Sunday, August 30, 2009

Is Where Kinnavieve Cries Out NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hello, Kinnavieve, my sweet cauliflower of righteous passion!

Yes, it is I, Maurice, the Death Knight of Looove! I have transversed the twisting nether to join you in your new serververse. I shall again wait at the Stormwind mailbox, disenchanting items you find in your campaigns and allowing the beauteous ladies the opportunity to swoon in my presence. But in the evenings, ooh-la-la! I shall be all yours! Is it not so sweet!

What did you say, my darling eggplant? I am afraid I could not hear clearly - it sounded something like "Ima brekkiz frickin jaw."

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Mankrik's Wife

For thems of you buggers what didn't get ta catch Ozzy's performance at BlizzCon last night, I thought I'd does ya a favortizing and provide a transcrypt.... tranzilkip.... tazcrippy.... bugger it. Provide you the words he sang fer the special WoW-edition of Iron Man. Enjoys.

Where is Mankrik's Wife?
Is she still fighting for her life?
Can she walk at all
Or is she nailed to a wall?
Is she live or dead?
Has she thoughts within her head?
We'll cry on slash two
"What am I s'pposed to do?"

She was left behind
Somewhere near that archeologic find
When big orc Mankrik
Ran away like a dick

No one can find her
She just stares at the world
Maybe she still lives
Prisoner of the Quillboar

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Need More Rides

What with the universe shifting in Patch 3.2, the members of Team Ratshag (and the associated Team Suptail) done got theyselves a buncha new rides. Here be the pics, because we feels like showin' off.

Is Ellspeth, Suptail, me in me Ratdorf shadow priesty form, Phoenicia the axe-loving dwarf chick, Palintera the drood, Noggle the little rogue, Chleya the baby lock, Orctacles the warrior, Kalishna the Death Nugget, and finally me little brother Gogmoth.

Danger Mouse and Alayda the shammy done be working on getting they's epics, but ain't quite there yet.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Some Thoughts On Exiles

We orcs, we knows a thing er two abouts losin' yer home. Back when me dad were young, we had it made. Pictures a whole world lookin' like Nagrand, with big sprawling plantations worked by peons and broken. We'd drink mint julips on the veranda, and has Lost One Pie fer supper. At nights there'd be time fer a couple rounds of poker or hit-the-draenei-with-a-stick, or maybe go up North fer some ogre tipping. Were a good life, but we got greedy and went and invaded Azeroth, and that done didn't turn out so good.

But I were thinking 'bout some of them other peoples what ain't got they's home no more, and what ya can learn about how they handles it from what they's NPCs say to ya. And this be what I thinks.

"Strength and honor!" "Be safe"
Translation: We's lost a lot. Fight ta keep what's left.

Trolls: Trolls smoke a lot of ganja. Is damn good stuff, but it leaves them kinda.... overly laid back.
"Relaaaax" "How you doin', mon?"
Translation: I's high as a kite. No wonder I lost me homeland ta murlocs.

Gnomes: Done blew up they's only city and filled it with toxic gas and mutants.
"My, you're a tall one!" "You have a great day!"
Translation: We's wacky enough ta do it all over again.

Night Elves: Sacrificed they's home tree (and Peter Pan live forever gig) so's to give Archi one heckuva piece of wood. Good fer them. Then they went and grew a new one just like the first.
"Elune-Adore" "Tor ilisar'thera'nal!"
Translation: No fuhggin' clue.

Blood Elves: They's home got overwhelmed by a buncha brain-eating zombies and frankenstein buggers and nerboobies. Sucks to be them.
"Remember the Sunwell!" "We will have our revenge!"
Translation: We's pissed off, and we want everyone ta know it.

The Forsaken: Got turned inta a buncha brain-eating zombies and ate a buncha high-elf brains, which I guess made thems smart again. Or whatever.
"I haven't got all day" "Embrace the Shadow"
Translation: We live in a slime-filled sewer, and we're proud of it!

Draenei: Hijacked a spaceship, then crashed it inta Azeroth. Buggers woulda been better off workin' on the plantations.
"The Naaru have not forgotten us" "Good health, long life"
Translation: We's a buncha pathetic wankers, totally unable to take care of ourselves. We's fit only ta live in a wrecked ship, or workin' on orc plantations. Or mebbe barbeque.

Death Knights: not technically an exiled race, but they is cut off from they's former lives, and is pretty separate from they's original races. So I's going with it.
"We press on" "Suffer well"
Translation: Okay, this sucks, but it ain't gonna stop us from killin' Arthas. Gotta respects that.

So there it be. Me take on the various groups of exiles and the like. Now if you'll excusifies me, I gots ta go talk ta me realtor about some farmland in Nagrand...

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Now This I Would Support

I's done told you buggers me thoughts on the Argent Crusade. Well Tamarind over at Righteous Orbs, has a good idea: he suggests what the AC oughtta be finding some better ideas fer to rally the troops at boost morale now that the Horde and Alliance offensives is all fizzled and we's stuck in Northrend than some goofies jousting competitions. Like, maybe, the Argent Brothel? Now that be an idea what gets me whole-hearted support!

Oh, and bringing that bugger Boris the Magnataur Capturer in fer ta fights Arthas sounds pretty smart too.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


"The command post is well guarded. Tanks, armed hovercraft, missile cannon, infantrymen in powered armor... all with one mission: to guard that vital spot. And your job is to go in and destroy it. Alone.

