Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Prophet Velen, You Ain't No Jaina Proudmoore

So, I's been taking advantage of the fact what me dwarf disguise sometimes buggers up and turns me inta a draenaninae, with horns and chintacles and all, to have some fun clearing out the bad guys on Bloodmyst and earn some money. The other day I helped this one bugger kill a buncha evil blood evils and one really tall spacegoat chick so he could blow up Victor's Coil. Never did find out who Victor was. It were easy to tell these were evil blood elves as opposed ta the good ones in Shat and Silvermoon, 'cause I were gettin' paid for to put they's arses down. Anywho, afters we's done I go back ta Blood Watch ta pick up me reward, and the local chief spacegoat says "Oh by the way, there's this really old gluppersugger outside wants to talk to you."

So I steps outside, and there's Prophet Velen waiting fer me - the top Dreannannenei hisself. Now you may remembers what Jaina saw through me disguise like it were made of really easy ta see through stuff, and I's expecting this bugger ta do the same. And he don't strike me as the type to be hungry fer some orc-lovin' the way she were, no matters how amazingly virile I is. And this makes me a little nervous.

But no - he were totally fooled. Slapped me on the shoulder, said I'd done fulfilled some ancient prophecy, saved the spacegoats, blah blah blah. And he talked on and on, and sorta drifted off ta sleep a bit before waking up and talking some more. Lotta stuff about Kil'jaeden and Gul'dan and evil treacherous orcs and spaceships and that thing that spacegoat wimmens do with they's tails and whoo doggie don't that feel good. Okay, mebbe he didn't say that last part and I were mentally drifting during his speachifyings. Not sure. I can't be bothered ta keep track of the details.

Eventually he got to the end and gave me a nice ring and a kinda ugly tabard, both of which they only gives ta the greatest spacegoat heroes. Pfft. Whatta noob. I were half-tempted ta take me disguise off then and there, just ta see the look on his face, but I didn't. He also offered me the hand of his oldest daughter, but I could tell by lookin' at him what he hadn't gotten his groove on in over a thousand years, and while older wimmens is fine now and then, there's a limit, ya know? So I told him no thankee, I weren't the marrying type.

So we had us a party, me and the spacegoats and the furblogs and Admiral Odysseus' crew and all. And I showed Kyleen Il'dinare a few tricks ya don't learn by worshipping the light on top of a giant tree, which she were most grateful for several times. And Prophet Velen? That old fool never did figger out who I really were. So much fer prophecisings.

9 comments:

T-Sonn said...

Omg, I totally love you, Ratter. Thanks for the putting the shine on my morning.

sonvar said...

Ugly tabard! Sigh you disappoint me Ratshag. A lot of people are angry over the fact only us Draenei can get that Tabard.
As far as Prophet Velen goes what would he have to gain by revealing ya? At least Jaina wanted something out of it. Velen is quite aware of your tomfoolery and is letting it stand as you're helping the draenei out there. If anything he's just trying to get you to rethink about orcish heritage as it isn't all noble. Though I don't think any race can quite think their history is entirely noble.

Avaric said...

Yeah, I gotta go with Sonvar on this one, I really like the Tabard of the Hand.

Khol Drake said...

Don't listen to Sonvar, Ratters...you orcs have gotten a bit of a bad shake what with being sold out by Gul'dan and forced to drink demon blood and all. Of course, just like my own countrymen, orcs aren't all angels and some smack does need to be laid down.

Seidhkona said...

Ugly? That tabard is my FAVORITE in all of Azeroth! Alas, I am speaking to an orc, and we know there is no fashion sense among them, now! I really do love the starting area for draenei, though...

Townes said...

Ah, that was some good channeling of Ratshag the orc - thanks for a good morning laugh! (And I agree about the tabard - keep seeing it on the welcome screen and thinking it ought to go one of these levels).

Larma said...

Ze Tabard of ze Hand!? She is, 'ow you say, bootiful, no.

I never take off. Even in shower.

Silly orc.

Larma

Isapostolos said...

I dunno, Velen is a pretty cagey guy. He managed (with Naaru help, yeah) to sneak out a bunch of draenei from right under Sargeras, Kiljaeden, and Archimonde's noses and evaded them for thousands of years. He knows a thing or two about subterfuges.

farseer-lolotea said...

Oh, rest assured that the Prophet saw through your subterfuge.  He simply had no reason to expose you, seeing as you were doing no harm.  (Except to the deserving Sunhawks, that is.)