Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Assemble The Minions!

Blizz calls thems "followers", but that sounds way too much like camp followers to me ears, and that ain't they's job. Coulda called them "flying monkeys", "garritroopers", or "flunkeys", but I decided fer ta go with "minions".


Anywho, whatevers ya call'em, they's a new way fer ta kill things an' take they's stuff. Ya gots ta level the buggers up (by sending'em on missions). Then ya gota ta gear'em up (mostlies by buildin' a scrapyard an' sendin' them on missions ta bring back junk, and also by buildin' a dwarfenboonker an' feedin' it work orders). Then, when yer minions is ready, ya can send'em ta Highmaul. This week, Qiana done brought the tankin', with her big bare bear. Goldmane done brought the massive deeps, with him claws an' fangs an' all. An' the Pleasure-Bot 8000 done brought the .... well .... with his .... you know .... mebbe best I leaves that fer yer imaginiationalizings.


Lookie there, is loot.

Inside be a random 655 epic fer yer class an' lootspec - I got me an amulet. Is just as if ya'd gone ta Highmaul yerself. Sorta. Is a slow process - Blizz sez what ya onlies can get one of these raid-level missions every two weeks. Also ain't no guaranties what ya won't get duplicates. Finallies, is no weapons or trinkets.

But, good news is what it only takes a few minutes a day ta send the minions out, then ya can go do yer own thing while they takes care of business. So is can be a helpful way fer ta gear up alts. Also, if'n yer a raider an' has normal mode on farm, the cache starts givin' up heroic level loots. Same if'n yer farmin' heroic, it gives mythic gear.

Is gonna be a very different way fer ta play. I's lookin' forward ta doin' it fer reals next month.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Is It Just Me?

Or do the new 6.0.2 models an' graphic mapping distort Alayda's armor in a way what done makes her look like a sagger showin' off her boxers?

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Is Where Danger Mouse Has An Issue

Helllooo.

I am Danger Mouse. I am Forssaken.

Last week was patch day, and mosst of us who aren't pretty blood elvess got new faces. It was a joyousss time, with cheers and fireworkss and glassses of champagne held high in celebration.

Fuck that shit.

I woke up that morning with eyes. Eyess! Me, the dead eyeless girl, with eyes! And not your happy happy joy joy I can sssee clearly now the rain is gone kind of eyes. More like looking through a pair of milk bottle eyes.


Ssuddenly, nothing worked right. I knocked things over. I equipped mysself with mismatched daggersss. I spilled a glass of Blood of the Innocentss. I went to pickpocket a Yuangol, and I slid my hand into the wrong pocket! It was like a scene from a ssteamy romance novel, with him going "yeah, girl, that's it, yeah, don't stop." It was ssso embarrassing that I vanished and ssnuck away, instead of killing him and eating his corpse.

Please, Blizzard, take away my eyes!

Monday, October 20, 2014

Everyone Hail Ta The Pumpkin Queen

Our girl Kinna done be queen of the glubberhubbin' pumpkin patch.

Is big fat hairy Congo rats ta Kinnavieve and her shiny new sword. No sign of that dang pony yet, though.

Friday, October 17, 2014

She And Him, They's Got Unfinished Business

Way backs in the day, Kinnavieve were a member of the raid team of Aetherial Circle, along with Shianti and BRK and Fio and teh Squeakie Pristie an' a buncha other really cool buggers. An' they'd done got ta Sarth 2D when Kinna hadda leave the team 'cause of reasons. Soon afters they did Sarth 3D, but she weren't there so she missed out. Years later, me an' Black Leather Undies done whupped up on Sarth 3D, an' the drake mount done went ta, of all buggers, a certain druid. Told that glubbernugger I ever caught him usin' flight form stead of ridin' it, me an' him was gonna have words. But I digressifies.

Point is, Kinna never did Sarth 3D.






I'd call that mission fuhggin' accomplished. Is shiny new mount ridin' time.


Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Don't Fuhg With Helium

So John Carter done beat the Lone Ranger in last week's poll, 14-4. Yay space opera!

This week, ta celebrates some crazy bugger in Florida runnin' off with over 30,000 pounds of Crisco, we's gonna settle that age old battle betweens slippery stuff (16 tons of Crisco) an' sticky stuff (500 miles of electrical tape). Or mebbe is a battle between two songs. I just does the polls - you buggers do the rules.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Patch Day Makeoverfication

Afters nine years with the same face, I's gettin' me a lift today. Well lotta you buggers is too, but this ain't about you. Is about me.

Old and Busted:

New Hotness:

Monday, October 13, 2014

I Sees London, I Sees France

Yeah, I's totally seein' Ellspeth's pants.


Yup, the most importants thing about the new model is them clothies now has legs what go all the way up, 'stead of bein' all empty under they's skirts. Shammies and droods too. An' sometimes pallies an' even death knuggets. The hell is up with that? Plate armor skirt? Don't make no fuhggin' sense. Anywho, no more goin' commando if'n ya don't want buggers fer ta know.

An' yeah, Ellspeth be Forsakenized in beta. Don' worry, is just a temporary thing.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Brussel Sprouts

I don' like brussel sprouts. Not one bit. Now, because I done read me some Green Eggs and Ham as an orcling, I's a believer in "try it, ya glubberfumper, ya might like it". So I's tried 'em. Ever seen a chimp turn his lips inside out? Last time I tried one, me whole face did that. Was horrifyin' ta see. Dad slapped me on the back of the head an' said "stop doin' that, yer scarin' the swine!" Point is, I don't like brussel sprouts.

Some buggers, though, they like the dang things. Pop'em in they's mouths like jelly beans, all day long. Good fer them. Don't bother me none. Don't bother me none if they do it in the same tavern. Don't bother me none if they does it while sittin' at the same table as me. Why should it?

Is some glubberthunkers in this world, though, is bothered by thems what likes the sprouts. The really crazy ones, they wants fer ta pass laws makin' eatin' brussel sprouts illegal an' give thems what like hormone shots or some other crazy fuhggery. More often, thoughs, they wants fer ta see theyselves as not bein' hateful douchewaffles, so they sez "sure ya can eat yer sprouts just do it in private. Don' be pushin' yer brussel sprout agenda by eatin' them in restaurants where kids might see. Is icky." An' so they done passed a buncha laws.

Funny thing happened though. Some flunkerduppers in black robes an them George Washington wigs gots tagether an' said "you cain't be goin' aroun' sayin' "is icky" as yer legal argumentifications. that's stupid. don't hurt you none what some other bugger eats at a restaurant. ya gots anythin' else?"

Okay, mebbe they didn't wear the wigs. I cain't be bothered fer ta remember the details.

Anyhow, turns out they didn't. Since "is icky" was out, they tried sayin' stuff like "is in the state's interest fer ta not let any buggers eat stuff what's round at restaurants (unless it's grapes or meatballs or other stuff what ain't icky)." And the folks in robes an' wigs (or mebbe not) has been respondin' with "do I look stupid to you? piss off!"

Is still more dominoes fer ta fall, but fer now I got one thing ta say ta them dumkerthuppers in Indiana, Oklahoma, Utah, Virginia, and Wisconsin what wants fer ta eat they's brussel sprouts in restaurants: Mazal fuhggin' tov!

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

A True Monk Works His Own Leather

How many of these crafting title posts what don't make no sense is I gonna come up with? Yeah, no fuhggin' clue.

Professions In WoD: Part 3 Of Several

So now, still not wantin' fer ta spoils nuthin' fer nobody what don't want, so gonna hide the post under pictures of .... bugger it, I dunno. How about baby orangumonkeys this time? Everybody likes baby orangumonkeys.


And we's back.

