Sunday, August 10, 2008

After Hours in Kara

This happened a while ago, but I didn't talk about it then, 'cause I's talkin' about it now.

We'd finished clearing Karazhan, and everybody else'd hopped a portal back to Shattrath. Me, though, I had this book what the Shade of Aran had been holding, and I needed fer to bring it to this crazy dude in the library. Apparentlies, the mana beasties and robots and whatnots don't mind you hangin' out and reading books and all if yer a freakin' looney. Mebbe they eats batshit brainwaves or sumthin'.

So, thing is, I's lost. Well, mebbe not lost, 'cause I know where I is (the hall where Curator hangs), and I know where the library is (is over there). Is just the part in between what be giving me some difficulties. But I figgers I'll keep pokin' around 'til I works it out. And then I turn the corner and oh bugger!

Is the Maiden of Virtue. What the hey? We done put her arse down several hours ago, and this ain't her territory anywho. Well, I figger I's in fer a beatin' since I ain't got no tank or healers or nuthin'. But she just stops and blinks at me, then starts to wail.

"Ohhhh, nooooooooo! You weren't supposed to be here. You were all supposed to have left! Oh, Prince Mal is going to kiiilllll meeeee!"

"Well, I won't tell him if you won't. Umm, not that I mind, but, uh, aren't you going to attack me?"

"No, I'm off duty now. We go off the clock when we de-spawn. But we're not supposed to let anyone see us then. Ohhh, he's gonna kiillllll meeeee......"

About this time, I noticed a coupla things. First was, she were holding a cigar and a bottle of whiskey, which didn't fit with her usual image. Second was she were starting to cry big water balloon-sized tears. Now, I hates ta see an overgrown woman cry, even if she were one whom I'd been face-smelting just a while ago.

"Now, that doesn't sound so bad. I mean, we killed you earlier. And yet, hear you is, relaxing with whiskey and a smoke..."

"*sniff* It's also a 50 DKP Minus."

"Oh. Ouch"

"Yeah."

And we started talkin'. I told her about how I were really an orc warrior, but I'd started wearin' the magic dwarf disguise when me old guild went kerflubble. She told me what her name were really Clarisse and that the whole Maiden of Virtue gig were just something she were doing ta try ta break into actin'. She shared her JD and I shared some Gurubashi Ganja what I had on me. And eventuallies we found ourselves in one of the guest chambers. I were prepared ta take it slow an gradual, 'til she reminded me what Maiden were just her day job. At which point I pulled out all the stops - after all, it ain't easy fer to satisfy I woman ten times yer size, even when ya is amazingly virile. But I's an orc what rises to the challenge, and before long cries of "Impure thoughts! Profane actions! Yes, yes, YES! Impure! IMPURE! PRO-O-O-O-FAAAAAaaaaaannnne...." were echoing down the empty halls. "Oh, baby, is my conscience ever clear," she told me afters. "You come back next week, I'll cleanse your impurity all night long."

But the next week when we raided Kara again, even though the Maiden of Virtue were there, I coulds tell it weren't Clarisse. Dunno if she got her big acting break, or if Prince busted her fer what we did. Or mebbe she went back ta Indiana, wherevers that be. Anywho, it were a night I won't be forgettin' fer a while.

(oh buggers - I never did get that book back to the nutjob in the library)

16 comments:

Hulan said...

Sometimes, you scare me. Sort of in a good and funny way, but still scary! ;)

Armond said...

I nominate this for "The Essential Ratshag".

pugnaciouspriest said...

I knew it was all for show! - An acting gig explains it all...

Kordwar said...

O_o

vibhu said...

LOLZ ! Just great ! Keep this up - a very good break from the usual WOTLK, statistics, etc !

Grimmtooth said...

Somewhere in Ironforge, a dwarf hunter's heart is breaking.

/throws away bouquet or roses

Ironaya was never such a tramp.

Pike said...

She'd maybe be more popular with potential fans if she stopped trying to Holy Fire everyone...

Anonymous said...

OMG That is classic!!!!

Khol Drake said...

Best. Ratshag. Story. Ever.

Frnit said...

Truly epic xD

Bell said...

Anyone who loves Ratshag (in any sense of the word) needs to be prepared to share. :P

Vrathmat said...

Wow. Epic win.

~One Among Many~ said...

So...you boned a Maiden? If I was a dude I'd say "SCORE!" as a Cait I'll just say...haha nice one...hope you had a rope to getcha out!

Capn John said...

It's a good thing Ratters is a big Orc. Means they's plenty of him to go around.

Jagerbombz said...

Talk about getting up in it. Man, I sure how your cleaned up afterwards or your beard will be smelling of oily blackmouth all week. BTW, when you were poking around did you by chance happen to find the shard of virtuous I have been looking for.

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