When Fishin' Fer Fire Ammonites ....

.... may I suggests what ya go with a 20-pound asbestos line. Even if'n it be snowin'.

Say, Thrall, ....

....we knows what yer the Green Jesus an all, but woulds ya mind standin' on the fluggernuggin' ground like us poor mortals? Thankee.

Is Where Auctioneer Lauffer Ain't Feelin' Festive

You buggers an' yer Winter's Veil spirit can bugger off, he sez. He's just gonna sit here behind his podium an' sulk 'til all this holiday nonsense be overs.

Is A New Game Fer You Buggers Watchin' From Home

Every time...

...what Yulia Samras ....

....changes her hair style and her hair color and her face ....

....hit the anvil with yer hammer an' take a drink.

Success!

Is big hairy Congo rats ta Delvar, Daleera, an' Erdanii fer goin' inta Highmaul an' takin' down the Butcher, Ko'ragh, an' Impertater Mar'gok. Was an 85 percent shot, an' they done brought home the bling: a nice shiny locket from Ko'ragh hisself, complete with a picture of his mom. Or mebbe his pet warthog. Is hard fer ta tell.

Talonpriest Ishaal Is So Done With Tommy Joe

The other day Kinnavieve were out in Nagrand, trappin' wolves fer they's fur and savage blood, an' she done took Talonpriest Ishaal alongs fer some extra musclefications. Now, His Holiness does a good job of bodyguardin' on these jobs, even if he do have a tendency fer ta keep poundin' on the wolves after they's trapped, but he don't exactlies have what you'd call a sense of humor. So when the Stonefields show up fer ta haul the beasts off, Tommy Joe's lip flappin' kinda got on Reverend Birdie's nerves.

As the afternoon went on, things just done kept gettin' testier.

I's pretty sure what everbodies made it back ta the garrison without the Talonpadre demonstratin' ta Tommy Joe how ta prepare Shadow Word: Farmhand (rotisserie-style).

But I ain't positives.

So I Guess Michael Morhaime Done Built Hisself A Barn

And when we went out fer ta trap hisself some beasts, sumthin' a lot like this happened:

Then I figgers there were a conference call with Minion #1 and Minion #2 what went kinda like this:

"Hey, it's Mike. Lissen, we gots ta get a hotfix in right away."

"Yeah, I know is eleven at night. Don't matter, this is important. Gotta get the code monkeys on it ASAP PDQ."

"No, not that. Is trapped animals fer the barn. We gotta make'em stack. Mebbe to twenty."

"I don't care that the playtesters said they shouldn't stack because of reasons. Look, who's the president of this fluggernubbin' outfit?"

"A whole raid tier? Yeah, well, that'd suck. But me bags is full, guys. Gotta has priorities."

"I dunno, forty? Fifty mebbe? Look, I's still tryin' ta unlock level 3."

"Well you tell him what Big Mike needs these things to stack by Wednesday, or he can go send his resume to Carbine Studios. See how he likes that!"

And that be the tale of whyfor Blizz decided fer ta make them traps stack. Now if onlies we could get it so the only way Mr. Morhaime could check his garrison missions durin' the day was on his phone, we'd get a mobile version in no time....

Goals An' Priorities: Armchair Raid Leader Edition

"Ya gots ta have yer goals an' priorites figgered out, boy!" dad always told me. "Otherwise ya ain'ts gonna know if'n where ya got to was where ya wanted!" Then he'd throw his bottle of Uncle Bonechomper's Day Old at me head, fer emphasisizations.

So what does we wants ta do with all our garrison minions, once we's got our twenty or twenty-five? Here's how mean an' the team be playin' it:

Goal Number the One: Minion XP.
Goal Number the Two: Minion XP.
Goal Number the Three: Minion XP.
A purple minion can cover as many bases as a green an' a blue combined. Is like one bein' ables fer ta play second base an' third base at the same time, which be awesomes if'n yer coachin' the Yankees or in the back seat with Yola Skullgrinder. But it takes approximatelies one metric fuhgton of XP fer ta level one bugger up ta epic. So them missions what gives out eight or ten or fifteen thousand XP? Run the crap outta them glubberflubbrers.

