Either They Nerfed This, Or I Useta Really Suck

Both Phoenicia and me chintacled self done reached our 30th seasons recentlies, which means time ta go pay that nutcase the Islander a visit and defeat his Mortal Kombat wannabes. Every warrior in Azeroth gots to do this, fer this bugger be the one what can teach ya the Berserker stance. I think he pays the warrior trainers a kickback fer this. Anywho is off to Ratchet and the south to the island.


Way this works is, ya step onto the grate when yer ready, and they start sending in glupperfuppers ta fight ya, with no break in between. Then, when ya's all worn down, in comes Big Will. Now, when I first did this like a year-and-a-half ago, I just couldn't close the deal. Tried four times, and Big Will put me arse down every time. So I cheated and got me GM Tarsius ta come in from Outland and clobber the bugger.

But this time, were a piece of cake. Didn't need pots or bandages or nuthin' ta get past them first flunkies. Big Will comes in, I pops retaliation, and it be all over. Fer Phoenicia, what be equipping better gear than me and some nice enchants, it were easier than squishing kodo poop.


So, now is the Islander gettin' soft, and letting his troops be all fat and lazy? Or were I just a total scrub when I were first gettin' started. Hard ta remembers that far back. Fer all I know, I showed up that first time with a buncha vendor whites and +INT greens. Anywho, gratz to Phoenicia, and to me (again).


Afters it were over, I had me one of them rites of passage. Remembers, putting on that disguise with the chintacles and the horns and the really big ... tail ... puts me in a different serververse, one where Hordies and Allies is still at wars, unofficially. Which means, there be risks. I's still learning this. I were on the boat from Ratchet ta Booty Bay when this rogue unstealths and does me from behind. He were nine levels higher than me, so it didn't last too long. Nevertheless, I felt satisfied, and hurried off to tell me friend Bell.
She then proceeded ta tells me what in order to become a man (well, a squid, really), I now needs ta kill a Hordie of me own, preferably one 2 er 3 levels higher than me. So, is on me list of things fer to do this week.

Ratshag. Now With Hephalump

Got me spacegoat disguise up ta the 30th season today, and hoofed it over ta the Exodar fer me shiny new hephalump. Is part of the No More Sore Feets Fer Team Ratshag program. Phoenicia'll probably get her ram before longs, and then we gotta get mounts fer Palintera, Alayda, and DangerMouse.

Prophet Velen, You Ain't No Jaina Proudmoore

So, I's been taking advantage of the fact what me dwarf disguise sometimes buggers up and turns me inta a draenaninae, with horns and chintacles and all, to have some fun clearing out the bad guys on Bloodmyst and earn some money. The other day I helped this one bugger kill a buncha evil blood evils and one really tall spacegoat chick so he could blow up Victor's Coil. Never did find out who Victor was. It were easy to tell these were evil blood elves as opposed ta the good ones in Shat and Silvermoon, 'cause I were gettin' paid for to put they's arses down. Anywho, afters we's done I go back ta Blood Watch ta pick up me reward, and the local chief spacegoat says "Oh by the way, there's this really old gluppersugger outside wants to talk to you."

So I steps outside, and there's Prophet Velen waiting fer me - the top Dreannannenei hisself. Now you may remembers what Jaina saw through me disguise like it were made of really easy ta see through stuff, and I's expecting this bugger ta do the same. And he don't strike me as the type to be hungry fer some orc-lovin' the way she were, no matters how amazingly virile I is. And this makes me a little nervous.

But no - he were totally fooled. Slapped me on the shoulder, said I'd done fulfilled some ancient prophecy, saved the spacegoats, blah blah blah. And he talked on and on, and sorta drifted off ta sleep a bit before waking up and talking some more. Lotta stuff about Kil'jaeden and Gul'dan and evil treacherous orcs and spaceships and that thing that spacegoat wimmens do with they's tails and whoo doggie don't that feel good. Okay, mebbe he didn't say that last part and I were mentally drifting during his speachifyings. Not sure. I can't be bothered ta keep track of the details.

Eventually he got to the end and gave me a nice ring and a kinda ugly tabard, both of which they only gives ta the greatest spacegoat heroes. Pfft. Whatta noob. I were half-tempted ta take me disguise off then and there, just ta see the look on his face, but I didn't. He also offered me the hand of his oldest daughter, but I could tell by lookin' at him what he hadn't gotten his groove on in over a thousand years, and while older wimmens is fine now and then, there's a limit, ya know? So I told him no thankee, I weren't the marrying type.

So we had us a party, me and the spacegoats and the furblogs and Admiral Odysseus' crew and all. And I showed Kyleen Il'dinare a few tricks ya don't learn by worshipping the light on top of a giant tree, which she were most grateful for several times. And Prophet Velen? That old fool never did figger out who I really were. So much fer prophecisings.

The Fuhg Are Those Doing on Me Face?

Me magical "Turn Ratter into a Dwarf" device done malfunctioned the other day. Instead turning me into the dwarf, it turned me inta some freakish squid-faced spacegoat. Great googly moogly. And a first season one at that! At least I'm a warrior again.And it done knocked me into some other freaky serververse - one where the rules of engagement is all different, and Hordies and Allies is free ta gank each other, anywhere, anytime. Bugger. Not sure I likes the sound of this.

Fortunatelies, turns out I already gots me a friend over here. This damn fine tasty piece of druidflesh be Bellwether. Say hello, you buggers. She went and got me some netherweave bags, and it only cost me some personal services, which were a win-win trade in me book.

We had us some fun, going down inta the Deadmines and busting Defias heads. Well, okay. She did the busting. Me, I mostly stood back and tried not to get me arse pounded, 'cause as a lowbie spacegoat I's pretty squishy. A few times one of them Defias hunkerduggers managed ta hide in a corner 'til she'd gone by, then run out and whack me. And since somebody whom I will not name but it starts with Bellwethe fergot ta bring any rezzing reagents, I hadda haul me blue-with-a-tail-on-it arse back from the graveyard each and every time.

After a few of these episodes me bodyguard suggested mebbe I should go starkers, supposedly to save wear-and-tear on the gear. I think she just wanted ta see if I had me any more long, waggly appendages hidden away.
That Defias Digger, he weren't sticking around ta find out.

But it all turned out okay. I got me some nice loots, including Smite's Mighty Hammer, the Cruel barb, and Cookie's Tenderizer (in case I feels culinary). Then we went back to the Westfall Inn, where she totally had her way with all me tentacles, and then it were time to say our goodbyes. The next time I tried me magic transformer, I were me regular dwarf form again. So. Huh. Dunno what quite ta make of all this. But it were funs while it lasted.