Thursday, September 18, 2008

Is Where Death Knights Is The Best Lovers

Hello, you buggers. Got a guest blogger here today, so I's making introductions. Maurice ain't gonna be officially a part of the team fer another coupla months, but Matticus done wanted ta know what class makes the best lovers, and Maurice here feels he's got the answer.

Hello, all you fine gentlemen and beautious ladies. My name is Maurice. In my youth, I was known as Maurice, the Paladin of Love. Girls would swoon as I walked the streets of Lordaeron. Married women would give me their scarves to wear when I competed in tournaments. And fair maidens were eager to warm my bed at night. But that was all before Prince Arthas opened my eyes to the greatness I could become. And soon I shall be known in the streets os Stormwind as Maurice, the Death Knight of Love!

That boy Matticus wants to know why my class makes the best lovers. What a silly thing to ask. It is obvious, is it not? Yes, I can see several of the the young girls blushing out there. Ahh, very well, I will explain to the rest of you how our talents and abilities make us the premier lovers of Azeroth.

Veteran of the Third War
Death Knights are not johnny-come-latelies. Many of us served with honor and distinction against the Scourge (until of course, Arthas showed us a new path), and the beauteous ladies? They love a man in uniform, with a chest covered in medals.

Heart Strike
When a beauteous lady sees a Death Knight, she is struck in the heart and falls madly in love - she cannot help herself. Is like Cupid's arrow, no?

A great lover is able to anticipate his lady's every need and desire. There is no need for time-consuming chit-chat. And an extra 5% anticipation gives us an competitive advantage over almost other class. The ladies, it makes them feel like minks in a café.

Blood Gorged
They say it happens to every man, sooner or later. Ha ha! But not to Death Knights, for we can become instantly tumescent. And out ladies are therefore never disappointed.

Bone Shield
Everyone wants to be safe, but any lady can tell you that having to interrupt the activities to go rummage for protection is a poor show. For Death Knights, however, we have an instant cast - no interruptions at all.

Two-Handed Weapon Specialization
Not every class has the ability to wield a two-hander, let alone specialize with it, if you take my meaning. You say size does not matter? As the former Paladin of Love, I can assure, this is not the case.

And so, you can see how Death Knights make the most amazing lovers. I am looking forward to showing you jus how true this is when I return to the human kingdoms, less than two months from now.


laura said...

Dear Maurice,

Just the thought of you makes me blush! I'll be waiting anxiously for you to arrive in the human lands. What do you say to meeting at chapel about a quarter past release?


Anonymous said...

Maurice, do you speak on the pompitousness of love?

Awlbiste said...

Dear Maurice also,

I'll be in line after Sassafras. I hear the tram is beautiful this time of year.


Khol Drake said...

The question now becomes: who is more virile? Ratshag or Maurice? The world may never know...

Anonymous said...

They play to entirely different audiences. Maurice. . and Death Knights in general I would imagine, tend to attract those goth chicks you see walking around the mall. You know the ones. Pale, dressed in black, and wearing long sleeves when its 90 degrees out to hide the razor blade slices. Ratshag on the other hand attracts. . well. . everyone else. So, it all works out.

Anonymous said...

Very well done!

But if Anonymous #1 is right, hold on to your peaches ladies!

Avaric said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who read this post and started hearing Steve Miller in my head almost immediately.

Khol Drake said...

Next hero class: Space Cowboy.

You heard it here first.

Guling said...

I lol'ed. A lot.

And it got me in trouble cuz I'm at work.

Still loling.

Urthona said...

Is Essential Ratshag, IMO.

sunjun said...


Hammaer said...

I hope Maurice has read Galertruby's Guide to Dating. Otherwise he's likely to disappoint a lot of the ladies in WOW.