Seen a lotta talks on the interwebbies lately about whethers or not Blizz should bring back raid attunements. Argumentings for includes they felt epic, they brings buggers tagether, an' they shows what ya know how fer ta play yer class. Argumentings against includes they actually didn't do none of them things, an' they was as fun an' productive as gettin' yer left foot gnawed off by a 82-year-old demented nun. Now, is clear Blizz ain't bringin'em back, no matters how loud some buggers howl, but we here at Need More Rage wants everybodies ta enjoy they's gamin' experience. So we's done come up with a series of tasks fer ta replicate the epic feel of them experiences. Fer full affect, make everyone in yer guild do them before lettin'em come ta any more raids.
Fer all experiences, pick yerself up a good fantasy novel. Don't matter which one, but one of the better WoW novels might feel thematicallies better. Also, all groups should be assemblified without usin' LFR, an' travels should be done without a flyin' mount.
The Karazhan Attunement Experience:
Read page 1 of yer novel.
Go ta that cave in Southwest Twilight Highlands. Kill everything. Wait fer thems ta re-spawn. Kill them all again.
Read the next page.
Go talk ta Ranger Valanna (Horde) or Scout Jorli (Alliance).
Read three more pages.
Put tagether a group fer ta run Grim Batol. Drop group just before the first boss.
Put tagether a group fer ta run Lost City. Drop group after the first boss.
Put tagether a group fer ta run ZA. Drop group just before Daakara.
Read the next page.
Put tagether a group fer ta run HoR. Kill all the bosses. If'n ya wipe, reset the dungeon an' start over.
Read the next page.
Go to Shattrath.
Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!
The Black Temple Attunement Experience:
Read page 1 of Chapter 2.
Finish all the quests in Uldum.
Read the next page.
Complete the Cipher of Damnation quest in line in Shadowmoon Valley. Ya, I know is old content. Suck it up, buttercup.
Read the next page.
Run the three Hour of Twilight heroics.
Read the next page.
Assemble a twenty-five man raid. Run the following raids in heroic mode, in order:
Blackwing Descent
Bastion of Twilight
Throne of the Four Fluggernubbin' Winds
Firelands
If'n at any point, someone drops outta the raid, find a replacement an' start over.
Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!
The Onyxia Attunement Experience (Horde version):
Read page 1 of Chapter 3.
Run ZG. Afters, roll a five-sided die. If'n ya gets a "1", move on. Otherwise, run it again.
Read the next page.
Run Grim Batol. Drop group afters killin' the first boss.
Read the next page.
Max out yer archeology skill.
Read the next page.
Run Grim Batol. Drop group afters killin' the second boss.
Read the next page.
Solo Karazhan, up to Shade of Aran.
Leave Kara, an' travel ta Silithus. Don't use yer flyin' mount.
Read the next page.
Go back ta Kara an finish soloin' it, includin' Chess.
Read the next page.
Solo Onyxia. Mebbe bring one friend.
Read the next page.
Max out archeology on an alt.
Read the next page.
Run Grim Batol. Kill all the bosses.
Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!
The Onyxia Attunement Experience (Alliance version):
Read page 1 of Chapter 4.
Run Grim Batol. Kill all the bosses.
Read the next page.
Watch a movie in where some giant alien / monster / Republican lobbyist smashes up a city real bad. Like mebbe Transformers.
Is big hairy Congo rats! Yer attuned!
An' there ya go. All the epicness of the originals, withouts all the needin' fer Blizz ta lose they's minds an' bring attunements back. Enjoy!
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9 comments:
Combine this with the novel "Stormrage" and you might have the only good thing to come out of "Stormrage" (besides possibly a drinking game wherein you take a shot every time Knaak uses "orbs" when he means "eyes" and finish yer drink when Lucan Foxblood teleports).
Also: max Archaeology twice? Are you implyin' Rexxar's a fossil?!
This is a remarkably accurate representation.
While completely accurate in portrayal, I for one still enjoyed doing the Onyxia attunement...though that dumb Marhsal took his sweetass time lollygagging through BRD.
I'd love to see more people get into the spirit of this. With the addition of challenge modes and all of the achievements to show progress through various "tests", any guild can design any attunement process to meet their needs.
Whoa – your ability to completely misrepresent one side of a topic, while leaving every argument against your own completely untouched, is astounding.
Are you Draktal on the EU forums?
Who knew.
@StoppableForce
Knaak novel drinkin' games is full of win.
@Khol Drake-
Thankee. Put way more time inta this than I usuallies do - a full two-three minutes, at least.
@arcanewordsmith-
Alliance-side Onyxia strikes me as one where they came up with a good story, then designed encounters fer it, rathers than the other way around.
@Bill-
I'd be fascinated fer ta see somebody develop an' implement they's own attunements.
@Zellviren-
Given what this post ain't makin' an argument neither for nor against, it sounds like yer projectin' yer own insecurities.
@Ratshag:
Given the tone and comments like this:
"An' there ya go. All the epicness of the originals, withouts all the needin' fer Blizz ta lose they's minds an' bring attunements back. Enjoy!"
Nice try.
If I want to ham-fistedly try GCSE psychology, I could use a throwaway comment like "many a true word is said in jest" in lieu of an argument, but I'll leave that to others.
See if you can spot them.
/shrug
Blizz started dismantling the attunement system six months inta Burninatin' Crusader, an' they's been damn consistent about junkin' it evers since. Only way they's comin' back be if Blizzard's collective cerebellum explodifies. I's just makin' an observation of that reality.
Like I said, yer seein' stuff what just ain't there.
Fair enough.
Re-reading your post, I think I've misunderstood your projection of Blizzard views as your own.
I also happen to agree with your assessment regarding its likelihood of a return; despite the utility of such a system, I just don't think attunements will be brought back.
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