Wednesday, December 31, 2014

When Fishin' Fer Fire Ammonites ....


.... may I suggests what ya go with a 20-pound asbestos line. Even if'n it be snowin'.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Say, Thrall, ....


....we knows what yer the Green Jesus an all, but woulds ya mind standin' on the fluggernuggin' ground like us poor mortals? Thankee.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Is Where Auctioneer Lauffer Ain't Feelin' Festive

You buggers an' yer Winter's Veil spirit can bugger off, he sez. He's just gonna sit here behind his podium an' sulk 'til all this holiday nonsense be overs.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Is A New Game Fer You Buggers Watchin' From Home

Every time...


...what Yulia Samras ....


....changes her hair style and her hair color and her face ....


....hit the anvil with yer hammer an' take a drink.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Success!

Is big hairy Congo rats ta Delvar, Daleera, an' Erdanii fer goin' inta Highmaul an' takin' down the Butcher, Ko'ragh, an' Impertater Mar'gok. Was an 85 percent shot, an' they done brought home the bling: a nice shiny locket from Ko'ragh hisself, complete with a picture of his mom. Or mebbe his pet warthog. Is hard fer ta tell.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Talonpriest Ishaal Is So Done With Tommy Joe

The other day Kinnavieve were out in Nagrand, trappin' wolves fer they's fur and savage blood, an' she done took Talonpriest Ishaal alongs fer some extra musclefications. Now, His Holiness does a good job of bodyguardin' on these jobs, even if he do have a tendency fer ta keep poundin' on the wolves after they's trapped, but he don't exactlies have what you'd call a sense of humor. So when the Stonefields show up fer ta haul the beasts off, Tommy Joe's lip flappin' kinda got on Reverend Birdie's nerves.


As the afternoon went on, things just done kept gettin' testier.


I's pretty sure what everbodies made it back ta the garrison without the Talonpadre demonstratin' ta Tommy Joe how ta prepare Shadow Word: Farmhand (rotisserie-style).

But I ain't positives.

Friday, December 19, 2014

So I Guess Michael Morhaime Done Built Hisself A Barn

And when we went out fer ta trap hisself some beasts, sumthin' a lot like this happened:

Then I figgers there were a conference call with Minion #1 and Minion #2 what went kinda like this:

"Hey, it's Mike. Lissen, we gots ta get a hotfix in right away."

"Yeah, I know is eleven at night. Don't matter, this is important. Gotta get the code monkeys on it ASAP PDQ."

"No, not that. Is trapped animals fer the barn. We gotta make'em stack. Mebbe to twenty."

"I don't care that the playtesters said they shouldn't stack because of reasons. Look, who's the president of this fluggernubbin' outfit?"

"A whole raid tier? Yeah, well, that'd suck. But me bags is full, guys. Gotta has priorities."

"I dunno, forty? Fifty mebbe? Look, I's still tryin' ta unlock level 3."

"Well you tell him what Big Mike needs these things to stack by Wednesday, or he can go send his resume to Carbine Studios. See how he likes that!"

And that be the tale of whyfor Blizz decided fer ta make them traps stack. Now if onlies we could get it so the only way Mr. Morhaime could check his garrison missions durin' the day was on his phone, we'd get a mobile version in no time....

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Goals An' Priorities: Armchair Raid Leader Edition

"Ya gots ta have yer goals an' priorites figgered out, boy!" dad always told me. "Otherwise ya ain'ts gonna know if'n where ya got to was where ya wanted!" Then he'd throw his bottle of Uncle Bonechomper's Day Old at me head, fer emphasisizations.

So what does we wants ta do with all our garrison minions, once we's got our twenty or twenty-five? Here's how mean an' the team be playin' it:

Goal Number the One: Minion XP.
Goal Number the Two: Minion XP.
Goal Number the Three: Minion XP.
A purple minion can cover as many bases as a green an' a blue combined. Is like one bein' ables fer ta play second base an' third base at the same time, which be awesomes if'n yer coachin' the Yankees or in the back seat with Yola Skullgrinder. But it takes approximatelies one metric fuhgton of XP fer ta level one bugger up ta epic. So them missions what gives out eight or ten or fifteen thousand XP? Run the crap outta them glubberflubbrers.

