Saturday, March 8, 2008

Me Date with Jaina Proudmoore

I's been questing in Dustwallow Marsh latelies, operating out of that Human city, Thereamore. Means "New Lordaeron in the Putrid Swamp". Is good work, killing murlocs and Defias buggers and soldiers what done deserted. I likes establishing law-and-order.

Anywho, while I's there I get this summons to come meet Ms. Jaina Proudmore. She's the top muckity-muck human; pretty much anywheres, not just in Swamp City. She wants to thank me fer all the hard work and slaughterfications I been up to. So I's there, all dwarfed up, and some flunky reads off a list of me deeds and it's all polite and civil. Then she leans in close and whispers "I am a Mage of the Tenth Circle of Kirin Tor. Do you think your pathetic disguise can fool me, orc?"

Oh, crap. I figures I's gonna need to fight me way outta this tower, and I don't like me odds. Not against a level skull world boss, with no backup or nuthin'. Then she smiles and stands up straight and shakes me hand, like none of it had happened. Okay. But then I realizes she's got a folded-up piece of paper she's passing me. But none of her flunkeys can see. Is like being back in school, passing notes with Utta Spleenchewer. I slips it into me pocket and we goes on.

Once I's outta there I pull her note out and unfolds it. "Meet me at the Inn in Ratchet next Friday night. Wear something kinky." Kinky, huh. This from the woman what used to date Kael'thas. Her idea of kinky could be, well, pretty much anything.

So Friday night comes along, and I put on me new chapeau and splash on some of the musky goodness from a bottle of troll sweat. Since it be a date, I picks up some red roses. Then I catches a wyvern to Ratchet and ambles over to the inn. The innkeeper, he just nods at me and sez "Room Five. Go on up." So I does.

And there's Jaina, wearing a Bad Mojo mask, a Virtuous Skirt, and nuthings in between. Great googly moogly. We procedes to have ourselves one helluva good time. There was La Macarena dancing and polymorphing and battle shouts and conjured champaigne and victory rushes and flamestriking. At one point she yelled out "oh sweet Elune, Thrall! Yes! Yes!" but it didn't bother me nones. After all, I sure preferred her being in bed with me and calling out his name to her being in bed with the Warchief and calling out me name. Well, actually, we was sorta halfway in the closet at that point, but you knows what I mean.

Next morning she were gone when I woke up, but I understoods. After all, she had a nation to run and everything. And me, it were time to put me dwarf costume back on and see what that crazy hermit Tabetha wanted.


Rabbit Stew said...

What, no ice cream? I thought dates were like dessert...or something like that.

Hey Ratshag....ain't Jaina (Ms. Proudmoore if you're nasty) going to be pissed when she sees a picture on the Internet of herself in clothes?

/emofire said...

/sputters helplessly and dies

Anonymous said...

/retrieves her jaw from the floor

Anonymous said...




I died when I was reading this. I nearly passed out at work from laughing so hard.




Sabiba and Sabertooth

Bell said...

But...but...I thought we meant something, Rats! Was it all a lie??

I suppose I can't compare to a mage. They're the kinkiest.

BRK said...

We hate that hat.

Epic, totally EPIC post.

We hate that hat.

Pike said...

I always KNEW Jaina had that kind of a side to her.

KNEW it.

Dammerung said...

If the Hat gets you the Girl then the Hat can't be all bad.

Hydra said...


Anonymous said...

I knew it as soon as ya told me you had a date with her. Though I'll admit the voodoo mask threw me off a bit. I guess the question now be are you to try
to continue with this forbidden love or was this just a one night stand?

Hershey said...

Ratshag & Jaina: Keeping Horde & Alliance relations "civil" since this past Saturday.

Anonymous said...

AHAHAHAHA that is possibly the best wow blog post I've ever read. Due to reading however I need 3 napkins to clean the iced tea that just erupted through my nose while laughing at my desk.


Anonymous said...

Some Orcs have all the luck. I had my entrails pulled out just for smiling at Sylvanas Windrunner last summer. Good thing I have 4 stomachs.

Rhoelyn said...

Dang. And to think, the best Rhese could get out of her with his heaviest application of purple charm was a wan smile. There's no accounting for taste in some women.


Anonymous said...

/agrees with BRK

The post: Epic

The hat: Kinda not so epic

This has to go on the "Essential Ratshag" list.


Anonymous said...

I <3 Ratshag. *swoon*


The Troll Hunter said...

I so hope you used 'protection', don't even want to think what those kids would look like!! 0..o

Anonymous said...

Omg I cant read your stuff at work anymore. I died laughing... couldn't help myself and my boss wanted to know why...

Anonymous said...

He better be joking about that date. He already has a wife and a daughter!!!

And I should know: I'm his daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...
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