One thing what's gonna be differents when we goes off ta meet me country bumpkin cousins in Draenor and take they's stuff is craftable epics. Now, we's used ta a system where crafters can make two or three epics in any given tier, and mebbe sometimes is weapons, and darkmoon fairy trinkets. But that be it.

This time around, is many many craftables. All the plate / mail / leather / cloth slots. Engineerin' goggles. Blacksmith weapons and scribe weapons. Cloaks. Rings and amulets (great googly moogly, we ain't nevers had them before!). And of course, darkmoon fairy trinkets. Everything starts off at LFR level, but the same buggers what can craft the things can also make tokens fer ta upgrade the things, first ta normal mode raid level, then ta heroic raid level.

Holy guacamole, Ratters, you sez. I's gonna deck me out in full crafted epics an' head straight fer the first raid soon as I ding 100 an' skip all that tedious gearin' up stage! This is the best thing evers!

Yeah, well, not so fast, sez me. They's onta ya. First thing is, all these epics done has daily cooldown bottlenecks as part of the craftin' process. When Blizz shoots they's WoD on Nov 13, is gonna take 20 days fer ta make an epic. Now, as we crafters skillify up and gets or garrisons up an' runnin' is gonna get faster, but still gonna be a mimimals of five days per. No shortcuts. Bummer.

Second thing is, all these epics done has a limit - ya cain't equip more than three at a time. Except cloaks fer some reason - tooltip sez they don't count toward the 3, but I's thinkin' what that just me a beta bug what's gonna get fixed. Weapons is also a little weird since some buggers wanna carry two while some onlies want one - I suspectifies what Blizz is gonna go with "you buggers is on yer own with this one." Also, weapons be 10 levels lower than the other epics.

So what does this all mean? I ain't entirelies sure. Way it be now, chest, legs, and helm be the best crafteds. But Lady RNG be a mischevious bitch. You go buy them three items, you just know thems gonna be yer first three raid drops. I's thinkin', it makes more sense fer ta hold off, gear up, save yer golds (or yer craftin' mats) an' see what drops fer ya. Then ya can craft (or buy) gear fer the slots what ain't dropped yet.

That's me thoughts on what you might wanna do. Me, I's gonna be workin' with me team fer ta craft one of everythin' an' put it all on the AH. Don't matter what most buggers ain't gonna wanna buy crafted bracers or rings or whatevers. We's just gonna need fer one poor bugger ta still be equippin' a ring from whatevers the country bumpkins is callin' Shadow Labs in this world, an' cain't get the second ring ta glubbernubbin' drop nohow nowheres nonuthin'. This buggers gonna be happy fer ta buy an epic ring.

Is me plan, anyhow. Gonna be interestin' fer ta see if it works. I'll let you buggers know.

Monday, October 6, 2014

The Return Of "Who Would Win?"

So is back, after a coupla years hiatifying. This week we's gonna settle which of Disney's two recents colossal bombs done be the tougher - The Lone Ranger or John Carter. Or ya pick between the 1930s radio show an' Edgar Rice Borrough's Tarzan on Mars books. You buggers make the rules, I just post the results an' pretends what they mean anything. Anywho, is poll up in the sidebar.

Friday, October 3, 2014

A True Death Knugget Polishes His Own Jewels

Professions In WoD: Part 2 Of Several

This here post be kinda spoilery. Not a lot, but a little bit. So if'n ya don't wants yer expansion cherry popped evens a tiny pop, go away. Fer the rest of you buggers, the infos be under the safety pugs. Why pugs? Because pugs is awesome, is why.


Okay, we's back.

So, is be a really shiny feature fer crafters comin' in 6.0.2, what means in only a coupla weeks - we ain't gotta wait fer Blizzard ta shoot its WoD on Novembers 13.

So what is this really cool new feature? I's so glad you asked. Is an overhaul of how we can use our banks, and is gonna make life a lot easiers, I thinks. Lemme show ya what we gots.