Goal Number the Four: Resources.
Now, this one may depends a bit on if'n ya gots a Dwarfenboonker suckin' down yer garrison resources or a lumber mill barfin' 'em up, but in generals resources be good fer ta have. If'n ya gots a minion with the Gathererer trait, be sures ta send her, even if it drops the chance of success. A 50% shot at triple reward is better than a 100% shot at the basic reward. And if it be a multi-minion mission an' ya gots more than one gatherer? Send'em all! The reward bonuses stack!

Goal Number the Five: Minion Gear.
Gotta gear the buggers up fer ta unlock the phatter lewts. But don't be in no hurry fer ta gear everyone up. Pick two - preferablies a couple buggers what has direct counters ta some of the highmaul bosses and gear thems up. That'll be enoughs fer ta unlock things. Fer the rest, keep the gear in yer bags and only hand it out when it will help the odds of a particular mission.

Goal Number the Six: Gear Fer Yerself.
Wait just one cotton pickin' minute there, Ratters, you sez. If'n the whole point of this is fer ta get me gear, whyfuhg am I makin' it me lowest priority?

I so glad you asked. Remembers, we's in fer a long haul. Got a coupla years, give or take, before we's done with Draenor, an' yer gonna be runnin' missions that whole time. Investin' in yer minions first means more gear fer you later on. Them Highmaul missions is onlies gone come one every two weeks or so, so yer gonna want yer odds of success fer ta be as high as possibles when they do. So, a penny saved be worth two in the bush, an' be sure fer ta look before ya saves nine.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

I Know I Ain't The Sharpest Tool In The Bridgeport ....


.... but don't it seem like the mine would work better's if'n ya took the miners off the tracks and put the glubbernuggin' mine carts on them?

Monday, December 15, 2014

Is A Good Thing What Ga'nar Don't Value Brains ....

... 'cause this hero ain't exactlies packin' thems in abundance. Woulda been a real awkward moment if'n Thrall hadda say "and me friend possesses ... well .... hey you know a mage or a priest or sumthin', don't ya? Fer ta do the convincin'?"

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Exarch Maladaar Ain't Exactlies Hercool Pwerot

Herkle Purebow? Hurkel Parrot? Bugger it, he ain't exactlies a Belgian detective. Is closers ta that Pink Panther dude.


I mean seriouslies, I ain't seen such a obvious whackjob on a poor inconvenient bugger since Aragorn applied a tourniquet ta Boromir's neck fer ta stop his bleedin' head wounds when Legolas an' Gimli weren't there ta see. "Hands of a king is the hands of a healer"? Yeah, right, pull the other one, is got bells on it. But I digressifies.

Point bein', Exarch? Wake them lil' grey cells up an take'em for a walk or sumthin'. They could use the exercifications.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

I Know I's Just A Simple Orc, But It Seems Ta Me What....


... shouldn't the first thing ya does when the enemy be at the gates, is close the fluggernubbin' gates? Lower the portcullis? Raise the drawbridge? Course, that last one assumes what ya had the brains fer ta dig a moat first.

Hey don't be lookin' at me. Ya, they calls me the commander in me garrison, but I's really jus' the poor bugger what goes down inta the mine every day an' digs out the ore.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Philip Luke Ain't Portal Specced

Get yer own self ta Exodar. He ain't got time fer ta conjure you no milk an' cookies neithers.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Remembers Ta Loot Yer Kills, You Buggers

Yeah, is mostlies mangy pelts an' uncleft hooves, but ya nevers know when some random clefthoof is gonna drop a nice shiny 665 BoE epic what somebody's gonna want real bad.


Monday, December 1, 2014

Could Be Worse


He could be standin' in Setthek Halls, gettin' his feathery arse roflstomped by high level heroes on they's way ta take they's daily shot at Anzu.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Flying Gobblernogger

Hope you buggers had a happy Thanksgiving if that be yer particulars tribalism, and that ya left room fer pie.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Tristan At The Plate

Oh, somewhere in this favoured land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout,
But there is no joy in Stormshield - Private Tristan has struck out.


Monday, November 24, 2014

At Least Khadgar Done Gots Chicken

So, them history books is all gonna talks about the heroic campaign where a few brave souls done led a couragified assault through the Dark Portal against them Iron Hordies. But them history books, they's usually more interesteds in tellin' a good story than in reportin' the less-than-beautifuls truths sometimes. Here be how it really went down:
 

Ratshag: OK guys goin' through this portal done always caused us troubles in the past. Does anybody realies want to go through? Or can we just seal it off from the outside?

