Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Stupid Turtle

Recentlies me kid brother Gogmoth were in Tanaris, skilling up and getting paid to killer fubbernumpers. He were over on the western side of the zone, near the Un'goro Crater, when he comes across this turtle.
"I am so lost!" the turtle says. "My wife, Torta, sent me out to fetch dinner and I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere.Would you be so kind as to lead me back to Torta? She's waiting for me just south of Steamwheedle Port."

Okay, this is just creepy. First of all, turtles don't talk. They don't. No way, no how. They don't say "Ouch" when ya hit'em with an axe, the hunter pets don't say "Feed me!" or "Woe is me!" when they's unhappy, Speedy the Turtle don't say "Oooh me poor little footsies" when he has ta keep up with an elite mount. All them turtles do is grunt a bit. 'Cept this one.

Second of all, what the freak was he doing on the wrong side of the desert??!? He lives next to the ocean - how could he miss it? That's like stepping off the Aldork Rise elevator and not being able to find the Terrace of Light, only with more wet and less rupturing of internal organs.

/sigh

Anywho, since this turtle bugger promised that his wife would pay a reward, Gog says sure I'll show how to find the big huge impossible to miss ocean. And so the three of thems set off - Gog, stupid turtle, and Sharoona, the demonic minion with the name of a 5-year-old girl. They had to kill a few hyenas and other assorted varmints along the way, but that weren't no biggie. Soon enough, there's the ocean, there's the hungry and pissed-off missus, and there's Gogmoth's useless reward.

I wouldna believed none of it, but he snapped a few pics of the happy reunificationization:

8 comments:

sonvar said...

The turtles aren't talking they are speaking directly in your mind. Otherwise, how else would explain seeing the speech bubbles?

Oh and its not the first that Turtle has gotten lost.

Tengu said...

Indeed. I remember helping that turtle too. He must probably get lost every time his wife ask him to go get something for dinner. It is a wonder the both of them don't die from hunger considering how often he gets lost...

Shasta said...

If my wife spoke to me the way his does to him, then I might just wander off into the desert and hope to die like this one, just with a little less wanting-to-go-back.

klaki said...

Nothing says made-for-tv movie than a lost turtle in the desert befriending a traveling warlock. bonding and helping the poor turtle reach his beloved. through the times of peril and strife, they march on through jackals, scorpids, basilisks, and evil men they triumph and create a bond that will last through the ages. Coming March 2008 only on Lifetime for Men!

LOL

sonvar said...

@klaki
When put that way it does sound rather interesting. Though I wouldn't be caught dead watching a lifetime channel

Tengu said...

@Klaki

That could also be a children's movie. Like teaching them the value of friendship, taking care of animals and all that yada, yada...

Ah, the scarey thoughts that World of Warcraft makes us think...

Mosshoof said...

The reward is not so completely useless -- there are very few rings with armor on them.

Very nice for a feral druid.

Ratshag said...

@Klaki - but what would we call it? "A 'Lock and his Turtle"? "A Turtle and His 'Lock"? or just "Three Dips in the Desert"?

@Moss - Gog's a traditionalist warlock. It's always "minion this" and "fear that". He almost never has to take a hit, so fer him the armor's pretty much wasted. Now, if it'd been a +STA ring, he'd a creamed his twinkie.