Thursday, July 29, 2010

If RL Was An MMO: Sex

You repeat the same 4-6 moves over and over, unless you're a bear - they just spam swipe.

You need to tune out both 247 random strangers making "anal" jokes, and your spouse sticking their head into the room to ask if you're at a good stopping point.

In addition to a condom, you should always keep a flask, five potions and a fish feast in your wallet.

Someone will always criticize your equipment, or your technique. Or both.

Doing it with a priest is socially acceptable.

You sometimes get someone good by calling out "LFM!", but usually it's just freaks and weirdos.

If it isn't going well, you can just say "afk cat on fire" and leave.

You will sometimes need to get up and move to another location, because the bed is suddenly covered in green toxic ooze. 

At the end, you get a 15-second buff: "Orgasm: a pleasant sensation of release." You will know you have achieved this because there is a small icon in the top right corner of your screen.


Fal said...

Oh my and now my screen is covered in coffee

Hydra said...

/gquit in the middle of a raid would be more significant.

Bre said...

Just died laughing. Excuse me as I run back to my body...

Anonymous said...

Once again, Ratters wins teh interwebz.

Freakin' hilarious!

theanorak said...

These days enjoyed in groups of no more than 25, but in your youth you could go with 39 others in a single night.

Brilliant. (Ratters, not me obv)

Revoemag said...


Don't forget you can promote others to leader if things aren't going well.

Anonymous said...

Love it - thank you for making my evening!

Unknown said...


Cap'n John said...

AFK Cat on fire ???

Ok. Now I totally need to do a Random PUG tonight and try that out.

Oh shit! AFK! Cat on fire!!!

I wonder how long it would take for them to boot me.

Anea said...

Hilarious. (Esp the last one!)