Kinnavieve: I think Khadgar wants to quest in there.

Ratshag: Bugger wants XP? Ain't he alreadies boss level?

Kinnavieve: Yes, but he wants better transmog gear. His selfies will get more likes.

Ratshag: Bugger me with a chainsaw....

Ratshag: Okay, what we'll do is, I'll runs in first. Gather up all them orcs. We can kinda just blast them flubbernuggers all down. I's gonna use Intimidating Shout fer ta kinda scatter them so we ain't gotta fight a whole bunch of them alls at once.


Ratshag: I's gonna need Goblin Hunter Boy (by night known as Fezziwhig) ta frost trap them gronns. Keeps 'em back, not haveta fight too many at once.

Ratshag: When he done done that, Creighton needs fer ta run in an' Frost Nova them ogres.

Ratshag: We's gonna establish a perimeter, pull the glubbernubber Warsongs in, so's we can AoE, so's we can get 'em down fast. 'Cause we's bringing all these guys. I means, we's gonna be in trouble if we cain't get 'em down quick. I thinks what it be a pretty good plan, should gets us in there jus' fine.

Ratshag: Whatcha think, Mouse? Can ya gives me a number crunchification real quicks?

Danger Mouse: I'm coming up with 32.33, repeating of coursse, percentage of sssurvival.

Ratshag: Is a lot better than we usually does. All right you buggers, thumbs up, let's fuhggin' do this-

Khadgar: For AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZEROTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ratshag: Oh fuhg, he just ran in!

Various voices:

Save him!

Oh sweet Elune!

Stick to the plan!

Oh sweet Elune let's go let's go!

Stick to the plan, stick to the plan!

Oh bugger - oh fuug. Do Frost Block!

Hurry up!

It's on cooldown!

I can't move! I can't move!

What the hell?

Don't let Guldan out, it'll close the Portal!

By the Light!

I don't think you can cast with that shit.

Oh my god.

Well don't let him go!

Gods dammit Khadgar, gods dammit!

Khadgar you moron.

I'm trying. It's not my fault.

Who's got a hearthstone? We do have a hearthstone back ta Pandaria, don't we?

Oh crap. Oh for-

Khadgar: At least I have chicken

Friday, November 21, 2014

The Great Corgi Massacre

A bugger would think, what afters ten years, Blizzard would done figger out a way fer ta deliver account-unique items withouts mailin' one ta every dang team member, forcin' us ta personallies put down all but one of the poor things.


Yeah, that'd be a "no".

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

A True Blacksmith Forges His Own Pet

Professions In WoD: Part 4 Of Several


So, here we is. Rampagin' through the portal, settin' up our garrisons, dashin' to 100, and figgerin' out this here new profession system, with it's daily cooldowns. Which is really how it mostly was since MoP 5.1, we just didn't notice 'cause we'd alreadies skilled up.


So here's a thing fer you buggers. A tip, kinda. If yer needin' fer ta get you some epics (or heroic-level swords) as fast as possibles, then go do those. But if'n ya gots a bit of flexibilities, there be some more efficient ways fer ta skill up. The epics, they all gives ya a skill point fer every ten reagents what is needed. So fer examples, a truesteel breastplate done needs 100 truesteel ingots an' gives ya 10 skill ups. But now a Soul of the Forge, what be a lil' flamey bugger of a pet, he only needs 50 ingots but he still gives ya 10 skill ups. Not bad, eh? Half as many means twice as good. And then there's the re-roll tokens - the grinder an' the reshaper. Thems is three skill ups fer onlies ten ingots, which be even betters. Other professions, they gots similars.


Remembers, the higher yer skill, the more ingots or hexweaves or crystals or whatevers ya get from yer daily transmute. So, skillin' up faster is better, if'n ya can affords ta be flexible with what ya makes the first coupla weeks.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Is Can Logs Inta WoW Normals Again

But afters two nights of stayin' up tryin fer ta get in, watching the queue tick down from 2000 ta 1500 ta 1000 ta 500 ta 32, onlies ta get disconnected and havin' ta start overs ....

