Afters couple weeks of molestifyin' rams, pukin' on yer friends' shoes, and beatin' the crap outta Squarebrew Direpants, is nearly time fer the fun ta end fer another year. And as I lie here in this mudpit waitin' fer the world ta stop spinnin', I been doin' some thinkings. Specificallies about the lowly terrible tankard o'tremendous, or whatevers they callin' it this year. Is a Agi mace, which we's all been trained ta know means enhanced shamans or some flavorings of rogue. Alayda done be rockin' a pair of them, but apparentlies ain't too many buggers like her, 'cause the price of these dang things done gone through the flubbernuggin' floor. Mebbe ya can get 500g fer one, if'n yer luckies. Which mneans is holy crap cheap fer a second-generation Cata epic. Is other buggers what can use one-handed maces but they ain't interested, 'cause Agi ain't the stat what gives'em a happy ending fer no charge, but all that base dps them tankards is packin' should still love ya a fairly long time. Mebbe. I gotta work this out.
Lessee. Healers can all hold a mace, but if they's then there's prolly either too much crap hittin' the fan or not enough. So no reason fer them ta want it.
Prot warriors and pallies could use'em, but we's more interested in survifyin' than doin' damage. Threat generatin' ain't supposed ta be an issue no mores, the crab sez. So, hard fer ta think they should demands. Mebbe. Possiblies.
Single Minded Furry warriors and Frosty DKs. Well now. This be interestin'. If they's raidin', well then they's hopefully gettin' some shiny 378s, or at least some still kinda shiny 359s. But if they don't raid, what is they's options? Well, is the scalper, which is a damn fine axe and sells fer a damn fine 10-20k gold. If spendin' that much gold fer each hand works for ya, then rock on. But lotta buggers, especiallies alts, ain't sittin' so pretty. Next best choice be the Kungalooshi Punisher, which also be a one-hander mace, and it be packin' Strength, so it be the better weapon, right? Right? Is the rules, yes? Well.... lemmee think on that...
Kungalooshi got 138 Str. Fer plate-wearin clankies, that works out ta 276 Attacks Power. Assumin' ya got Blessing of Kings or Blessing of the Druid, that goes up ta 290. Then ya divides by 14 and ya see what that be 21 extra dps. Added ta the base of 437 ya gets 458. Is some other stuffs, like talents and runeforgings what scale yer strength up, what'll get you inta the 460s, mebbe 470. Since we's talkin' non-raiding alts, I ain't gonna worry 'bout all the buffs and whatnots ya can pick up from others. Now the tankard. No Strength bonus, so just the base damage, which be.... 489.
Now, I's just a simple orc from Durotar. And I's drunk and hungover and talkin' to the hogs while I lie here in the mud. So mebbe some simulationifying tool's gonna come up with a different conclusion - would be interestings ta see what they come up with. But I's suspectin' what the conventional thinkin' might be off, and I should be stockin' up on all these tankards fer all the clankies on the team what's be hopin' fer ta ding 85 before the next expansion, like Maurice and Kali and Beetle and Fink and the Warrior With No Name. Now where's the Saint Pauli Girl when ya needs her?