Goal Number the Four: Resources.
Now, this one may depends a bit on if'n ya gots a Dwarfenboonker suckin' down yer garrison resources or a lumber mill barfin' 'em up, but in generals resources be good fer ta have. If'n ya gots a minion with the Gathererer trait, be sures ta send her, even if it drops the chance of success. A 50% shot at triple reward is better than a 100% shot at the basic reward. And if it be a multi-minion mission an' ya gots more than one gatherer? Send'em all! The reward bonuses stack!

Goal Number the Five: Minion Gear.
Gotta gear the buggers up fer ta unlock the phatter lewts. But don't be in no hurry fer ta gear everyone up. Pick two - preferablies a couple buggers what has direct counters ta some of the highmaul bosses and gear thems up. That'll be enoughs fer ta unlock things. Fer the rest, keep the gear in yer bags and only hand it out when it will help the odds of a particular mission.

Goal Number the Six: Gear Fer Yerself.
Wait just one cotton pickin' minute there, Ratters, you sez. If'n the whole point of this is fer ta get me gear, whyfuhg am I makin' it me lowest priority?

I so glad you asked. Remembers, we's in fer a long haul. Got a coupla years, give or take, before we's done with Draenor, an' yer gonna be runnin' missions that whole time. Investin' in yer minions first means more gear fer you later on. Them Highmaul missions is onlies gone come one every two weeks or so, so yer gonna want yer odds of success fer ta be as high as possibles when they do. So, a penny saved be worth two in the bush, an' be sure fer ta look before ya saves nine.

I Know I Ain't The Sharpest Tool In The Bridgeport ....

.... but don't it seem like the mine would work better's if'n ya took the miners off the tracks and put the glubbernuggin' mine carts on them?

Is A Good Thing What Ga'nar Don't Value Brains ....

... 'cause this hero ain't exactlies packin' thems in abundance. Woulda been a real awkward moment if'n Thrall hadda say "and me friend possesses ... well .... hey you know a mage or a priest or sumthin', don't ya? Fer ta do the convincin'?"

Exarch Maladaar Ain't Exactlies Hercool Pwerot

Herkle Purebow? Hurkel Parrot? Bugger it, he ain't exactlies a Belgian detective. Is closers ta that Pink Panther dude.

I mean seriouslies, I ain't seen such a obvious whackjob on a poor inconvenient bugger since Aragorn applied a tourniquet ta Boromir's neck fer ta stop his bleedin' head wounds when Legolas an' Gimli weren't there ta see. "Hands of a king is the hands of a healer"? Yeah, right, pull the other one, is got bells on it. But I digressifies.

Point bein', Exarch? Wake them lil' grey cells up an take'em for a walk or sumthin'. They could use the exercifications.

I Know I's Just A Simple Orc, But It Seems Ta Me What....

... shouldn't the first thing ya does when the enemy be at the gates, is close the fluggernubbin' gates? Lower the portcullis? Raise the drawbridge? Course, that last one assumes what ya had the brains fer ta dig a moat first.

Hey don't be lookin' at me. Ya, they calls me the commander in me garrison, but I's really jus' the poor bugger what goes down inta the mine every day an' digs out the ore.

Daddy?

Philip Luke Ain't Portal Specced

Get yer own self ta Exodar. He ain't got time fer ta conjure you no milk an' cookies neithers.

A Grand Noble Beast They Is...

...and ain't none of them grander and nobler than Buffy the Puginator.

Remembers Ta Loot Yer Kills, You Buggers

Yeah, is mostlies mangy pelts an' uncleft hooves, but ya nevers know when some random clefthoof is gonna drop a nice shiny 665 BoE epic what somebody's gonna want real bad.

Could Be Worse

He could be standin' in Setthek Halls, gettin' his feathery arse roflstomped by high level heroes on they's way ta take they's daily shot at Anzu.