.... Buffy the Perky Puginator done be too tired ta play.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Blizz Shoots They's WoD Tonight

Everybodies get all stocked up on IVs fer injectin' Mountain Dew and catheters so ya ain't gotta go bio? If not, ya still gots a few hours ta run ta the store an' stock up. Best get a move on.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Do Not Want

I were lookin' through the notes overs on mmo-champion from one of the T&A sessions at BlizzCon, an' I done saw this puppy:

"The team can make one click milling and prospecting if it is something players want."

If we want? If we want??!?

Lemme explain you, Blizz. We plays this game fer funs. Is why we be here, payin' out subscriptions month afters month. We wants our fun. Is be our mode and modus. An' there ain't nuthin - I means nuthin' - what be more fun than:

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....
*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....
*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....
*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

*click spell*
*click herbs*
....
....
....
....

(repeat 873 more times)

Seriouslies, Blizz, whyfuhg would anybodies want fer ta replace that with:


*click spell*

Thems of us what be inscriptions gives ourselves blisters milling hundreds of herbs a week because is what we wants. Clickin' the same things over an' an' over' an' over be our mode an' modus. It be our central kick. Is how we like it. Ain't nobodies wants fer ta go ta a better way jus' cause it'd make sense. That way lies madness.

Listen ta yer players, Blizz. Don' be gettin' all radicals and dumbin' down the game. If'n we wanted ya ta change it, we'd be writin' blog posts or sumthin'.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Happy BlizzCon, You Buggers!

If'n yer there, hope yer havin' funs. Be sures ta drop by the TNB party an' say hellos ta Fim and Hydra fer me.

If'n ya ain't there but yer watchin' the at-home feeds, hopes yer gettin' fer ta see some cool stuffs and informationalications. Plus, ya know, murloc pet, which always be cool.

And if'n yer just checkin' Twitter fer ta see if anythin' interestin' pops up, but mostlies ya just wants it ta hurry the fuhg up an' finish so's we can has our expansion alreadies ....

.... well then I's right there with ya.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Titles in WoD

So there be a title what ya can earn if'n ya builds a stable in yer garrison what be called "Stable Master". Personallies, I's thinkin' what there oughtta be a title "Unstable Master", what ya gets by tearin' down all the buildings in yer garrison an' startin' over ten times.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Sauce Fer The Gander

Is so many armors what shows off all the females pulchrons .... pulkrinates .... pulcharions .... bugger it. They shows off a lotta midriffs an' sideboobs. But ya puts 'em on a guy, and suddenly it don't show no more skin than them things nuns wear. But today I were runnin' nubbers in me dwarfy priest disguise an' I got me some polychromatic threads. Put 'em on an' great googly moogly I thought it were a graphics glitch. Dwarf belly, dwarf nips, were all sortsa amazingly virile dwarfflesh. Turns out, no is supposed ta look like that. Well, I thinks. Is a little hard fer ta tell on wowhead, 'cause all the pics of this armors on wowhead done show it on wimmenz. So I done submittified this here pic of me, fer ta provide a bit of balance:

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Ghostcrawler Promised Me A Pony. Then He Done Quit

Well, Hallow's End VIII is a wrap. Me an' the team, we did a full court press fer the Horseman's Flyin' Pony - I figger we looted about a hundred an' fifty pumpkins. In the end, we was oh-fer-a hundred an' fifty. Not that we didn't get some loot - pretty much everybodies what cant equip plate got theyselves a Helm of Evil Laughter, an' several buggers what weren't rogues or monks reached in an' pulled out pumpkin swords. Alayda the shammy trollop done had herself all kinds of epic lootifications of uselessness:



At least the trick-or-treatin' junior team members was productive. They extorted enough tricky treats from the innkeepers of Azeroth ta pick up a coupla new pets fer the team, as well as that bonfire toy we bought years ago an' then deleted 'cause whofuhg had the bag space ta carry around an extra campfire? Plus Noggle the Rogue got a chance to look like a real badarse fer once, 'stead of a cute little dude with coupla toy knives.



Oh, and the perky pugs, they totally rocked it, 'cause pugs in costumes is awesome.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Assemble The Minions!

Blizz calls thems "followers", but that sounds way too much like camp followers to me ears, and that ain't they's job. Coulda called them "flying monkeys", "garritroopers", or "flunkeys", but I decided fer ta go with "minions".