"But when those defenders see you, they'll wish they were somewhere else. Because you're not a man. You're a thinking machine.... the deadliest device on any battlefield.

"You're the OGRE."

Were 30 years ago this month what me RL avatar picked up a copy of this game fer $2.95 at War & Pieces, and the world were never the same. Tabletops, RPGs, computer games, and finallies MMORPGs. Is been a heckuva ride, and it ain't slowin' down yet. There's been Ahnold the Terminatafier, raids by the Secret Service flubbernuggers, the y2k bug, and Shadow Labs along the way. Is big hairy thanks ta Steve Jackson, Winchell Chung, and every other bugger what made it start.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

For John

Because each one of us glubbernuggers is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, and a princess, and a criminal.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Is A Big Pile Of Horse Poop

The call has been sounded.
The Argent Crusade beckons.
The Heroes of Azeroth have been summoned.

Pull the other one - it's got bells on it.

Let's look at the history of them buggers calling theyselves the Argent Crusade, shall we? Fer years, them Argent Dawn folks was holding they's ground out in the Plaguelands, except we now know what the Light's Hope Chapel is on holy ground and not even Arthas can get in there. Sure made the job easier, I guess, when yer enemies can't reach you. Meanwhile, old Tirion Fordring were doing the Yoda thing, hiding out in the woods. But now he's got hisself Ashbringer, all shiny from it's refurbishment, and he's like that guy in the raid what figures he nows how ta play yer class better than you does.

So now, what happens when these experts at hiding safe decides ta go on the offensives? Tirion's handpicked elite teams go and buggers it up, is what happens. Remember the Argent Crusade in Zul'drak? "Oh, I forgots ta issue the parachutes to the troops." "The troops are too afeared ta fight. Go buck'em up for me." "Oh dear, I think we should run away. Please go tell the troops so's I don't gotta go out there and soil meself."

Then there were Icecrown. Argent Crusade blows a hole in the mountain, goes charging in fer the sneak attack, and gets they's arses whupped. Dang near got they's home base overrun by the Nerboobies, if not fer me and some other adventurer types steppin' in and saving they's bacon.

Which brings me ta the subject of us heroes-fer-hire. We's the ones what been taking the fight ta the Scourge all these years. From Deatholme and Razorfen Downs ta Necro School and dead Strat to Azjol-Nerboobies and Naxx, we's done kicked they's arse and took they's names. We's even gotten ta be experts at fightin' undeads what ain't Scourgies, at Shadowfang Keep, and Stranglethorn Vale and Kara. Not even gonna mention living buggers we's done beat like Onyxia and Magtheridon and Illidan. Everybody knows we's the buggers what is gonna go make Arthas cry for his mommy - we's just gotta finish clearin' out the trash first.

But now the Argent Crusade done built theyselves an arena, and is wantin' everybody ta come play in it. So they can say they's teachin' us how ta fight, and they's pickin' out the best of the best. Pfft. Like they could do either. We ain't there 'cause we needs they's leadership - we's there fer the same reasons we go anywhere: gold and loot. Is what we do. They wants ta say they's leadin', that's they's business, long as they keep payin' us. But when the time comes ta get down and dirty with the bad guys, them Argent Crusader better shut up and git outta the way, and let us do what we do best.

And that word, "Argent"? I still say it sounds like a kinda fruit.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Monday, August 3, 2009

Is Like 30-Year-Old Porn, Only Different

This done came out last week, but I didn't talk about it then, 'cause I'm talking about it now. BBB, Lady Jess, The No-Longer-Gun-Loving Vertically-Challenged Chick and I went and and started a podcast. Episode 1, wherein we talks about alts and pets but mostly sammiches, be availables here, or ya can iTunify it. Also, we gots a web site fer it, just like thems what know what they's doing!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Okay, Which Is The Pointy End?

Me and me guildies done run our first heroic the other night, Utgarde Keep. And when we had done fer Ingvar the Plunderable, we found on his broken and bleeding corpse this here crossbow. Now it were many years ago what I done learned how ta operate one of them dohickies from old Archibald in the Undercity, and I ain't never touched one since. Howevers, since I had me a skill of one and the combined rest of the party (a drood, a pally, a mage, and a death nugget) had a combined skill of zippo diddly, I got the loot.

Now, it ain't that important what I can hit the broadside of a barn when shooting, since I likes fer ta get all up close and personal when I's killing a glubbernumper, is still kinda embarrassins fer ta be tryin' ta pull a boss and not even get his attention 'cause me arrows is landing in the next zone. So I went and bought me a stack of he cheapest arrows I could find and went ta pay a visit on that bugger Dr Boom.

Instructions say fer ta mount it on a drake, but I thinks I's can handle it just fine on me own. Lessee, ya loads it here... or maybe here... or maybe in this slot over here. Okay, now we point it like this and gently squeeze the trigger... Ow! Now, we turn it around and point it this way and gently squeeze the trigger. Whoa lookit that go. Um, sorries there Anchorite Karja. Don't worry, I'll buy ya a new crate. And a new cat ta go in it.

Next arrow. Squeeze the trigger. Dang. Hope that Goblin rocket can still fly with that in the side...

Arrow. Squeeze.

Arrow. Squeeze.

Arrow. Squeeze.

Arrow. Squeeze.

Woot! I hit the fumpernugger!

Five hundred arrows later, I got me some moderately respectables at the skillifying. Great googly moogly. Next time we get a weapon what I barely knows, I's vendoring the dang thing.