Kalishna here be off an' runnin' in the betaverse, so she be startin' fer ta accumulates the new ores an' herbs an' cloths an' whatnot. But she's kinda sloppy so she done fergots ta unload all the crap in her bags before headin' off ta the Old Country. So now her bags be gettin' pretty flubbernuggin' full. So off she goes ta the bank in Warspear Hold. Well, it ain't really a bank. Is more like a big smelly tent with a buncha buggers in it, some of what be bankers. But that ain't the point. The point is, when ya checks out yer bank, is a new "Reagent Bank" tab. Ya clicks on this, it asks do ya wants fer ta pay 100 golds, you sez yes, and GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY LOOK AT ALL THEM NEW SLOTS!
But that ain't the best thing. Is gonna get better. How can it possiblies get better? I's so glad you asked.

See that button what sez "Deposit All Reagents"? Yeah, click on that bugger an' see what happens.
Holy guacamole, look at all that crap what jumpified. Metal, gems, weed, scribbler inks, cloth, Loki's frozen left orb, volatiles (dunno what hell she were still carryin' thems for), even them sacks of flour she keeps handy fer the frog-chuckin' at the Darkmoon Faire. Anythin' what can be used by any profession fer ta make anythin' else.

But that still ain't the best thing. Is gonna get better. How can it possiblies get even better? I's so glad you asked.

Let's go someplace far away from any bank. Like, say, Death Knugget Central.

And now Kalishna dona gonna make some sparkly jewelcrafter stuffs. How can she possiblies do that when she done put her everythings in the bank? Buggered if I know! Alls I know is, we can do it now. Well, we can do it in a coupla weeks. Soon. Real soon.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

What's An Orc Gotta Do Ta Meet Some Exotic Wimmenz?

Back in Rash of the Itch King, we done went ta a far off land and met us the Tuskarrs. Friendly buggers, they gave us fish an' let us stay in they's villages an' introduced us to they's ancestors. But did we get ta party with the Turkarr All-Star Wimmenz Bikini Team? Nopes, 'cause Blizz said they had finite resources an' couldn't do a second model within the budget.

Then in Cata, we done went ta long-lost Uldum and met us the Ramkahen. Friendly buggers, after we rescued they's prince, they fought alongside us and an' sold us camels. They had the curse o' flesh, but did we gets ta cruise the Nile barges with any bodaciously fleshy Ramkawimmenz? Nopes, 'cause Blizz said they had finite resources an' couldn't do a second model within the budget.

On ta Pandalandia, where we done met the Hozen who dependins on yer faction, was eithers on the verge of wipin' out the last of the Jinyu or bein' overwhelmed by the Jinyu swarms. Is a bit of inconsistancies in the story there, but I digressifies. Point is, they ain't got much of a life expectancy so they lives they's lives in overdrive. Can you imagine the funs ya could have bein' ooked in da dooker by a lady Hozen? But did we gets ta meet the Hozen wimmenz, or the Grummle wimmenz, or the Yaungol wimmenz? Nopes, 'cause Blizz said they had finite resources an' couldn't do a second model within the budget.

Soon we's gonna be goin' through the Dark Portal again, onlies this time is ta a different Draenor. Or the Draenor of the past. Or sumthin'. I's just a simple orc, I cain't be bothered fer ta understand time travel an' quantum stringy theory. Thing is, is a lotta budget fer new models this time. New orc models, new spacegoat models, new not-quite-so-pasty-skinned human models. Is even gonna be new clefthoof models. So surely is gonna be enough fer ta finally be a wimmenz ogre model, after 10 years an' four different male models?

Let's see. Got resources fer ta do this:
but fer ta make a new ogre model with (as me man Kevin Bacon would say) "long blonde hair, big green eyes, world class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up"? Or even jus' part of the way up? (I ain't fussy.)

Nopes, 'cause Blizz said they .... they said they ..... well, they didn't say. But with all the artwork resources goin' inta codpieces belt buckles the size of a small European nation, I thinks we can guess why.