Anywho, whatevers ya call'em, they's a new way fer ta kill things an' take they's stuff. Ya gots ta level the buggers up (by sending'em on missions). Then ya gota ta gear'em up (mostlies by buildin' a scrapyard an' sendin' them on missions ta bring back junk, and also by buildin' a dwarfenboonker an' feedin' it work orders). Then, when yer minions is ready, ya can send'em ta Highmaul. This week, Qiana done brought the tankin', with her big bare bear. Goldmane done brought the massive deeps, with him claws an' fangs an' all. An' the Pleasure-Bot 8000 done brought the .... well .... with his .... you know .... mebbe best I leaves that fer yer imaginiationalizings.


Lookie there, is loot.

Inside be a random 655 epic fer yer class an' lootspec - I got me an amulet. Is just as if ya'd gone ta Highmaul yerself. Sorta. Is a slow process - Blizz sez what ya onlies can get one of these raid-level missions every two weeks. Also ain't no guaranties what ya won't get duplicates. Finallies, is no weapons or trinkets.

But, good news is what it only takes a few minutes a day ta send the minions out, then ya can go do yer own thing while they takes care of business. So is can be a helpful way fer ta gear up alts. Also, if'n yer a raider an' has normal mode on farm, the cache starts givin' up heroic level loots. Same if'n yer farmin' heroic, it gives mythic gear.

Is gonna be a very different way fer ta play. I's lookin' forward ta doin' it fer reals next month.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Is It Just Me?

Or do the new 6.0.2 models an' graphic mapping distort Alayda's armor in a way what done makes her look like a sagger showin' off her boxers?

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Is Where Danger Mouse Has An Issue

Helllooo.

I am Danger Mouse. I am Forssaken.

Last week was patch day, and mosst of us who aren't pretty blood elvess got new faces. It was a joyousss time, with cheers and fireworkss and glassses of champagne held high in celebration.

Fuck that shit.

I woke up that morning with eyes. Eyess! Me, the dead eyeless girl, with eyes! And not your happy happy joy joy I can sssee clearly now the rain is gone kind of eyes. More like looking through a pair of milk bottle eyes.


Ssuddenly, nothing worked right. I knocked things over. I equipped mysself with mismatched daggersss. I spilled a glass of Blood of the Innocentss. I went to pickpocket a Yuangol, and I slid my hand into the wrong pocket! It was like a scene from a ssteamy romance novel, with him going "yeah, girl, that's it, yeah, don't stop." It was ssso embarrassing that I vanished and ssnuck away, instead of killing him and eating his corpse.

Please, Blizzard, take away my eyes!

Monday, October 20, 2014

Everyone Hail Ta The Pumpkin Queen

Our girl Kinna done be queen of the glubberhubbin' pumpkin patch.

Is big fat hairy Congo rats ta Kinnavieve and her shiny new sword. No sign of that dang pony yet, though.

Friday, October 17, 2014

She And Him, They's Got Unfinished Business

Way backs in the day, Kinnavieve were a member of the raid team of Aetherial Circle, along with Shianti and BRK and Fio and teh Squeakie Pristie an' a buncha other really cool buggers. An' they'd done got ta Sarth 2D when Kinna hadda leave the team 'cause of reasons. Soon afters they did Sarth 3D, but she weren't there so she missed out. Years later, me an' Black Leather Undies done whupped up on Sarth 3D, an' the drake mount done went ta, of all buggers, a certain druid. Told that glubbernugger I ever caught him usin' flight form stead of ridin' it, me an' him was gonna have words. But I digressifies.

Point is, Kinna never did Sarth 3D.






I'd call that mission fuhggin' accomplished. Is shiny new mount ridin' time.


Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Don't Fuhg With Helium

So John Carter done beat the Lone Ranger in last week's poll, 14-4. Yay space opera!

This week, ta celebrates some crazy bugger in Florida runnin' off with over 30,000 pounds of Crisco, we's gonna settle that age old battle betweens slippery stuff (16 tons of Crisco) an' sticky stuff (500 miles of electrical tape). Or mebbe is a battle between two songs. I just does the polls - you buggers do the rules.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Patch Day Makeoverfication

Afters nine years with the same face, I's gettin' me a lift today. Well lotta you buggers is too, but this ain't about you. Is about me.

Old and Busted:

New Hotness:

Monday, October 13, 2014

I Sees London, I Sees France

Yeah, I's totally seein' Ellspeth's pants.


