Thursday, October 25, 2007

Errmmm ... There's Been A Change of Plans

So here's how it happened, see. The other day I'm spending some time at the inn in Area 52 with this Dreana ... Drienai ... Drainae ... ah, bugger it. With this spacegoat chick. It's not what you think. Well, yeah, okay it was. You know, she didn't smell much like a goat, and she could do this thing with her horns ... but I digress. Point is, afterwards I was checking out her armor and I was really impressed with her Vindicator's Hauberk. I could really use one of these, I says to meself. I should go get me one.

Problem is, you gots to be in tight with the Aldorks to get one of these, and right now they hate me guts 'cause I'm all exalted-like with the Scrybabies. Ermmm. Turns out there's a pressing need for dreadfang venom sacs at the Shattrath Infirmary, what with all the careless refugees gettin' bit by them dreadfang spiders out in the woods. The Aldorks respect healin' refugees and other losers, so if you donate enough venom sacs they'll stop hating you. They still won't like you, but at least then you can go through the normal procedures of givining 'em shiny trinkets 'til they does.

How many sacs? I had to get me friend Rim to help me with the math. He's a mage and knows all that arcane fuggery. Anyhow, comes out to 1344 venom sacs, or more than 4000 spiders, cause lots of times the sac be empty by the time they dead.

Oh, crap.

That's gonna take a while, even for a killing machine like meself. But, I wants that hauberk,
so I's gonna do it. If you hears the Horseman's Helm of Evil Laughter somewhere out in Terokkar Forest, that'll be me. Killin' spiders.


Temerity Jane said...

I <3 you.

TheBigBearButt said...


Ah, you are one insane crazy guy. tha's why I like ya.

Anonymous said...

Foolish Orc.

Have you no friends? Are you some kind of outcast in Thrallmar for your dalliance with a Draenei lady? You would choose to spend countless hours killing spiders laughing to yourself in the cold, dewy forests of Terrokar? God forbid your beady eyes be color blind, lest you find yourself looking for bugs in the Dead Mire.

Options abound, greenskin.

Gather some ruffians from the Horde "army" and lead them into the Mechanar of Tempest Keep. Not only will you find rewards amongst the detestable Scryers in the form of Tomes and Signets, but the woman wizard there, Nethermancer Sepethrea, carries the Jade-Skull Breastplate, a chestpiece that is an upgrade in many ways to the uniform of Aldor warriors.

I would suggest the cache of Harbinger Skyriss, but as I've learned from the Horde, one must keep things simple and direct, as if speaking to children.

Regardless of your choice, greenskin, good luck and godspeed. I hope your laughter is loud, I'll be soaring FAR over your head.

Aertho - Spacegoat Paladin of the Aldor.

Ratshag said...

@TJ - I <3 U 2

@BBB - I has fun being insane crazy. Glads you enjoy reading about it.

@Paladin Aertho - Appreciates your stopping by. The Jade-Skull is a fine piece of gear, and I hopes you won't hold it against me if I says I'd like to have'em both. For us warriors, though, its impressive shield block rating is less valuable than for pallies, so overalls there be more benefits in the Aldor kit. As an example, Berg's Tank Gear rates the V's H at 10786 and the J-S at 8376. (B of the Bold, also nice gear, comes in at 10038)

Another issue with the Jade-Skull is that when she sees me coming, that bitch Sepethrea yells out to her minions "Alexander! Gus! Here comes that fuggerwhumper Ratshag again! Quick - take the Jade-Skull Breastplate off to fire elemental land and bring me back the Manual of the Nethermancer!" Getting V's H may be a grind but it is a sure thing.

And me friends at Thrallmar? They all say "you dog! Tell us about the thing she does with her horns again." We orcs are very cosmopolitan on such matters.

Lance said...

/agreed with TJ your writing is awesome and in the morning I will be getting the HHM helm hipefully if I can find 4 70 on my new server willing to go to SM with me.