Friday, January 16, 2009

Is Where Maurice Hits on AC

Hello, beauteous lady. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Maurice, the Death Knight of Love, and I am most pleased that you have the opportunity to meet me. 
Shianti? What a lovely name. So exotic, just like your ... ah ... purple hair.
The priestess Vonyari? She means nothing to me, my sweet petunia, for you are here and she is not. For now, I wish only to apply my wonderful lovings to you, and-
I smell like a goat too? Yes, that is a small side effect of my being dead. But trust me, my mango blossom of loveliness, you will soon forget that, as I-
...
She turned into a bird and flew away. They can do that now?


What a sweet little morsel of loveliness you are, my dear. I am Maurice, the Death Knight of Love, and the pleasure is yours, I know.
PetsAreUs is a very ... well ... descriptive name, my little mousling. Ah, you are flushed with excitement to have caught my attention. And soon, we shall ... ah ... Did you know your dog has two heads and is on fire?
You do? Well, no matter, we can chain him to the lamp post outside my Domicile of Love while I take you to places ...
Gumdrop? Helllloooooo.....
She appears to be dead. That is rather, ah, disappointing. I was getting, well, in the mood, and now I am unsatisfied. 


My goodness, little buttercup, you are scarcely more than a mouthful. It must be exciting for you to have caught the eye of a real man like Maurice, the Death Knight of Love.
Giduhduhdge? Gidduhdge? Ah, Giddg. Ha ha, I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat!
Trust me, my little maraschino cherry, I shall be gentle with your tiny body, as I show you how I can be both the meat and the motion-
Yes, I know, I am dead. But it is a mere inconvenience. Your desire for me will, I know, let you see past that, as I inflame-
Ah.... where did she go? She was right here, just a second ago. Oh little sugared dumpling, where are you...?



Look! down the street there, it is Vonyari. Ho ho, I hear she is into discipline now. What fun we shall have together as we take turns. Oh! She has turned around and is walking away quickly on her little hooves. She wishes me to give chase! What sport this woman has in her. Ha ha, I shall not disappoint her. The game is afoot!

16 comments:

Kithain said...

Hi Ratshag! Long time lurker here. :) Just wanted to say... your blog needs some type of warning label:

"If you're drinking, don't read! Fluids will tend to be speweed."

>.<

Anyway, Maurice is my most favorite Death Knight ever!

Xian said...

Cute...

Oh and all da AC womeens are belong to me.

Vonyari said...

Someone? Please? Take him?

Vulpinor said...

Great stuff to start my day. Thanks Ratters.

Does anyone else envision Maurice with and smarmy French accent? Something akin to Pepe LePew?

Suptail said...

Vonyari?
What you have to do is tell him-it- that your taken. Then he'll stay away like a mouse from a cat!

And Ratters: if Maurice asks, tell him I ain't eligable.

Sharon said...

Maurice is Pepe Le'Pew, apparently. "Le mew...le purrrrrrrr"

I have an urge to roll something on Rat's server and show Maurice how Pepe felt when the object of his affection turned it around on him, as always happened at the end of the cartoon. ;D

Bell said...

That DK tabard is soooo phallic.

Khol Drake said...

The sword seems to be compensating for something, as well...

Drakara said...

Haha, niiice, Khol. But if the 2h sword is compensating for something...

... what does a titan's grip warrior mean?

Klinderas said...

A Warrior using Titan's Grip?

It's simple really. He has absolutely nothing human anymore. He's all flash, no show.

Oh, and Vonyari? Try running past a mailbox with dancing Night Elves. I'm sure Maurice might be paused there.

It's said to be one of the sites on Azeroth no male can say "no" to.

Shianti's player said...

LOL! I swear, you have missed your calling. You should be writing creatively and getting paid for it!

And Maurice...sorry, don't take it personally...but really, Shianti was probably just upset to find out her hair was purple, she spends so much time as a tree she likely forgot.

Taueth said...

BWAHAHAH! I think that Maurice is my favorite out of all of your non-Ratshag characters. My favorite part was the druid girl: "She turned into a bird and flew away. They can do that now?"

Stop said...

"It's said to be one of the sites on Azeroth no male can say "no" to."

I can say no, but it's only because they try'n kill me.

Basil said...

"The game is afoot!"

Laughed so hard, I think my heart stopped.

Sarai said...

Wow, I laughed the entire time I was reading this. <3 Maurice

Siha said...

Hooray, it's Bad Touch Maurice, the Death Knight of Sexual Harassme -- er, I mean 'of Love'.

Clearly, Ratshag needs to teach his newest recruit how to approach the ladies more successfully.