Yup, the most importants thing about the new model is them clothies now has legs what go all the way up, 'stead of bein' all empty under they's skirts. Shammies and droods too. An' sometimes pallies an' even death knuggets. The hell is up with that? Plate armor skirt? Don't make no fuhggin' sense. Anywho, no more goin' commando if'n ya don't want buggers fer ta know.

An' yeah, Ellspeth be Forsakenized in beta. Don' worry, is just a temporary thing.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Brussel Sprouts

I don' like brussel sprouts. Not one bit. Now, because I done read me some Green Eggs and Ham as an orcling, I's a believer in "try it, ya glubberfumper, ya might like it". So I's tried 'em. Ever seen a chimp turn his lips inside out? Last time I tried one, me whole face did that. Was horrifyin' ta see. Dad slapped me on the back of the head an' said "stop doin' that, yer scarin' the swine!" Point is, I don't like brussel sprouts.

Some buggers, though, they like the dang things. Pop'em in they's mouths like jelly beans, all day long. Good fer them. Don't bother me none. Don't bother me none if they do it in the same tavern. Don't bother me none if they does it while sittin' at the same table as me. Why should it?

Is some glubberthunkers in this world, though, is bothered by thems what likes the sprouts. The really crazy ones, they wants fer ta pass laws makin' eatin' brussel sprouts illegal an' give thems what like hormone shots or some other crazy fuhggery. More often, thoughs, they wants fer ta see theyselves as not bein' hateful douchewaffles, so they sez "sure ya can eat yer sprouts just do it in private. Don' be pushin' yer brussel sprout agenda by eatin' them in restaurants where kids might see. Is icky." An' so they done passed a buncha laws.

Funny thing happened though. Some flunkerduppers in black robes an them George Washington wigs gots tagether an' said "you cain't be goin' aroun' sayin' "is icky" as yer legal argumentifications. that's stupid. don't hurt you none what some other bugger eats at a restaurant. ya gots anythin' else?"

Okay, mebbe they didn't wear the wigs. I cain't be bothered fer ta remember the details.

Anyhow, turns out they didn't. Since "is icky" was out, they tried sayin' stuff like "is in the state's interest fer ta not let any buggers eat stuff what's round at restaurants (unless it's grapes or meatballs or other stuff what ain't icky)." And the folks in robes an' wigs (or mebbe not) has been respondin' with "do I look stupid to you? piss off!"

Is still more dominoes fer ta fall, but fer now I got one thing ta say ta them dumkerthuppers in Indiana, Oklahoma, Utah, Virginia, and Wisconsin what wants fer ta eat they's brussel sprouts in restaurants: Mazal fuhggin' tov!

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

A True Monk Works His Own Leather

How many of these crafting title posts what don't make no sense is I gonna come up with? Yeah, no fuhggin' clue.

Professions In WoD: Part 3 Of Several

So now, still not wantin' fer ta spoils nuthin' fer nobody what don't want, so gonna hide the post under pictures of .... bugger it, I dunno. How about baby orangumonkeys this time? Everybody likes baby orangumonkeys.


And we's back.

One thing what's gonna be differents when we goes off ta meet me country bumpkin cousins in Draenor and take they's stuff is craftable epics. Now, we's used ta a system where crafters can make two or three epics in any given tier, and mebbe sometimes is weapons, and darkmoon fairy trinkets. But that be it.

This time around, is many many craftables. All the plate / mail / leather / cloth slots. Engineerin' goggles. Blacksmith weapons and scribe weapons. Cloaks. Rings and amulets (great googly moogly, we ain't nevers had them before!). And of course, darkmoon fairy trinkets. Everything starts off at LFR level, but the same buggers what can craft the things can also make tokens fer ta upgrade the things, first ta normal mode raid level, then ta heroic raid level.

Holy guacamole, Ratters, you sez. I's gonna deck me out in full crafted epics an' head straight fer the first raid soon as I ding 100 an' skip all that tedious gearin' up stage! This is the best thing evers!

Yeah, well, not so fast, sez me. They's onta ya. First thing is, all these epics done has daily cooldown bottlenecks as part of the craftin' process. When Blizz shoots they's WoD on Nov 13, is gonna take 20 days fer ta make an epic. Now, as we crafters skillify up and gets or garrisons up an' runnin' is gonna get faster, but still gonna be a mimimals of five days per. No shortcuts. Bummer.

