Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I Say, Who Let HIM Into The Club?

So, I rides up inta the Light's Hope Chapel compound and hops off me worg in front of Duke Nicky. I plopped a coupla heavy canvas sacks on the table in fronta him. "Here ya goes!" I sez, all cheerful.

"What, pray tell," he asks, all aristocratical, "are these?"

"I show ya," I sez, dumping them out. "Is heads! These here be them glubbernubbers from Scholomance ya wanted, and these over here be the ones from Stratholme. See, here be Jaundice, and Lord Alexei. And this, back when he were feelings more hisself, was Magistrate Bart."

Ya know, we orcs is often green, and so's them goblins. But I never knew humans could turn theyselves green too. Were pretty neat fer ta see.

"You weren't supposed to bring me the heads," he sez, sounding rather miffed. "You were supposed to bring me their Scourgestones."

"Oh, that were too much trouble, goin' through they's pockets and all. 'Sides, they was bleedin' and all. Was icky. Much easier this way." I grinned at him. "I still gets credit, yeah?"

"I suppose...." He pokes around in the two piles, and pulls out a thing what kinda looked like a two-foot long rubbery sausage. "What in the Legion's deepest hell is this?"

"Oh, that be Ramstein the Gorger. Bugger's head were way too big fer me ta carry back, so I done brought ya his tallywacker."

"BLOODY HELL!" he shrieks, dropping it and jumping about three feet back.

Well, after that Count Nicky were ready fer ta throw me out on me arse, but cooler heads prevailed, and I got credited fer me kills. And when it were added all up, I got credited enough what fer ta be all exaltified them them Argent boys, whatever Argent means. Still sounds like a kinda fruit, ta me.

8 comments:

Xerian said...

You are awesome :D

Kayeri said...

::falling out of chair in laughter as hubby wanders over to see what's so funny::

Then he laughed, too... :)

Thrornir said...

I bet they made him Exalted simply so he doesn't bring anyone else's tallywacker back.

That's awesome though. =D

Syl said...

I say gratz to you and I lets you in to a little secret: those tallywackers make a mighty fine stew, I hears!

louee said...

Snort, giggle and belly laugh.

Goldstein's other half is not going to be happy you took her man's err pride ;)

Cap'n John said...

Good thing I've got a +2 to Save vs Breath Weapons, or my monitor would be dripping with coffee right now.

Excellent work, Ratters :)

Paona said...

.....I wasn't aware they equipped Abominations with that kind of... armament.

Anonymous said...

@Paona: Most lack it, but Ramstein was crafted in the Underworld from the Iron Body of Hercules, the Brains of Mahgoany, and... A HORSE WEINER, to create the ultimate zombie abomination. Unfortunately, aboms weren't terribly advanced in those days, so...