, and it were a wipe. Third try, were rock'em sock'em. Were too late fer ta press on ta C'thun, but we figger we'll get him in a week or two. Then it'll be cheesement city.

So What Does Ya Do ....

... when yer arch-nemesis done be defeated, most of yer members is left fer the shiny new team, but ya still got bills ta pay? Well, if yer Argent Dawn ya rents out yer Stormwind meeting hall. Is a large open space, perfects fer birthday parties, wedding receptions, fundraisers, or ritualistic summonings of primal elemental forces what to destroy the world with.

Don'cha Know Yer Gonna Shock The Skelly

Afters waitin' in the queue fer half an hour, onlies ta get dropped inta BRD with a polearm-wielding warrior tank, young Jinnik decided she'd done had enoughs of pugging fer a bit. So she took herself over ta Andorhal, the Paladins' Playground, and unleashified her Holy Shocks on them dead buggers. Were plenty of Judgments and Exorcisms too. Were very catalytic.... catatonic.... cat stevens.... ah bugger it. Were a great way fer ta blow off steam.

So Jinnik Hearths Inta Dalaran....

...and there be her Evil Twin™

Apparentlies her evil twin be a shaman. Also done need fer ta work on her tan. Her blue. Whatevers.

Is Where Kinnavieve Says A Goodbye

Hello, Alex.

Hello, child.

I, um, I came to say goodbye. The fighting's pretty much over, you see, and, well, I think my dad could use a hand running the lumbermill. He's over forty now, you know, and I think it's, um, more than he can handle on his own. So, well, I think it's time I, uh, go home.

Of course. I wish you a swift and safe journey, and please tell your father I said hello.

You're not, um, you're not, uh (get a grip Kinna, get a grip) you're not disappointed? In me? Are you?

Why on Azeroth would I be disappointed in you?

Because, well, you told me to be strong. To be a hero. That my people needed me. And, well, I haven't been. Not lately. I just been, you know, in the background....

Kinnavieve. You faced down Kel'thuzad in his own sanctum. You stopped Loken before he could release Yogg-Saron upon us. You rallied the Argent Crusade when their attack on Icecrown was all but lost. You have trained both Morani and Jinnik. You have most definitely been there when your people needed you. And I am proud of you, as I knew I would be.

I ... I ... You really mean that? (No tears, Kinna, you promised yourself no tears!)

Of course I do. I never lie, child. Especially not to you.

But, Alex, at the end. The attack on Icecrown Citadel. I wasn't there. I think, maybe, I should have been. Maybe, if I had, things might have been different. Maybe, you know, if I hadn't been so, so .... If I had been a better servant of the Light, if I had been more humble and forgiving, if I hadn't said some of those things. Maybe, um, maybe it wouldn't ... happened ... I don't know ....


Child. Vyprania was a tortured soul, and in great pain, but she chose her own destiny. We can grieve for her, and we can remember the time she was with us, and learn from our choices if we choose. But she lived her own life, the good and the bad, and what happened to her was not your fault.

(Her embrace is warm, and loving, and accepting. It's almost as if I am a little girl again, and my grandmother was still alive. Although Grandmother never would have been caught dead in that outfit. Giggle.)

Ah, that's better. Here, dry your eyes. So, you are going back to your father's lumbermill. You certainly have some powerful axes to cut your wood with.

Ha. No, I'm going to retire these, put them in the attic or something. Chopping lumber would be beneath them. And it'd look funny.

Well, you would know these things better than I. Now, wouldn't going back to Nowhereshire mean you would be near a certain handsome young lieutenant who is to be stationed, I believe, at the Northshire Abbey?

What? (blush) No, I mean, how? (stammer) How do you? (breath, Kinna, breathe) I mean, I haven't told anyone ...

Kinnavieve, I am the Life-Binder. I have known you since before you were born. You cannot keep such secrets from me, not when your heart is so full. Now, it is not for me to say whom you should or not tell, but I do hope you will be telling this young man how you feel. Soon, yes?

Alex, I, I, I (stop frickin' stammering, Kinna) I don't know about that. I mean, he's so wonderful, and me? I've got a face like a horse and a chest like a boy and I'm sure he'd want some dainty little thing who be pretty and make him happy, You know?

I do not see the future, and it is not for me to tell you what is in another's heart. But I can tell you, from my own experience, not all men are drawn to dainty little things. Some men are drawn to women they can admire. Some men are drawn to heroes. I do not believe you would be interested in his man if he were interested in dainty. I believe if you tell him how you feel, that you will not regret it. So take courage, the same courage you had in the bowels of Naxxramas, and go find him.

I. I will! (nod. nodnodnod)

Good. Now, go. Go back to your home, and your father, and handsome young David Shellworth. But Kinnavieve?