Second thing is, all these epics done has a limit - ya cain't equip more than three at a time. Except cloaks fer some reason - tooltip sez they don't count toward the 3, but I's thinkin' what that just me a beta bug what's gonna get fixed. Weapons is also a little weird since some buggers wanna carry two while some onlies want one - I suspectifies what Blizz is gonna go with "you buggers is on yer own with this one." Also, weapons be 10 levels lower than the other epics.

So what does this all mean? I ain't entirelies sure. Way it be now, chest, legs, and helm be the best crafteds. But Lady RNG be a mischevious bitch. You go buy them three items, you just know thems gonna be yer first three raid drops. I's thinkin', it makes more sense fer ta hold off, gear up, save yer golds (or yer craftin' mats) an' see what drops fer ya. Then ya can craft (or buy) gear fer the slots what ain't dropped yet.

That's me thoughts on what you might wanna do. Me, I's gonna be workin' with me team fer ta craft one of everythin' an' put it all on the AH. Don't matter what most buggers ain't gonna wanna buy crafted bracers or rings or whatevers. We's just gonna need fer one poor bugger ta still be equippin' a ring from whatevers the country bumpkins is callin' Shadow Labs in this world, an' cain't get the second ring ta glubbernubbin' drop nohow nowheres nonuthin'. This buggers gonna be happy fer ta buy an epic ring.

Is me plan, anyhow. Gonna be interestin' fer ta see if it works. I'll let you buggers know.

Monday, October 6, 2014

The Return Of "Who Would Win?"

So is back, after a coupla years hiatifying. This week we's gonna settle which of Disney's two recents colossal bombs done be the tougher - The Lone Ranger or John Carter. Or ya pick between the 1930s radio show an' Edgar Rice Borrough's Tarzan on Mars books. You buggers make the rules, I just post the results an' pretends what they mean anything. Anywho, is poll up in the sidebar.

Friday, October 3, 2014

A True Death Knugget Polishes His Own Jewels

Professions In WoD: Part 2 Of Several

This here post be kinda spoilery. Not a lot, but a little bit. So if'n ya don't wants yer expansion cherry popped evens a tiny pop, go away. Fer the rest of you buggers, the infos be under the safety pugs. Why pugs? Because pugs is awesome, is why.


Okay, we's back.

So, is be a really shiny feature fer crafters comin' in 6.0.2, what means in only a coupla weeks - we ain't gotta wait fer Blizzard ta shoot its WoD on Novembers 13.

So what is this really cool new feature? I's so glad you asked. Is an overhaul of how we can use our banks, and is gonna make life a lot easiers, I thinks. Lemme show ya what we gots.

Kalishna here be off an' runnin' in the betaverse, so she be startin' fer ta accumulates the new ores an' herbs an' cloths an' whatnot. But she's kinda sloppy so she done fergots ta unload all the crap in her bags before headin' off ta the Old Country. So now her bags be gettin' pretty flubbernuggin' full. So off she goes ta the bank in Warspear Hold. Well, it ain't really a bank. Is more like a big smelly tent with a buncha buggers in it, some of what be bankers. But that ain't the point. The point is, when ya checks out yer bank, is a new "Reagent Bank" tab. Ya clicks on this, it asks do ya wants fer ta pay 100 golds, you sez yes, and GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY LOOK AT ALL THEM NEW SLOTS!
But that ain't the best thing. Is gonna get better. How can it possiblies get better? I's so glad you asked.

See that button what sez "Deposit All Reagents"? Yeah, click on that bugger an' see what happens.
Holy guacamole, look at all that crap what jumpified. Metal, gems, weed, scribbler inks, cloth, Loki's frozen left orb, volatiles (dunno what hell she were still carryin' thems for), even them sacks of flour she keeps handy fer the frog-chuckin' at the Darkmoon Faire. Anythin' what can be used by any profession fer ta make anythin' else.

But that still ain't the best thing. Is gonna get better. How can it possiblies get even better? I's so glad you asked.

Let's go someplace far away from any bank. Like, say, Death Knugget Central.

And now Kalishna dona gonna make some sparkly jewelcrafter stuffs. How can she possiblies do that when she done put her everythings in the bank? Buggered if I know! Alls I know is, we can do it now. Well, we can do it in a coupla weeks. Soon. Real soon.