If Shakespeare Had Played WoW

Romeo and Juliet would have been set on a PvP server.

When Lady MacBeth told MacBeth ta screw his courage ta the sticking place, he'd have replied "Yeah, but do the king drop any upgrades for me?"

Instead of "Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more", King Harry woulda said "Let's do this!"

Richard III would have been willing to trade his kingdom for a rusted proto-drake and 310 flying.

The Merry Wives of Windsor would be planning to re-roll worgen druids in Cataclysm.

Instead of "Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war", Anthony woulda said "Kill skull first, then X. Sheep moon."

"Taming the Shrew" would be a 10-point achievement.

Julius Caesar would have avoided assassination by popping his treants, rooting Brutus, running out of the Senate and then shadowmelding.

The Merchant of Venice would offer rare crafting recipes on a twelve-hour timer.

Instead of the Saint Crispin's Day speech, King Harry woulda given the Leroy Jenkins speech.

Othello and Iago would always be blaming Desdemona  for not holding aggro.

Hamlet sooooo woulda blown up the guild with his drama.

Stop Me If'n Ya Heard This One Before

Young adventurer reaches her fifty-eighth season, and promptly drops everything fer fame and fortune in Outland.

In this here case, Outland ta Jinnik means plate with brains and automatic crits with Exorcism against all them demons. I think she'll be likings that.

Ya Gotta Keep'em Separated

Last night another Purge / Black Leather Undies combined retro raid team went inta the Temple of Ahn'Quawhateverthefuhg. Bugger it. We went ta AQ40. Were pretty much a roflstomp 'til we go ta these two glubberthudders, the Twin Emperors. Heckle on the right, he's immune ta magical damage, while Jeckle on the left be immune ta physical. Every couple minutes they swap positions. Buncha little AoEs and knockbacks and bug asplosions. But the kicker? If'n ya lets'em get within 60 yards of each other, they heals fer 30k a tick. Now, a slightly bigger or better geared (or better skilled) group of buggers could overpower that, be weren't there, so we hadda do it the hard way. Me and Rim What Blows Shit Up went ta the right and took turns tanking, dependin on which brother we had. Stop the Silly Pirate went left and tanked both of'em. We had two warriors, Big Bad Guun and Mr Hoof's little brother, dps'ing on Heckle when I were tanking him. Fianlly, were wall-decorating Llanion in the middle doin' healz, and Throttle the Gimp keeping the bugs off of him.

First try, we didn't know what we was doin' and were a wipe. Second try, we had some issues managing the aggro wipes and they was ables fer ta heal theyselves enough ta live until they could enrage, and it were a wipe. Third try, were rock'em sock'em. Were too late fer ta press on ta C'thun, but we figger we'll get him in a week or two. Then it'll be cheesement city.

So What Does Ya Do ....

... when yer arch-nemesis done be defeated, most of yer members is left fer the shiny new team, but ya still got bills ta pay? Well, if yer Argent Dawn ya rents out yer Stormwind meeting hall. Is a large open space, perfects fer birthday parties, wedding receptions, fundraisers, or ritualistic summonings of primal elemental forces what to destroy the world with.

Don'cha Know Yer Gonna Shock The Skelly

Afters waitin' in the queue fer half an hour, onlies ta get dropped inta BRD with a polearm-wielding warrior tank, young Jinnik decided she'd done had enoughs of pugging fer a bit. So she took herself over ta Andorhal, the Paladins' Playground, and unleashified her Holy Shocks on them dead buggers. Were plenty of Judgments and Exorcisms too. Were very catalytic.... catatonic.... cat stevens.... ah bugger it. Were a great way fer ta blow off steam.

So Jinnik Hearths Inta Dalaran....

...and there be her Evil Twin™

Apparentlies her evil twin be a shaman. Also done need fer ta work on her tan. Her blue. Whatevers.

Is Where Kinnavieve Says A Goodbye

Hello, Alex.

Hello, child.

I, um, I came to say goodbye. The fighting's pretty much over, you see, and, well, I think my dad could use a hand running the lumbermill. He's over forty now, you know, and I think it's, um, more than he can handle on his own. So, well, I think it's time I, uh, go home.

Of course. I wish you a swift and safe journey, and please tell your father I said hello.

You're not, um, you're not, uh (get a grip Kinna, get a grip) you're not disappointed? In me? Are you?

Why on Azeroth would I be disappointed in you?

Because, well, you told me to be strong. To be a hero. That my people needed me. And, well, I haven't been. Not lately. I just been, you know, in the background....

Kinnavieve. You faced down Kel'thuzad in his own sanctum. You stopped Loken before he could release Yogg-Saron upon us. You rallied the Argent Crusade when their attack on Icecrown was all but lost. You have trained both Morani and Jinnik. You have most definitely been there when your people needed you. And I am proud of you, as I knew I would be.

I ... I ... You really mean that? (No tears, Kinna, you promised yourself no tears!)

Of course I do. I never lie, child. Especially not to you.

But, Alex, at the end. The attack on Icecrown Citadel. I wasn't there. I think, maybe, I should have been. Maybe, if I had, things might have been different. Maybe, you know, if I hadn't been so, so .... If I had been a better servant of the Light, if I had been more humble and forgiving, if I hadn't said some of those things. Maybe, um, maybe it wouldn't ... happened ... I don't know ....


Child. Vyprania was a tortured soul, and in great pain, but she chose her own destiny. We can grieve for her, and we can remember the time she was with us, and learn from our choices if we choose. But she lived her own life, the good and the bad, and what happened to her was not your fault.

(Her embrace is warm, and loving, and accepting. It's almost as if I am a little girl again, and my grandmother was still alive. Although Grandmother never would have been caught dead in that outfit. Giggle.)

Ah, that's better. Here, dry your eyes. So, you are going back to your father's lumbermill. You certainly have some powerful axes to cut your wood with.

Ha. No, I'm going to retire these, put them in the attic or something. Chopping lumber would be beneath them. And it'd look funny.

Well, you would know these things better than I. Now, wouldn't going back to Nowhereshire mean you would be near a certain handsome young lieutenant who is to be stationed, I believe, at the Northshire Abbey?

What? (blush) No, I mean, how? (stammer) How do you? (breath, Kinna, breathe) I mean, I haven't told anyone ...

Kinnavieve, I am the Life-Binder. I have known you since before you were born. You cannot keep such secrets from me, not when your heart is so full. Now, it is not for me to say whom you should or not tell, but I do hope you will be telling this young man how you feel. Soon, yes?

Alex, I, I, I (stop frickin' stammering, Kinna) I don't know about that. I mean, he's so wonderful, and me? I've got a face like a horse and a chest like a boy and I'm sure he'd want some dainty little thing who be pretty and make him happy, You know?

I do not see the future, and it is not for me to tell you what is in another's heart. But I can tell you, from my own experience, not all men are drawn to dainty little things. Some men are drawn to women they can admire. Some men are drawn to heroes. I do not believe you would be interested in his man if he were interested in dainty. I believe if you tell him how you feel, that you will not regret it. So take courage, the same courage you had in the bowels of Naxxramas, and go find him.

I. I will! (nod. nodnodnod)

Good. Now, go. Go back to your home, and your father, and handsome young David Shellworth. But Kinnavieve?

Yes, Alex?

Keep your axes sharp. The Lich King is defeated, but there are other evils in the world. And I fear someday you may need them again.