Monday, December 6, 2010

Old God, Shmold God

There he were. C'thun. Been lurkin' about, waving his tentacles and drivin' buggers mad since before the Titans came. Defeated, beaten down, hidin' out deep in the sands fer thousands of years. Been takin' over the minds of the Silithids, warpin' the poor buggers (well, not really - I hate them damn bugs) inta the Aquir fer ta take over the world. Locked away by the nelfs and the dragons. Then some fools went and collected enough runecloth fer ta open the gates. Now it be time fer ta deal with this ugly blunderthumper, and it be fer the Purge (alongs with me friends Stop and Bloodsail Admiral Bob Llanion) ta done deal with him.

Since we'd done fer all the preliminary bosses a coupla weeks ago, we just had ta smack a few guards around, run up a long windy tunnel, and we was at the inner sanctum. Big eyeball peered at us suspiciously. "Is that his tentacles?" someone asked. "No, that's his neck." Hard ta tell with them old gods.

Stop and me, we gives a mission briefing. Mostly warnings about all the things ya needed fer ta avoid or else we'd all die screaming. Failure ta avoid his eyebeams, tank his giant tentacles, not spread out, and not kill stuff inside him could result in hypersensitivity (including skin rash, urticaria [hives], fever, arthralgia [intense burning or stabbing pain caused by irritation of or damage to a nerve], exfoliative dermatitis [peeling skin], erythema multiforme [red blotches or blisters all over the skin] with histopathological [microscopic] findings of necrotizing vasculitis [death of blood vessels], and thrombocytopenic purpura [purplish spots or patches]); anorexia [loss of appetite]; nausea; dizziness; palpitations [irregular, hard or rapid heartbeat]; headache; dyskinesia [muscle spasms]; drowsiness; blood pressure and pulse changes, both up and down; tachycardia [rapid heart rate]; angina [caused by an insufficient supply of blood to the heart muscle]; cardiac arrhythmia [irregularity of the heartbeat]; abdominal pain; tendon damage; weight loss; Tourette's syndrome; toxic psychosis; leukopenia [abnormally low number of white blood cells in the circulating blood] and/or anemia; a few instances of scalp hair loss; heart disease, congestive heart failure, high blood pressure; stomach ulcers or bleeding; polyps in your nose; and lastly, a wiped raid. This were serious business, killing an Old God, and we wanted to be sure everyone was takin' it seriously.

Then the blunkernubber went down faster'n a Booty Bay whore.


Talk about anticlimatics.

Well, weren't much of a fight after all, but it were an achievement lollapalooza all around, and I were pretty happy fer ta have done gotten mine. Just 'cause it were a roflstomp don't mean they don't still count.

2 comments:

Bloodshrike said...

Sounds like a hypochondriac is somewhere on Team Ratshag.

It made me lol, though. (grin)

Shy said...

Yay, gratz on the shiny achievement ^_^