Yes, Alex?

Keep your axes sharp. The Lich King is defeated, but there are other evils in the world. And I fear someday you may need them again.

WoW Tangled

Galertruby says he ain't got no fuhggin' clue who "WoW Untangled" done be, but if'n they's gonna put his guides in the same categorifications as Pike's most excellent hunter guides, he ain't gonna complains.

Actuallies what he said were "Glhaggla agg larhg galhagga ghaha alahg, glah, gahaghga gahlgal allahg glha", but I figgers that's what he meant.

Is Where Jinnik Has A Question

They are traitors to all of us. They seek to destroy our world and slay us all. They carry arcane devices to summon destructive elementals. They hide in shadows and cast dark rituals. The elude our guards and flaunt our laws. When we catch them, they claim others will take their place and we will all die anyway. We bind them with unbreakable mystic chains, for they are all together evil, down to their very core.

So, why do we let them keep their horses?

Is Friday Night Drunken Singingings

doop-doop-doop

MY MASHERATI DOES ONE EIGHTY-FIVE ...hic!
I lost my licenshe, now I don't drive.
I HAVE A DRAGON I RIDE ON HIS BACK ...hic!
I lock the doorsh in case I'm attacked.

I WRITE THESE BLOG POSHTS ME FANS THEY CAN'T WAIT ...hic!
They leave me comments, tell me I'sh great.
SO I GOT ME AN OFFICE GOLD WEAPONS ON THE WALL ...hic!
Just leave a meshshage, mebbe I call.

Galertruby's Guide To Dealing With Annoying People

Garhhl. Gahhl galha Garrrahhalagh.

Gllah gahr allahhgrl ghallagl gah. Agh glahhgl glahhgl garrh gahhlahr glahhr, ga gallhahl! Aglhha gahllragl gllah aghhrla gahhllrah gah glaghhlh glahh. Aghahll garhhr glahhlglhaarhga ghallah allha, garrharlh agghal ga arhhh galahhargh. Glallh garrh, gahhlahglahhr agglh ahghlagl glagglha ga arhhh.

Gaghaha aglah agghr laghalagh grahagl, gaghaha glhahg agrgha laghahrag. Glhaggla agg larhg galhagga ghaha alahg, glah, gahaghga gahlgal allahg glha:

• Glaghhl gahrgha ghahagg glah
• Agghal galgh gahhragla agg ghaglh
• Glarhga allahg
• Laghl gahagllarahgahalhgrhagl

Glaglha gha, aggrahgl lahg gahhaglarh. Garrh glahaggl glha agghalarg agglahar ghaggl aglha. Agglh ahghlagla agh grrhal, gallha gra gahhllha gallraghl ahl lagglarh. Gahhaga:

• Gallhr glah garrahhalglar
• Agrhh glagglha gha ghrallhalha
• Gha
• Allagha gha glahhal

Gahagrl!

Glahhgrl glah arrlh aggrhala gahhl glha. Glahg grahhglh glhhlhalha gahhr garrha, aglh glhha gharhl. Glhagl gllha ahhr glahhlglhaarhga ghallah allhag. Gllha garrharlh aglhha gahllragl. Gllah aghhrla gahhllrah gah glaghhlh glahh, gahhl aghhr garahhghlahhrgh aghraahl glhahhl gahhlah. Glah aghr Ghrallhahl gha gahrrlagahr agh gahlagh. Agghlagh garrh arhhlagh gahl grah glahhghl. Glahgl arhlg glah:

• Gllah gahr allahhgrl GhallaglGah
• Laggaha glha aghal
• Agh graglha ahgha
• Gahhllrah gah glaghhlh

Glhargal glah agglha arglhaglh, gahalg aggla gahrlagghl. Laggharlag agglha gah. Aglh aglha gallh gahll gahrrallah. Agrhh glagglha gha ghrallhalha ghagglha gaharrgh glha agglahg, agh argalagh gahhll garhh ahhghr glahh.

Alhhagh gha,
Garrrahhalagh

FOOLSS!

Can you not ssee them? They are everywhere! And you jusst stand there, making anal jokes.

Fine, the happy little abomination in the eyes of nature will ssave you thisss time, but don't say I didn't warn you. They'll be back, and bigger and meaner. Happy happy, joy joy, sstopping the invasion. For now.

Fools.

Is Where Phoenicia Is Lopsided

Phoe's been swingin' "the gels" since the say she done dinged 80. Ain't much lucks gettin' upgrades. But last night she went with some guildies ta ICC, an' lookee what she done nabbed herself. She sez she don't mind bein' lopsided - dwarves got them low centers of gravity an' all.

Thing Ta Do Befores The Expansion #254

Go back to Outland and get Team Shianti's behbeh warrior some phat lewtz.