Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Because Ya Can't Have Too Much Rimunathah

The Purge's resident fireball chucker Rimunathah done come ta me , asking if he could borrow me blog and say somethin' what been bothering him. I said "Why the fuhg not?" So here be me good friend Rim - say hello you buggers, and listens up:

Before I begin, I would like to take a moment and thank the estimable Mr. Shag for graciously allowing me to use his blog. Despite what some people say, I find him to be a generous and capable orc. He has deflected many a blow on my behalf and I am grateful.

That said, I want to climb upon this virtual soapbox and decry a practice that too many observe, an offense upon my people that has gone on too long unremarked. Trolls are the victims of a stereotype, a caricature of a provincial island cannibal who prefers the letter “d” over most any other in the alphabet. If the slander is to be believed, then we trolls are little better than baby-eating hicks. What is particularly shocking is that this prejudice festers among the Horde. One expects little better from the Alliance, but not from one’s compatriots.

I want to state unequivocally that nothing could be farther from the truth. We are an educated, accomplished people. I have advanced degrees in pyrotechnics and applied arcanery. I eat vegetables. My diction is as clear and precise as any blood elf you care to name. And I am hardly a statistical anomaly. I travel in the company of a troll woman whose grasp of metaphysics rivals that of the priests sequestered in the Stormwind Cathedral. At least, I believe that is the case. Most of those priests try to kill us, so I haven’t had an opportunity to compare before I burn them to ash.

It is true that my people have a checkered past. Our ancestors did eat the occasional night elf. They worshipped animal spirits and made bloody sacrifices to honor and appease them. But they lived in a harsh world. They had to make do with what circumstance offered them. In all fairness, they were also excellent dancers.

I urge you to take the time to get to know a troll. Have a conversation. Try the excellent gumbo. Shake a fetish stick and hop in a circle under a full moon. You will be glad you did.

But if I hear another joke about “long pork” I may forget my years of education, my excellent taste and refinement and set someone on fire. You have been warned."

10 comments:

Josh said...

I shall consider myself warned!

Tal said...

Yes, fine idea... Jump down to Zul'Aman and strike up a conversation, see how that goes. :s

Kayeri said...

The large majority of trolls I have encountered, good sir, have not made any attempts to 'get to know me' in any sense beyond culinary (featuring myself as an ingredient in the dish). Of course, my night elf heritage may be a strong factor in that.

However, if you choose to leave me to go about my business, I shall be more than pleased to return the favor. If not, well, then be warned, I can heal through fireballs and strike back.

Anonymous said...

Tal: Every culture has it's regressive elements.

Kayeri: I assure you that I have no intention of eating you or setting you aflame. You have troubles enough with that whole "world tree" thing without me adding to them.


-Rimunathah

Misneach said...

Rim,

As a human who has little desire to be a part of petty Horde/Alliance squabbles while Azeroth is being assaulted by demons and Scourge, I must say that I admire your attempt at diplomacy and have taken to heart your defense of your people.

I feel, however, that shaking my fetish stick while hopping around in public may lead to an arrest for indecency, so forgive me if I simply take your word for that one.

Mis

Khol Drake said...

Yeah, what Mis said...

Honors Code said...

I kill two trolls in the morning, I kill two trolls at night,
I kill two trolls in the afternoon, and then I feel awright.
I kill two trolls in time of peace and two in time of war,
I kill two trolls before I kill two orcs, and then I kill two more.

FOR KHAZ MODAN!

Anonymous said...

Misneach: What you do (or not do) with a fetish stick is between you and your god. Don't blame me if you lose your mojo.

Honors Code: Two words: Living Bomb.

-Rimunathah

Bell said...

Tusks are hot.

Aboo said...

At last a woman with taste and the... purse to say what she feels. Congrats Bell.

Give me a troll table dance over any other race, hands down.