Thursday, October 9, 2014

Brussel Sprouts

I don' like brussel sprouts. Not one bit. Now, because I done read me some Green Eggs and Ham as an orcling, I's a believer in "try it, ya glubberfumper, ya might like it". So I's tried 'em. Ever seen a chimp turn his lips inside out? Last time I tried one, me whole face did that. Was horrifyin' ta see. Dad slapped me on the back of the head an' said "stop doin' that, yer scarin' the swine!" Point is, I don't like brussel sprouts.

Some buggers, though, they like the dang things. Pop'em in they's mouths like jelly beans, all day long. Good fer them. Don't bother me none. Don't bother me none if they do it in the same tavern. Don't bother me none if they does it while sittin' at the same table as me. Why should it?

Is some glubberthunkers in this world, though, is bothered by thems what likes the sprouts. The really crazy ones, they wants fer ta pass laws makin' eatin' brussel sprouts illegal an' give thems what like hormone shots or some other crazy fuhggery. More often, thoughs, they wants fer ta see theyselves as not bein' hateful douchewaffles, so they sez "sure ya can eat yer sprouts just do it in private. Don' be pushin' yer brussel sprout agenda by eatin' them in restaurants where kids might see. Is icky." An' so they done passed a buncha laws.

Funny thing happened though. Some flunkerduppers in black robes an them George Washington wigs gots tagether an' said "you cain't be goin' aroun' sayin' "is icky" as yer legal argumentifications. that's stupid. don't hurt you none what some other bugger eats at a restaurant. ya gots anythin' else?"

Okay, mebbe they didn't wear the wigs. I cain't be bothered fer ta remember the details.

Anyhow, turns out they didn't. Since "is icky" was out, they tried sayin' stuff like "is in the state's interest fer ta not let any buggers eat stuff what's round at restaurants (unless it's grapes or meatballs or other stuff what ain't icky)." And the folks in robes an' wigs (or mebbe not) has been respondin' with "do I look stupid to you? piss off!"

Is still more dominoes fer ta fall, but fer now I got one thing ta say ta them dumkerthuppers in Indiana, Oklahoma, Utah, Virginia, and Wisconsin what wants fer ta eat they's brussel sprouts in restaurants: Mazal fuhggin' tov!


Kallixta said...

I like my dominoes, although I prefer them fallen but not all sprout eaters can wait. It's worse to force those sprout eaters to wait so long the things get moldy!

Anonymous said...

Here here! No sprouteater should be left with moldy sprouts because the non-sprouteaters are trying to make laws around it!